LastChapter

It was six in the evening when someone knocked on Dan's door.

He had planned on going out for dinner that night. That guy, Jon, asked him out a few days ago, and he said yes. Not that he really wanted to go, but well, Dodie made him.

Little did he know he would probably change his plans a little, just a few minutes later.

He didn't expect any visitors, so when he heard the knock on his door he furrowed his eyebrows.

Dan walked through the hallway, and before he could even reach the door, he heard another knock.

"Who's there?" Dan asked confusedly. The other person didn't answer at first and Dan walked closer to the door, wanting to look through the peephole. But that turned out unnecessary because the person on the other side of the door already spoke before Dan could even reach his door.

"It's... It's Phil."

Dan froze and his heart started to beat faster. He felt anger spark up inside of him. "Fuck off."

"Dan, please, just let me explain-"

"What, that you yelled at me for no reason? That you fucking cheated on me for money?"

"Dan, I'm sorry I yelled at you, but-"

"Don't waste your breath with lies you've already told, Phil."

"Please... Dan, don't be mad at me."

Dan snorted. "Why do you care all of a sudden? Didn't think you'd want to fuck anyone for free."

Phil didn't say anything for a few seconds.

"Dan, I did it because I needed the money. And I stopped doing it after we got together."

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

"Dan-"

"I just don't understand, Phil. There are other ways to get money, especially when you're in a fucking relationship. You... You could've asked me, you know. I could've helped you."

"I didn't cheat on you. I could never do that."

"Sure, Phil."

"But it's true!"

"Just leave me the fuck alone now."

"Dan-"

"Fuck off, Phil!" This time, Dan was yelling.

He couldn't hear Phil's voice for a few seconds after that and thought Phil had finally left.

Of course, he hadn't.

"I'll just stay here. You can't ignore me forever."

"Maybe not, but I can call the police, you dickhead."

"Then they will have to drag me out of here."

"Whatever, Phil."

Dan actually wanted to leave his hallway now, and most importantly, the door that was currently the only thing keeping Phil away from him. If Phil wanted to stay in front of his door, he could feel free to do so. Dan might as well eat at home. He didn't want to go on that date anyway.

But even though Dan was stubborn, he wasn't strong enough to resist Phil completely. So for some reason, when Phil started talking again, Dan couldn't bring himself to walk away from his door.

"I really am sorry, you know," Phil said, his voice quieter than before now but still audible. "What I... What I said that night was probably the biggest mistake of my life. You didn't deserve that." Dan heard him sigh. "But... what I said... It wasn't true. I did actually quit my job in stripping, and there was no way for me to continue taking money from people for... you know what I mean. I could never bring myself to do that. You... Dan, you mean so much to me, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror if I actually cheated on you. I can't even do it now, knowing that I hurt you. I just... It makes me feel terrible. And the worst thing is, that all of that didn't even need to happen."

Dan walked a bit closer to the door now. He knew he shouldn't listen. What if Phil would just lie again? What if Phil would just hurt him again?

"I just was so... frustrated and angry, and I didn't know how to cope with those emotions. I'm sorry you were the one who had to deal with it." He sniffled. "God, I'm so sorry. I know this apology is fucking overdue but... I'm so sorry."

Even though he didn't want it to, a tear started to flow down Dan's face. Truth was, he missed Phil a whole lot, and also still loved him a whole lot, but Dan was at a point where he couldn't tell anymore if Phil was being honest or not.

"I don't even want you to forgive me. I mean, of course I do, but I wouldn't expect it. If I was you, I wouldn't believe what I'm saying either, honestly. But I need you to know that I am sorry. And I need you to know that there is no way in hell that could get me to cheat on you for money. I... I love you, Dan. And that's probably the most selfish thing I'll ever do, but I love you so fucking much."

Dan slid down the door now, tears silently flowing down his face. God, why did all of this have to be so complicated? Why couldn't things go back to how they were before?

"I'm... I'm lost, Dan. Somewhere in your heart, I got lost. I still think of you, all the time. I can't get over you. I miss you. I miss listening to your rants about rude customers. I miss getting coffee's with you at Starbucks during your lunch breaks. I even miss the fucking smell of your nail polish." Phil's voice was nothing more than a whisper now, and more and more tears silently flowed down Dan's face.

"I stopped going to auditions after you broke up with me. I don't know, it just seemed so pointless to me. And I... I wanna be honest, I also went back to... my old job. Not the... the sleeping with people, though. I haven't done that ever since we got together."

Dan didn't know how to feel anymore. All he felt in that moment was confusion. What if... What if Phil was telling the truth?

Just maybe?

What if?

"Last week, Jesse called me, though. He told me to go to one more audition, and well, I, uh, did." He paused again. Dan wondered if Phil knew he was listening or if Phil just thought there were actual chances he was talking to a door right now.

"It wasn't quite like the auditions I went to before, though. They didn't give me a script, they wanted to see me. They wanted me to tell a story. So I talked about you." Phil snorted. "I talked to strangers about you, I can't believe it. That's how obsessed my mind got with you."

Dan couldn't help but smile a bit. Phil's weird way of phrasing some things was just one of his habits that Dan had learnt to love really quick.

"And guess what? They called me back a few days after. They actually want to make the movie with me in the lead role, can you believe that?"

Again, Dan smiled a bit. No matter how mad he was at Phil, he couldn't deny that he was also incredibly proud. He knew it. He knew Phil would make it somewhere one day.

"I... I couldn't have done that without you. You always supported me, and all I gave you in return was... pain." Phil sighed. "God, I miss you so much, Dan. It has gotten to a point where I think it drives me insane. But I miss you so much. I... I love you so much."

After that, there was a long pause. Dan leant against the door, single tears flowing down his face here and then, and Phil on the other side of the door, literally doing the same thing as the brunet man that he loved so much.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Dan. I'm happy about the movie and everything but... it seems so pointless without you. Everything seems so fucking pointless without you. I know we weren't even together for that long, but like... I never felt like this before. I mean, I was in love before but it never was like this. It never felt like this."

Another long pause followed after that. Long enough that if Dan hadn't heard Phil's sobs on the other side of the door, he would've thought Phil had finally left.

"Dan, please... if you're there, please just... say something. Anything. Please."

Phil choked that out in between cries, and Dan had a hard time controlling his tears. Well, 'controlling' them. It's not like they hadn't rolled down his cheek the whole time.

"I love you. I forgive you." That was what Dan wished he could say.

But he couldn't.

Not after what Phil had done to him.

"Dan, please. I love you," Phil whispered, and Dan let his hands run through his hair. He couldn't even see properly anymore because of all the tears in his eyes.

"Please."

But Dan remained silent.

And then, he heard Phil stand up on the other side of the door. And then footsteps. One, two...

No. It couldn't end like this.

Dan rose and slowly, very slowly, opened the door. Phil noticed anyway because of the loud creak.

"Dan..." Phil just whispered when he saw him, a tiny smile on his face and taking a step back into the brown-eyed man's direction.

But Dan remained silent.

"I'm so sorry," Phil whispered. "God, I'm so sorry." And then he wrapped his arms around Dan, tightly, and after a few seconds, Dan wrapped his arms around Phil's body, too.

They cried. And they cried. Loud sobs escaped Phil's lips, while Dan's tears rolled down his cheeks without a sound coming out of his mouth.

But god, did they both need this, this comfort that only they could give each other, just with their mere presence.

And maybe, just maybe, this moment was the start of something new. Something new that at the same time wasn't new at all.