《Lost & Insecure》Twenty-Three - ...A Lifetime to Go

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Dana leaned against the kitchen counter, out of the way, with her arms folded across her chest, biting her lip to prevent her laughter, and had her head tilted downward to avoid any eye contact with her mom or her cousin. Eddie and Karen were going back and forth, not technically arguing, but discussing the little slip Eddie had brought home from school that day, which stated he had gotten into trouble, and Karen needed to meet with the assistant principal to discuss Eddie's punishment.

"It's stupid, Auntie Karen, I swear." Eddie clearly did not want to talk about the subject anymore.

"Eddie," Karen said sternly but softly, "What happened? Honestly." Karen was gentle with Eddie. She knew she had to be. That's why she was Eddie's favorite aunt. Karen was the sweetest, most gentle, kind-hearted person that Eddie had ever met in his life – another reason Eddie didn't want to lie to her.

Eddie sighed, taking a brief moment to think, and then began to explain his side of the story. "This guy in my class is an asshat. He's rude and talks down to everyone and thinks he's so much better than everyone else, and he never shuts up. Today, I guess I was just in a worse mood than normal and when he started being disrespectful to the teacher I snapped at him. I didn't yell or anything but I made a smart comment which he heard. He ended up getting angry with me and started to pick a fight. I ignored him, but then when the bell rang for lunch, he and a group of his friends came after me. I technically hit him first, but he was swinging at me long before that. I swear it was self-defense at first."

"At first?" Karen's eyebrow rose.

Eddie rubbed the back of his neck. "I've just been so angry lately. I guess it had built up too much because after I hit him the first time I couldn't stop. I just kept punching him." Eddie clearly felt guilty for the incident. Karen could tell the guilt was eating at him.

Karen quietly sighed. "We'll go talk to your assistant principal tomorrow morning. Let me talk, okay? If she wants your side of the story then explain that the boy came after you and you hit him in defense. Okay?"

Eddie nodded. "Okay."

"Hopefully I can convince them not to suspend you, but your school is known for its zero tolerance policy and they let you off with a warning last time." Karen paused and looked between Dana and Eddie. "Just get your homework done – both of you. We can wait to talk about this again until tomorrow." Karen gave a quick hug to Eddie then exited the kitchen.

Eddie and Dana stood in silence for a moment, each waiting for the other to speak. Eddie glanced at his cousin, "Why are you laughing?" He asked a chuckling Dana.

Dana shrugged. "It's just kind of funny that I'm known as the hothead who doesn't get along with people and yet you're the one who might get suspended for fighting." Dana shrugged slightly again, sliding her hands into her pockets. "On the bright side, you might have an extra day or two of winter break." Dana patted Eddie's back on her way out of the kitchen. She could almost feel Eddie's eyes rolling behind her.

☼ ☼ ☼

The school's large hallways were quiet and empty with the exception of Grace. She was standing beside the office, staring into the large windows at Eddie who was slouched and pouting in the waiting area with his aunt seated proper and poised beside him. Grace was standing so still it was possible she had turned to stone.

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"Hey Grace." Dana said as she passed quickly through the hall.

Grace suddenly moved and called after Dana. Dana stopped and made her way backwards towards her friend. "Why are your mom and Eddie in the office?" Grace interrogated Dana.

"Oh because Eddie-" Dana cut herself off. She smirked to herself before continuing, "Ed is thinking about transferring schools."

"He's what?!" Grace quickly became upset.

"Well apparently he's been really unhappy over the last month or so." Dana began to explain to Grace, "He says that there's nothing for him here, and that he just doesn't want to be here anymore. I don't know. All I know is he mentioned something about finishing the rest of the school year with our aunt and uncle in New Hampshire." Grace's eyes widened. "Have you talked to Eddie recently? Like, at all? I'm surprised he didn't tell you." Grace violently shook her head no. "Well I would talk to him, dude. I don't think anything is set in stone yet." Dana turned and headed for the bathroom, leaving Grace standing alone once again.

Grace looked back into the office and saw Karen speaking with the assistant principal while Eddie exited the office to grab his things from his locker. Grace nearly tackled Eddie as he rounded the corner. Eddie stumbled back after being caught off guard. "Don't leave!" Grace demanded.

"Grace?" Eddie didn't know what to say.

"You can't leave. You can't go to New Hampshire. You can't just go without saying goodbye." Grace pleaded for Eddie to stay.

"Grace, I don't know what you're-" Eddie looked up and saw Dana making her way back to class. Dana stopped and waited.

