Chapter Five

"Chris, I really don't feel like going to a bar tonight," Dan sighed, but Chris had no plans on giving up.

"But you never leave your flat! This is like some kind of cave, what the fuck."

Dan rolled his eyes but chuckled a bit. He looked at Chris and then at his nails again, which he was currently painting black. "That's not true, I do leave my flat for work."

"Your workplace is literally right underneath the flat, though!" Chris smiled and came closer to Dan.

"Still. I don't wanna go."

Chris narrowed his eyes, standing right in front of his friend. "Oh, I know what this is about." He smirked and Dan raised an eyebrow, not keeping his eyes off his nails. He was almost done, he wouldn't ruin this now.

"So?"

"Someone's in love," Chris said, or rather sang, and placed both of his hands on his chest. He fluttered his eyelashes.

"What?" Dan laughed but blushed a bit.

"It's that Phil guy, isn't it?" Again Chris smirked, his hazel eyes staring right into Dan's.

"It's not that big of a deal," Dan said, even though he knew that, yes, it was a big deal. To him at least, he didn't know about Phil. What if all of this was just some stupid crush? "We just went out for coffee and dinner sometimes."

"Dan and Phil sitting in a tree: K I S-"

"Chris!" Dan exclaimed and started laughing as he softly slapped his friend's shoulder. "You're so annoying. And for your information, we haven't kissed yet."

"Yet! Ha! So you wanna kiss him!"

"What? Chris, I-"

"You're actually in love, oh my god."

"No, I'm not." Yes, he was.

"Why won't you just admit it, Danny-boy?"

Dan rolled his eyes. "Maybe because you're calling me 'Danny-boy'?"

Chris laughed and let himself fall onto the sofa next to Dan. "Fine. Then name another reason as to why you don't wanna go to the bar with me."

Dan sighed. "How about you name a reason as to why I should go to that bar?"

"Duh, it's almost the end of May, we gotta celebrate that!"

"What kind of reason is that?"

"At least I have a reason!" Chris laughed and Dan rolled his eyes.

"I just don't... feel like it."

"You don't feel like having attractive people dance for you while you're drunk as hell?"

"Exactly."

"Who are you and what did you do to Dan Howell?"

Dan rolled his eyes, however, he couldn't help but chuckle. Chris was really good at acting like they were still teenagers sometimes.

When Dan didn't say anything, Chris pouted, pretending to be offended. "I can't believe you reject me because of a crush! Shaking my head, Daniel, shaking my head!"

Dan laughed and looked at Chris. "Shut up, I don't have a crush on him," he lied and Chris narrowed his eyes. He remained silent for a few seconds but wasn't able to shut up for long. "How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?"

Dan looked at him, a bit of disbelief in his eyes. "Did you just quote Christina Perri?"

"Yes, because I feel like that's how you feel about Phil."

"Chris..."

"Come on, let's be real. What's going on with you two? Is it because of what happened with Matty?"

Again, Dan sighed. He didn't look at Chris but decided to rather concentrate on his last unpainted nail. He didn't want to think about that poor excuse of an ex-boyfriend.

"It's just... I feel like he doesn't like me back. He doesn't reply to my texts and I'm always the first to text, and when I suggest we meet he almost always says he's gotta work... But when we meet he's always so nice and cute and ugh, I don't know... I just don't want to end up being hurt again."

"Oh, Dan," Chris said, trying to think of something to say but not sure what would be the best. "I'm sure he isn't like Matty. Maybe Phil just isn't ready yet, you know? I'm sure he has his reasons for acting that way. And if he doesn't... he's an asshole and doesn't deserve you anyway."

Dan nodded slowly but didn't look at Chris.

They remained silent for a while. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, they had been friends for years and knew how to act around each other. And sometimes, they needed silence.

Dan and Chris met through a mutual friend, and Dan remembered all too well how everyone was sure they would start dating at some point.

Even though, in all honesty, the start of their friendship was what it would take for some others to start relationships, if only it wasn't Dan and Chris but maybe two other people.

That thought of getting involved romantically with each other just never came into their minds. And when it did, they were never even close to taking that thought seriously.

When they first met, they immediately felt some kind of connection, but it wasn't a romantic one, it was a friendship, starting off as something that could as well have been a romance, if only they could've fallen for the other.

But to Dan, Chris was like a brother. And to Chris, Dan was like a brother, too.

And unless you have some weird incest kink, you would not want to date your brother, right?

Dan couldn't imagine dating Chris, and Chris felt the same way about Dan. They were friends, and maybe the friendship between them was the strongest kind of friendship you could have, as some might say, and they appreciated each other's existence, a lot.

