One day before the tournament Mom still hadn't changed her mind. My desk was empty when I came home from school and the other other option to practice I had, I didn't want to try. 

Couldn't try. 

Asa's aunt and uncle didn't like me, and I doubted they'd let me casually hang out at their place and hog the computer all day. 

I could try to hog Asa for the afternoon, however. 

For reasons that may or may not be related to me staring at his contact info more than I wanted to admit, I already knew Asa's number by heart. 

Come on, what's the worst that could happen? I tried to pump myself up, phone in hand. He'll say no? 

Hey, want to hang out now? 

I hit send before I could change my mind. The panic hit immediately after, and I jumped up from my bed to pace around.

My heart skipped several beats when Asa jumped online, the message was read... and he jumped offline again. 

I was wrong. The worst he could do wasn't say no. It was completely ignore me. I had never been in the habit of biting my fingernails, but Asa made me want to start. 

Ten minutes went by. I pretended to distract myself by watching Double Singularity videos on Youtube, while sweating buckets and navigating to the chat every two seconds. Even if I knew it'd notify me if Asa responded.

He finally did, two more nerve-wrecking minutes later.

I'm here.

Asa had attached a location a mile or so away to his message. He didn't mention what the place was, whether he was expecting me to step by, or if he wanted me to. 

His words were cryptic. Not a real, full invitation. I hated ambiguity like this, but got on my bike anyway. 

The place Asa had pointed out was a gym, according to maps. There was no sign on the building, however, and when I walked in the side door I almost felt like I was entering some random person's house. 

"Hello?" I called out in the narrow hallway and another door swung open. A older woman with grey hair in a knot peeked around the corner and smiled when she saw me. 

"Hi, you must be Gabriel. Come in," she invited me, pushing the door further open. 

"Oh, thanks?" 

I walked into a space which was equipped with a bar and several tables. The woman pointed at the staircase. 

"Asa's upstairs," she said with a kind smile, clasping her hands together. 

"Okay..." 

I wanted to ask her what kind of place this really was, but when I reached the top of the creaking wooden stairs, I already had my answer. 

One of the rooms had the door open and there were people all bent and folded into impossible pretzels on the floor. A yoga class. 

"Over here!" 

Asa's voice rang out from another one of the rooms with the door open. Another gym kinda space, except it was smaller and empty save for Asa.

"Hey," I greeted Asa, who was sitting on a mat in sweatpants and a t-shirt. "So, this is some sort of yoga studio then?" 

"Yes, but they give other classes too," Asa said. He scooted to the side, making space for me on his mat.

At that exact moment I realised how weird it was that I was just kinda hovering there in the door opening. My stomach lurched. Asa wanted me to sit next to him. 

I gingerly walked over and took a seat. "Oh. You do yoga then?"

Asa shrugged. "It was a recommendation."

From your therapist, I mentally finished his sentence while keeping my mouth shut. 

"I could've used a yoga class." I chuckled nervously. "To help me calm down for tomorrow." 

"Don't think too much. It's like giving a speech. You get into the moment and then it's fine." 

I refrained from asking Asa if he'd ever seen me publicly speak. It wasn't pretty and it certainly didn't get better given time. Let's just say tuna sandwiches will never taste the same again when you've seen them already eaten in the school sink. 

"Maybe," I said slowly. "I could just give Rolf my PC and play on my laptop. Then save up and buy a new gaming pc. Spare myself the potential humiliation tomorrow." 

I felt Asa's judging stare on the side of my face. "You're not really considering that." 

Maybe I was. 

One day before the competition the stress was getting to me more than ever. I honestly wasn't sure about this. There were still two sides - safe and bold- both pulling at me. Both their grips strengthened the closer I got to the day of reckoning. 

 "Well," I said quietly, looking down at my toes. "Competitions didn't end well for you, did they?"

"No, but that was because I was following someone else's plan. My parents' plan."

I glanced at Asa. He wasn't super expressive, but I recognised the clenching of his jaw as a bad sign and another piece of the puzzle. Had they put him up to the military job, too? No wonder he didn't want live with them anymore. 

I didn't get more time to wonder about it, or connect this info to the other things I knew about Asa. 

