《White Lies || Scaramouche X Reader》Chapter 21 - Anxious Thoughts
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《Your POV》
After meeting with each other by chance, Scaramouche decided to skip out on his Fatui duties to continue your training.
Back when you were traveling together, he promised he would train you and teach you all about visions and combat. Though, he didn't seem to have a vision anywhere on him, yet he was able to use the electro element. You thought it was strange but the thought quickly left your mind as Scaramouche had pinned you down during combat.
"You're improving at least," he swiftly got off of you, helping you up, "I'm no expert swordsman, but I'm still quite skilled if I do say so myself. I'm impressed that you survived that long against me."
You averted your eyes, panting from exhaustion. Sweat dripping from your head, you dropped the sword and sat down, "Can we.. take a break please..?" Completely out of breath, you laid down on your back, hoping the pain would soon subside. Fighting was way harder than it looked.
Scaramouche sighed, almost as if he was disappointed, "If you'd like." He sat down next to you.
It baffled you that he wasn't tired in the slightest. Was he some kind of god or something? Surely any normal person would've been dying of exhaustion. Although, he was a Fatui Harbinger. They were a whole different breed in of itself.
The sun was at its halfway mark between noon and sunset, which meant the hottest part of the day. Luckily for you, Scaramouche had brought water. Immediately you chugged the whole thing down without a break in between.
Scaramouche found it quite amusing how much you were suffering but you decided to try and ignore him. Though, you were grateful he'd risk getting scolded just for you. You knew how much he hated being told what to do, so you felt special in a way.
"We can continue tomorrow, you seem a little worn out," he teased you, knowing very well you were practically one foot into the grave.
"No it's fine," you answered without hesitation, "You're here on official business. I'd hate to interfere with your Fatui stuff."
Scaramouche just looked at you as if he was trying to think of the right words to say. He placed his hand on yours, which was resting beside you, "The Fatui will always be there. But I'm only in Mondstadt for a few more days. I want to make the most of it."
Then you remembered. You were having too much fun being around him that you completely forgot he wasn't staying forever. The past few days felt like heaven to you. Though it might've been a stretch, you really felt like he had actually moved in with you. It was a comforting feeling knowing you'd be waking up next to him every morning.
But every good story has to have a bad ending. And for you, it was him having to leave.
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You couldn't just ask him to stay, you couldn't do that to him. He had a responsibility and he seemed to really like his job. You were sure there was consequences for quitting the Fatui as well.
You slowly sat up, "Right.." you looked away, hoping he wouldn't notice the look on your face.
Of course he noticed immediately, so he gently wrapped his arm around you, pulling you close, "I'm sorry it had to be this way."
Without even looking at his face, you could tell he wore a sad expression. He probably felt the same way that you did. Scaramouche was a harbinger, you were a humble adventurer, there was no way a relationship between the two could ever work out. You were sorry that you had completely wasted his time. You felt stupid for thinking it could work between you two.
"Maybe.. this just wasn't meant to happen," you leaned over, resting your head in your hands, "Maybe we weren't meant to be together. You have a job that you're committed to, and I have my mother's dream I'm trying to achieve. We are both on different paths, there's no way this could work."
Scaramouche didn't say anything. You found it so hard to understand what he was thinking.
He finally broke his silence, "Who says it won't work just because we're on different paths?"
His response grabbed your attention, causing you to look at him. He had a point. But you had to admit, this comforting and caring side of him didn't sit well with you. It was as if he was trying too hard to act the way he was.
As you thought about it more, you desperately wanted to believe that he could just be himself around you, but was this really his true self? Part of you wanted to believe it, but you knew you were just kidding yourself. Nothing could change the fact that he was manipulative, cunning, and had a superiority complex. Someone couldn't just change over night like he did. Scaramouche obviously was lying about something, but you didn't know what.
You never responded to his question. He somehow knew you wouldn't so he didn't await your response for very long.
He stood up, "I need to catch up before they suspect something. I'll see you tonight." He planted a soft kiss on your head and like that, he left.
You simply watched him walk away without a word.
Everything for the past month had been very confusing for you, especially now. When you first met him, he was quite nice, but the kind of nice that felt completely fake. Then, a bit of true kindness began to shine through, he started to care about your well-being, and he made sure you were always okay. But now, it's fairly obvious he was forcing himself to act a certain way. Whether it be that he was simply just acting nice or that he didn't actually like you, you didn't know. But something was fishy about him. You wanted to ignore your gut feeling but it was too strong.
