long chapter!

"You look happy today," Sae commented when Jeongguk came into the kitchen, a towel over his shoulders, hair still freshly damp from his shower.

"I look happy?" Jeongguk asked, taking the towel and rubbing the cloth behind his ear. He slid onto the stool, watching as Sae cooked them dinner.

"Yeah, I noticed. You're carrying yourself different," San gestured at him with her free hand. "Like, you're not dragging yourself around. It's like you're floating."

He snorted. "Floating?" He didn't know what to say to that. Sae nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes! Don't get me wrong, nothing's bad about that. It's nice that someone's able to make you smile like that," She reasoned. With her chin, she gestured for him to pass her the salt. With a raised eyebrow directed at her, Jeongguk did as he was asked.

"I'm what now?" It was as if on cue his lips folded into a scowl, and at that, Sae merely rolled her eyes. Although, he couldn't miss the teasing smirk on her dainty features.

"Ever since Taehyung dropped you off, you were smiling to yourself. Don't think I didn't notice. It's pretty wonderful, you know, seeing you smile like that." Wait what?

"Pardon?" Jeongguk asked, his gaze narrowing. Sae whipped her head up from her cooking, the mischievousness he mistook for gentleness was stretched across her red lips in a smirk.

"I'm glad you had a good day," Sae said, ignoring him. "You look handsome when you smile, Gguk. I'm sure others could say the same." Others?

Jeongguk didn't say anything, only sparing his aunt a glare, seeing that her weird behavior didn't feel deserving of a sentence from him just yet. Or well, to be more specific he just didn't know what to say, and he surely didn't want to say something that would crush her pleasant mood.

Talking to Sae was always a gamble. Some days she was willing to take his cynical sarcasm and sometimes fight back with her own bluntness. On others, she would do the thing where she inhaled loudly and pinch the bridge of her nose, refusing to look at Jeongguk until her breathing could calm down.

In short, those were the times where he made her cry. Jeongguk hated making people cry. Crying was messy and ugly, not just for the person crying but for the person who has to watch them cry. However, he especially hated seeing Sae sad.

And so, he was careful, most of the time, to cut her some slack. But right now? God, he just wanted to say something, to tell her it wasn't like that. That he wasn't smiling because someone was making him happy. Nobody was making him happy, it was just the circumstances that led to a smile.

Okay that sounded incredibly stupid but wait— he was fucking smiling? All day?

When Sae's back was turned away from him, he quickly brushed his fingers over his lips, unable to remember when the heaviness of his familiar scowl became light enough to curve into a grin. When? When was he smiling? Why was he smiling? What in the world was there to smile about?

The question lingered in his mind well into their dinner, and as Jeongguk was about to finish his food, his phone pinged. He decided to check it while taking a sip of water, which was a horrible choice seeing that he almost died.

"Jeongguk!" Sae nearly jumped out of her seat. Jeongguk set the cup down, waving a hand at her that he was fine as he tried to keep his coughing fit to a minimum.

A text message. How the fuck did he get a text?

"Goodness, Gguk. Careful," Sae scolded when Jeongguk managed to get his lungs back in order. He mumbled a quiet apology and turned his phone back over because luckily for him, he saw who the message was from.

Taehyung. Kim Taehyung. That Taehyung.

How in the world did Taehyung get his number? He searched through his memories, brow furrowing as he tried to remember handing it to him. Surely, he didn't. He would remember Taehyung attempting to coerce him to hand it over, and he would certainly remember telling Taehyung to fuck off if he were to ask.

God, Kim Taehyung was insufferable. Sae got it all wrong. He wasn't making him any happier. Hell no. He was probably smiling because he was finally free from his annoying company. Even though Taehyung was nice to him today, he was still pretty irritating overall.

He was stupid to even think it could be something else. To think there was even an answer like that to a question that shouldn't even be one.

"I'm going to my room," Jeongguk called over his shoulder after helping Sae clean up and wash the dishes. They exchanged quiet goodnights as he headed up the stairs and to his room.

When he flopped back on his bed, Jeongguk held his phone over his squinting eyes. His free hand ran through his dark hair. It was short, awkwardly short and pretty thin, but at least he had a head of hair to even run his fingers through.

And with that, he opened Taehyung's message, not hesitating at all. If he did, there would be room to think, and right now, that probably wasn't the best idea.

hey dude it's kim taehyung.

why do you have my number?

He replied, teeth gnawing over his bottom lip. He wondered if Taehyung was still awake at this time. The thing about Sae being a surgeon, they always went home at weird hours. Like, it was about three in the morning, and Taehyung's message was roughly thirty minutes ago so—

i got it from namjoon (:

isn't that a breach of

patient confidentiality

well only if you want it to be

but i have a feeling you were

waiting for me

Jeongguk raised an eyebrow at that. He scoffed lightly, propping his other arm behind his head. Took only a day for him to be so annoyingly bold.

i'm gonna block you

wow, you're so niceeee

even after today i expected more

maybe a "thank you taehyung for

being the best buddy ever" :] ?

no. die.

well i could but unfortunately my lifespan

gets renewed every 5 years (:

no it doesn't

you don't know me jeon~

i know you enough to see

you're not a fucking android

error beep boob bop

Jeongguk wanted to strangle him. In an unpleasant way. But then again, if he were to strangle him, the idiot would probably enjoy that. Before he could toss his phone aside and rage quit on Taehyung (he could only take so much of his dumbassery), his phone pinged again.

jk i just wanted to say goodnight.

