《Lost & Insecure》Twenty-Six - A Drop in the Ocean
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Katie's alarm clock shook her awake. She released her arm from beneath the covers and silenced the alarm. She rolled out of bed and went through her new morning routine. After her mom shipped her off to her aunt's, Katie had to adjust to a new home, a new school, and even a new family. Katie loved her Aunt Katherine more than her own mother sometimes, but she had to adjust to living with Katherine as well as her uncle and her three younger cousins. Katie was only used to living with girls, so living with four boys was the biggest adjustment she had to make.
Katie was silent most mornings, and anything she did say was usually to her aunt. She wasn't any more social in school. Katie felt alone at her new school. It was at least five times larger than Ridgeway. If getting lost in the maze of the school building wasn't what was getting to Katie, then it would be getting lost among the massive sea of students in the hallways. At Ridgeway, everyone knew nearly everyone's name and no one could get away with anything without the whole school knowing in the time it took to switch periods. But here, Katie was just another face. Most people had no idea she was new, or that she even existed. She could skip a class and no one's life would be any different. Katie had gone from one of the most known girls in school to invisible in the blink of an eye.
Being invisible isn't what Katie really cared about. Yes, she felt alone. Yes, she wanted someone to talk to. But all Katie really wanted at the end of the day was her life back. She just wanted Dana back. Now, Katie couldn't even speak to Dana. Nothing was physically stopping her except for herself. Katie was fully capable of texting or calling Dana, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Katie knew she couldn't talk to Dana because as soon as she spoke to her, she'd want to see her and be with her. Katie knew that she had to keep her distance. Katie spent most of her time in classes thinking about Dana and Ridgeway and everything her mom forced her to leave.
Katie would swear she saw Dana in the hallway or driving past on the way home from school, but it never was. It was always just Katie's mind playing tricks on her. Katie kept dreaming of Dana and of seeing her again, but no matter how amazing her dreams were, Katie always woke up. Katie wanted Dana to find her. She wanted Dana to run after her and tell her that she wasn't going to give up on them. Katie wanted Dana to fight for her. Instead, Katie waited. She woke up, went to school, sat through classes she didn't care about, went home, finished homework, ate dinner, and went to bed. Every single day was the same as the last.
Katie was sitting in the back of class, silent as always when the final bell rang. Katie slid out of her seat, grabbing her bag, and quickly exited the classroom. She was making her way down the hallway when she stopped and looked around. She was in awe at the massive building and the flood of people pouring out of it. Katie lost herself in the mural on one of the massive walls. Katie had become some sort of numb after she left her town. She still lived her life, but it wasn't the same. She wasn't the same.
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"Big change from a small town, huh?" A voice startled Katie, causing her to jump and drop her books. Katie heard the person begin to laugh. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Katie bent down to gather her books, and turned to see a hand extended with her English book in it.
"Thanks." She muttered weakly as grabbed it from the hand.
"I'm Lindley." The hand still had a grasp of Katie's book.
"I'm-" Katie cut herself off as her eyes followed the hand up Lindley's arm and to her face. Lindley was half smiling at Katie. She seemed unreal to Katie. Her eyes were the bluest eyes Katie had ever seen. Katie's eyes followed as a strand of Lindley's long, wavy blonde hair fell in front of her eyes. Lindley's pale skin contrasted with her dark roots and eyebrows, but highlighted her bright blue eyes. Her soft pick lips captured Katie's attention, and Katie's eyes locked on Lindley's perfect grin.
"You're...?" Lindley searched for a name.
"I'm..." Katie couldn't manage to get the right words out as she stared at the girl in front of her. Lindley laughed at Katie, revealing her pearly white smile. Katie studied her face, trying to find evidence of make-up but the only trace of it Katie could clearly notice was the small amount of dark mascara which, added with her dark, root matching eyebrows, made her eyes appear even bluer than they already were. You can't be real... Katie thought to herself.
Lindley laughed at Katie again. "I assure you I am." Katie blushed realizing that what she thought she had kept in her head she had actually spoken aloud. "But that's a really sweet compliment so thank you."
"I'm sorry," Katie stood slowly, collecting the rest of her belongings, "I'm not usually this..."
"Speechless?" Lindley finished her thought for her. Katie nodded sheepishly.
"How did you know I'm not from here?" Katie quickly attempted to change the subject.
"It's like being in New York. You can always spot the tourists by who's looking up at the buildings," Lindley explained. "You got a little distracted by my mural on the wall. Most people just walk past it."
Katie wasn't looking at the mural anymore. She was staring at Lindley. Lindley glanced over at Katie, and Katie suddenly snapped out of her haze. "Your mural?"
Lindley nodded. "I come here for the art program, and last year I won a contest for painting a new mural on the wall. I had to come in over the summer to paint it, but it's been there all year now. Most people don't notice it."
