// Author's Note, Pt. II

Probably going to be darker than it should be, but I gotta explain myself, as always.

So here we go, here you have a short explanation as to why I wrote this story.

I don't know if you liked Showbiz or not, of course I hope you did, but if you didn't I'm fine with it too. Because I didn't really write this for anyone else but myself.

I'm gonna be honest. I've been struggling a lot lately. And I'm not just talking about writing, it was just... everything. In a way. My life seemed to consist of nothing else but constant struggles, there seemed to be nothing enjoyable and easy, apart from some short moments of happiness, some moments in which I could forget.

I just feel like I'm not going anywhere. I see all of my friends having plans about what they wanna do after school, and then they ask me about my plans and my future and I will just say, "Oh, I don't really know, maybe something related to media, but who knows."

And I always get the same answer. "Oh, that's fine, you have more than enough time to decide on what you wanna do." That's kinda how I relate to Phil in this story, by the way. Yeah, sure, I have my dreams, but people never take me seriously, telling me I "still have time to overthink everything".

No, I fucking don't. I'm graduating next year. I'm not really talented in any way, and most things I enjoy doing are things that probably won't get me anywhere. I'm not J.K. Rowling, I'm not Eddie Redmayne and I'm not freaking Dan Howell. I'm not good enough at the things I enjoy doing to actually make a living instead of ending up in a cardboard box (Even though that one box on our attic could be pretty comfortable if I cover it with some blankets, not gonna lie).

So well, that was struggle numero uno. Facing the fact that no matter what I do, it probably won't get me anywhere. Why can't I just fucking enjoy maths and study business & management or something like that?! Ugh.

Oh, and then there were things happening in school. Then things happened between me and my family. Then things happened between me and my friends. Then things happened between me and my boyfriend. Things happened to me. And I just... lost it. I lost my will to do anything because it just seemed so fucking pointless. Yay, depression is fun.

I wasn't suicidal at any point, funnily enough death is what I'm scared of the most, but I was at a point where I was ready to give up on everything. I planned on dropping out of school, one year before graduation, I planned on giving up on my dream of studying abroad (which I wanted ever since I was twelve whoops), I planned on never leaving my fucking hometown that I always low key hated, that I still hate, just because I thought there wouldn't be a point in leaving.

Whenever I was in one of those moods, I would come back to writing this. I know this story doesn't really seem too sad (I guess?), but it helped me to get back up. It helped me to get away from my struggles.

But that's not why I wrote this. I might as well could've continued writing one of my other stories, Fashion Blogger, Holding on to You or whatnot. But I felt as if I had forgotten how to write?

So I needed something to get back to writing, because honestly, with me losing my will to live on this fucking planet, I also lost my will and inspiration to write.

This kind of was a writing exercise to me. I don't know if it helped, but I now feel better about what I'm writing for my other fics. I like the chapters I'm writing better again, because I feel like Showbiz maybe didn't suck completely. (If it did feel free to tell me but don't be mean I'm v sensitive ahaha... ha.)

So yeah, there's that. Sorry if this was too depressing. Was it? I don't know. But it's how I feel, and we should all learn to be more honest with ourselves at some point.

I'm not going to lie now. I'm still struggling with a lot of things, god yes, but I feel like my mind's a bit clearer again. Writing this helped me to reorganise my thoughts, and I feel more confident about some things? No, I'm not gonna drop out of school, I'm (hopefully) gonna study abroad and I'm gonna leave this fucking town first chance I get. Because that's what I should do. Fuck everyone who tells me otherwise.

I feel like writing really helps me. I sometimes identify with the characters I create and letting them face my own struggles sometimes makes it easier for me to understand how I can deal with them.

So, before I end this, I wanna say a huge thanks to everyone who read this! I didn't think it would get that many views so fast, I'm actually kinda overwhelmed. Thank you so much. You guys are always being so nice and supportive and it really really means a lot to me. You're great.

Also thanks to Muse for being my favourite band and inspiring so many of the things that I write.

And thanks to Dan and Phil for keeping me sane. In a way. Maybe not the fangirl inside of me, but the side of me that depression has taken grip of.

