'So on to the ocean and into the sea, 

so balanced and calm now, 

that's where I willbe'

Sitting in front of the mirror in the costume room, it dawns on me that I should feel nervous. Opening night and I feel fucking nothing.

The thing is that I should, I really fucking should. I'm a lead and there will be agents in the audience, I guess once you have to act for your life; maybe nothing seems scary after that.

Or maybe you are sinking more into yourself. I sigh, thoughts really are a person's worst enemy.

Around me my classmates are going over lines, but I just stare at myself, hoping something will spark a feeling.

"Places!" Arthur calls loudly.

I get ready, even though I won't be first on stage, I risk a glance out the curtain and see a full house. Nothing, it still does nothing for me.

When it comes time to take my position, I go through the motions like a robot. It's almost like the crowd doesn't exist. "Be collected: no more amazement: tell your piteous heart there's no harm done."

As Chantelle begins to give her line back to me, my eyes catch Bella. She is at the front, off to the side by her camera set up on a tripod. She is watching me so intently that it catches me off guard. Suddenly, the whole audience does exist and they are all waiting for me to reply. "No harm. I have done nothing but in care of thee..."

I continue on, with butterflies now roaming my skin; my spark ignites. I act with so much passion that when it gets to the standing ovation, I can see people wiping at their eyes and other's cheering. My eyes only search for Bella.

For the girl that can bring my mind back to life.

She is also standing and clapping, her face full of amazement. It took everything to not run down and scoop her into my arms. The curtain drops and our classmates embrace, all of us feeling the same rush that being on stage has on a person.

"AMAZING!" Arthur calls as he follows his students back to the costume room, talking excitedly. All I want is to get changed and find Bella though.

As I hang my costume back up, Chantelle approaches me. "You did really good," she says genuinely.

"So did you," I offer no smile but she can tell I mean my words. She gives me a content nod before moving on.

The friends and family of the cast will stay behind and wait, and as I step down to where the seating is, I am greeted by my parents. Both their faces are lit up in pure joy.

Mum gives me a big hug before kissing my cheek dramatically. "Tyson you were incredible!"

"It was really something," Dad says attempting to move Mum aside for a hug. The feel of their comfort nearly brings me to tears. I want nothing more than to confide in them, to get their advice. For them to know that my past has caught up with me. A past they worked so hard to save me from.

"Tyson, are you okay?" She says still holding my arms.

I nod my head. "Yes, sorry just a little overwhelmed; and tired." In the back I can see Tate, Jace, Lille and Charlotte talking with Bella. "It means so much that you came," I smile at them both. "In fact, I want you guys to meet someone, wait here!"

I rush to Bella, grabbing her in my arms and kissing her.

Lillie coughs. "We also exist," she says playfully.

"Thank you for coming!" I say as I pull away from Bella. "We should go out tonight? Just wait here while I introduce Bella to my parents."

Bella's eyes go big with concern.

"It will be fine," I reassure her.

"You killed it!" Jace calls out, as we walk away.

"I'll buy the cocaine!" Tate calls loudly. I shake my head with laughter. We know he is joking, but no one else outside our circle knows that.

Bella's hand grows warm in mine. "Hey, don't be nervous; they will love you." I give her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Okay," she squeaks and I laugh at how adorable she is.

"Mum, Dad, this is Bella," I smile. "Bella this is Emily and Charlie, my parents;" I say proudly.

"It's nice to finally meet you!" Mum now pushes me out of the way to hug Bella. Her nerves immediately disappearing as her features become warm. "You have such beautiful eyes, has anyone ever told you?" Mum asks.

"Yes," she says shyly as her eyes fall to me.

"You need to come over for dinner one night," Dad says to Bella.

"I would love that, it's nice to finally meet you both too," she beams at them.

Tate and Jace now come over, and introduce Charlotte and Lillie to my parents. Mum formed a bond with Tate long ago and Dad with Jace, so they both settle into their conversations as Lillie, Bella and Charlotte talk happily to one another.

As I watch my favourite people talk contently, my mind buzzes with Atticus's words. 'Don't promise to live forever, promise to forever live while you're alive.' I was going to live for these moments. Moments with the people that mean the most to me, the people I would continue to keep fighting for. No matter how dark a day will seem, these are the moments that will bring me back.