Dana Thomas died in my arms.

That's pretty much the only thought that ran through my head after it happened. She was here, we were happy, and everything was perfect. And then she was gone. Just gone. It's not fair. None of it was fair.

I heard her heart stop, and felt her last breath escape her lips. I've heard people describe the moment after death as flying. People feel like they're flying over the world as the paramedics rush to their bodies. I've heard stories and seen movies of people having out of body experiences those brief moments between death and being brought back.

I wonder if that's where Dana went. In the time between her heart stopping and the paramedics getting it to start again, I wonder if she was standing beside me yelling at me to see her. Maybe it wasn't like that at all. Maybe it was just darkness. Or maybe she was dreaming.

I didn't leave her bedside since they allowed me to see her. My hand was stiff and cramped from staying in the same position for hours as I refused to let go of Dana. I know my hair was disheveled and I was generally a mess, but I didn't think twice about it at the time. I still remember the sounds of the heart rate monitor as it lulled me to sleep most nights.

I remember being in a weird state of being half asleep and partially dreaming when I felt a light pressure on my hand. I didn't stir at first, still believing I was dreaming, and only reacted by instinctively holding on tighter. It wasn't until I felt Dana's fingers twitch a second time that I began to stir slowly awake and then jolted my head up and my gaze at Dana in front of me.

Tears immediately began to stream down my face the moment Dana's hazel eyes connected with mine. "Dana?" I mustered out her name in a whisper filled with disbelief. I leaned into hug her and she attempted to reciprocate, but only managed to grunt out in pain. I immediately apologized and sat back in my seat beside her bed. I kissed her hand and arm lightly, overwhelmed with relief.

I paused and rested my head beside her and said through my tears, "I thought I lost you." I sniffled and raised my disheveled head and stared at her for a brief moment as her body finally allowed her voice to escape.

"I'm sorry." Dana's words were full of weakness and I chuckled at her. "Wait..." She mumbled, her eyes glancing to the diamond ring on my left hand. "Does that mean you said yes?"

I glanced at the ring then back at her and nodded my head vigorously as I began to cry again. "Yes." I stood and gently leaned into kiss her. The moment I thought would be the end of our story was just the beginning.

She took awhile to recover from the gunshot and had to go to physical therapy a couple times a week to regain full mobility of her arm. She told me dying isn't what scared her. The thought of death never terrified her or made her feel helpless. The thought of dying was always a reassurance to her that she had to make every second count and live in the moment, but when she was dying that night she was going to propose to me, she realized that death finally scared her. The reason it never scared her before then is because even though she was always surrounded by people who cared about her and loved her, she was still alone. She only worried about herself and if her life were to suddenly end then that would be it and she would hope she had made the most of her time on Earth.

It was that moment when she saw the look on my face as I held her in my arms that the thought of death suddenly terrified her. Dana couldn't imagine having to live a life where she didn't get to love me every second of it. She believed I didn't deserve to have to live a life without her by my side either.

We didn't have a big fancy wedding where all of our friends and family attended. We went to the courthouse to make it official and informed everyone in our lives that we were officially happily married. I was already talking about kids, but she was hoping she could convince me to wait a couple years. She told me she wanted to be selfish and spend a couple years with just me, making every single moment count.

She loved me. I was always meant to find my way to Dana Lynn Thomas - I was always meant to be her forever.

We ended up living the best lives we could have imagined. Our first child was a girl. We chose to use Dana's DNA with a donor so that Dana could have the daughter she always dreamed of. Beth Abigail Thomas was everything Dana had ever hoped for, and she grew up to make the both of us extremely proud. We loved Beth so much that we decided we couldn't stop at just one and had twins – one conceived from Dana's DNA, and one from mine. We named them Gavin Edison Thomas and Caleb Oliver Thomas. Dana was around to see every single one of our children grow up.

Not a single day of my life went by that I didn't thank the universe for bringing Dana back to me. I think it's funny how the universe has a way of making sure everything works out. I wasn't just thankful that we got our happily ever after – I was happy that Dana got to witness all of our friends' and families' happy endings too.

Mason and Ashley ended up having four kids and we found our ways back to each other and moved in down the street from one another. Lindley and Sierra got married and had three kids of their own – two of which they chose to adopt. Jesse ended up joining the Navy and met his wife through there. She keeps him in line, and all of us appreciate that. After having two kids, he became a stay at home dad and made sure to teach his kids respect and honesty - things that became his core values in life.

Marissa even found her happily ever after. She met the perfect girl for her while in college and the two became a power couple to be reckoned with. Marissa ended up with the goddess she deserved - the golden girl that loved her unconditionally. To this day, we never learned much about Grace. She left our hometown and never looked back. Eddie occasionally speaks to her, but he won't talk to us about her. He never had kids of his own, but ended up meeting the girl of his dreams in his mid-forties. He's living the life he always hoped for.

