"Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be." Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Chapter Twenty – Three

"Oh, Lucy!" cried Faith.

Later that afternoon, Mr Carne had appeared in Cassian's room, holding a wary looking Lucy. As soon as she saw her mother, though, Lucy beamed and reached out for Faith.

"Mama!"

Mr Carne had not changed much in three and a half years. Perhaps his hair was slightly more silver, and his tummy a little rounder, but he still looked like the kindly old man he had always been.

"Though' you migh' be missin' somethin', milady." Mr Carne smiled as he placed Lucy in Faith's arms.

Lucy wrapped her arms around Faith's neck and nuzzled her. "Thank you, Mr Carne," Faith said gratefully.

"I will always have a soft spot for you, milady. You know that," Mr Carne said kindly. His eyes settled on Cassian and he frowned sadly. "I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw him yesterday. The same skinny, half-dead urchin from all those years ago."

"Cassian has been terribly wonderful to both Lucy and me. He is going to be alright," Faith said, more to herself than to the room.

Cassian had not yet woken up. It had been hours and he was still unconscious. Faith had been meticulous as checking his pulse and his breathing rate, and feeling the skin around his wound, feeling for the heat that indicated an infection. Had Cassian been awake, Faith was certain her actions would have been irritating.

"Forgive me, allow me to introduce Mr Kelly," Faith said, realising that Finn was standing idly by the bed. "Finn, this is Mr Carne. He was the driver while I was at Runthorpe. He helped me to escape," she said, for want of a better word.

Finn extended his hand and shook with Mr Carne. "I am sure I speak on behalf of Cassian when I thank you, sir," he said sincerely.

"Not necessary. Your Mr Kensington took care of the thank you's yesterday. He's a good egg, tha' one, milady."

Faith felt her cheeks redden as she placed the back of her hand against Cassian's forehead, feeling once again for fever. "I know. Mr Carne, I am so awfully sorry at the treatment you received from George. He told me he sacked you. That was not right." Faith would make sure that she found work for Mr Carne elsewhere. Cassian already had a driver, but perhaps an overseeing position in one of his factories?

"Milady, I do not regret for a second what I did to help you get out of tha' house. 'Twas worth it."

"I will help you find work elsewhere," Faith promised.

"Mama, why is Cassian sleeping?" asked Lucy inquisitively as she peered at Cassian.

"Because he is very tired," replied Faith coolly, "so we must be sure to take very good care of him." Faith noticed Mr Carne watching her and Lucy. Faith suddenly felt quite awful about Mr Carne and his family having to take in a supposed bastard child, and one that had caused such conflict within their community. "I am aware this may have been an awkward situation for you. Everyone thinks that Lucy is Cassian's child."

"Oh, I soon set them all straigh'," replied Mr Carne. "Tis amazing how fast gossip spreads, but I assured all who approached me that Miss here ain't no bastard child. She's a lady, ain't she?" He grinned at Lucy.

Faith nearly dropped Lucy. "You ... you told people ... you said that she was not a bastard?"

"Of course," Mr Carne said gruffly. "Tis a nasty thin' to say abou' an innocent girl when she has legitimate parentage."

Faith could see that Mr Carne's heart was in the right place, but what he had just done was advertise to gossips that the Earl and Countess of Runthorpe had a child. Lady Lucy Pendleton was legitimate, and the property of the Pendleton leeches.

Faith looked down at Lucy, who met Faith's eyes with her curious, innocent brown orbs. Which was worse? Growing up legitimate and attached to the poisonous Pendletons, or to grow up as a supposed bastard, shunned by some, but loved by those closest to her.

Faith knew what she wanted to choose, but was that selfish? Faith was not the one whose future was in jeopardy. If Faith raised Lucy illegitimate, then she would be excluded from all sorts of social avenues, gentlemen would not come calling, and Lucy would be alone, all because of a decision that Faith had made for her.