[ image file attached. ]

At that, the skin between Jeongguk's brows furrowed, but he couldn't ignore the prickling sensation ghosting over his cheeks. God, he was just— agitating. He could see the picture but he purposely covered it up with his fingers, a part of him not quite ready to look at it. For reasons. Good reasons. Reasons that don't need to be explained because they're very, very reasonable reasons.

that better not be a dick pic

tf? it's not!!! ewwwwww

a pp pic before bed isn't something

you bestow upon fellow straight buddies

okk then get to the point

i already told you i wanted to say goodnight

i hope you sleep well jeon

alright gn i guess

of course :]

Alright. Well, he didn't expect the conversation to turn to this. Jeongguk swallowed thickly, shifting awkwardly among his sheets as Taehyung's bright message stared right back at him. It was weird, how his mouth twitched. How his mouth went dry, and his tongue flicked over his chapped lips.

He twisted over onto his side and yanked the blankets over him, trying to settle the lump forming in his throat. In the jumble, he somehow happened to uncover Taehyung's picture, and a part of him wished he didn't because it immediately caught his attention much to his own disapproval.

How could he not miss it? It was like begging for him to look and Taehyung wanted him to look, so Jeongguk naturally looked. Respectfully. Against his will. Not because he wanted to.

Sighing, Jeongguk studied it briefly. It wasn't really a thirst trap, but Jeongguk knew the smug son of a bitch was well aware of what he was doing. He had to be. Thirst trap or not, it was still a stupid photo.

Taehyung was shirtless, an expanse of tanned skin exposed by the camera flash. It only captured the lower half of his face— his jawline prominent, lower eye and lashes stark against the light, and the edge of his smirk fitting in the frame. He was holding up a peace sign, and the camera was angled down toward his muscular chest where an ugly, jagged scar peaked from the bottom of the image.

Jeongguk rolled his eyes, immediately swiping out of their chat as his cheeks stung faintly. He tossed his phone on the side table, now lying flat on his back as he covered his face with both of his palms when he came to the sudden realization.

If he shut his eyelids, he could see it. That smirk. His smirk. Fuck.

He scoffed, groaning lightly as he stirred drowsily. There was no way he was smiling all day because of this idiot. Jeongguk had his reasonabe reasons, and Taehyung wasn't part of any it seeing that he was so stupid and ridiculous and annoying. There was no way he was counting their serious moments, and so it all added up.

Sae was just seeing things; she had to be messing with him. Kim Taehyung wasn't the reason he was smiling. He just couldn't be.

Or well, so he thought.

Jeongguk didn't have much of an opinion when it came to Dr. Kim. All he knew was that all the nurses in his floor adored him, people would die for his dimples, and the guy was awfully generous and well-mannered that people swooned for him left and right.

Well, it made sense. The guy was a psychiatrist, so he should specialize in people skills. If not, then he probably shouldn't have taken the job, but luckily in this universe, Dr. Kim was a good guy.

Which lead to Jeongguk to wonder, how the fuck was he related to Kim Taehyung?

Now that puzzled him. They were incredibly different dudes. In the week he knew him, Taehyung always wore flannels, carhart shirts, ripped denim jeans, and shoes that screamed 'streetwear junkie' and 'hypebeast' every time he took a step. His hair was always a tangled mop too, or if he was luckily, it would be parted away from his eyes or something.

You'd think he would be like his brother, seeing that Namjoon wore his hair neatly combed to the side, those turtleneck and khaki combos, and polished shoes that Jeongguk could see his reflection in if he squinted hard enough. Their parents had to have cared, cared enough to produce the amazing guy Namjoon was.

Where the fuck did they go wrong with Taehyung?

The only reason that was on his mind was because Jeongguk ended up arriving way too early to the group meeting, and he was alone with Dr. Kim, who also happened to drop by at the crack of dawn. It was awkward bumping into one another, and neither said a word until Dr. Kim bit the bullet and invited him in.

Now he was sitting down on one of the chairs while Dr. Kim brewed some coffee (he offered him some but he wasn't feeling it), leaving him to think. With his head. Great.

From time to time, the group met up and talked. Though Jeongguk managed to get by with minimal participation and Dr. Kim didn't mind his silence, or if he did, he was too nice of a guy to call him out. It was usually Taehyung who led the group with Jimin and Hoseok. The others were just as quiet as him.

As for the bucketlist, Jeongguk and Taehyung hadn't been out in a week or two. Taehyung was busy recently, telling Jeongguk he had exams, or that his girlfriend wanted to spend time with him. Though, he didn't really say that out loud, but judging by the way he was on his phone more often and always canceled last minute, it was obvious.

It wasn't like Jeongguk was upset about it at all. He didn't really have a place to be. It merely reminded him Taehyung was only doing this because they were assigned together, and the bullshit he said about them being 'friends' would never be possible no matter how much they try to fool themselves.

