"You didn't go to the group, did you?"

It was dinner time, and Jeongguk wasn't expecting to be interrogated first thing when he joined Sae at the dinner table. He thought he could really get past the whole "I skipped the group" thing without any mention of it because he was quite the self-certified sneaky bastard, but judging by the disappointment on Sae's face, this wasn't a joking matter.

"Why does it matter so much to you?" Jeongguk said, scooting forward in his chair, not daring to meet Sae's narrowed gaze unless he wanted to feel more guilty than he already was.

"Because you promised you'd try," Sae said flatly, pressing her lips into a firm line.

"And I did? Why don't you believe me" Jeongguk asked incredulously, helping himself to the vegetarian pizza Sae made on the table.

"Jeongguk, this is the one thing I'm asking you to do," Sae said, her tone oddly similar to the doctor voice she used whenever she tried to detach herself from his medical situation.

"And?" Jeongguk inhaled slowly, dropping his piece on his plate before leaning back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and staring right back at her.

"I don't want to do it, it's pointless."

"You haven't even tried!" Her voice broke a little.

"And so? I've never tried a single fucking time in my life, Sae, and I'm doing spectacular," Jeongguk shot back, watching her bite down on her lip.

"Jeongguk, this is different," She tried, but he shook his head, forcing out a bitter laugh.

"How? It's putting effort into something that'd go to waste in the end. It's like college. Why would I make a friend if I can't stay with them until the end?"

"Jeongguk, it doesn't have to be that way." Oh but it was. It unfortunately was, and she knew that.

"It would be unfair to them," He deadpanned. "I don't think it's fair to make friends with people with their own shit hurt more with useless friendships."

"Getting a disease is different from making friends. Jeongguk, it's not so bad—,"

"—I know that," He cried out, "But Sae, I don't want friends. I don't want people to watch me die and feel sorry for me." He reached for the pizza and took an angry chomp from it.

"I already have you doing that," He said while chewing, "and you know, it fucking sucks."

"I'll be honest with you there. It fucking sucks."

A little too late, Jeongguk realized how heavy his words must have hit because she said absolutely nothing. Instead, she kinda deflated. But right as he swallowed to apologize, the scowl he wore softened as he watched Sae take off her glasses and set them on the table. Well, shit.

"I know it sucks, and I'm trying to make it a little better because I can't do anything else," Sae whispered weakly, staring down at her plate. "You know I'm trying to look for a cure Gguk but it doesn't look too good."

"I know you are," Jeongguk whispered, shoulders slumping downward, and this time, a knot was tangling itself in his throat. "I know it doesn't."

Ever since he was diagnosed with the rare illness, Sae made it her life mission to figure out a cure. It was the reason their time together was less than the time they spent while he was on chemo rounds. She was busy, working hard, fighting the time the same way he was to find something that'd save him: all kinds of books, conferences, and clinical tests.

Nothing worked, and he knew how hard it must have been for her. Jeongguk was a dick, but he wasn't a fucking asshole. His time was too short on this planet to hurt people— to hurt his own Aunt more than he already was, but at least he could apologize for this one.

"You know, when you first came into my home when your parents were unable to care for you, you were unhappy," Sae murmured, the edges of her lips cramming into a trembling smile. Jeongguk stiffened, his fingers curling into fists beneath the table.

"It was so obvious, and all I wanted was to make you happy. I still do, Jeongguk. It's all I want for you."

"Sae," He didn't like where this was going, but he forced down the snarky comeback, digging his nails into his palm. Unable to see her sad, he settled with, "Fine. I'll go."

"Jeongguk, I didn't mean to guilt trip you," She raised her head, her eyes wide. "Oh god, no. If you don't want to do this, I can try to cut down on my surgery hours and—,"

"—Listen, you do a lot for me," Jeongguk cut her off, "It's only fair I do something you want back."

"Are you sure?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He nodded, chest easing as her frown faded away. "Well, okay. But what I said earlier still stands. If you don't like it—,"

"— I'll leave if I don't think it's right for me," He finished for her. "I'll do it for you. I'll actually try this time." At that, he tried to crack a grin to save the mood, and luckily she smiled back.

