I felt sick. Sick of being guilty. Rolling on the next side of my bed, I realize I was being pathetic.

Eric was out there, God knows where. He has been mistreated all these years and couldn't even tell a soul what has been going on.

I got out of my bed and then stretched my arms over my head. I needed to talk to Eric. Going over to my ensuite bathroom, I turned on the faucet and waited for the water to rise. A bath sounded pleasant at the moment. Soaking in lavender, feeling at peace. I did deserve this after everything has been going on.

I dropped a few drops of essence in the bubble bath, and turned on a music playlist to a low volume. The bath was almost filled with bubbles. the smell of lavender filling my nostrils to calm nerves. Turning off the water, I stripped out of my clothes and step inside the bath.

I closed my eyes and hummed into relaxation.

Eric has been on my mind for a while. How could I be relaxing when Eric must think I hate him?

I have sent him text last night to meet me at our spot. I glanced over at the clock and notice it was 2 in the afternoon. Panicking, I rinse off the bubbles then quickly stepped out of the bath without slipping. I wrapped my body with a towel and quickly went over to my closet, looking for a simple outfit.

I put on a simple t-shirt, grey leggings and my converse. I grabbed my keys and ran out the door. I turned on my engine and drove down the street to the public park. After a few minutes, I reached the parking lot of the park.

The park was big. Citizens can host parties, events or even summer camps will come here and enjoy a day at the park. I turned off my engine and gotten out of the car. I locked the door behind me and started waking. Walking past the park I see two children; a boy and a girl. Playing in the sand with their buckets and shovel.

Reminds me when Andrew and I use to go to the park and build sand castle. It was a time when we did not worry about other friends coming in between us. It was just Andrew and I. The only thing we worried about was the minutes we had left before our moms told us it was time to go home and wash up.

Why couldn't life be as simple as our childhood?

I look away and sighed. I notice I have reached the secret pathway and started to go through the trees. I climbed the bridge and continued to walk down the path until the pathway stopped and was replaced with a clean, dried patch of green grass. I slowly walked over and saw a boy with his eyes closed, his brown hair was moving with the wind. It was Eric.

"Eric?"

He opened his eyes and it flashed a sign of hurt. My heart ached. I sat down beside him, crossed my legs and looked out to the scenery. It was the town. We can see everyone and everything moving. We use to come here in the seventh grade and just talk, talk about everything we could imagine. We stopped when he moved, I haven't came here since then.

The view changed a bit, more houses, the construction site that was there a few years ago was replaced with the new mall. Everything change.

"I'm sorry,"

I brought my attention to Eric, his focus was still towards the sky. "I'm sorry for keeping this secret away from you,"

"Eric it's fine--"

"No," his eyes are staring directly into mine, "I was afraid. I became so afraid of what people will think of me that I started hurting people around me."

I shifted my body over to Eric and placed my hand on his, "Eric it's not your fault. You just wanted to be accepted,"

He let out a breath he was holding in. "I thought you would hate me," he wiped his cheeks.

"Why would I hate you for who you are?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "I'm not sure,"

We both stayed in silence, while Eric was trying to stop crying. "Is it okay if I know how you figure out you were.."

"Gay?" he asked jokingly

I blushed, "Well yeah, but if you don't want to tell me it okay."

He let out a small chuckle, "No it is time for you to know. I was 14 when I started to like you. That's when we started having our relationship. Once we gotten to high school I felt that we were going to be together for a while, but part of me felt that something wasn't right with me.

In grade 9, their was one day when I went to a house party with my cousin, which I didn't want to go to in the first place. I started talking to this guy who was also not interested in the house party either. We went upstairs and then I realize his older brother was hosting the party, because he brought me into his room. He closed the door and we started playing video games and drinking a bit,"

I let out a giggled, Typical Eric, never liking parties. Eric looked over at me with confusion, "What?" He asked. I shook my head and given him the sign to continue.

"We stopped drinking for a while and he started asking me a few questions about me, the usual; what school you go to, why he hasn't seen me around here.

I was so caught up with getting to know him, I didn't realize he was super close to me, before I said anything he kissed me. I was wanting to protest but it felt right for some reason. We started to get further on with the kiss then I pulled away. Panic was starting to rise through me and I didn't know what to do.