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One thing was for sure, whether he had other intentions or not, you truly liked him. Your feelings for him weren't at all fake, they were very real.
And that's what worried you the most.
♢♢♢
Sitting on your bed, you were reading one of your favorite books. Of course, you spent a lot of time by yourself, especially being an introvert, so you read a whole lot.
This one book in particular caught your attention though. Your mother had read it to you when you were little. While you didn't understand any of it without her explaining it to you, you still enjoyed the parts you did understand.
Now that you were older, you completely understood the moral of the story. And you had to admit, it was quite a good one. You've already reread the book about 4 times.
Just as you turned to the next page, your front door swung open and closed yet again. By the sound of the footsteps and the faint jingle, you knew who it was.
You rolled your eyes, the start of a smile appeared on your face. He really was acting like he's been living here for years.
Scaramouche, who had taken off his large hat already, flopped onto your bed face first.
"Tough day?" You said, a sarcastic tone in your voice. You couldn't help but smile at his dramatic entrance.
Scaramouche flipped himself over, now laying on his back and staring at the ceiling, "That red head is so annoying! He keeps threatening to tell everyone about you! And I can't tell if he's actually gonna do it or not!"
He seemed angry enough that you had to watch what you said.
Jokes aside, it would be serious if someone found out. And Scaramouche wasn't exactly being lowkey about it, especially when he's constantly coming over to your place and sleeping there. You wondered if anyone's actually seen him walk in. If so, there's bound to be talk.
"I hate to break it to you, but you're not exactly trying to hide it," you said, immediately regretting ever opening your mouth, "I mean.. you come to sleep here every night, you don't think that's at all weird?"
He glared at you quickly but returned to looking at the ceiling, "Wow, if you don't want me here just say so."
"N-No that's not what I-"
He started chuckling, "I'm kidding. Don't be so tense!"
Scaramouche sat up, positioning himself next to you, "What are you reading?"
You looked at him then back to the book, which you quickly closed, "Oh.. it's just a book I reread quite often. My mom used to read it to me when I was little. Sometimes I read it whenever I'm feeling anxious or sad."
He tilted his head, "Why are you sad?"
You instantly regretted ever saying that. You didn't like talking about your innermost emotions, no matter who it was.
"Oh I'm not, don't worry about it," you smiled at him.
He obviously caught onto your lie. Scaramouche leaned in, getting closer to you, "But you just said you read it when you're sad or anxious. So why were you reading it just now, huh?"
He wasn't going to let it go, was he. It's not like you were sad, maybe just anxious for the future? You knew most of it had to do with Scaramouche but you didn't want to tell him that.
It wasn't about him specifically, but more of the fear of not knowing how your relationship will work out.
You averted your eyes, leaning backwards away from him.
Scaramouche sighed, "It's about me isn't it?"
Shoot. You were transparent. Of course, knowing the situation, he'd obviously assume that.
"It's not.. you. I just," you continued to back away from him, purely because you didn't want him to see your expression, "I don't know what's going to happen, and it's scaring me."
He went quiet so you took the opportunity to tell him more, "This is very new to me, and the fact that we have to try so hard to hide it is so difficult. I just never expected it to be this way."
"Are you disappointed?" He questioned. Wow, he just through that out there.
"No, of course not! I guess I don't really mind that you're technically the enemy, I just didn't expect it," you really had changed. A few weeks ago, you would've wanted to kill him on sight. Now you so desperately wanted to protect him, even though it's probably you who needed the protecting.
Scaramouche just looked at you, still fairly close. It was kind of awkward, not because he was too close but because nobody was saying anything.
Finally he looked away, "Don't.. don't be anxious. Don't stress about keeping it a secret that much, okay?"
Was he.. embarrassed? Scaramouche, the 6th Fatui Harbinger. This man who was both manipulative and deadly was being.. shy?? You couldn't believe your eyes. You wanted to tease him for it, but it probably took him a lot of courage to say something so nice.
Instead, you put the book down and embraced him in a tight hug.
Scaramouche flinched a bit, "What's this for?"
"No reason," you kept your eyes closed as you squeezed him tighter. At this point, you really didn't want to let him go. At that moment, you decided that you really wanted to be with him. You wanted to share the burden of whatever was hurting him, even if it meant you got hurt in the process.
You might even say you loved him.
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