"I love you, kid," She reached over and squeezed his arm. "I loved you ever since that social worker ambushed medical student me in my shitty apartment."

"I was a fucking blessing," Jeongguk bit into his pizza, guessing all of this would be worth it when his aunt smiled a brighter smile. That was what he should tell himself— this was for her, not for him.

"Yes," Sae pulled back to help herself to some pizza. "You were all I ever needed Jeon Jeongguk."

"Maybe someone will make you realize that too."

The support group room was spacious for a small area, with big windows touching the ceiling, a beige-creme color palette, carpet, and an expanse of walls filled with fancy art pieces. There was a foldable table with refreshments and food pushed by a wall, and in the center were the god forsaken chairs. Other than that, this room wasn't special.

Jeongguk tried to lay low, not wanting to talk to anyone because everyone already seemed familiar with another. He kept his hood on, trying to melt in the background. There were four others, three boys and one girl— all that looked like friends.

Jeongguk hated this, hated meeting new people with a passion. He was basically incapable of weaseling his way into established friend groups without getting punctured in the jugular by anxiety, or well, and also the lack of a social battery to get him through any interaction.

He wasn't a person people wanted to be friends with. There wasn't anything special about him to want to know. Hell, he didn't even know shit about himself.

Besides that, nobody seemed to acknowledge him, which was good. Jeongguk was fine observing, and maybe there was a chance he could get out of here without speaking to—

"Twix boy! It's you!" His eyes scrunched shut when he heard the familiar deep voice call him out. It was at thay moment, Jeongguk wanted to castrate Kim Taehyung because now everybody was looking at him, and god this guy was going to fucking die.

When he whipped around to face him (begrudgingly mind you), he noticed Kim Taehyung still looked douchey. Pretty douchey. It was probably the gray sweatshirt, black sweatpants, and the pair of shades that sat above his messy hair. He took them off, tucking them into his pocket as he greeted him with a smile fit for a pompous asshole.

"You came," Taehyung beamed, gesturing at him. "Awh, look, we're twinning Gguk."

"No we're not. Shut up," He said flatly, now regretting wearing the inverse of the guy's outfit. He probably should have tried harder, because now this assface was going to bother him. Fun.

"Alright, alright," Taehyung chuckled softly. "Well, jokes aside, I'm glad you're here. Everyone wanted to meet you."

"Oh sure," Jeongguk rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest, letting his fingers dig into the sides of his nonexistent biceps.

"Come on, lighten up, Jeon."

"I'm pretty pale already," Jeongguk rolled up his sleeve to show his awfully paper-white forearm, "Look you can see my veins."

"That's weird."

"I know, I was trying to scare you off."

"Well it didn't work."

"I can show you my translucent ribcage if that'll scare you away. Y'know I'm ET in my free time?"

"Well, uh, good beans. Just come on, you'll love them my guy. Jimin really wanted to meet you, you know?" Taehyung was tugging his arm despite the nasty glare Jeongguk gave him.

"I don't think I should," Jeongguk tried to not budge in place, but it was a bit hard when his strength was the equivalent to a singular string of uncooked pasta.

"Why not? Let the impulsive, mommy-issue-having, non-committing kitkat lover introduce you to his friends!" Oh god, this guy was a fucking menace.

Unable to create some creative comeback to that monstrosity of a sentence, Jeongguk let himself be dragged to the center of the group and shoved right into the direct spotlight of other people he honestly didn't want to talk to.

But Kim Taehyung was insistent, and honestly, this guy would probably throw him as piranha bait if he was given the chance. Jeongguk already disliked him, their relationship bar teetering on hate, and before he could snarkily reply, someone gasped.

"You're Jeongguk!" His gaze flitted to where the voice came from, and when he did find them, he had to look down a little to meet their bright smile.

"This is Jimin," Taehyung said, a hand settling on Jeongguk's shoulder. "He's my best friend."

