The feel of her eyes on my back made me quickly turn my attention off the family tree to a tree that had blossoming white flowers emerging from it. "T-these are so beautiful," I said before faking a smile. "You take really good care of your plants."

"Thank you, and I do," Chi said with a proud expression. "I've loved flowers and plants ever since I was a little girl. My boyfriends used to say I had a green clit," she said on a squeaky laugh. "They're my passion. My world. Just looking at them makes me feel a million different emotions, and they're all good."

A memory of my mother bubbled to the surface. "Yeah, my mother loved flowers too. I used to help her in the garden."

"What type of flowers did she grow?"

"Light pink roses."

"Those mean innocence and appreciation, but also gentleness," Chi said, spraying. "Yet their gentleness can also make them sympathetic beings. People who enjoy that rose are usually gentle-natured people."

Images of my dead family and a bloody hammer go through my head. "Um yeah, she was gentle sometimes."

"Nature, especially flowers are so therapeutic," Chi said, fixing one of her vines. "When I look at them, no matter my mood, they always make me smile. I think it's because I always feel like their petals are smiling back at me."

"I can see that," I said, touching the petal of a blossoming lily.

"It's like their a friend," Chi said, face glowing as her lips moved. "Always watching and listening. Protecting you by becoming prettier every day, shielding you from the loneliness and depression — little blossomcatchers my granny used to call them."

"They catch all the bad things," I whispered, catching on.

"And they're always there, never leaving you behind," Chi said, caressing a petal. "And your relationship with them is never toxic, only airy and soothing."

"Toxic," I said, thinking she was hinting at Gmie.

"Gmie. Our whole relationship was a mess, but it's not surprising. I never could attract genuine people in my life. They either use me or spoil me. Neither is a good thing." Her pretty hands squeezed around the spray bottle. "I just hate how she's so uppity yet thinks I'm trash. Me? Trash. I worked my ass off to look and get where I'm at today. I'm sorry if God blessed me with a gorgeous body and face. I used what he gave me to survive in this twisted, fucked up world, and I'm sorry if I like sucking and riding dick. Why do people have to judge me for it?"

I watched her ramble, seeing so many different emotions play across her features, but underneath, I saw the underlying issue — loneliness. I think since the internet's gone and she didn't have Aries or her fans anymore, she had no human interaction. Nothing.

And when you're all alone, drenched in your own ideas and thoughts, things that you didn't think bothered you anymore come back, and demons start to whisper raw truths and sugary lies. Old hurts and insecurities resurface like a serial killer coming off a hiatus, and life becomes bleak.

A part of me felt bad for her because I've been there before. A lot.

"And orgasms are amazing," Chi said, throwing back her hair. "If more people had them, the world would be a much better place."

"The key to world peace," I said before smiling. "Orgasms."

We both burst out laughing, enjoying the soothing sounds of flying butterflies.

"Oh my god, you both are totally buggin," Yaz said in a high-pitched, snooty accent as she strutted out of the closet in staggering white heels. Matching thigh-high socks smoothed her curvy legs, as a yellow-black plaid skirt with matching blazer completed the outfit. Her glossy dark brown hair melted down her shoulder, thin strands brushing against the front of her yellow-and-white crop top, exposing her flat tummy.

She looked like she walked right off the set of the Clueless movie.

"So cute," I said, making her twirl for me like a dreidel.

"I know, but whatever." Yaz grinned, tossing me a bunch of clothes. "I got you an outfit too. We're gonna do a nineties cosplay."

I stared down at the clothes. "Who am I?"

"It's a surprise," she said, pushing me toward the bathroom.

"I wanna cosplay too," Chi said, running into her closet.

I emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, stomping out in black thigh-high leather boots. A blue and white tie-dye skirt attached to a metal loop that connected to a tank crop top hugged my body like honey on a stick, not hiding anything. The black and red jacket hanging around my waist rubbed the back of my thighs as I walked.

Yaz bolted over in her heels and pulled out my ponytail, fluffing out my curly hair. "You gotta put your hair down to match," she said, still fluffing before smiling when she was done. "Perfect. Beautiful." Gripping my hand, she swerved us to the far right, pulling me toward the floor-length mirror by Chi's bed. "Let's do the Naomi walk."

