I've been sitting in the same position for twenty minutes. My gaze is stuck on the sleeping body next to me. Thoughts bounce against my skull. They're the same questions over and over, but no logical answer appears. How did I end up in this situation?

My eyes roam over his relaxed features. Laying on his stomach with his muscular arms placed underneath his pillow, Grayson's chest peacefully heaves up and down. I watch as his dark eyebrows twitch every now and then, almost like he's having a conflicting dream. It's weird to me... I've never been in such place to watch Grayson sleep. Contrary to how he usually acts, it's astonishing how soft and sweet he looks right now. Almost like he can do no wrong.

In this moment, there's no denying his unintentional handsomeness.

I take in a deep breath, slowly pushing my legs towards the edge of the bed. I hold the blanket we share to my bare chest. If I can move slowly enough, I can get to my pile of clothes on the floor without waking him. As my legs dangle from the bed, I drop the covers into my lap. My cheeks burn as the scent of Grayson flutters upwards.

Despite the lingering smell of alcohol from last nights party, Grayson's room has it's own distinct scent— like old books and oak wood.

My eyes wander around, finding their way to Grayson's desk. Right there, in plain sight, is an open box of condoms. My heart falls into the pit of my stomach. I have to push the thought out of mind, otherwise, I think I might get sick.

Just as I'm about to stand, I freeze. The door to the bedroom slowly creaks open. A familiar, fuzzy creature prances towards me. Violet's Pomeranian, Caramel, stares at me with wide, curious eyes.

"No, Caramel. No." I whisper, pulling the blankets back up to my chest. With my other arm, I hold out an open palm towards the fuzzball. "Be a good girl and don't jump up here."

As if I just invited her with open arms, she launches herself onto the bed. I scrunch my nose in angst. Tilting my head back, I check to see if it awoke Grayson. I watch intently as his eyebrows furrow. He lets out a light groan, his body stirring around. Slowly, his eyelids open, revealing his radiant emerald orbs. Dammit Caramel.

As if time has paused, our eyes lock. Neither of us says a thing.

Turning back forward, I stare at my pile of clothes in shame. The bed bounces as Grayson sits up himself, the sheets rolling off of his chest. When his voice sounds behind me, a chill ripples down my spine.

"Madison?"

My words get stuck in my throat. Pittering and pattering, my heart acts like the wings of a hummingbird, and deep down in my stomach, I feel a strong knot begin to form.

When Grayson was asleep, there was an odd kind of sensation like maybe this all wasn't real. But now that he's awake and acknowledging the situation, just as much as I am...

I manage to find my voice. "What happened last night?"

There's a silence. And then the storm, "by the looks of it, we stopped disagreeing for once."

I turn towards him completely, pulling my legs back into the bed. The hand that holds the blanket to my chest begins to quiver, so I place my other hand atop it.

"Don't act like that," I growl.

"Like what?" He acts coy.

"Like this isn't serious!" My voice raises. "Like I'm just another girl that found her way into your bed!"

I can feel my body heat up with embarrassment and frustration. Violet's home is practically my second house, so I'm aware of just how many girls Grayson usually has over. This feeling of shame and disappointment that flows throughout me is a feeling I never thought I'd ever have to deal with.

He peers at me through the tips of his dark, messy hair. There's a long moment of silence before he sighs. He combs his hand through his hair. "Madison. You're not, okay? You're Violet's bestfriend. And quite frankly, a girl that I look at with no attraction because of it."

Ever since we were kids, Grayson and I never got along well. Being my best friends step-brother, he was always around. Our childhood was filled with arguments, physical fights and cruel pranks. But this... right now, is probably the cruelest one of all.

"So how did this," there's a hiccup in my voice. "... happen?"

A look of uncertainty breaks through his ego. Did Grayson not remember anything either? How much did I end up drinking last night? I must've felt more comfortable because the party was thrown here, at Violet's house.

Looking at me, his eyes are emptied of any answers. He's just as lost as I am. I can't believe that I allowed myself to drink to the point where I blacked out.

"I don't remember much," his voice cracks. Almost as if a defensive mechanism, I watch a grin pull to his lips. "But I can say that I wish I did."

And just like that, his troublesome personality snaps back like a rubber-band. Always trying to get a rouse out of me. Similarly in school, he has this same persona of trouble and superiority, and it makes him popular among both the girls and guys.

I grumble, "that's not funny! Gray—"

"Grayson!" A high pitched and familiar voice comes from the hallway. Before I have a chance to react, Grayson grabs my arm and tugs me towards him. With urgency, he shoves my face into his bare chest. I feel him flatten out the covers around me.

"Are you kidding me?" Violet musses. I can't see her, but I know that she stands at Grayson's doorway. Her voice is lathered in disapproval as she takes a jab at Grayson, "what's this ones name?"

There's a suspenseful pause and apart of me feels like Grayson is doing it on purpose. Like he knows how much fear it gives me.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" He says.

I can envision Violet's scrunched up nose. "Mmm, no. Not really. Forget I asked." She pauses and I can hear her lean against the door frame. Her next words are filled with worry, "have you seen Maddi?"

