Jeongguk didn't know what he was looking for until he found himself in the parking lot, searching for a particular person's car.

He didn't have a plan. Jeongguk never really had a plan in life, and somehow he wasn't doing too bad (don't copy him on that though), but right now, he probably should have one. Mostly because it would make things a lot easier and portray him as less of an idiot than he already was.

You see, he didn't know why he walked all the way out here when he could have simply shrugged his shoulders and went back up to Sae's office and waste time like he usually did up there. There wasn't a need to chase after Taehyung— or well, if you could even call this chasing after someone.

For all he knew, Taehyung was probably alright. He was a big guy. He stood taller than Jeongguk only because he didn't slouch, and he had more weight than Jeongguk could ever imagine having so there was that.

There was also a good chance he was a toughie at heart too, so Jeongguk venturing all the way out here was most likely pointless.

Taehyung probably had everything handled, but god, the fucking nagging in the back of his mind was going to drive him crazy if he didn't check on him. The only reason he could be doing this was to ease his conscience, perhaps even shut it up because it wasn't really doing him wonders.

Anyway, it didn't take long for Jeongguk to find him since he was always parked at the front. The reason for that was because Taehyung strictly said, quote on quote, that he "didn't want him to break a lung trying to cross the ginormous parking lot" to get to him.

Or, in other words, Taehyung thought Jeongguk was going to fucking die before he reached him if he parked at the back.

It was ridiculous when he first heard it, but as he approached Taehyung's car, already out of breath, his chest flooded with this particular warmth when the thought resurfaced in his mind. It blossomed in clusters, though with every bloom, it somehow ached more than his inability to properly breathe.

Jeongguk tried not to think about it. Tried not to think about how considerate Taehyung was. Tried not to think about all the times Taehyung cared. They didn't know each other long, but somehow, Taehyung cared in some shape or form every time.

The pancakes in the mornings. The early morning small talk. The how are yous turning into fond insults. The bucketlist. The driving lessons. The other stupid reasons he gave when he tried to accommodate him, though as stupid as they were, it didn't make him feel like some freak. The smiles. The laughs. The comfort.

It wasn't some big, extreme realization. Jeongguk didn't have any dramatic, cliche music blaring in the background, nor was there any rain or a will to run thrumming through his veins. Instead, his heart just tightened, and his face, god his face, felt warmer than it should be.

And then the guilt settled in. Or rather, it punched him in the fucking gut, and before he reached his car, he nearly stumbled, realizing how rude he was.

Jeongguk wasn't stupid. When you were dying, you somehow had a heightened sense of how you treat people, and while some tried to ignore it, Jeongguk just couldn't. He could remember every single word he said, and a part of him would linger on each syllable, wondering how the gravity of his decision could have impacted someone's life.

He didn't like hurting people. And usually, the only person he had was Sae, so that was a no brainer. As much as people hurt him, he didn't want to leave this world, hurting the people he cared about more than he already was.

But Taehyung? As much as he disliked him, and as much as he wished that Taehyung wouldn't care for him so much, Jeongguk couldn't bring himsef to hate him enough to want to hurt him more.

It was a lie to say he hated him because if he truly did, then why he couldn't bear the idea of it?

Jeongguk cleared his throat, trying his best to get his shit together when he finally approached his car. He slowly walked up to Taehyung's side, noticing how the window was open, and Taehyung's elbow was peaking out from inside. A part of his chest eased knowing he was still here, and deep down he wondered if he was— no. No he wasn't going there.

"Taehyung?" He called out to him, pushing aside every thought to focus on this. Taehyung flinched in his seat, seemingly fumbling with something when Jeongguk finally stood in front of his window.

"Since when do you vape?" Jeongguk asked, brows furrowing when he caught Taehyung with one of those unmistakable pens in his hands.

"I don't," Taehyung said dryly, refusing to meet his eye. All he could see were his silver locks, blocking his view of him. "It's not mine." He added.

"Oh," He said. "I see. Then why do you have it?"

"I don't know," Taehyung replied curtly, playing with it between his long fingers.

