I didn't know what to do and that just made everything worse. Rucker's life was riding on this, and I didn't know what to fucking do.

A hauntingly low sob crept across my tongue, every single part of my existence feeling hollow. Empty. Numb. I clutched my stomach, my nails digging into my flesh, trying to make myself feel something — anything besides this empty agony.

I-I don't.

A scratchy tingle burst through my body, as I felt her shift and align with me. It was like we were one.

I-I want to say truth. How about you? Closing my eyes, I went deep within myself, scratching through all that darkness until I reached the center and cradled my treasure like a new-born baby.

I didn't know where I met Jookie before, but some part of myself told me that we've met before. I didn't know if I could trust that part of myself, but it's all I had to go on now.

My head spun to look at Rucker. Eyes blinking like ebony butterfly wings, a warm smile embraced his lips like he wanted me to see him happy. Like even if he died a horrible death, the last thing he wanted me to remember was his smile. His last smile.

I let out a husky cough, spitting all over the table, the pain in my chest becoming too much. It hurt so bad like someone was gripping my heart with burning spikes, squeezing out all the coloring, leaving only a gloomy gray sponge behind.

Rucker...

He helped me so much these past few weeks. Taught me how to be a better fighter and how to kill. Taught me how to open up and how to trust myself.

My mind whirled with all our past moments together — meeting him at the gym for the first and seeing his thong, cutting my hand and making me his partner, cooking for me the first time and taking forever to finish because he wanted it to be perfect, calling Sebastian all those weird names, making fun of me while we worked out, laughing together at the pool party and him opening up about his fears of addiction, calling me his sister for the first time, telling me he loved me and would always love me, even if I failed...

My fist slammed against the metal table while I sobbed into my shirt, the severe hurt, pain, and sadness cloaking me like expired milk. All these negative emotions made me think of Asher — how I could lose another brother. I couldn't handle that again. I didn't think my mind, body or soul could handle it again.

"One minute," Jookie said, bringing me out of my darkness.

The numbers started to count down, every passing one creating a tidal wave of fear and regret in my gut, slicing against my organs like eagle talons. Closing my eyes, loud whimpers left my throat as my finger slammed against the word, "Truth."

Nothing happened. No green. No red. Did I win?

My eyes shot open, and I saw Jookie shaking his head at me. "I'm sorry, my little peach, but you're wrong."

"No. No. No. No. No." That word kept slipping from my lips like it could fix everything. I kept saying it like it would fix everything, as my entire life felt like it was crumbling into tiny pieces.

I ran to the window, knocking the chair back. The saws whirled at full power, slowly moving toward Rucker. That's when I blacked out. I didn't even see the room anymore.

Tini. Tini. TINI!

A blackness colored my vision, as my body was suspended in mid-air before dropping, cold air surrounding me like a cocoon, limbs flailing. It was like I was tumbling through different worlds, falling through black clouds, continuously breaking my back on a new one on the way down, pain skirting up my neck and head like a nuclear explosion.

When the world stopped spinning, I landed in a sea of midnight water, and I was seven again, wearing my pretty white dress again. My eyes peered around the dreary, empty atmosphere, seeing everything in black and gray. I pulled my arm from the sea, seeing black sludge sticking to me like clumpy oatmeal.

"Bee-Bee." Asher materialized in front of me in mid-air, looking normal. No blood. No brains. Just Asher.

"Ashie."

"Bee-Bee," he said in his squeaky voice, a smile forming on his lips.

I cried out in happiness, reaching for him, but his image started to flicker like a weakened bulb, his happy expression turning to sourness and sadness. His tiny fingers touched his head, coming back with dripping blackness.

Then he started to bleed from every visible hole, the droplets trickling into the crying sea, as his head started to disintegrate, exposing his brain and skull.

"Bee-bee," he whispered, giving me goosebumps. "You weren't there. You didn't save me. It's your fault."