Everything that happened after that day was just a mistake— he knew that by now, and not too long after, things reverted to the way they originally were.

Taehyung was normal and Jeongguk just... wasn't. The possibility of anything else— a friendship— was too foolish to ask for.

Jeongguk knew better than that.

"So," Dr. Kim's voice echoed through the room. He sounded like an authority figure but there was this additional coolness to him that set him apart from his aunt.

"I heard you and Tae went out to that guy's house the other day."

"He told you about that?" Jeongguk tried to bite back the surprise in his tone. What did he expect anyway? By now he knew Taehyung couldn't keep his mouth shut even if he tried.

"Yep," He said. "He did."

"Wait," He blinked rapidly, looking up from his lap to see Mr. Kim approaching him with a mug in his hands. "You're not mad?"

"Nope, and also, you can call me Namjoon," Dr. Kim, or well, Namjoon grinned. "Anyway, he told me about it over dinner the other day. Said you two had a really good time."

"But you know we trespassed and vandalized a home, right?" Jeongguk raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yep," Namjoon brought his coffee cup to his lips. "I know all the details."

"But you're not mad."

"Nope."

"You're not gonna punish us?"

"I don't see why I have to."

"Well then," Jeongguk said breathlessly, carding his fingers through his hair. Maybe Taehyung's family was crazy.

Namjoon chuckled, "Jeongguk, as long as you're not harmed, or your health is stable, I'm fine with whatever you do. As long as you're doing your own thing and staying safe, I'll be doing mine."

"Really now?" He raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you just saying this 'coz I'm gonna die soon?" He wasn't a stranger to the dying privilege some people gave him, but Namjoon didn't look like the type.

"I'd be more concerned if you're not having a good time," Namjoon said. "The whole point of this program is for you to experience things you couldn't. And by the looks of it, you and Taehyung are getting along well."

"You think so?" Jeongguk muttered. What kind of bullshit was Taehyung telling him? Namjoon nodded.

"I'll admit," He leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees as fingers squeezed around his mug.

"I've never seen Taehyung this energetic in a while."

"Really now? Are we talking about the same dude?" Jeongguk asked, still skeptical. At that, Namjoon's dimpled grin grew impossibly wider.

"He's not a bad guy. Bit weird, but deep down he's a good person even though he's had it rough."

"Rough?" He said dryly. Namjoon's eyebrows raised.

"Not saying he had it harder than you. Everyone experiences all kinds of different hardships," He waved him off. Jeongguk frowned. "I'm just saying. Taehyung's good at becoming the right person you need."

"Unfortunately for him, there's nobody willing to do the same."

Now what was that supposed to mean?

"Even so, he's worth knowing. Trust me," He said, and as much as Jeongguk wished it was a lie, there was something about Namjoon that already made him know he was saying the truth.

"Alright," Jeongguk started, not knowing what to exactly say. But what did he mean by having it rough? Taehyung, of all people, didn't look troubled. There wasn't any chance he was poor or sick or anything either.

But before Jeongguk could ask what he meant, the door to the meeting room was thrown aside.

"What the fuck are you trying to say?" His head whipped to where the deep voice was coming from, and there, lingering by the entrance, was Taehyung with his back toward them and his phone pressed against his ear.

"I said 'no'! What makes you think I'm okay with that?" He kept his voice hush, but there really wasn't much of an effect seeing that the room was dead silent.

"You can't do that. It's not a good—no. If you want I can— but you can't. Fucking hell, listen to me."

Jeongguk glanced over at Namjoon, raising an eyebrow at the psychiatrist, hoping he would say something. However, much to his own expectations, Namjoon's expression was blank— unreadable. He pressed his lips together, drumming his fingers awkwardly over his thigh as he followed Namjoon's gaze back to where Taehyung was standing.

Namjoon must know something. There wasn't any way he would be clueless, seeing that they were brothers who seemed close. But Jeongguk wasn't that nosy to ask who Taehyung was on the phone with— he knew it probably wasn't his place.

Yet curiousity was a fucking bitch. He couldn't help but wonder who was capable of twisting Taehyung in such a way, where his kindess was diluted into anger and his shoulders tensed with the frustrations that seemed to pile on top of him. It couldn't be his girlfriend. Maybe it was someone else?

Although it was weird. Very weird, and honestly, he didn't think he should be witnessing this.

"I told you I'll be there," Suddenly the frustration in Taehyung's tone melted away, and all that was left was this particular softness that wasn't as fond as it should have been. "Sure. I guess. Bye."

"Taehyung, are you alright?" Namjoon thankfully spoke up for Jeongguk when Taehyung finally did turn around.

When Taehyung's eyes met his, they widened for a split second, but it wasn't difficult for him to transition back into his usual relaxed demeanor. He sauntered to where the duo sat, the lopsided grin on his lips obviously a sham, but who was Jeongguk to call him out on it?

"I'm fine," Taehyung said, voice a little strained. He cleared his throat, hanging his head once his palm calm to rest against the side of his neck. "The rest are on their way, by the way."