He pointed to the pink-haired boy with the thick yellow sweater on. He was pocket-sized, pale, but Jeongguk couldn't ignore the way his cheeks were a natural rosy red. Maybe he was sick, he couldn't tell. But the hospital bracelet on his wrist was a dead giveaway.

"Hi!" Jimin held out his tiny hand, and out of sheer awkwardness, Jeongguk shook his hand back. "It's nice to meet you. Taehyung said you liked twix."

"And that's all he'll ever know about me,"Jeongguk murmured, side-eyeing the bastard. So he couldn't keep his mouth shut either? Pleasant.

"Right, well, this is Yoongi," Jimin gestured at the boy beside him. He was awfully frail and skinny, and Jeongguk didn't expect the guy to wave his fingers at him. Awkwardly, he waved back.

"I'm Hoseok," The orange-haired guy with the cannula and oxygen tank spoke up. Jeongguk nodded a hasty acknowledgment to the guy.

"I'm Sooha," The only girl gave him a warm smile. Jeongguk returned one back, albeit a bit weak.

"That's everyone," Taehyung patted his back. He nearly stumbled forward, but Jeongguk held his ground, not wanting to embarrass himself around this much people. Taehyung proceeded to pull him away a good distance from the group, but before he could argue, he leaned down close to his ear.

"When Namjoon comes, you'll find out what they all have if you're curious," He added in a whisper only Jeongguk could hear.

Jeongguk pushed him back, glaring at him. "Bro, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Taehyung raised an innocent brow, "What? You looked like you wanted to know, especially 'cuz you were staring at Yoongi—,"

"—The fuck? No I wasn't," Jeongguk grew defensive, but Taehyung didn't seem to believe him.

"It's alright, he's used to the stares. I guess you can tell he has anorexia," Taehyung shrugged.

"That's awful," Jeongguk said the first thing that came to mind. Taehyung nodded, pressing his lips together into a firm line.

"Yeah, I guess you can say that."

"Why are you so casual about it?"

"Because there's nothing wrong with having it," Taehyung shot back. At that, Jeongguk deflated a little. "He's fine with people knowing. It's not like it changes anything else about him."

"Well you don't know that for sure, y'know," Jeongguk mumbled, snaking his hands into his sweater pocket, gaze averting to the ground.

"Maybe, but even so," Taehyung nudged his elbow, getting him to look at him, "Just 'cause you're sick, doesn't mean you're any less of a person."

"Gosh, I didn't know that already," Jeongguk rolled his eyes, "Thanks for the Ted Talk. Oh, wait. I didn't need it because I'm breathing. Breathing means I'm a human!" He said, sarcasm dripping off his words.

"I meant it in a metaphorical sense, Jeon. God, I'm trying to sound smart and you're making me sound dumb," Taehyung pretended to be hurt, but he knew the dumbass was nowhere near offended.

"Well because you are stupid," Jeongguk didn't know why he was wasting energy on this dickhead, but he was. It was hard to get away from him. Every time he tried to step aside, Taehyung followed.

"Let me be smart once," Taehyung pleaded. From the corner of his eye, he noticed Dr. Kim arrived. Great. Mentally, Jeongguk counted down the seconds for the psychiatrist to save him, knowing he couldn't handle Taehyung for any longer than a minute.

"No, you're stupid," Jeongguk started walking back to the circle, but of course, Taehyung tagged along.

"Please? I want to impress you with my fucking brain folds. Is that too much to ask?" Jeongguk gave him a disgusted look, remembering what the guy said yesterday about him being interesting.

He supposed it was a joke, and that made him feel a little bit better. It kinda justified his shit attitude.

"Keep your brain folds to yourself, good god," He said, sitting down into one of the chairs, and oh, lucky him! Taehyung plopped down right next to him. "You don't have to impress me."

"But I want to," Taehyung said. "I wanna be your friend."

"Nobody says that bullshit outloud," Jeongguk forced himself to look straight ahead, knowing he'd only make himself more agitated if he looked at him. "If you're gonna make friends with other people, it happens naturally. Like natural selection."

"So does that mean you'll naturally select me to be your friend?"