But if Lucy was raised legitimate, all sorts of doors would be opened for her. Lucy would be welcomed by society firstly, and she would have a dowry from the Runthorpe estate to ensure a good marriage. But then she would be associated with the Pendletons. She would be expected to dine with them, to attend balls with them, and by extension, Faith. But worst of all, what if the Pendletons expected Lucy to be raised at Runthorpe. What if George demanded that Lucy live there?

Faith did not know what to do, and the one person that she would have talked to about it was lying unconscious before her. What would Cassian tell her to do? What was best for Lucy?

"Did I do wrong, milady?" asked Mr Carne, concerned.

"No, no!" exclaimed Faith. "No, you were only trying to protect Lucy. I appreciate that."

Mr Carne relaxed.

At that moment, they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Doctor Ward entered, followed by a servant in Runthorpe livery.

"A letter has arrived for you, Your Ladyship," announced Doctor Ward. That was the first time Doctor Ward had addressed Faith as the Countess. He must have realised or been informed of who she was. "And I thought I would check in on the patient."

The Runthorpe servant stepped forward and held out a letter to Faith, bowing his head as he did so.

Faith took the letter from him and broke the seal, immediately unfolding the letter. It was very brief.

You are summoned to your husband's deathbed.

Bring the child.

Yours, &c.

There was so much information in such few words.

Deathbed. George was on his deathbed. Faith needed to sit down. She fell back into her chair and sat Lucy on her lap. She was immediately joined by Finn and Mr Carne, who asked after her wellbeing.

"What is it?" asked Finn.

"Are you alrigh'?" pressed Mr Carne.

Faith nodded, not knowing what to say. She had seen George on the ground, but she had not contemplated the thought that he might be dying. George had the benefit of the surgeon on hand.

And to Faith, George had always seemed like a mighty being to her. Not in the holy way, but in the way that it meant that nothing could stop him. He was rich and powerful. Nothing could prevent him from getting his way.

Well, all except a swift kick to the groin.

George was dying. George was going to die. Faith would be a widow for real this time. She would no longer be George's wife, nor his property. Faith would be free from him.

Lucy, on the other hand, was still attached if Faith made that decision.

"George is on his deathbed," Faith said quietly, still not quite believing the words that were coming out of her mouth.

The room was silent. No one quite knew what to say. Was it sinful to be happy?

Then a sudden thought occurred to Faith. George was going to die from a wound inflicted by Cassian. "What does this mean for Cassian?" she asked Finn. "You said it was murder." Faith knew it was murder as well. Cassian was technically a commoner, despite his wealth, and George was an aristocrat. Were there other rules that she was unaware of?

"There will not be any consequences, Faith," promised Finn. "It is murder, yes, but nobody is ever charged over a duel. The law is quite lax. The court understand the honour in duels, and each man enters knowing that death is a possibility."

Faith breathed a sigh of relief. George was going to die. Cassian, God willing, was going to survive, and Lucy would never know her blood father. Faith had been summoned but there was no way she would be bringing Lucy.

Faith had made her decision, and it was one she knew Cassian would approve of. Cassian would not want Lucy associated with the Pendletons any more than he would want Faith associated with them.

After today, Faith never wanted to hear that name again. She wanted nothing more to do with that family. She wanted to forget that they had ever permeated her existence.

Faith would raise Lucy illegitimate, though she knew Cassian would look after her. Perhaps ... perhaps she was tempting fate to even ponder the thought, but with George dead, Faith could marry again. Cassian could give Lucy his name, and perhaps that would protect her from some social stigma. Faith only prayed that Lucy would forgive her.

"Tell John and Ruth that I want nothing from them, nor anything to do with them from this day," Faith told the servant. "I want no pension. I have no possessions in that house that I wish to collect. I have no wish to ever hear their names again." It was healing almost to say those words. Perhaps it was the closure that she needed to say farewell to the past.

