Chapter Seven

It was four months later when it all went downhill a bit. It was kind of an unintended incident, really.

In the middle of September Phil sat on his sofa while Dan was trying to find his phone so he could order some food.

"You want anything?" he asked Phil who just stared at his phone. To Dan, Phil had seemed a bit irritated the whole day now, but he didn't address it. "Yeah," he mumbled and Dan furrowed his eyebrows. He sat down next to Phil, taking his hand. "Let me guess... pizza with rucola, salami and pepperonis?"

"You know me so well, you now have the right to stay with me forever," Phil said and Dan laughed quietly at his words. "Although forever with you of course isn't long enough," Phil then added sarcastically and earned a roll of his eyes from Dan.

"You fucking lasagna," he mumbled and leant in to kiss Phil gently. But Phil pulled his head away after just a few seconds and once again, Dan furrowed his eyebrows.

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah, don't worry about it," Phil mumbled but Dan could tell something was wrong.

"Phil."

The black haired man sighed and started biting his lip. Dan noticed that Phil did that whenever he needed to think or felt uncertain about something.

"It's just... I'm nervous because of that audition today. I don't know."

"Oh, Phil," Dan said quietly and wrapped his arms around Phil. He kissed his cheek and Phil sighed.

"Phil, you're goddamn talented, you know? And I know you can do this. I believe in you. We practised the script so many times, I know you'll do great. And if those casting directors are too stupid to see your talent, they don't deserve you to be in their stupid ass movie anyway."

Phil chuckled a bit and hugged Dan tighter, breathing out slowly and relaxing at the feeling of Dan's arms wrapped around his body.

"Thank you," he whispered and pulled away from Dan, trying to smile.

"You're welcome, sweetheart," Dan mumbled. Phil smiled at the nickname Dan had given him just a few days after they had officially started dating. It had started as a joke but they both got so used to it that it just kinda stuck with them.

"Anyway," Phil said when Dan smiled, "Should we order the pizza now?"

➳

"And I know you can do this. I believe in you."

Dan's words were stuck in Phil's head, and he kept repeating them internally over and over again when he waited for the casting director to call him.

"Philip Lester?"

His heart skipped a beat. Even though he did this many times, so many times one would think he'd be used to it by now, he still couldn't help but feel the adrenaline rush through his veins.

He rose from his chair in the waiting room and made his way over to the room the audition would take place in.

"Good morning," Phil said and smiled as he walked in.

He didn't get a reply from the people sitting in front of him.

"So um... you ready?" A woman asked after inspecting his setcard. Phil nodded and another guy yelled "Action!" and clapped the clapperboard.

"I miss you," Phil started. "I... I just want things to go back to how they used to be. Going to school together, dancing on tables, laughing at stupid jokes after midnight... You were my best friend, Laney. And I just... I miss you. I think-"

"Okay, that should be enough. Thanks for coming."

Phil furrowed his eyebrows when he was pulled away from the character he was supposed to play. He attempted to smile. "Oh, I can do it another way if you want-"

"No, that was enough. Thank you."

Phil couldn't do anything but nod. He turned around and left the room, feeling his cheeks go red.

The other people in the room gave him sympathetic looks, all of them looking almost the same as him. Black hair and blue eyes with pale skin, just ten times better looking than him and probably also ten times more talented.

God, he was so tired of all of this. So fucking tired. He felt the frustration inside of him turn into anger, anger that made him want to scream and punch someone.

And that feeling wouldn't vanish. He just wanted this to stop. All of it. He didn't know how to deal with it any longer.

He walked down the street, finding himself being annoyed by everything around him.

But the thing was, the anger inside of him still wasn't gone when he arrived back at his apartment. So when he saw Dan sitting there in his kitchen, he just lost it.

"Hey sweetheart, how did it go?" Dan asked, a smile on his face and putting the book he had just been reading down.

"Can't you fucking tell?"

Dan's facial expression darkened immediately and he furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm sorry it didn't go well, but that's no reason to snap at me."

"Then why are you even asking?" Phil slammed one of the cupboard doors and turned on the coffee machine.

"Phil, I'm sorry-"

"Just leave me alone."

Dan sighed. Phil had never been this rude to him, he didn't know what to do.

"Phil, I know this is frustrating, but I know that-"

"What, that I'll get somewhere one day if I keep trying?" Phil let out a sarcastic laugh. He knew how rude was behaving towards Dan right now, but he couldn't stop himself. There was just so much anger inside of him, he had never felt like this before, and he just didn't know how to deal with it.

"Yes, exactly."

"What, just like you did with your, what was it, dream of becoming a designer?"

Dan's eyes widened. And then, he had enough. "What the fuck is going on with you right now? I'm just trying to cheer you up and you got nothing else to do but yell at me? It's not my fault the audition didn't go well, Phil!"

Phil just laughed again. "God, I'm so tired of all this."

"Phil, I-"

"Shut up, Dan."

Dan was speechless. He had never seen Phil like this, no, he couldn't even have imagined it. Yet they were here right now, yelling at each other for what seemed to be no reason whatsoever.

"I was just trying to support you."

"Well, I don't need any support. As you can tell it doesn't get me anywhere."

"Well, maybe you should just go back to stripping, then. Might be the better choice for you."

Dan rose from the chair, about to leave the kitchen. And not just the kitchen, but Phil's apartment in general.

Now it was Phil who was speechless for a second. But it didn't take long for him to find his words again. "What if maybe I wasn't just a freaking stripper but even took money from people so they could fuck me? Oh, maybe I didn't even stop doing that after we got together?"

Oh my God.

Where did that come from? That wasn't even true! He had stopped doing that right after he started dating Dan, so why did Phil say that? What the fuck was wrong with him? Why the fuck did he just say that?

Shit, shit, shit.

Dan froze in the doorway. He didn't turn around, he just stared at the wall in front of him, trying to process Phil's words.

"You did what?" Now he finally turned around, looking Phil in the eyes.

"Dan, I'm sorry, that's not even-"

"We're done," Dan interrupted him. And yes, yes they were.

"Dan, I'm sorry-"

"Don't you dare talk to me again."

"But what I said-"

But Dan already slammed the door behind him and couldn't hear Phil anymore.

"But what I said isn't true. I love you, Dan, I could never do that to you."

But it was too late, and Phil knew that things could never be the same again.

a/n

wtf thanks so much for 1k? how did that even happen it hasn't even been a week since i started this omg thank you guys so so much!