alec walked into his best friends room a little worried that his best friend hadn't called him or come to school for a few days. he was surprised to find the room in darkness and the entierity of it trashed. he put on the light and saw that it was empty. he slowly walked to the bath room and found magnus in the bath tub with his clothes still on smoking. he looked like a mess.

"hey?" alec said magnus looked at him taking a long dragg and blew the smoke in his direction. alec sat on the toilet bowl and waited for magnus to answer or say something.

"i expected you to come check on me sooner" magnus said looking at the tap which was still running.

"i thought you were sick" alec said looking down

"i am sick" magnus said and droped the cigaret in the water.

"you are?" alec asked confused. when he talked to magnus's mother on his way up she had told him that magnus just refused to leave his room one day.

"mhmmm" magnus said and submerged under the water. alec waited for him to come up but when he didn't he quickly kneeled next to the bath tub and pulled him out by his shoulders.

"what do you think your doing?" alec asked angrily magnus just laughed in his face.

"can't you feel it?" magnus asked puttin one of alec's hands which was on his choulder in the middle of his chest

"feel what?" alec asked confused and a little scared. magnus slowly combed his fingers through alec's hair and when he saw alec's eyes close and him leaning into his touch he pulled away and leaned back into the water.

"t-that....can't you see. i'm sick" he said weakly

alec opened his eyes confused and a little hurt but when he saw his best friend's eyes were filled with tears and he looked like he was actually going to hurl he leaned away and sat against the toilet bowl.

magnus tried picking up his packet of cigarets from the floor with shacky hands but he droped them into the water. he pulled one of the cigarets out and tried lighting it but it was to wet. he kept trying and trying till alec took it away.

"when did you start smoking?" alec asked

"2 weeks ago" magnus said turning to his side

"why?" alec asked

"cause i needed something to kill me slowly but painfully" magnus replied closeing his eyes

"w-why?" alec asked something getting stuck in his throat

"because of me... i shouldn't be alive" magnus said and alec lost it

"why the fuck not?!" he asked angrily

"because...." magnus stopped and sat up he unbuttoned his shirt with shacky hands and lowered the shirt from his left shoulder showing him the small tattoo there. alec leaned in closer to find 'alexander' written there in cursive. alec looked from the tattoo to magnuss eyes

"w-what? .... i don't understand" he said confused

"i love you, i know your going to hate me... i hate me too" magnus said tears making there way down his face. alec's eyes filled with tears and he moves with out thinking. he grabbed his hair and pulled him into a hard and passionate kiss. he saddled him climbing into the already full bathtub. water splashed out but neither cared.

magnus quickly pulled back and looked at alec. he tried to push him off or pull away but the other wouldn't let him. he trashed beneth alec's grip but he just held him down till magnus started crying into his shoulder. alec ran his fingers through magnuss wet hair.

a few minutes passed and magnus was able to get a handle on him self. he looked up at the other who was still sitted on his lap and a few lone tears made there way down his face. alec pushe his shoulder back till he is laying back down. he then leanes down and starts kissing his collar bone.

magnus's eyes flutter closed before what is happening hits him and tries to push alec away only to relise that he hadsecured both his hands under his knees. he felt alec's teeth scrabe against his skin and he realesed a shacky sigh.

"a-alec s-stop" magnus said when alec started kissing lower. he trashed uncontrobly when he felt alec's hands on his helm of his jeans. alec stopped quickly and looked at magnuss tear soaked face.

"why?" alec asked softly

"i.. i'm sick....this is wrong" he said looking away. alec cupped his cheeks and turned him towards him self and leaned his forehead aginst him.

"i wish every body was as sick as you...as us" alec whispered.

"p-please...go" magnus whispered back crying

"i can't" alec replied

"why not?" magnus asked eyes finally open and looking at alec with despration

"because....if your sick i am too." he answered and kisser magnuss parted lips again and again but slowly giving magnus time to choose to kiss him or push him away. relising he was still kneeling on his hands he freed them. magnuss hands stayed where they were. alec pulled back and looked at him.

"why don't you stop me from kissing you?" alec asked nudging his nose with his

"i can't.... i don't want to" magnus asnwered weekly

alec leaned down and kissed the skin where his name was tattooed

"thank you" alec said softly

"f-for what?" magnus asked looking at him

"for this" alec said and brushed his tumb over his name. magnus nodded and leaned into alec letting him hold his shacking figure.