Grace was lightly crying into Eddie's shoulder now. "Please Eddie. Just stay."

"Grace-" Eddie had his eyes locked on Dana.

Grace whimpered, "I'm sorry."

Eddie looked at Dana then peeled Grace off of him enough to look at her. He glanced down at the short girl. "Okay. I'm not going anywhere. I promise." Grace smiled and hugged Eddie tighter. Eddie gave into the hug this time. He looked back at Dana who smiled. Eddie mouthed the words "Thank you." towards his cousin who nodded in reply.

Dana continued heading back to class, glancing back once more towards Eddie and Grace. Eddie was smiling to himself as Grace held onto him with everything she had.

"Annnnnddddddddddd..." Dana dragged the word out more than possibly ever necessary, "It's officially winter break!" Dana got out of her car and goofily danced around in a little circle, causing Eddie to laugh at her. Dana turned to Katie who was standing beside her and grabbed her hands. "And I can not wait to spend time with my beautiful, perfect, wonderful, gorgeous, amazing girlfriend tonight." Dana was beaming with excitement. Eddie chuckled slightly at his cousin as he leaned on the side of the car, watching Dana and Katie.

"Girlfriend?" A voice asked from the end of the driveway. Dana, Katie, and Eddie looked at the end of the driveway, shocked to find Katie's mom standing there. Katie pulled her hands away as if Dana was a stove Katie had just burned herself on. "Why Dana, Katie did not inform me that you were a lesbian."

Eddie had to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing. Dana had to take a deep breath before speaking in order to stop herself from being rude to Mrs. Torres. "Well I'm not a lesbian, Mrs. Torres-"

"Please, call me Pam." She sent Dana a fake smile.

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"Well, Pam, I'm not a lesbian. I happen to like men and women and anyone who identifies along the spectrum." Dana explained.

"Hm. Well anyway, I just wanted to inform you two kids and your mother of the holiday party which we throw every year at my house. Since my daughter has seemed to be so attached to you two recently, I figured it would be a splendid idea to invite your household over. It starts tomorrow night at seven sharp. Don't be late!" Pam flashed a smile and left, requesting for her daughter to follow her.

"I have to go." Katie's eyes saddened. "I'll call you later." Dana sent Katie a fake smile as Katie left.

Pam waited until she and Katie were inside the house to scold her. "Katie, why on Earth wouldn't you tell me that your new friend is a lesbian?"

"She's not a lesbian, mom."

"Whatever she is, it's disgusting." Pam scoffed.

"Excuse me?" Katie asked, clearly offended.

"Oh please, Katie, you very well know that this town is not suitable for that lifestyle. Now help me get things ready for the party tomorrow night. I need you to make some calls for me." Pam ordered.

Katie obeyed her mom. She didn't bring up the subject again at all that night or the following morning. It wasn't until Saturday afternoon that Katie finally snapped.

The Thomas' doorbell was constantly ringing early Saturday afternoon. Eddie was the only one home and ran upstairs to answer the door. As soon as he opened the door, a panicked Katie pushed her way inside. "Hey Katie, what's-"

"Where's Dana, Eddie?" Katie cut him off. "I need to speak to Dana. Where's Dana?"

"Whoa. Calm down." Eddie grabbed Katie's shoulders and looked her in her eyes, attempting to get all her attention. "Katie, take a deep breath. Dana is out right now. What happened? You can talk to me." Eddie seemed to be calming her down enough to get a real sentence out of her.

"You don't understand, Eddie." Katie was almost in tears. "I need to see Dana."

☼ ☼ ☼

Eddie was pacing back and forth when Dana walked through the door. "Finally!" Eddie nearly tackled Dana as soon as he saw her. "Where have you been? I've been calling you and calling you and no answer. Nothing! You can't even text me? You needed to be here, Dana!" Eddie yelled.

"Jesus, Eduarte. Calm down!" Dana raised her voice back. "What are you freaking out about? I'm here now so can you chill?"

"No, Dana, I cannot 'chill.' This is serious and you weren't here."

"Eddie!" Dana snapped at him again. "What the hell happened?" Dana stared at Eddie, panic clear in his eyes.

"She told her mom, Dana." Eddie said without skipping a beat.

"Katie told her mom that you were bisexual and you two were really good friends and then she started to fall for you and..."

"And what?"

"And she's gone. Katie's gone."

"What do you mean she's gone, Eddie?"

"Her mom told her to leave. She kicked Katie out." Eddie answered Dana's worst fear.