Everyone who had kids is starting to have an indiscernible amount of grandchildren. It's too many for me to keep track of all of them – that's what Dana was for. She knew every name and every single birthday. I can barely keep track of our own grandkids.

I could never thank Dana enough for the life that she gave me. After decades of being happy together, she ended up passing away due to a freak accident. When I stood in front of a crowded church and told everyone about how amazing Dana was, I knew that I didn't have to say anything. They all had their reasons for loving her, and I had mine.

I zoned out most of the funeral. I felt a need to keep my composure. Zoning out felt like the easiest way to do that. If I think about Dana, I'll lose it. So I try not to think about anything.

It's weird to not have her by my side 24/7. She may have lived a long, happy life, but I still think her time was cut too short. I still look for her wherever I go. I still call her name sometimes, forgetting she won't respond. I still wait for her to crawl into bed even when I know she never will again.

Waking up gets harder every day. I slide my hands across the sheets and remember all over again that she's no longer here. Her side of the bed is completely made up and untouched. I spend every morning staring at my ceiling asking myself why I should get out of bed if I just have to go through another day without her? And that's when I think about her and I think about what she would want. Dana Thomas would have wanted me to follow her lead and be here now. She'd want me to live for today, because she was a prime example that we don't all get a tomorrow.

I had to get up today. Not just for Dana, but for Ashley and Eddie, too. I made lunch plans with them, and I know that even if I cancel, they'll find a way to drag me out of the house. I force myself out of bed and into the shower. I know that my shower lasts longer than what could ever be considered necessary, but I stay in as long as I can.

The lunch is awkward at times, but Eddie and Ashley do their best to keep the silences to a minimum. They catch me up on their lives, and try to get me to speak, but I don't have much to say. All I want to talk about is her. There's a funny thing about that though. See, once someone passes away – that's the polite way to put it – it's suddenly a horrible idea to bring them up in casual conversation.

Dana's name suddenly felt forbidden. If I mentioned her, then people got weird about it. They got tense and awkward, and no longer knew what to say. It's like everyone is afraid to talk about someone they all claim to love. I don't understand it. If you loved someone, especially as much as they claim to, then why wouldn't you bring them up? Why not talk about them? Why not tell stories about the best memories you have with them? Why not remember them?

I stared down at the table, blocking out whatever Ashley and Eddie were talking about.

"You know," Eddie adjusted in his metal seat, grabbing my attention, "Dana kept a secret of mine for the last thirty years." I knew the only reason Eddie was bringing Dana up was because he knew that's the only subject that could hold my attention. "When we were in college, I apparently called her one night that I was a drunken mess and was crying and apologizing to her for ever invalidating her sexuality. I ended up telling her the only reason I teased her about being bisexual was because I was afraid of my own sexuality and identity."

"Eddie," Ashley interrupted with a smile, "we all knew you were bisexual. We just were waiting for you to say something."

Eddie winced and jokingly hung his head, making me smile at him. I get a weird feeling whenever I feel myself start to have a good moment. It's almost like I feel guilty going on without Dana by my side. It's only been a couple weeks so of course it still hurts.

I still love her with all of my heart, and I think about Dana a lot. Nearly every moment I can actually. It's not even that I can't stop thinking about Dana from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed. But there are little things I see every day that remind me of her. It was so hard to see those little things the first couple days after losing her – most of the time it still is hard. I still have my bad days. But then there are days that the little things I see make me smile because she comes to mind. Those are my favorite days.

Today is one of the good days – scratch that. Today is one of the great days. I find a parking spot in one of the reserved VIP sections out front of the outside amphitheater. The parking lot is crowded and there are thousands of people waiting in line to get through the gate.

I make my way to the back gate where the bands and event staff members enter through and show the security my badge and ID. One of them escorts me to Jensen Parker's tour bus where she's still hanging out before the show. She usually stays in her tour bus until just before her opening act comes out on stage. I knock on the tour bus door and Jensen swings the door open after the security guard informs her who we are. Jensen sends me a huge grin and pulls me into a quick hug before offering for me to join her inside.

I'm virtually glued to Jensen's side for the next few hours. We're backstage while her second opening act is performing, they only have a few songs left and then the stagehands only have about 15 minutes to change the stage from their set up to Jensen's. Jensen looks at me and sends me a small grin.

"I'm glad you could come tonight, Kat." Jensen was the only person in my entire life who ever called me Kat. Nearly everyone called me Katie. I have a grandmother who calls me Katrina, and never anything other than Katrina, but that's it. Jensen is the only one to ever call me Kat. I think I'd cringe hearing it come out of anyone else's mouth but hers.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world, Moose." I smiled back at her, my eyes beginning to water at the sound of Dana's nickname for her. "Thank you."