Jeongguk pressed his own lips together into a firm line. Maybe he should have came here with a plan, seeing that now he was in front of him, Jeongguk didn't know what to actually say without pissing him off even more.

Times like this, he wished he had the words to say. Instead, he was standing around like an idiot, biting nervously at his lip because he couldn't come up with anything no matter how hard he tried. He didn't want to be sarcastic, or accidentally say something that would make Taehyung leave for real.

He wondered if Taehyung could see how hard the gears in his head were turning. He probably looked like a fool, and if his patience were thin, Jeongguk wasn't doing a good job at using his time. God. He swallowed, palm raising up to his neck to rub at the warmth that prickled over his skin.

It was like being put on the spot but even worse.

But eventually, Jeongguk had no other choice but to blurt out, "I'm sorry."

Taehyung froze. Jeongguk watched as his curled fist over his thigh clenched tighter before easing and eventually unraveling, the pads of his fingers now drumming lightly against his jeans. The older boy exhaled unevenly, gaze fixated straight ahead.

"Look—," Jeongguk muttered, but before he could finish, his features scrunched together when Taehyung looked up.

"—Jeon?" Taehyung said. When their eyes met, Jeongguk's breath hitched in his throat. He licked his lips as he silently stared back at him, snaking his clenched fists into his hoodie pocket.

"Yeah?" He eventually managed to ask. Taehyung pressed a button on his side, unlocking the doors. The duo exchanged another look before Jeongguk wordlessly joined him on the other side.

When he got inside the car, Jeongguk's gaze caught sight of the vape pen now sitting in the cup holder of the console. It was somehow a weight in the car's atmosphere, sucking the breath out of their lungs before they could get a chance to speak. It left him with this heavy, sinking feeling that there was something else, something more that was weighing them down.

"I don't know why I have that," Taehyung's voice was flat when he did speak. He ran a shaky hand through his hair, messing it up more than it already was. "I told her I didn't want anything to do with it."

"Her?" Jeongguk raised an eyebrow, trying his best to be careful, holding back every possible word on the tip of his tongue as he waited for Taehyung's reaction.

"My girlfriend." There was an edge to his words. Whether it was fondness, bitterness, love, or hate, Jeongguk couldn't tell. Maybe it was all of them.

"Your girlfriend," He repeated. "Were you on the phone with her?" He asked slowly.

Taehyung sighed once more, "Yeah. I was. I'm sorry you had to hear that... and deal with me after."

"It's fine," Jeongguk said. It really was, but he wasn't sure if Taehyung believed him. "I-uh. Are you, um— okay?"

"Am I okay?" Taehyung's eyebrows lifted upward, and for a second, Jeongguk could see a ghost of a smile flicker over his lips."That's a really, really good question."

"If you feel like shit, that's alright too, you know," He murmured. At that, Taehyung scoffed loudly, and for a second he wondered if he was going to strike at him again.

But much to his own expectations, Taehyung's shoulders relaxed, his entire body slumping against his seat as he turned to look ahead. Yet, Jeongguk knew this wasn't it. There was something else he wasn't saying that was still bothering him, and as much as Jeongguk wanted to say something, he just couldn't.

So instead, he reached out to him in the silence of his car. He reached out to him with the words he wanted to say but couldn't figure out how to and gently placed his hand on his forearm.

He peered over at him, fingers carefully brushing over the material of his soft, dark green flannel. For a split second, he nearly recoiled his hand away when Taehyung's intense, dark gaze fixed over him. It caught him off guard, making his tongue feel like putty in his mouth, and caused a surging wave of self consciousness to wash over him.

Eventually the tide passed, but it was suffocating how he was still staring at him. It wasn't suffocating in the way Taehyung wanted to hurt him. No, not at all. It was suffocating in the way Taehyung was hurting, and Jeongguk could feel it. All of it. Somehow.

Briefly, he squeezed his forearm, trying to do what Sae did for him when Jeongguk couldn't keep it together, whenever he was so fucking tired of it all. Sae would hold him, letting him know she was there to ground him, to keep him from drifting away to a place of greater pain when words held no gravity, no impact in times like this.