"It and me both." Katie mumbled under her breath.
"Well you noticed the mural. And I noticed you. I guess that makes us even." Lindley pulled out her phone to look at the time. "I guess I'll see you around." She slid the phone into her back pocket and headed down the long hallway.
Katie stood for a moment before shaking her head at her own thoughts, sighing, and turning around. "Wait," she called after Lindley, "what are you doing right now?" Lindley shrugged, signaling that she wasn't doing anything. "Do you want to go do something?"
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Lindley smiled faintly. "I thought you'd never ask."
Lindley and Katie grabbed coffees and ended up at Katie's aunt's house. Katie gave Lindley the tour of the house, then led the way to her room. Katie hadn't redecorated much except for the wall above the desk in the room. Katie had hung string and clipped pictures like a clothesline. Katie collapsed onto her bed while Lindley looked around the room. "So why'd you move in with your aunt?" Lindley asked, exploring the room.
Katie shrugged, staring at the ceiling. "My mom sent me here after I tried to tell her that I was in love."
"That's harsh." Lindley noticed the pictures on the wall. She saw one with Eddie and unclipped it from the line. "What's his name?"
Katie sat up, seeing the picture Lindley had grabbed. "The guy you're looking at is Eddie. But he's not the one my mom kicked me out for. He's actually seeing one of my best friends."
"Then who's the guy your mom didn't approve of?" Lindley asked.
Katie stood up and walked over to the desk. She opened a drawer and dug a stack out from the bottom of the drawer. "Her name is Dana." Katie handed Lindley the stack of pictures. Lindley flipped through them, and couldn't help but crack a smile at how happy Katie seemed in all of them.
"Does your mom not realize you can take the girl away from the gay but you can't take the gay out of the girl?" Lindley tried to make a joke in order to make Katie smile. Katie smiled subtly and shrugged. "If it's any consolation, my family kind of sucks too. But if we're being honest, my dad didn't kick me out when I told him I was gay. Granted I was in third grade and in love with my babysitter, but still." Katie laughed at Lindley. It was the first time in awhile Katie had been able to genuinely smile.
"My mom is still trying to convince me that Dana is just a phase. She claims that Dana is a bad influence on me." Katie shook her head slightly, and bit her lip in an attempt not to cry. "Truth is, I wasn't really the greatest person until I met Dana." Katie smiled at the thought of who she had become. When she met Dana, Katie was unhappy. She thought she had it all – a perfect boyfriend, good grades, a caring mother, and great friends. She didn't realize until she met Dana that she couldn't have been more wrong. Dana made Katie happy. She drove her crazy, but she made her happy. Katie was originally terrified of Dana and her feelings, but Dana made her realize that she had no reason to be afraid. She made Katie realize that others shouldn't matter when it came to falling for someone. Katie's only problem was her mother. Katie still cared whether or not Pam approved.
"Hey," Lindley sent Katie a small smile, "if it's any consolation, I always like to remember rule number three; your heart will get broken - multiple times. But what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, right?"
Katie liked to believe Lindley's advice, and she took it into consideration before quickly changing the subject. "Enough about me. Tell me more about your dysfunctional family." Katie smiled at Lindley.
"Okay well it gets kind of crazy." Lindley sat down on Katie's bed and began to tell Katie all about her own crazy life. Lindley explained the very complicated story of her family. In short, Lindley's parents were young and crazy about one another and had twin boys, Derek and Blake, but after Lindley was born, her mother made a huge mistake. Her mother ended up leaving while Lindley was still a baby and took the twins with her. After a few years, her mother came back saying that she wanted to know the daughter she left behind. "I still have a relationship with my mom and my brother Blake, but Derek kind of blames me for everything so we don't exactly get along. It's been my dad and me ever since I was born. Just us two against the world."
"Wow." Katie didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry that the only thing interesting about me is that my mom is afraid of me kissing girls." Lindley and Katie both laughed.
Lindley shook her head slightly. "Katie, you're not just your sexuality." Lindley comforted her, knowing that it bugged her more than she led on. "There's so much more to you than who you're attracted to. Your mom will come around." Lindley reassured her. "And if she doesn't, well at least your aunt still loves you." She joked. Katie chuckled slightly at Lindley. Lindley made her feel something that she couldn't put into words. She made her almost forget about her old town and friends. Lindley almost made Katie forget about Dana and all her pain. Almost.
Katie was still hurting, but at least she had someone new who could be there when she was hurting. Katie wasn't interested in Lindley romantically. Maybe in another life or at another time and place, but currently she was too in love with Dana to even think about anyone else. Katie enjoyed Lindley because being around her made Katie feel infinitely less alone. Katie missed Dana and her friends more than words could express, but at least Lindley could make Katie laugh. That was all Katie could ask for at this point.
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