《The Choice Of Us》Talk
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Here he was. . .
Standing before me on the doorstep looking nervous given his demeanour.
Grey orbs soaking me in and it's a wonder how time seems to pass so fast.
Time has the ability to heal all wounds. I held onto that belief as the days flew by hoping the traumatic event would grow to be a distant memory. After being discharged from the hospital I moved in with my mother temporarily just for my peace of mind.
I didn't particularly enjoy being in my apartment and she had insisted I stay with her. Sometimes in the course of the night I could hear her open my door and pop her head to see me. That alone gave me comfort. Knowing she was there and I knew she also did it for her own state of mind.
There was a lot that happened, a lot I was still in disbelief of and once I began to understand the nature of the relationship between Lisa and Luis' father a small part of me grew a bit sympathetic of the manner in which Cain was raised. However, I had no problem never seeing him again. Monica had taken the information a bit hard and when she began to feel terrible over what happened it took a lot of reassuring to ease her fears that she had nothing to do with it.
She still came to visit along with Rita who had been nothing but supportive throughout this whole process for me. Despite it being hard for me to sleep, I had grown more comfortable to be in my own company. At first I followed my mother everywhere.
Except for the bathroom, of course.
And after some time I found myself breathing easier despite the nagging feeling of what to do with Luis. He had yet to come see me on his own and always showed up with either Rita or even his Aunt Jeane. I could tell he was treating me delicately and seemed to be walking on eggshells. It irked me a little. And I had convinced myself that that was how it would be from now on.
So one could imagine my surprise when out of the blue he appeared- alone after all this time.
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My eyes moved over him taking note of the jacket he wore to battle the slight chill in the air today," I've been meaning to give you back your scarf," I said leaning against the doorframe. His eyes lit up as his lips curved to reveal a smile.
"Keep it- given all that's happened to you-"
"Just stop."
His smile dropped to one of genuine confusion," Stop what?"
"Being sweet. We have a lot to talk about yet you've been avoiding me."
"Now you know how it feels," he smiled coyly.
"Luis, come on," I groaned eliciting a light chuckle from him," I'm trying to be serious here."
"Okay . . . and you're right," he sighed looking away whilst shuffling on his feet," we do have a lot to talk about. Would you like to go somewhere . . . just to have a little privacy?"
I nodded knowing he was right. My mother had decided to spend the day at home so talking here didn't feel like an option. After telling her, I was heading out with Luis, she gave me an all knowing smile.
Though I brushed it off, there was no denying the butterflies fluttering in the deep pits of my stomach as he drove down the quiet streets. I had kept my eyes trained outside throughout the course of the entire drive and he seemed not to mind given his silence. I hadn't really asked where we were going, for some reason something inside me just didn't feel the need to.
***
From where I sat in the restaurant the face of the calm sea stared back at me. Its blue waters glittering under the sun added an air of ease as the breeze moved softly to lay light kisses on my skin. I turned to him in question to find him already watching me.
The look was so intense I was grateful he broke eye contact running a hand through his hair releasing a heavy sigh," It's uh. . ." he cleared his throat chuckling nervously," funny. I've envisioned this conversation so many times. And just when I finally think I've found the right words- I see you looking at me with those eyes. Rendering me incapable to get the words out, simply because the idea of lifting my tongue to speak is useless when I could just worship you with it."
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"And just when I convinced myself I'd be hard on you for not telling me- you just had to ruin it," I chuckled to prohibit the blush from creeping in knowing what he said just affected me and out of wanting to survive this I resorted to staring at the package he had placed on the table momentarily wondering what was in it. At the rate he was going the longer I looked at him- I'd be unable to get the questions out.
"I wanted to tell you, so many times but it's not particularly easy," he replied slowly as if unsure of himself.
"So all those times we spent together- the way you insisted on getting to know me . . . was it out of guilt."
He sighed seeming unsure of what to say and that alone was all the confirmation I needed even when he said," At first but then things changed."
"Cain was the one who told me . . . how it was your father who killed my brother. And how you were there that night."
And that fact was painful to swallow but it's not long before he responded," I had no idea he would do that. The truth is he came and found me out of nowhere- said he wanted to talk and I was an idiot who believed that maybe he had changed. I had no idea he had a gun on him but, T. . ." he murmured shifting forward, reaching across the table to place his hand on mine, coaxing me gently to look at me and see the sincerity," if I had known I swear I would have stopped him. And for years I've constantly wondered- blamed myself for what I could have done different to change the outcome."
"A lot of pain was felt that night. And I was not only sad- I was angry to the point I didn't view the world the same anymore. I went from having a vision of grey to seeing distinct colours that were treated based off of that."
He looked away briefly seeming to contemplate his next set of words, "I know there's nothing I can say to assure you that this world will just accept you- or us based off who we are and not what we look like. I get why you feel the way you feel."
Lu-"
"No baby- if I wait any longer to get this off my chest I don't think I'll be able to bear it," he groaned tightening the hold he had on my hand," I know I said this already but I want you in my life. I'm aware there's a lot of bad between our families and you have every reason to decide if you want nothing to do with me . . . or us. I came here to offer an apology for what happened to you and your mother but the truth of the matter is that I wound up falling for you and for the first time I wondered if somewhere in your back you had hidden angel wings. And truth is the more I fell for you the more it began to scare me that once I told you, you'd tell me to leave."
"Even after I got the security guard to taser you," I teased lightly which resulted in a gentle squeeze from him as he looked up at me making the glaciers melt inside me.
"Especially after that. Besides I knew in that moment you felt something for me," he smirked pulling my chair forward closing the distance between our bodies. Caught off guard upon impulse I leaned into him an action he used to hook his arm around the back of my chair invading my space. It annoyed me how tolerant I was to him knowing I was initially annoyed when I found out he had kept this from me. But looking at the light in his eyes I couldn't help but wonder if maybe his assumption was right.
He stood up without saying a word simultaneously taking his warmth with him and when he reached out I placed my hand in his. It easily engulfed mine offering a blanket of security over me- silencing any alarms of danger as he gestured for me to follow him.
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