"I'm sorry." I sobbed, still reaching for him, liquid blackness oozing from my fingers. Asher kept moving back, never letting me within reach.

I swam faster in the thick muck, but he moved faster, never letting me catch him. He —

TINI!

Betinia's voice cut through the darkness, bringing me back to the room. It felt like I had been gone for years, but only a few seconds had passed.

"It's okay," Rucker said, watching the saws move closer. A single droplet slid down his tanned face, dripping into the water at his chin. "It's my time."

Asher's face flickered across his for a moment, his dead body playing in my mind. I remembered the way I held his limp body, and no mattered how much I talked, he would never answer me. He w-would never respond.

I weeped into my cold, sticky palm. No. I couldn't go through this again. No one I loved would ever leave me again. Ever.

My fist slammed into the window over and over and over, the glass cracking and splintering like a lazy spiderweb, my blood filling the tiny incisions. Pain licked my knuckles, only fueling my intense emotions. It was like my feelings were a toxic brew boiling in a cauldron, and my agony was tipping it over, making it flow everywhere.

"That won't help anything," Jookie said from behind me. "You—"

"I don't fucking care. Leave me alone," I screeched, punching with all my might. I needed to get to Rucker. I didn't care about anything else. Each one of my hits became more frantic than the last, until the glass cracked and exploded, cutting my cheeks and hands.

Frigid water splashed me in the face as it continuously poured through the open hole I made by the gallons. I jumped through without hesitation, scraping my sides and belly on the craggy glass. Icy liquid clogged my nose, mouth, and eyes, cutting off my breath.

I sneezed and coughed, still moving forward, head getting light. A burning sensation stabbed at my eyes from the excess water hitting them, but I swam on, letting the frostiness spike my adrenaline.

"Betinia, stop it," Rucker yelled as the saws came closer to him, spitting water on his face. "You're going to get hurt."

"I d-don't care," I said through my sobs, water droplets clinging to my eyelashes. Fierce shivers climbed down my back, telling me I was reaching my limit, but I kept on, teeth chattering.

Eyes red as more lonely droplets poured down his cheeks, Rucker screamed. "Stay back. D-Don't die here with m-me." The saws were about halfway there, and I didn't care.

I continued on with a vengeance, ignoring Rucker's pleas. It took me only a minute more to get there, and I crawled onto his chair, clutching his chained body for dear life, sobbing into his shoulder.

"Leave, please," Rucker said, his tears falling onto my shoulders. "I want you to live. Don't die here with me. P-please." Desperation licked every word.

"I c-can't l-lose you," I said, body shaking as I held on to him. "I c-can't do it again. I can't lose another b-brother."

"And I can't lose another, sister," Rucker begged, almost shouting at me. "I don't beg for anything. But I'm begging you to leave. P-please."

I looked up into his red eyes. "T-then w-we'll d-die together." Those words left my lips without hesitation, knowing it should've been my fate years ago. Surviving wasn't a blessing, but a curse.

Colorful images took over my vision, flashing before me like a movie. So many times I wished that I didn't stay after school. That I was there, and my mother killed me too, so I wouldn't have to carry the scars of her sins on my back, on my heart, on my name, and in my mind. But now I was given a second chance.

I turned around, seeing the incoming saw in front of us, and I smiled.

A-are y-you s-sure?

I latched onto Rucker tighter, as he wiggled, trying to throw me off, yelling at me to go. But I didn't. This was my fate. Death.

When the blade of the front saw sliced my ass cheek, I grinned through the misery, feeling Betinia and even Nite who was deep down, bearing the pain with me, protecting me like they always have.

Rucker shouted, salty liquid gushing down his face like a stormy night. So much sadness... but I didn't feel sad. Happiness blazed through me like a sunny humid day. I was finally protecting someone I loved for a change, and I think that was a fitting end to my life, right?

No more worrying about being weird or fitting in or dealing with anxiety and depression or overthinking everything or dealing with emotions. All that was gone, and I was at peace. Finally.

♟♙♟