Hey I'm Jess, I'm 20 and I never learnt how to take my fucking meds. Lol. It's been two months oops. But your least favourite bitch is back with a bad chapter because I could. I'm sorry, I mean that I do. I'm bad at this. Lots of shit in my life, but I'm here so that's something.

Trigger warning: mentions of domestic abuse and underage relationships.

Isaac had told Freddy everything. It had been a completely cathartic experience, talking to someone who understood him entirely. He told him all about his mum, his uncle, his dad, Jake. Freddy, being his best friends, listened to Isaac without judgement. Freddy had told him about all the stuff he had been missing out on. It wasn't much, but listen to Freddy try to explain Caggie and her most recent fling's dramatic breakup without cringing was hilarious. Kaya and Gabby were still going strong, Freddy said it was still weird listening to them gush about each other. Isaac totally understood that feeling.

That feeling of confusion kind of drifted with Isaac throughout the day. Even though just talking to Freddy helped, he couldn't get Freddy's words. Maybe the reason why he was afraid of asking Jake to be his proper boyfriend, wasn't just because he didn't want Jake to reject him, but because Jake didn't really know him at all. There was so much Jake didn't know about him, all the fucked up shit that Isaac had been through. Most of his friends didn't even know most of it, but that was different. He wasn't in love them. He was in love with Jake. That was the fucked up part.

He had spent most of the day, zombie walking through school trying to decide if he was going to do the most crazy thing he had ever done in his life. Because if he did what he was thinking about doing there would be no going back. It would actually be the most fucking crazy thing he could possibly do. It was terrifying. Unbelievably terrifying and he was about to confess ever dirty secret he had to the nice boy he was in love with. Isaac had finally turned into his mum's kind of crazy.

At the end of the school day, he stays by the gate waiting for Jake, who he had spent the day actively avoiding. He had to get Benji to distract Jake and Elliot. He almost got caught by Elliot, he was such a fucking prick, only Elliot would almost fuck up his plans. Isaac had never been so nervous in his life, he was potentially about to lose the best thing that had happened to him in a while. It was a dumb move, but he needed to do it. Jake was always so honest and kind, it was about time he was honest too.

Isaac is lucky that he doesn't have to wait too long, Jake spots him from a mile away. Being hugged and kissed by Jake in public is still kinda mind blowing. He isn't complaining though, Jake shoving his tongue down Isaac's throat will never not be welcomed. He wraps his arm around Jake's neck, dragging him closer. Isaac's also fully aware that this could be the last kiss he ever gets from Jake if everything goes to shit and that's the last thing he wants. So he's going to savour it.

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" Isaac mumbles, pulling away from the kiss, but no far enough to let go completely.

Jake grins and nods, wrapping an arm around Isaac's shoulders, pulling him close and just like that the two of them are off.

"Elliot's house is empty tomorrow, so he's having a party you gonna come with me?" Jake asks, as they're half way to his house.

Isaac nods, "Am I even allowed in Elliot's house?"

"Hmm, I think so. I'll sneak you in if I have to." Jake laughs and it makes Isaac's heart hurt, "You ok?"

"Just some shit I need to tell you about and I'm scared shitless."

"Should I be worried?"

"I have no fucking idea."

They walk in silence back to Jake's house, it had become a thing avoiding Isaac's house like the plague. It just made sense and was far easier. Isaac's palms are sweating the entire time, he's nervous, afraid he's going to lose the one good thing in his life. It's a selfish thing to say when his friends have been there forever, but Jake was different a breath of fresh air in Isaac's suffocating life. Now, he might lose that because he was dumb and stupid.

They end up sitting next to each other on Jake's bed. Their thighs are pressed against each other. It's warm and comforting. Isaac likes it. He wants to lean into Jake, wrap himself around him. Jake would hug him back. Jake's perfect like that. Isaac loves him and he thinks it's dumb to have fallen so quickly and hard. He couldn't help it though, he stood no chance against Jake. He was just too good. A genuinely good human. Saw the best in everyone. Saw the good in Isaac. He was best friends with Elliot for crying out loud. Isaac knew realistically that Jake isn't going to hate him, but it was going to change the way he saw Isaac and that was what messed him up the most.

Isaac decided that it was now or never.

"When I was fourteen, I met this guy who worked for my uncle. I had just started the whole car thing and my uncle had his guy teaching me the ropes," he takes a deep breathe in, twisting the loose thread on his jumper around his finger, trying to avoid Jake's gaze, "His name was Simon. I thought he was the best thing ever. He didn't treat me like a kid or walk all over me like my uncle did. He thought I was great too."

Jake intertwines their hands together when Isaac let's out a shaky breathe, slotting his fingers through Isaac's. It makes Isaac's heart thump a bit harder in his chest.

"He was twenty and I was dumb and a baby gay whose dad hated him. I fell hard for him, so fucking hard. I did everything he asked me to because I wanted him to love me back. I wanted to be loved. He kissed me one day and everything escalated from there, I really thought I could be happy. I thought he would save me."

Isaac was crying, he hated crying and now he was crying in front of Jake. Who was being the best person ever and pulling Isaac into him. Holding him, wiping the tears away.

"You don't have to carry on if it's too much."

Isaac frantically shook his head, "I need you to know, I need you to understand that you're the first person since him. I know you're better than him, but I'm scared I can't do that again. I won't."

Jake took Isaac's face in his hands, "I'm never going to hurt you. Not on purpose."

"I know, I know. He hurt me so much. He was jealous and mean. That was all I had ever known. He hurt me. He didn't like Freddy, he was jealous. He hit me. He would ignore me, then call me saying he loved me. He put me through so much. I told him I was done. He threatened to kill himself, I had to pry a knife from his hands. I know you're not him. But I'm so scared, Jake."

"It's ok to be scared. We're not gonna do anything you don't want. Fuck, Isaac, I'm so mad for you. I want to kill him for hurting you. God, he didn't deserve you. You were a kid, he was an adult and he used you. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You deserve so much better, you deserve the fucking world."

And Isaac believed him.

"I love you." Isaac whispers pressing his face into Jake's neck.

Jake just grips onto him a little bit tighter.

"I love you too."