Asa looked my way, his gaze darting to my hand in my lap. "Is your hand alright now?"

"Yeah." I spread my fingers to prove it. "Thanks for your concern, though."

It was concern. Together with his proximity my cheeks flushed so hard it had to look fire engine red. He still had this effect on me every time he showed me a semblance of kindness. 

"And..." I hesitated. "Thanks for still helping me out." 

I wanted to kiss Asa. The thought struck me when he looked into my eyes and held my gaze.

I'd honestly be satisfied with just a hug, too, but he wasn't giving me any signs. He wasn't leaning closer, shifting my way. 

I bit my lip. "Hey, why are you still helping me this much?" 

What I really wanted to ask was: do you like me and are we dating? What are we doing, really?

I couldn't force it out of my mouth, and just like I wasn't clear, Asa didn't grace me with any clarity either. 

"We're more alike than you think," he said.

"What?" I laughed. "Aside from being talented at something, I don't see how we're alike at all." 

"Why not?"

"You're kidding, right?" I snorted. 

Asa tilted his head to the side, seeming to genuinely want an answer.

"I mean," I started, just feeling like I was repeating myself again. He knew why. "You're cool and I'm not and..." I trailed off. 

Asa shifted so he was fully facing me on the mat. "Okay, let me ask you a question, then. How many times have you seen me fight? Not rumours, not just threatening, but actual fighting?" 

"Uh." Now that I thought about it... 

"Never," I had to admit. 

"That's right." Asa nodded. "When I was new to our school I picked one fight, with the big knob-head from the football team who had it coming - from me or someone else- anyway. After I kicked his ass, it was all over with the whispering remarks that I was older than the rest and had to be dumb to still attend high school. That's why I believe you can do the same with Rolf." 

"But you did stop a burglar in your Batman pyjamas when you were ten, right?" I blurted. 

Asa raised a brow. "What? Where did you hear that?"

"At school?" I replied, the words coming out like a question. "Was that only a rumour, too?"

Asa was silent for what felt like a minute. Then he sighed, pressing a hand to his forehead. "Okay. But they were Spiderman pyjamas." 

"Hah! I knew it was true!" 

I laughed, and to my heart-stopping amazement, Asa laughed too.

"God." I chuckled. "I was the kind of kid to hide from other kids and adults. I'd pathetically hide under my bed and piss my pants if there was ever a burglar. I still would." 

Asa's smile suddenly vanished. "Stop talking yourself down. It's annoying." 

My smile vanished too. "Oh, uh, okay. Sorry." 

Stupid idiot. Of course, I had to ruin the moment. 

Asa breathed out through his mouth. "Sorry," he pressed out, too. 

"No, it's okay," I muttered. "But I guess I just want to know if I understand right... do you hang out with me because I remind me of you, and you want to stop me from making wrong choices? Is that all?"

The corners of Asa's lips twitched up again. He staunchly dodged making eye contact with me. "You're going to make me say it, aren't you?" he asked. 

"S-say what?" I replied, back to stammering mode when Asa did lean forward, planting his hand on the mat in front of me. The other one he gently pushed to my chest, making me lay down on my back. 

His face hovered above mine, closer and closer. "I'll keep repeating it as many times as it takes to get it through your damn skull. You're not backing out. You're going tomorrow and you're going to kick Rolf's ass."

"I-I should go plan my trip then. I haven't checked out the bus connection yet and it's too far to cycle," I dumbly replied, wondering why the hell that was the sentence my stupid muddled brain would come up with. 

My heart stuttered as Asa planted his hands next to my face, leaned down and kissed my burning cheek. He wanted to lean back, but I grabbed a handful of hair and pulled him down. 

He froze when my lips brushed against his, but then his mouth softened and he kissed me back. 

"You're not taking the bus. I'm going to drive you there," he said between soft pecks. His breath tickled my face. "And in case you hadn't gotten it through your thick skull yet: I'm not just hanging out with you because I want to help you. But..."

"No, no, I don't like buts," I groaned. "Only when it's spelled with two t's." 

Asa blew some air through his nose in amusement. He looked like he wanted to say something, but hesitated. Eventually, he just settled on a small smile, got up and turned away from me. 

"We should go," he said. "There's a yoga class here in a few minutes."