"For telling her she had a crush on a friend who happened to be a girl?" Dana asked. "No. That's not right." Dana headed straight for the door. "I'm making this right. Right now."

Eddie grabbed Dana's arm, "Dana no. She didn't kick Katie out for being friends with you." Dana stared blankly at Eddie, waiting for further explanation. "Mrs. Torres kicked Katie out for being in love with you." Dana headed for the door again, not saying a word. "What are you going to do, Dana?" Eddie asked. "She's gone."

The pain didn't hit Dana right away. The panic did, but not the pain. Dana wasn't hurting now that Katie was gone - she was freaking out about it. She was worried and paranoid and upset and lost and angry all at once. And she decided she was going to get answers.

Dana called Katie right away after Eddie had told her what happened but, of course, her phone went straight to voicemail. After calling Katie multiple times, Dana finally called Ashley. Dana begged and pleaded Ashley to tell her everything she knew. Ashley confirmed that she did speak to Katie, but only for a brief period of time and none of what Katie said made any sense to Ashley. Katie rambled on and on to Ashley on the phone and again to Eddie in person, but didn't give anyone any clue as to wear she had gone or what had happened between her and her mom. Dana decided she was going to the party that night, and she was going to confront Mrs. Torres.

Pam was different than a lot of parents. She was never controlling over her daughter - until that day. Pam had kicked Katie out of the house. She told her that she was done with her and did not want her there for the night. Pam called Katie's aunt and arranged for Katie to stay there for the night. Pam did not want to argue with her daughter anymore. When Katie approached her and asked what Pam really thought about the LGBT+ community, Pam was caught off-guard, but spoke her mind nonetheless. Pam explained to Katie that she was raised to believe a man should love a woman and a woman should love a man. She was raised to believe that being gay was wrong. Pam explained to Katie that she hoped and prayed that Dana choose not to be gay and wished that she would grow out of her phase of experimentation. That is what set Katie off.

Katie told her mom that she never loved Jesse. She told her that she Eddie had lied about them being in a secret relationship. Katie explained that she had feelings for someone else and was afraid to be true to those feelings. Katie had come out to her mom and told her that she believed she was, without a doubt, gay. Katie said it wasn't a choice, and it definitely was not just her experimenting. Katie had fallen for Dana so hard that she was heels over head. Pam didn't believe one word of what Katie was telling her. Pam argued with Katie and told her that she had to get over her crush on Dana, but Katie told her mom that getting over Dana would be impossible. Katie explained that it wasn't a crush at all, and that she had fallen so deeply in love with Dana that there was no way out, and that she was more than okay with that feeling. Katie begged her mom to understand and to give her a chance, but Pam wouldn't listen. Then Pam sent Katie away.

Dana wanted to confront Pam with everything she had. Every fiber of Dana's being was outraged, but when Dana went to confront Pam the outrage turned to pain. Dana had lost Katie, and it was just hitting her in that moment. Each and every human will experience that same moment at some point in their life. It's the moment when everything around you freezes and you realize you lost the state championship, or you didn't get into your dream school, or you realize that you are hopelessly in love with someone whom you can't be with. It's the moment when your heart breaks. Not a normal break, either. No, this is the moment when Dana's heart shattered and she knew she had lost everything. This was Dana's moment where her heart broke beyond repair.

So Dana stormed home. She cried herself to sleep, and she dreamed of Katie. Her heart couldn't take the pain of knowing that that might be the end of the story for them. Dana tossed and turned and fought back tears. It wasn't until after midnight when Dana got the crazy idea to go after Katie.

I know where she is. She convinced herself.

Dana shot out of bed, ran downstairs, grabbed her keys, and bolted out the door. She was insane. She was madly in love with Katie and she didn't even know it. Dana was speeding her way to find Katie. She needed to see Katie. She needed to apologize, and to tell Katie how she felt. Dana didn't know what she was doing. She just knew that she needed to be with Katie, no matter what.

Dana was speeding down dark, lonely roads, racing to find Katie. She was frustrated and hysterical and just wanted to hold Katie in her arms and be reminded that everything would be okay. But nothing would be okay.

A deer ran out in front of Dana's car. Dana slammed on her breaks and swerved. She swerved right off of the road and flipped her car. Everything seemed to move in slow motion at that moment. Dana knew what was happening, but she couldn't do anything to stop it - just like the moment she realized she was in love with Katie. The only difference was the pain. The pain didn't hit Dana right away. And this pain was nothing compared to the pain Dana felt knowing she had lost Katie. And in those split seconds that Dana's car flipped, that's all she could think about.

All Dana saw was Katie.

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