I did not wake fresh faced, sans hangover, and in a lovely mood.

Quite the opposite, really.

After spending the morning dry heaving after the alcohol's effects worked its way through my body, a freezing cold shower, fresh green smoothie and acetaminophen helped me to rid myself of the nasty headache and heaviness in my gut that threatened another vomit session in my bathroom.

Instead, however, I was faced with something equally as nausea inducing as gulping down vodka the night prior: having to face not only my family, but Matthew as well, and to tell them that there would be no boyfriend present at dinner that night.

Rolling my shoulders, I quickly typed Phoebe's number into my phone and it rang and rang while I bit my thumbnail begging for her to answer.

"Hello?"

"Pheebs! I have a favor..."

"Let me guess. You want to take the bikes out today?"

I flushed quickly, wondering how she knew me so well even after us only knowing the other for two years. Even Eli didn't know me that well.

"How'd you know?"

"You never ask for a favor unless it's about the bikes. So, what happened? You usually save the thrill seeking for big weekends and the holidays."

I cringed, feeling guilty that I hadn't called her after the breakup, but technically I hadn't told anyone about it, yet.

"Ben broke up with me last night."

"Oh."

Yeah. Oh.

"I'm so sorry, El. What happened? I thought after you caught him with that girl on his lap you were giving him one more chance and that was it. I thought he was like, begging for your forgiveness...what happened?"

"He only did that to get me to break up with him. He said he didn't want to dump me because he was worried it would throw me off the deep end. You know, since I was 'abused.'"

"He did not."

"Oh, yes he did."

I could just imagine the fiery redhead on the other end of the phone with that same red haze around her in a halo that punctuated her anger.

Phoebe was someone you never wanted to piss off, and if you did, well, good luck to you and your lasting survival which wasn't likely.

"Okay, I'll call my uncle and have him keep one of the bikes out for you. You don't need me telling you to be careful, do you? You're aware of how dangerous your little habit is, right?"

Of course I knew how dangerous it was. That was the point.

"Yes, I am well aware. I'll wear my helmet and everything."

She sighed heavily over the phone. "What am I going to do with you?"

I couldn't wipe the anticipated smile off my face the entire drive to the dirt strip in the middle of nowhere, New York.

The ride was a full two hours long, but I used the drive to get out most of my emotions singing badly at the top of my lungs to sad songs that would've made even the happiest of people depressed.

By the time the sounds of dirt bikes reached my ears, the mud flinging through the air at high speeds from the wheels of various bikes, the nerves that had once frayed my veins settled to a thin line not unlike the dust floating in sheets down to the packed earth beneath it.

The pit was drenched in orange honey sunlight, the tan dirt continuously becoming marked and distressed from tires and small wrecks, the hills and divots in the earth flinging each rider off and up into the air, some trying death defying stunts like back flips and 360 spins.

The strangled growl of a motorbike not far from me stole my attention as Dorian Blake, known more affectionately by me as Dory when I wanted to piss him off, took off his helmet and flung out his shoulder length, curly blonde hair, the sweat forcing some strands to stick to his forehead.

Dressed in his riding garb consisting of pads and velcro protection, Dorian jogged towards where I stood by my car still gathering the courage to pull my bag from the trunk filled with the things I'd need to ride.

"I didn't know you'd be here today. Saturdays are usually only club."

"Does that mean you're not happy to see me?"

Dorian's face cracked in half with a sly smirk.

"Of course I'm happy to see you, Elevator."

"Elevator? Is that what we're going with today, Dory?"

He cringed at my overused nickname for him, hating how childish it seemed, but that was how I saw him through my eyes.

Dorian was a relentless flirt, harmless and funny, but I could never see him as anything other than Phoebe's cousin. He was our age, objectively attractive, but did I like him or would I ever? Definitely not.

"It's hard to find a nickname that you hate as much as I hate Dory. Cut me some slack!"

We laughed as he helped me haul my bag out of my car and towards the building facing the pit.

The grounds were crawling with riders, and I realized it had been so long since I'd actually come to ride, even longer since attempting anything besides the basics.

Maybe it was time to start, however, a pertinent discovery of the uphill battle I had ahead of me, one filled with highs and lows and lonely nights and empty beds.

"You ready for this? It's been a while."

"Maybe for you. I was here a few months ago, you weren't here."