Jeongguk hoped it was enough, and when he met Taehyung's eyes once more, he didn't let go. He couldn't now. And as he stared into his pained eyes, those pools of dark matter, Jeongguk tried to let him know it was okay.

It was okay. He would be okay. And if he wasn't, at least he knew there was someone else in this world who understood how it felt to not be okay.

"You're," Taehyung's voice drifted off, the silence consuming him. He licked his own lips, before shaking his head and adding, words aching—

"You're not supposed to feel like shit when you're dating someone." Oh.

"At least," Taehyung cleared his throat awkwardly when he noticed the face Jeongguk made. "You're not supposed to be yelling at each other over the phone, trying to tell your girlfriend she can't go to this party with the same shitbags that tried to take advantage of her."

Jeongguk didn't know what to say, but from where he was sitting, he noticed Taehyung was trembling.

"I can't be there everytime," His voice wavered. "I'm fine with partying but I just— I don't want something bad to happen to her when I can't go. I feel that'd be my fault, you know? If she gets hurt, it's on me. I-I promised I'd never let her get hurt and that I'd make her happy, but god, she's difficult."

He laughed at that, "She's so fucking difficult. But that's just how it is, I guess. Life's difficult. I-I just— god, I don't wanna talk about this anymore."

"That's fine." He didn't exactly know how to feel with that kind of information, but Jeongguk didn't push any further.

"I'm sorry, Jeon. This is stupid, and fuck. I'm just wasting your time, aren't I? I shouldn't be telling you these things when you got other—,"

"—I said it's fine," Jeongguk cut him off. He looked the other way, hating how his chest tightened. "My problems aren't the only ones that exist, y'know."

"But still," Taehyung whispered. "I'm still just some random guy assigned to you."

"I'm supposed to make you happy."

Jeongguk tried to ignore the sting of his words to the best of his ability. Taehyung wasn't trying to hurt him intentionally, he wasn't that dumb, but just hearing his own thoughts be confirmed— it stung. It did sting. A lot.

But even so, he ignored it. Taehyung wasn't always going to say the things he wanted him to say anyway; it was unfair to expect that from him.

"It's not your job to make me happy, or her happy every second of your day," Jeongguk continued. "You're a person. A human. You have a life. You're not responsible for me. I'd rather you prioritize your own feelings first."

"Prioritize me first?" Taehyung sounded confused.

Jeongguk nodded, pulling his hand away from his forearm. Instead, he wrapped his own arms around himself, "Yeah, because you're not the one that's going to die in five months."

"Jeongguk," Taehyung whispered, words fading away. There was no way to lie when the truth was presented so obviously in front of you.

"You have your whole life ahead of you, and you shouldn't have to live every day trying to make someone else happy. It's not your responsibility, and if someone tries to make you think that way then they're selfish motherfuckers," Jeongguk said.

"You're not wasting my time either," He whispered, "and while I appreciate your effort, I think happiness is a mutual thing. Someone's not supposed to make someone happy because they feel obligated to. It happens because you genuinely want to spend your time with someone. Because you want to see someone smile. Because you want to be there and share it, that happiness, with them."

"Don't waste your time trying to make someone happy when they're clearing trying to fuck you over and use you," Jeongguk finished, squeezing his sides. "It's a general thing. We only have so much time, and the only way to waste it is on shit people."

"Oh, and I'm also sorry, for uh, you know. Not comforting you. I'm real shit at it, but it doesn't excuse me from being a total jackass. So yeah, I'm sorry for being a shithead," He added quickly, words nearly strung together.

"Jeon?" Taehyung spoke up before the silence could settle over them and give more of a meaning to Jeongguk's words than he originally intended.

"Yeah?" Jeongguk said breathlessly.

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you saying sorry? Did you not just hear what I said?" He frowned. At that, he snuck a glance at Taehyung and noticed a small smile was toying on his lips.

"I did, but I wanted to say sorry because it sounded like I didn't like spending time with you because I do. I really do," Taehyung said. Oh.

"I don't see you as some charity case, or someone I have to make happy. I'm sorry I worded it wrong earlier—it wasn't my intention," He murmured softly.