(Lol I'm aware they won't see this but I still had to mention it okay leave me alone)

I could honestly go on for hours, if you know me you can probably imagine that haha (yes, Selina, I'm talking about you). But well, I don't think anyone would want to read that. So once again a huge thank you to everyone who read and supported this, it really means a lot to me!

You're amazing, never forget that. Stay hydrated and get some good sleep tonight! Have a nice day, love you guys, and thank you so much.

Author's Note, Pt. III

I thought about this for quite some time.

I wasn't really sure how to do this, and honestly, I'm still not sure, but I want to say thank you.

Of course a thank you to everyone who read this, but a special thanks to everyone who commented on this last author's note of this story.

I've been sharing some of my own thoughts in that note, and I wasn't sure how people were going to react to it. I was convinced people were just going to ignore it, or maybe one or two people would actually comment something, but no.

I got super long comments filled with a whole lot of positivity, and reading some of them brought me close to tears. I originally wanted to reply to every single one of them, but a simple reply didn't seem enough to me.

So I'm writing this extra note dedicated to everyone who's taken some time of their day to spread some love and positivity, because honestly, reading through those comments made me so, so happy.

I feel like I need to do a bit of explaining first.

I'm not suffering from severe depression, you see. I'm not suicidal. But that's also why people don't believe me that my depression is real.

I even went to a doctor and well, I was diagnosed a few weeks ago. Yet there's people who tell me it isn't real. That I'm imagining things. That I'm faking it for attention.

I'm fucking sick of it, so seeing that so many people care was a whole new thing to me.

When people think of depression, they think of sad teenagers that spend their day crying in the bathroom while attempting to hurt themselves. And maybe that's what depression is like for some, but not for me.

I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, simply because I see no point. So what, I go to school to meet people I don't wanna meet and feel pressured by teachers who misunderstood their jobs?

In school, I don't want to do my assignments. In class, I just sit there, stare at the wall and I'd rather jump out of a window than having to write one sentence of that stupid fucking essay that I'm supposed to write. My teachers noticed that. They told me I "should stop being lazy".

I'll try.

I don't want to talk, either. There's barely anyone I wanna talk to these days. I have my moments where I like talking to my friends or other people in general, but they don't last long. Usually, because I'm scared I'll annoy them.

There's literally only two people left that I probably always enjoy talking to. Two people that just get me. And guys, I love them so much, ahh you don't understand. They're both gonna read this probably, and please, just please know how much I appreciate you.

Well, I don't want this to be too depressing. I just really want all of you guys to know how much I appreciate all of you and all of the support you offered. It really means a lot to me to know that there are people who care.

I wanna repay you somehow. I thought of a Q&A kind of thing? You know, where you can ask the characters questions and "the characters" will answer them. Would you like that? I mean you can also ask me questions but I'm pretty uninteresting lol.

I don't really know what else to do honestly. If you have any ideas, feel free to tell me lmao.

Um. Also, I'm not sure if I should mention this? But I might might m i g h t write a sequel to this.

BEFORE YOU GET EXCITED.

I'll probably end up not doing it. And if I do, it won't be about the characters of Dan and Phil I created for this story (so no actor!Phil and no fashionista!Dan. Although... maybe fashionista!Dan again at some point because I'm obsessed with that au lol). It would still be Phan (bc my life seems to consist of nothing but Phan appaz) but set in a whole other au with a whole other story.

Obviously, though, it would be based on 'Origin of Symmetry', which is the second Muse album ('Showbiz' is the first Muse album in case you didn't know). And then maybe, I would make this a series and write another story based on 'Absolution' and then 'Black Holes and Revelations' etc etc.

But I probably won't do it. If I do, though, I'll (of course) let you know.

Again, thank you so much to everyone who was being so positive, or no, I'm thankful already if you've even just enjoyed this story, even if you decided to stay quiet for whatever reason. Because that means I kind of managed to make a few minutes of your day a bit more enjoyable (I hope), and honestly, that's all I could ask for. Thank you so much.

Get some good sleep and, remember what Dan would tell you, always stay hydrated, it's important.

Thanks for reading.

➳

Special thanks to

altheameah121

(and also some other people but for some reason, Wattpad won't let me tag anyone else. I'll try and dedicate this chapter to you, though.)