We both turned in unison, strutting toward the mirror with identical expressionless faces. A hooker and a princess walking hand and hand.

I hate you.

"You think Vivian and Cher would've been besties?" I asked as we stopped and posed in the mirror together.

Towering over me in her heels, Yaz hugged me from behind, tightening her arms around my tummy as she placed her chin on my shoulder. "If Josh dumps her and her father marries Tai and writes her out of the will, and she's living on the streets, definitely."

We laughed for a bit, as we swayed together, still hugging.

"You scared me," she whispered suddenly.

"Huh?"

"When the footage cut, I thought you and Rucker were dead. And I just felt so... lost." Her voice came out soft, eyes looking downward. "I haven't felt like that since my father died." Her fingers clutched mine, and I squeezed them right back. "When I entered this game, my whole mindset was on survival. I just wanted to live, and I knew joining your alliance would give me the best chance of that." A sad chuckle left her mouth. "That sounds horrible and selfish, doesn't it?"

I pressed the side of my face against hers. "Not at all. It's what we all want."

"Yeah," she whispered, looking lost for a moment. "But it still sounds bad. I spent most of my life doing bad things — selfish things."

"But you did it to survive."

"Most of the time," she said on a bitter laugh. "But sometimes, I just wanted to be a bitch, to make them hurt like me. To return the pain they gave me."

"Revenge..."

"The thing I do best," she said low. "But it always comes with consequences. And it never makes you feel how you thought it would."

"It never does," I said, thinking of my mother. If she was alive, would I seek revenge? Maybe. But would it make me feel good? It wouldn't bring them back.

"But sometimes it needs to happen," Yaz said, almost like she wasn't talking to me but someone else.

A disoriented look painted her face, and I squeezed her hand, bringing her back to the present.

"The thing about being alive," I said, meeting her eyes in the mirror, "is that you can change yourself at any time."

"I have changed a lot since I've been here," she said, holding me closer. "It took me a long time to learn

that you never truly know another person. A genuine smile or an "I love you" could all be a lie. A con. That's why I taught myself to never get attached to people. I made it a rule. But when I thought I'd never see you and Rucker again, it brought me back to one of the worst days of my life. That's when I realized I fucked up. I didn't even follow my own rule." She chuckled, tears glistening in her eyes. "But I didn't even care, you know? When I saw you and Rucker alive, nothing else mattered. I can't even describe how I felt at that moment."

"Happy, ecstatic, relief, warmth, love," I said, rambling, holding her closer. "That's what I felt. You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because we're family." I paused for a moment, peeking down at the floor. "I spent the majority of my life not letting people close to me. I've lost a lot of people in a short time, and I didn't want to relive those feelings again." I especially didn't want Tini to feel those feelings again. "But having people around who care about you makes you stronger. You guys make me better. And...." The sensation of tiny air pockets stabbing at my eyes caused them to fill up with tears. "I was always afraid of people knowing the truth about me. I always thought they would reject me or try to have me committed, but you guys accepted me without hesitation."

It felt nice to be accepted. To not have to lie or feel ashamed about something I still didn't quite understand. Did we really even have DID? Or was it something else? What am I really? I felt like me, but was I really me or just a part of Tini?

But even with these unanswered questions, I finally felt a bit grounded. Something I never felt before in my life. I was okay with walking into the unknown now because I had four people walking with me, ready to catch me if I stumbled.

I sniffed, wiping away a tear. "You guys could've kicked me out of the group. Only thing I bring is my smartness, and you have Khan for that. You could've left me in the dust if you wanted."

She rocked us, swaying. "Trust me, you bring more to the team than just your big brain. You're like the glue that keeps us together. You keep me grounded and calm, which is a really good thing because I would've been lit Rucker's ass on fire. Literally."

I giggled, making her smile.

"You make Rucker softer and more open," she said, pressing her chin into my shoulder. "Do you remember how angry he was when we first met him? Jookie had to taser that motherfucker multiple times to shut his ass up."

I grinned, remembering the birdcages. "I used to refer to him as "rude guy" when I didn't know his name yet."

"I called him dick breath," she said, making me laugh. "Mofo would not shut up."

"I think that's part of his charm."