They loved each other, but not romantically.

"We should go to the bar. It will make you forget about your doubts for a few seconds, hm? What do you think?"

Dan sighed when Chris pulled him away from his thoughts. "You won't give up until I say yes, will you?"

"Exactly."

"Fine then. Let's go."

Chris grinned. "I knew I could convince you at some point."

Dan rolled his eyes. "Just give me a minute to get ready."

"You sure a minute will be enough?"

"Shut the fuck uuuup," Dan said from the hallway, and even though they couldn't see the other, they knew that they were both smiling.

➳

In hindsight, Dan wasn't so sure anymore if visiting that bar that night was the best idea.

Not that he didn't enjoy it, he would be lying if he said he didn't. Having attractive people dance for you while you're drunk as hell can indeed be fun, after all. But something happened that night that caused something else to happen, which made Dan regret going there, even though he was kind of happy too because now, he knew the truth. But back to the beginning.

It was pretty warm outside, not summery, but warm, even though it was night. Dan wasn't wearing a jacket, just a v-neck t-shirt and black skinny jeans. With it, he wore his favourite shoes, though.

They walked down the street and up to the bar, walking in as soon as they reached the door. It was quite late already, ten in the evening, so there were quite a lot of people here already.

When they came in, there already was some stripper on the stage, a guy with blonde hair and a tanned skin, not really Dan's type. But then again, Dan hated the idea of 'having types'. He just cared about people's personalities so much more than their looks.

"I'm gonna get us drinks," Chris said and somehow tried to be louder than the music playing, resulting in him basically yelling at his friend. Dan just nodded and sat down somewhere, not really paying attention to the people around him. He checked his phone to see if Phil had replied to any of his messages but there wasn't one message that was from the blue-eyed man. Dan felt the disappointment wave through him again.

Suddenly the lights on stage turned off and a lot of cheering could be heard. Dan turned around to see what's going on. He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Next up, and we know you've all been waiting for him... AmazingPhil!"

Dan cringed a bit. Who even thought of those stupid stripper names?

But he also smiled because it made him think of Phil. His Phil, not stripper Phil. He was so going to tell him about this later, it would probably make him laugh.

Dan turned around, just out of curiosity. He wanted to see the guy who shared a name with the person he had been so obsessed with lately.

But apparently, it wasn't just the name they shared. It seemed to be a face, or rather a whole body, too.

Dan's heart stopped for a second when he watched the black haired man on stage.

No, there was absolutely no way this was true.

He felt his eyes widen and for a moment, everything seemed to slow down a bit.

Because suddenly, they had eye contact, and it didn't even take a second for them to be sure who they looked at.

Phil froze in the middle of the stage, which resulted in the crowd around him getting confused. Dan could just stare at him in disbelief.

But suddenly, something in his body made him move towards Phil.

With slow steps he moved forward, but then his steps got bigger and faster. Dan wasn't sure how he felt, he just wanted to understand what was going on here.

Why was Phil, Phil Lester, the sweetest of sweethearts Dan ever had the honour to meet, on a stage, half naked and dancing for money?

But when Phil saw that Dan was coming closer, he turned around. Dan screamed out a "Phil, wait!" but it didn't help anything.

But suddenly he turned his head around to look at Dan, and just the look on his face was able to break Dan's heart. The tears in his eyes, the desperation, the sadness, the embarrassment. Dan felt so sorry all of a sudden, so so sorry.

He saw Phil's mouth move slightly, and he realised Phil was saying something to him. He couldn't hear it, everything around him was way too loud, but he could tell by the movement of his lips what Phil had just said.

"I'm sorry."

And then, Phil turned around again, and this time without looking back, he left the stage, leaving Dan alone in the crowd.

➳

"And you're sure it was him?"

"Of course it was! He literally ran off the stage when he saw me... Chris, I just... I just feel so sorry."

"But what if that was why he behaved so strangely around you? Because he was scared to tell you?"

"But why didn't he tell me? He could've, I could've... I could've helped him. If he needs money, I could help him with that."

"Dan, do you hear what you're saying? You might not have problems with money, but you're not rich either. How would you wanna help him?"

"He didn't talk to me in days."

Chris hesitated. "Do you... Do you think he still works in that club?"

"What?"

"If you want to talk to him, maybe that would be the right place to look."

"Chris, I can't..."

"Do you have a better idea?"

Dan eventually sighed and shook his head.

"No, if he doesn't t talk to me, I won't run after him either."

And so he didn't, and days passed, and Dan started to give up on Phil. He'd called him several times without having him pick up, and he got tired of it.

But then, at 2:43 in the morning, he heard a knock on his door.