"No." Grayson lies. "Why?"

Violet has to prepare her words for a moment. "I don't know... I kind of tempted her into drinking more than she normally does last night. She had a little too much to drink and then disappeared. Her phone is down stairs, I found it in the couch. It's so unlike her to do that, so I'm worried. You don't think that she left with some guy, do you?"

Grayson gives a light laugh, "you really think that sweet, little Maddi would end up in bed with some random guy?"

I press my hands to his chest with force, hating him for saying that.

"I guess not," Violet mumbles. "She just wasn't sober... It would be all my fault if some guy took advantage of her."

Grayson's body stiffens at Violet's words. Tugging at a pillow next to me, he launches it towards his step-sister. Caramel instantly follows the object, leaping off of the bed. "Stop being so depressed. She's probably at home. It's no more than a block away, she could've walked. Now get out of my room."

Violet lets out a groan. I can picture her throwing her long arms into the air, followed by the roll of her eyes. She does that same thing every time she's upset. "I knew you would be no help."

The door frame creaks as she pushes herself off of it. Storming down the hallway, I listen as the stairs crackle from the weight of her stomping down them.

Grayson releases me and I make make sure that the blanket is against my chest before sitting up. The open door begins to give me anxiety, but I know that Violet is downstairs. The faint noise of her picking up glasses and shoving them into trash bags was apparent.

Her words repeat in my mind, it would be all my fault if some guy took advantage of her.

Grayson sends daggers at me with his eyes. "I know what you're thinking."

Fidgeting with a rope bracelet around his wrist, Grayson thinks. My eyes linger on his fingers and the blanket behind them that hardly covers his bare pelvis. When he speaks again, I snap my eyes away. "It's not like I would deliberately sleep with my step-sisters bestfriend."

"You weren't sober either?" I check.

"It's a party. You should never be sober." He exhales a stressed breath.

I lower my eyes. "Right..."

Grayson shifts out of his bed. I look away as he slips into his sweat pants from last night and throws on a wrinkled shirt.

The reality of it all begins to slowly sink in. Despite the blurry memories of last night, I woke up in Grayson's bed, bare. We've despised each other since kids... and being Violet's step-brother, liking him has never even occurred to me. Let alone, sleeping with him. So how did I skip a step and wind up straight in his bed?

I've never even had sex before... and while I've never been religious on the idea of purity or virginity... the fact that it's now gone makes my legs shake. And I don't even have the choice to remember it or forget it, because I can't recall anything.

I croak, "What am I going to do when Violet finds out, she'll never be able to for—"

"Madison," Grayson interrupts me. I peek towards him, finding him to be fully clothed now. He finds my gaze and holds it with his emeralds. I feel small... so small, as he stands besides the bed.

"What?" I murmur when he doesn't continue.

"She's not going to find out." He says as he leans down to pick something up from the ground. When he straightens, he tosses me a garment. When I look down at it in my lap, my face heats up. It's my bra. And not my cute one either.

As I lower my head, my auburn-brown hair falls over my face. Tears threaten to break through.

"I can't lie to my bestfriend." I state.

If there was one thing that I was sure of it, it's that.

Grayson sighs. "Neither of us can even recall what happened. Don't you think it's fine to just pretend like it never did?"

I hate myself for pondering on that thought. "It doesn't change what happened."

"Nothing could've happened for all we know." Grayson grumbles while staring at the box of condoms on his bedside. His voice is full of doubt and irritation, and watching him rub his neck as a form of fidgeting sends me into the same doubt.

Grayson continues, "If my dad found out that I slept with you, he'd kill me. In all seriousness. You're like a second daughter to him." Grayson says, running his hands through his hair again. He seems to be growing increasingly stressed.

"If I tell Violet, she's never be able to look at me again." I mutter.

If Violet knew it was me in Grayson's bed, she'd never forgive me. That would be the end of our friendship. For as long as I can remember, many girls have befriended her only to get to Grayson. And when we were young, in the fourth grade to be specific, she had me promise to hate him as much as she did. She never wanted her mother to remarry...

Violet would be destroyed if she found this out.

I give in and let the tears fall. By this point, I'm turned away from Grayson. I try the best to hide the hiccups that begin to bubble. When I talk, it's quiet. "Alright... then. This night never happened?"

"It never happened." His voice cracks once again.

There's a long, mutual need of silence.

"I'll give you some privacy," Grayson says. He's already at the entrance of his room before I can catch his eyes. When he shuts the door behind him, I find a place on his dark wall to stare at.

I stare for what feels like hours. When I feel ready, I step into my clothing. They are stiff and reek of vodka. My thoughts bounce from wall to wall in my skull. Are things just going to go back to normal with Grayson and I? As if this truly never happened? ... Is that even possible? Would an awkward shift of the eye alert Violet and classmates of the truth?

To Grayson... am I now just another girl that's he's slept with? Would Violet really never find out? And most importantly... does this all make me a terrible friend?

*****