"Oh. You ride with Zeke and Lan then?"

His words were laced with jealousy and it was my turn to cringe. Okay, so maybe while I didn't see him as someone I could ever be attracted to, he clearly didn't feel the same way about me, even despite the fact he knew I had a boyfriend.

Had a boyfriend. Shit, that was going to be hard getting used to. At least I'd be going to college without being tied down to anyone, but still...I'd be going to the same college as my ex, so that wasn't very promising either.

We'd applied and gotten in to the same schools and chose which one we'd go to together, and the semi prestigious Hendrick's just outside the city and closer to the bike club was the one we'd decided on.

Dorian and his friends Zeke and Landon (Lan) were attending as well, including Phoebe and a few of her friends she'd made during 'Freshman Welcome Weekend' that I hadn't meshed well with.

Phoebe was one of the only female friends that I'd actually been able to keep, most girls only wanting me for the connections that I could get them with my brother and the status that his name gave me.

"Uh, Dory? I only hang with those two when you're around, so, no, I didn't ride with Zeke and Lan. I try to stay as far away from them as I-"

My sentence was cut off mid word as a pair of ruggedly handsome boys came barreling into the two of us from behind, nearly knocking the breath out of me.

"Seriously?!"

I stumbled and shot my hand out to catch myself against Dorian's arm just as Lan jumped on him, cornering him in a faux fight that would most likely last the entirety of my visit.

"Been a while, Ellie. How you doin'?"

I couldn't help the grin that slipped free when Zeke copied Joey's famous line from Friends, executing the line perfectly, what with the wriggling eyebrows and suggestive smirk.

"I'm good, how are you Zeke?"

"Better now that you're here, gorgeous. We don't get nearly enough girls around here, but I always tell them this is a fun sport! Do they listen to me, though? Nope. Cept you, I don't think I've ever seen a single girl here but to support her boo thing."

"Boo thing?"

"What, is it boo thang?"

Zeke's cropped dark curls swayed in the breeze as the sounds of dirt bikes drowned out the rustling of the nearby trees. He shot me a mega watt smile full of friendly teasing and flirting, but I knew he was harmless, just like Lan. I'd known the boys nearly as long as I'd known Phoebe and they had all been nothing but nice towards me, something I wasn't used to back in those early days.

"I have no idea what you guys are talking about, but if anyone's Zeke's boo thang, it's Pheebs."

"Man, shut the hell up!"

I laughed out of surprise as Lan cornered Dorian and shoved him into the bleachers near us while still keeping up with the conversation and teasing Zeke in the process.

The two wrestling guys finally broke apart when they noticed me gearing up and Lan wolf whistled as I slipped my body armor shell over my shoulders, the hard plastic settling in between my chest and stomach snugly.

"Can't tease Zeke unless we tease everyone, right? So, where's that boyfriend of yours that came that one time with you? He didn't seem like he liked you having such a dangerous hobby..."

I rolled my eyes at Dorian's assumptions, no doubt only asking about Ben to gauge my relationship status, but instead of answering, I strolled towards the garage and checked in with the employee who I rented out my bike with.

Phoebe's uncle was invaluable, making sure that they held one out for me, and also in helping me procure the essentials for the sport including my gear.

"Who's ready to watch me whoop everyone's ass?"

None of the guys seemed relatively happy about my proclamation, considering my tendency to push every boundary in the sport that I could while being on a moderately average level, pushing faster than was necessary and edging past other riders when I should've played it safe.

Maybe I was an adrenaline junkie, but with the past I had, I needed some kind of release, and I wasn't about to turn to drugs or alcohol for it. Sex used to work, sometimes, with Ben, but now even that was off the table and I had no idea if I had it in me to share that with someone else.

Sure, I'd been in a self destructive mood the night before at the club and had allowed Matthew, whom I'd thought to be a stranger, to kiss me, but that was all because of my desperate need to destroy the pain from the breakup that had been bubbling up inside of me.

In the cold light of day, however, things weren't as clear cut as they had once been in the haze of cranberry juice and vodka.

"You're out of practice, little girl. I think it's us who will be wiping the floor with you," Lan proclaimed with a smug attitude.

I smirked while tying up my long hair into a ponytail and affixed my helmet over my head.

"We'll see about that, little boy."