"Is that what you call it?" Yaz rolled her eyes. "And you do the same for Khan."

"Khan doesn't need me."

"You keep him sane," Yaz said, rocking. "I know me and Rucker annoy the hell out of him sometimes with our joking and arguing. Especially when he's trying to solve shit and be serious. But that's when you come in. You listen to him. You analyze shit with him, and he can bounce ideas off of you, which helps him come up with even better ideas."

"Then why has he been so distant? We haven't talked or discussed anything lately." I didn't realize until now how much his aloofness actually affected me. For the past two days, he's been spending most of his time alone in his room.

"That's the thing about Khan," she said, meeting my gaze in the mirror. "We know nothing about him. He's not a sharer. But he's honest. I think if he had an issue with one of us, he'd say something. He could just be going through his own thing.

"True."

"He's kind of like Seb," Yaz said. "We don't know much about him either."

"Except that he hates me."

"You did what you had to do," Yaz said, shaking her head. "We're not playing monopoly. We don't get to pass go and go the fuck home. We're playing with our real lives, and there's people who want us dead. You were protecting yourself and your team. He'll understand. If he doesn't, then bye. I like Seb. I do. I think he's confused and juggling with a lot of things that only you can understand. But at the end of the day, you can't take shit personally when everyone is designed to be your enemy."

"You're right," I said, nodding. "If he's innocent, then he'll understand."

"He will," Yaz said. "If not, we'll sic Rucker on him."

"Please no," I said, making her laugh.

"I do have a question," she said when she stopped laughing. "You helped me so much these last few months, even before we were allies. And you never even asked for anything in return. People always collect. Why didn't you?"

"I didn't help you because I wanted something in return. I did it because I like doing nice things, and it was the right thing to do." My mother brought so much darkness into the world, the least I could do was try to combat it by helping and doing good when I could. "And real friends don't collect. They help because they want to, and just hope you do the same."

"No question," she said, clutching me tighter as we swayed back and forth.

It was nice to have real genuine friends. I never had them before, and it felt good. But a bittersweet feeling flushed through me, mixing with that happiness.

I missed Tini.

I still couldn't feel her. She was gone, and a part of me was starting to think she wouldn't be back either. I used to tell her to go away, for years, but I only did that to protect her — to protect us from the harsh world. And now, I wanted her here with me, to enjoy this feeling together.

"Ta-dah." Chi spun out of her closet like a dying airplane, showing off her red-and-black cheerleading outfit. Shaking her pompoms at us, she fluffed up her boobs. "Call me Big Red." A cheerful smile embraced her red lips.

"As if, Red. You ain't nineties you came out in

2000." Yaz put a hand on her hip. "Why you gotta be so generic? You'll never be a Betty."

"You got clueless slang down pat," I said, pulling down my skirt. It barely covered my vagina, riding up at every movement.

Yaz's eyes dripped with delight and remembrance. "I love Clueless. I used to watch it with my mom..." Her voice trailed off, almost like the words slipped out by accident, as the happiness drained from her face.

I was about to ask her what was wrong, but Chi hopped in between us. "Give me a break," she said, straightening her skirt. "It's the quickest cosplay I could put together, and you have to admit that the movie's a classic."

"True," I said, watching Chi transition into a dance.

"I'm sexy. I'm cute. I'm popular to boot." Chi twirled and backflipped. "I'm bitchin', great hair, the boys all wanna stare."

Yaz hopped in line next to her, touching her curves. "I'm wanted, I'm hot. I'm everything you're not."

I came in next. "I'm pretty, I'm cool. I'm dominated this school."

"Who am I? Just guess?! Guy's wanna touch my chest," Chi said, touching her boobs. "I'm rockin—"

A vulgar scream sliced the air, cutting off her words. All of our heads turned to the door.

"Finally, some excitement." Yaz sprinted over to the door in her tall heels, not even wobbling. Swinging the door open, we heard the piercing noise again.

"Whoever you are, don't die till I get there to see it," she said, leaving the room in a full sprint. How did she run that fast in heels?

Chi and I followed behind her. Well, I tried, anyway. These heeled boots had me slipping and stumbling like I was walking on oil.

I was in mid-stumble when I heard Yaz say, "Khan, what the hell are you doing?"

♟♙♟