"Mrs Pendleton thought you would say that, milady," replied the servant regretfully. "I was told to tell you that it is the legal right of the father to appoint a guardian for the child upon his death, and that His Lordship chooses Mr and Mrs John Pendleton."

Faith felt all the blood drain from her face as she heard the servant's words. It was the legal right of the father to take a child away from her mother? There was no chance that the Pendletons would take another one of her children away from her.

This was it. Faith was about to give Lucy a future that she did not deserve. "Well, he would have the right to do that if Lucy were his child. I had an extramarital affair with a soldier, and so Lucy is illegitimate," Faith lied smoothly.

The servant believed her. He gulped as he received the information. Faith wagered he had never before heard such candid words from a woman. "I ... I will relay your message, milady." He bowed awkwardly and retreated from the room.

It was only then that Faith realised that Finn, Mr Carne, and Doctor Ward were all staring at her with wide eyes and open mouths. Doctor Ward quickly finished his examination before excusing himself.

"Why did you say that, milady?" asked Mr Carne.

"Did you not hear, Mr Carne? That man has already taken my son from me. He will not have my daughter, too," Faith said fiercely. Faith tightened her grip around Lucy and cuddled her into her chest. "Please forgive me when you are older, Lucy. I am doing this because I love you." She pressed her lips to Lucy's forehead.

Lucy could not comprehend a word. All she said was, "I love you, Mama."

Faith prayed that she remained feeling this way.

The room soon became dark and the lamps were lit. Mr Carne had long gone home. Finn was dosing in his chair and Lucy was very tired, but not yet asleep. Faith was still staring at Cassian's chest, watching the rise and fall intently.

"Story, Mama?" requested Lucy.

Faith did not have any story books, but then, neither did Cassian when he imagined up such fantastic in his study for Lucy. Faith had enjoyed the ones that she had heard.

"Once upon a time," Faith began, "there lived a young princess who had very horrid parents." What story did Faith know better by heart than her own? "Her parents cared only about their piles and piles of gold, and wanted the young princess to marry a prince who had his own piles of gold."

Lucy, instead of drifting off to sleep, had forced herself awake to listen to the story. Finn's eyes had also fluttered open.

"The young princess was not very brave," Faith continued. "She did as she was told. She married the rich prince, and lived in his beautiful castle, and was surrounded by his piles of gold. But she was sad."

"Why?" Lucy yawned.

"She was sad because the prince," beat her within an inch of her life, and killed her unborn son, "loved his piles of gold and not the princess. The princess wanted much more than to be sad in the castle. She wanted to escape and explore the kingdom. So when she learned that she had a tiny princess in her tummy, she decided it was time to go out into the kingdom and see everything." Faith stared into her daughter's eyes and remembered the exact moment she had learned Lucy existed. She was half filled with terror and half with hope. But it had been a day that had changed her life forever. "The princess explored, and eventually she made a friend named," Cassian, "Caspian. They became the best of friends, and they helped each other, as only best friends can. The princess helped Caspian to make something of himself, and Caspian helped the princess to be brave." And so much, much more. "Now that the princess was brave, she was able to go back to the prince and tell him that she did not want to be married anymore. And in that kingdom, the princess' word was enough." There was no need to apply to parliament for a divorce because it was a magical kingdom where the women had the right to ... or had rights in general. "Now that the princess was free, she and Caspian were free to live happily ever after. They got married and raised three children. The princess' own little princess, a kindly orphan boy, and one of their own, too." Faith laughed to herself. She was entirely embarrassed that Finn was listening to this story, but at least Cassian could not hear her. "The end." Faith kissed Lucy on the tip of her nose.

Lucy's eyelids were heavy and they fluttered closed. "That was a nice story, Mama," Lucy said lethargically.

"Thank you, Lucy."

"Very imaginative," added Finn sheepishly.

"Thank you, Finn." Faith could not help but grin.

"I liked that ending," Cassian croaked.

"Thank you, Cassian." Faith suddenly tensed. "Cassian!" she cried.