She looked at me lightly and shook her head. "You don't have to thank me for this."

"Yes I do. The song... It's-"

"I know." Jensen lightly touched my arm to comfort me. "I wish I could say this is the first time I ever wrote anything like this before. Sadly, the truth is that it's not." Jensen's face kept her calm composure, but her eyes didn't do the same. She inhaled deeply in an attempt to distract herself from her memories. Dana isn't the first person Jensen's lost.

A few years before I met her, Jensen had fallen in love with a girl named Ellie Longo when Jensen was just getting started in the music industry. She was rising to the top fast and everyone thought that Jensen was going to fall off the edge at some point – even Jensen thought she was doomed. She told me that Ellie was the one person who kept her going even when she felt like her only option was to give up. The way Jensen's eyes light up when she talks about Ellie, even after Ellie's been gone for years, is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

To love someone so deeply that you still take what they would have wanted into consideration, even after they're gone – that's the kind of love I believe everyone deserves. Jensen wasn't "hung up" on someone she lost. She was making sure her memory lived on. That's what I want for Dana. I want the world to remember her the way that I do.

Jensen helped me with that. Jensen came to me after hearing about Dana, and said she wanted to do something special for her. So she wrote a song for her. Tonight was the first night any fans would hear it. I had heard the studio recording more times than I could probably count since she had sent it to me a couple days ago, but tonight would just be Jensen, a piano, and no editing.

The last opening act ended their set and before I knew it, Jensen was running out on stage ready to wow tens of thousands of fans. The noise that erupted as soon as the first note of Jensen's set played was something that describing could never do justice. Being at a concert, in the audience, is one thing. But seeing the reaction from behind the stage was a completely different feeling. Jensen was an amazing performer and watching her onstage and interacting with her fans brought a smile to my face. Jensen Parker is something special.

Towards the end of Jensen's set, the lights and theatrics died down until there was only a spotlight on Jensen. She walked from the front of the stage to the middle where the piano was now sitting. She stood in front of the piano, waiting for her the audience to die down. They could tell she was waiting because they soon quieted down.

"Hi guys," Jensen started to speak, but was interrupted by the loud roar of the crowd. She couldn't stop the grin that pulled on the edges of her lips. She paused a moment before speaking, waiting for the crowd to die down. "So this next song is very special to me." Jensen turned and made her way to the side of the grand piano. She sat down, placing the microphone on the small stand connected to the instrument.

"And it should be very special to you too." Jensen was speaking to the audience, but looked backstage where I was standing in the wing. I saw the corner of her mouth pull into a small smile. "You see, I've never played this song at a concert before. In fact, no fans have ever heard it before. So you guys are getting a special treat." Jensen had to pause occasionally when speaking and wait for the audience to quiet enough for her voice to be heard. "This song is so special to me because it's about someone very important to me. Dana Thomas was so many things to me. She was my stage manager, my tour bus prank rival, my ex-fling, and more than anything, she was my best friend. I loved Dana. Not romantically, but as a person. As a whole..." I could hear the emotion in Jensen's voice. She was getting choked up.

The audience could hear it too, because the crowd erupted into supportive cheers. Jensen cracked a smile. "Dana taught me a lot of things." Jensen struggled to continue speaking, but she pushed through her words. "She taught me that breathing and living are two very different things. She taught me that we have to live in the present, and make the most of today. Dana taught me that we only have one shot at life, so we have to make it worth it."

Jensen looked back at me. She sent me a small smile, and I felt my eyes begin to water. I crossed my arms over my chest, and did my best to stay collected. Jensen looked back out into the audience. "So this song," Jensen continued, "is in honor of Dana. Its official title is 'Be Here Now' but to me, to a very extraordinary friend of mine, and to all of you... this is 'Dana's Song.'" The crowd went silent as Jensen's fingers began to dance across the piano keys.

I loved Dana. I always will. Part of me will always wish for the future that Dana and I had planned together. But I'm starting to accept the idea that maybe Dana wasn't meant to be my forever. Maybe I was meant to be hers. Maybe part of Dana's purpose was to show me what it meant to really love and be loved.

And maybe I was wrong as always. Dana was my forever, and there was no changing that. As I laid down for bed, I felt my eyes well up with tears – this time happy tears. I weakened myself and began to fall asleep, and felt the weight of the world begin to escape me. A smile played across my lips as I turned my head to see Dana lying beside me. She smiled and lifted a hand to brush a strand of my graying hair behind my ear.

Apart we were a mess, but together we were perfect. Dana Thomas taught me that when you find the person you're meant to be with – no matter whether it's your best friend or the love of your life – you learn what it means to be happy.

Dana Thomas taught me that no matter what you are alone, once you find your soul mate, you become so much more than just lost and insecure