I wanted to leave, wash my mouth with bleach but I also loved it. It felt right.

He smirked at me and said, "This was your first time kissing a guy wasn't it?" I nodded my head and I was scared for him to touch me. He came closer and whispered, "Let's try some things" and we did, I--"

I raised my hand, "Don't go into details please! I don't want to hear it!" I protested. I did not want to hear about his sex life, nobody wants to listen to that, it is a personal thing to others. No need to share.

Eric rolled his eyes, "Okay fine. But to be honest I cheated on you with the guy from the party and we have done things and I felt guilty. I liked you a lot but I felt right with the guy. So I planned out what to do on how to break up with you. One day I was home when the door bell rang. It was the guy at the party, he said he came down to visit a friend and asked my cousin at school what my address was; I knew deep down he was here for me.

He pulled me in to kiss me and I relaxed. It felt right but the back of my mind knew it was wrong to be cheating on you Alex, again. Just then Andrew was riding his bike down my street and saw the scene. He gotten off his bike and started to charge towards me.

We started fighting and the guy broke us off. The guy thought Andrew was my boyfriend and left. Then Andrew clicked in on what was happening and told me to break up with you and tell you what I did or else.

I was terrified, I never wanted to hurt you, so I decided to stay with you. One day I gotten note in my locker from you saying to meet you at the auditorium. When I gotten there I looked around and see Andrew, the basketball team and some girl. Andrew told me since I wasn't going to confessed I had to kiss the girl and for us to record it and tell you I actually cheated on a girl.

I hesitated then told Andrew I was going to tell you but the basketball tea, didn't like the idea. They grabbed a hold of me and brought me in front of the girl. You could classify her as a slut or what ever you called a girl who wears skimpy clothing. She pulled me closer and started to kiss me. I tried to pull away but she had a good grip.

What the basketball team forgot to check was if we had a assembly because then everyone came in cheering. She finally pulled away from me and the only face I saw was yours; you looked hurt, ready to cry. You ran off with Leah right behind you. I tried to go after you but of course the principal stopped me.

Of course I gotten suspended and they told my parents. They both wanted to know why I have done that and I told them the truth. They needed to know the truth. They needed to know why I was avoiding you, why I was acting weird when I came back from my cousins. Both of my parents were silent. My dad was the first one to speak. He said, "Eric it seems that you are confused. Maybe you need time to get away from here and see what you really want." I was lucky that my family was supportive.

I then packed my bags and headed to my cousins. I did not tell them the guy I hooked up with lived in the same area as my cousin. Once the guy knew he started coming over more with his brother to hang out with me.

Which meant we did stuff. Don't worry Alex I won't go into detail. But I realize I was comfortable with him. He made me feel whole. I was in love. The summer before grade 12, I told the guy, what I had done to you. He insist that I make amends with both you and Andrew then come back.

It has been hard. You changed a lot and I notice Andrew was a bit different too but still the idiot I knew back in grade nine. I tried to get close to you so I can apologize but Andrew took it the wrong way. I was still upset that he pulled that prank on me and for you to hate me. So out of amusement And anger I pretended to like you again, just to get his skin crawling. It worked.

I had moments to tell you. At Alma's was my moment but I couldn't do it. I was scared you would hate me so I left you. I left you to hate me even more.

During the Spring break, I went back over to see the guy I met at the party-- well now he is my boyfriend. He told me to stop being a wimp and just tell you. So I came back down to attend your party and wanted to tell you then, but you wanted to dance, I saw how you were enjoying. That's when I had enough, I couldn't act like I still have feelings you when I had feelings for someone else who wasn't a female but a male. But then again the panic kicked in and I had to leave.

Andrew wasn't to please with me talking to you, and dancing with you. He did the deed for me. He released my seceret. Not the way I wanted it to be.

Then everyone started laughing, teasing. Made fun of who I am. I couldn't take the teasing so I left."

I wiped the tears from my eyes and sniffled, "And here we are now Eric I would of accepted you from the beginning if you just told me, I wouldn't have been angry or ashamed. I'm glad I know now."

He smiled and brought me into a hug, I hugged him back.

"Thank you," he cried

A tear slid down my cheek and fell on his shoulder. "No, thank you."

****