Jeongguk swallowed thickly, forcefully keeping his attention averted the other way, not daring to meet Taehyung's gaze as his neck burned. If anything, he didn't want to see his face, to see how honest he was. To see that he meant it because he wasn't sure how he would react— how he would feel.

"The way I feel about my girlfriend isn't how I feel about you," Taehyung continued.

"It's nowhere close to how I feel about you."

"What are you trying to say?" The skin between Jeongguk's brows creased. That was a dangerous thing to say, he wanted to tell him. Say that to anyone else, they would think you like them.

"I mean, I shouldn't link how I feel about her to you. That's not fair for anyone," Taehyung stammered, probably catching his poor choice of words.

"Right," Jeongguk scowled, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "That's a douche move."

At that, Taehyung let a deep chuckle, "I know. What I'm trying to say is, I don't feel forced to hang out with you. Even if we weren't assigned as buddies, I feel like I would've still befriended you anyway."

"What? You didn't even know who I was before this," Jeongguk rolled his eyes.

"Actually, I did." What? Jeongguk whipped his head toward him, eyes widening. "I knew you."

"How?" The words that left his mouth didn't feel like his own.

"I spend a lot of time at the hospital with Namjoon," Taehyung admitted, his hand scratching the side of his neck. "I see you around, and I... well, uh I heard about you from the nurses. Since you were Sae's nephew, they always talked about how you kept to yourself, and how your rare illness made you lose everything."

Jeongguk wanted to scoff, but he didn't want to make the situation any more awkward and terrible than it already was. Those goddamn nurses. Of course they gossiped about him. They probably exaggerated a lot of things, but seeing how shy Taehyung was, he didn't want to push him anymore than he already did today.

"They didn't talk shit!" Taehyung tried to assure him. Even thougn Jeongguk said nothing, he was most likely making a face. "They were just worried about you passing alone.. and so, uh, I kinda wanted to be your friend?"

"You wanted to be my friend," Jeongguk repeated, nearly snorting. Taehyung frowned, a faint blush seeping across his cheeks. At that, the edges of Jeongguk's lips twitched.

"Stop making it sound stupid," Taehyung muttered, fake-pouting. "I just... Okay, I felt bad, but I wasn't pitying you or anything. I just wanted to talk to you, and like, make you a little less lonely?"

"God, you're so fucking ridiculous," He teased, shaking his head. Taehyung's face flushed a deeper crimson.

"S-stop that," He grumbled. "You're making me sound like an idiot."

"Because you are," Jeongguk said. Taehyung rolled his eyes.

"Okay, but you're not getting my point. Hospitals are fucking lonely. Nobody deserves to be alone in one," Taehyung reasoned. "And when I heard you were joining the program, I thought that was my chance."

"So you rigged Namjoon into making us partners?"

"Whaaaat? No, do I look like someone who would?" Taehyung was a shit liar, Jeongguk noticed. With a sigh, Taehyung brushed the hair out of his eyes.

"Fine, I did," He whispered softly, almost inaudibly. Jeongguk couldn't help but let out a laugh. He held his stomach, falling out of control as he tossed his head back, shrinking in the seat as the airy sound escaped past his lips.

It felt nice, he would admit that. Laughing again and feeling that rush of serotonin blossom in his chest. Nothing about it was forced or pained or anything. It was real, genuine, and Jeongguk felt light. Very light as his laughter filled the inside of the car, enveloping them both in a sort of blissful daze.

He was nearly in tears because it was just that ridiculous. So ridiculous, and as his laughter began to fade, leaving his lungs aching in its wake, he couldn't fight the swell in his chest or the smile stretch against his lips. He turned toward Taehyung, still chuckling a little bit.

"You done making fun of me?" Taehyung whined, crossing his arms over his chest. Jeongguk wiped away fake tears, nodding.

"God, I hate you," Jeongguk sucked in a shaky breath, smile unrelenting. "You're so dumb. I hate you."

"The things you do for friendship I guess," Taehyung shrugged, smiling right back at him. "But it was worth it. Now you're in my car, hanging out with me."

"I guess so," Jeongguk admitted, unable to force his smile away no matter how hard he tried.