'I'm easily undone and I'm no stranger to rage'

The gun is at her head.

My heart is being squeezed.

My dad pulls the trigger.

Her brains splatter my face.

I wake sweating and breathing heavy.

"Fuck," I groan, reaching blindly for my smokes. Bella wants to spend a few days at her parent's house, and I'm trying very hard to respect that, but I haven't seen her since she had a gun pointed at her head; and my world feels like it's ending.

I can feel a freak out coming on, so I decide to get moving to keep myself occupied. I hop on my bike and start making my way to Tate's tattoo shop, not really knowing what I'm doing; but knowing that I need someone.

Luckily, there is no one but Tate inside, I wouldn't have known what to do if he was busy. "Alright, alright...I'll pierce your dick," he says with a giant smile.

"Actually, I'm here to get a tattoo."

Then I burst out crying.

Every fight, every bit of fear, every calculated response all comes rushing to the surface. Seeing Tate, my brother, is all it takes to set me over the edge.

He rounds the counter and stands in front of me awkwardly. "Bro, what's wrong?"

"I'm in some shit Tate," I sob.

"What kind of shit?"

I wipe frustratedly at my tears. "If I tell you, you can't tell anyone."

"Tys, you're scaring me."

"I mean it, not Jace, not Charlotte; no one."

"Okay," he says concerned.

"Swear it?"

"I swear," then he taps his heart twice, knowing the significance it has for me.

So I tell him everything.

He sits for a while after I finish, taking everything in. Although I shouldn't have told him anything, a massive weight has lifted from me.

"I'm going to join," he says firmly.

"What?"

"The Lost Souls, I'll prospect and then I can have your back."

"No."

"Tyso-"

"No. You are not joining."

"We protect each other."

"Tate, I'm not letting you ruin your life."

He gets up and starts pacing.

"There has to be some way I can help?"

"There is," I pull my backpack off, unzipping it and pulling out The Lost Souls leather jacket. "I need you to tattoo that on me," I point to the patch with the anchor and the club's name.

"I can't put that on you..."

"You have to, all members need to have their patch tattooed on them, it's the final step in becoming a full member."

"But- you hate tattoos and it's permanent..."

"So you better do a good job then," I smile.

He sighs and points at the tattoo chair. It doesn't take him long to do up the stencil. "Do you want colour or all black?"

"Colour," I say nervously.

He gets the ink ready beside me. "Where?" I flip my arm over and point to the area below the nook of my elbow. "I can't change your mind?" He asks with the needle buzzing in his hand.

I shake my head and swallow at my dry throat. It's not exactly a rational fear, but tattoos are a huge trigger for me, and the fact that I'm about to have one on my skin is haunting.

The needle hitting my skin doesn't hurt as bad as I thought it would, every now and then it stings a bit. "Why do you hate tattoos anyway?" Tate asks as he wipes at my arm, looking at his work before putting the needle back into my skin.

"Because of my dad."

Tate pauses for a moment. "And now you are getting an exact tattoo he would have on him."

"The irony," I smile.

He smiles too. "What are you really going to do?"

I close my eyes. "I'll find a way out."

"I know that one of your options is probably to go in to hiding and start a new life but- selfishly I don't think I could handle that."

I grin. "Just can't live without me."

"I could tattoo a giant cock on your arm if you keep being a smartass."

I burst out laughing, I laugh so hard that Tate has to move the tattoo gun away from me. "If it comes to running or dying-" He sucks in a breath. "Please run."

"I'll find a way out," I repeat.