"No," Jeongguk snorted, "I'm going to naturally select you to leave me the fuck alone."

Thankfully, before Taehyung could piss him off any further, Kim Namjoon clapped his hands together, signifying the start of the meeting. At that, he bit back the smug smirk twitching over his lip knowing he got the last word, and with that, he tuned in to Dr. Kim as he started to speak.

"Welcome." He only said one word, and he already knew why he was so compelling. It was the slicked back olive hair, killer dimples, and the sophistication that oozed out of him. Jeongguk guessed all the coolness went to him and not his dipshit of a brother.

Maybe he was worth listening to. For Sae's sake and just to piss off Kim Taehyung.

"Alright, for today since I noticed we have a new member, we should do introductions again. I'd also like to personally thank everyone for coming down here," Dr. Kim said. Oh, looks like the manners went to him too.

"I know it's tough being here, but hopefully this little group will make things a little more bearable." Fuck. How could he hate this guy?

Jeongguk sat patiently as he listened to everyone re-introduce themselves to the group. Hoseok suffered from lung cancer, and apparently the gross tumor shit metastasized all over his lungs so he needed an oxygen tank.

Somewhere Taehyung and him started talking, and he threatened to throw it at him. As he should, honestly.

Then there was Sooha, who said she was from the psychiatry ward. Apparently she went through all kinds of severe depressive episodes from trauma that were bad enough to land her in the ward, but her best friend was Min Yoongi, and he was her reason to stay around.

The introduction went to Jimin, who had a gnarly brain tumor that caused him to have amnesia. They were still trying to figure out how to get it out, so he was memory-less for now, but he said he enjoyed making new memories with Taehyung.

When it went to Yoongi, he didn't have much to say except he had anorexia nervosa. He mentioned that Sooha was his only friend, but that was all would say.

And then it landed on Jeongguk. He didn't know what to say, really. Was there even anything to say?

But he guessed it didn't hurt to say a few things.

"Hi," He started, immediately cringing inside when he heard his own voice stark against the silence.

"My name is Jeon Jeongguk, I'm nineteen, and I originally had cancer, but now I have an unknown terminal disease that's probably going to kill me pretty soon but it's okay, I guess," He said all on one breath, and fuck, his face burned having to speak out loud with people staring at him.

Luckily, he turned to Dr. Kim, begging for him to say something when the silence made him fidget in his seat. Dr. Kim gave him a small smile before turning to face the group, "Thank you for sharing. I hope you'll have a good time here, Jeongguk."

"I hope so too," Jeongguk forced out, though he didn't believe his own words, and he wondered if Dr. Kim knew that too. If he did, he didn't mention it.

Jeongguk wanted to fucking disappear already. He hated being put on the spot. It wasn't like this place was boring, but he just didn't understand how people wanted to talk about these things. It felt painfully personal, like he wasn't supposed to hear this, and that things like this shouldn't be shared.

Why would they want to talk about what sucks out loud? It confused him because why would you let yourself relive it like that? You were already going through it, talking about wouldn't do shit but make you feel worse, make things feel more... real.

Not that it wasn't already real. The dying part was very much real. But even so, your own life sucked ass already. Who knew how much other people's life sucked, so why would you make it worse for everyone else by talking about it?

God, the place was stuffy, so stuffy it made his hoodie incredibly boiling hot, but he couldn't take it off without looking like a loser. He tugged at the collar, leg bouncing as he incessantly tapped his foot on the ground. Every now and then he would glance at the time, but that stupid minute hand didn't want to budge.

When it was Taehyung's turn, Jeongguk wanted nothing more but to get out of here.

"My name's Taehyung, I'm twenty. I go to the college nearby, I play hockey and a few other sports, and I'm pretty healthy. I'm only here because my lovely brother asked me to be."

Now that, Jeongguk expected. He only caught like what, some of his introduction? He didn't really care to know more about him, but what he did hear fit his douchebag agenda so it was enough, he guessed.

Of course he was perfectly healthy. Of course he played sports. All he needed was to be popular, unfairly smart, and some pretty girlfriend to seal the fucking deal.