《Daevas ✔️》Chapter 15.3: Frustration

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Ari woke to the sound of footsteps. He groaned but did nothing more. His head pounded. He did not want to open his eyes. However, a familiar scent made him crack his eyes open. Hair tickled his nose as he moved his head. Ari smelled more of the scent then causing him to burrow his face into it. He could not quite put a word to the smell, but he relished in it. It was not long before he realized just who that smell belonged to. As always, he made Auovin trouble.

"You do not have to carry me," Ari mumbled near his ear. Auovin shivered. It was small, but Ari felt it.

"I think I do. Your legs will be like jelly and you will become disoriented."

"Because of these memories...?"

"Yes and the after effects as well."

Ari tightened his hold around Auovin's neck. "After effects?"

"Do not worry about it right now."

"And these memories? Should I not worry about them?"

Auovin tried to turn to look at Ari, but he stopped himself midway. "What use is it to remember now... They are not your memories. You are not that person anymore."

Ari closed eyes and nodded. "No, I am not that person any longer. Does that upset you?"

"It does not matter."

"Because I am not the person who you were in love with?"

Auovin turned to look at him then. "Only you would become jealous of your own self."

"You preferred his blue eyes over his grey ones... did you not?"

"Ari..."

"You said mine belonged to some Great instead."

"Ari."

"I do not have blue eyes. I never have."

Auovin answered him with silence. The only sound that came from Auovin was from his feet stepping into puddles of water. He would not press Auovin about it for the time being. It was true. Ari was jealous of his own self but not for the reasons that Auovin was thinking of. He sighed into Auovin's neck and tried to busy himself with the labyrinth walls covered in intricate markings. Auovin no longer carried a torch, so Ari did not understand why he could he see as well as he did. Even his leg was feeling a little better.

Had he given him his blood? Ari tried to taste for it, but he knew he would have realized it long before now. Auovin's blood had a certain taste to it that lingered in his mouth and filled him with nothing but want. Just the thought of it made him salivate. Being as close to his neck as he was did not help.

"There is a little light up ahead. We are almost outside," Auovin said. Ari looked up and saw as the light becoming brighter and brighter as they inched closer. "Cyrus will see to your wounds and keep you fed."

Ari knew he wanted to say more but stopped himself. He squinted. His tongue itched to say something. "And where will you be?"

"I know you can have a massive appetite, but do not take so much from Cyrus again."

Ari blinked away from him as guilt nestled in the pit of his stomach. "I did not mean..." Ari trailed off. "Why can I not take from you then?"

"Ari, you know why."

"No, I do not. Tell me."

Auovin stopped walking. The light from the outside was shining in Ari's face, blinding him. Soon Auovin began unwrapping Ari's arms from around him and slid him down onto the ground.

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"If you do not know why then you really should not take my blood," Auovin said as he stared into his eyes. "Cyrus, it is us. Come and take him."

Ari squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head away from him. "I understand why you are doing this— pushing me away. But is not my fault. I am not him. I am me. It is a weak excuse but I—"

"Not now."

Ari grabbed Auovin's wrist before he could walk outside. He had to say something. Anything to convince him. Of what? Ari was uncertain.

"I may be confused about many things, but the love I have for you... that is certain."

A blur of blond hair was all Ari could make out until he blinked and recognized those green eyes. His heart grew considerably less anxious almost settling even. Ari had missed him.

"You are hurt," Cyrus lifted Auovin's shirt, but Auovin stopped him.

"I will be fine after some rest. Take Ari up above for me. Be careful of his leg."

Cyrus did not answer Auovin but came towards Ari, regardless. He gave him a small smile with his eyes and lips. Ari loved it when he smiled. He loved it even more when he would show his teeth. Those were the rarest smiles from Cyrus that Ari treasured the most.

"You both seem to cause me trouble, but I can say you are the less troublesome one," Cyrus said while caressing his cheek.

"My leg feels a bit... better. You do not need to carry me." Ari rose and steadied himself, but, as Auovin said it would be, it disoriented him causing him wobble and fall into Cyrus' chest.

"I do not care for your weak facade. Climb onto my back."

Ari did as told and soon was brought outside into the light. There was snow covering every inch of the ground for as far as his eyes could see. They were still on the mountain even when the labyrinth stretched as long as it did. Ari sniffed and tightened his hold around Cyrus' neck. He liked the smell of Cyrus as well as his warmth. However, his words were still just as cold and icy as they always were.

"Why is it that you listen so well to me, but not to Auovin?"

Ari's face turned crimson for no apparent reason. The question came out of nowhere and he did not have an answer to give him. Auovin was demanding, but Cyrus had a certain appeal that made him think otherwise about not listening to him. Perhaps, it was because they were intimate and Auovin and him were not. Ari licked his lips and shook his head.

"I would not say I listen to you all the time."

"Just when it is convenient for you?"

Ari lowered his eyes and did not bother to reply for a moment. "I know I have caused you and Auovin trouble, but I did not know what else to do. Neither of you would not tell me a thing, so I had to find out for myself..."

"I cannot tell you anything I do not know."

"You did not know?"

"If I had known who you were, in the beginning, you would not be living. But none of it matters to me now." Cyrus paused. "Would you like to know why?"

Cyrus motioned him to come closer with his finger. When he did, Cyrus covered his lips with his. It was brief, but Ari could taste him. Ari's face reddened all over again from the suddenness.

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"I am sure he feels the same. Do not worry."

"You say that to spare my feelings," Ari mumbled. He slid his finger across his lips and frowned.

"Think what you want."

Ari kissed his neck and snuggled closer. He should not sulk in Cyrus' presence. Although his words lacked warmth, he meant well. Cyrus was quite cute in that way.

"Where had you gone when you left me?" Ari mumbled into his neck.

"To find Auovin."

"Is that why you said Auovin was troublesome?"

Cyrus sighed. "He is troublesome in more ways than one."

Ari looked behind them and saw Auovin keeping a small distance between them. Auovin trailed behind them without a word. Ari almost had forgotten he was there. Had something happened between them? Auovin acted cold towards Cyrus as well.

"The Great that you were with—" Ari popped his head up. "—Told us where you would most likely be, so I will bring you to him, so he can see you are well."

"Kaval," Ari whispered.

"He must care a great deal about you."

"He does," Ari rested his head back onto Cyrus and smiled. "He was my most cherished person once before. He did everything and more for me."

"I see."

"Auovin is the same with you, is he not? He must love you dearly. He would do anything for you."

Cyrus stopped causing Ari to peek around and glimpse a bit of his reddened cheeks.

"... I suppose it is that way," Cyrus said.

"So I wonder how it is between us. Your feelings and mine."

"It is different, but it does not mean I care for you less."

"I know," Ari said. "I feel the same. Perhaps we feel the same with Auovin."

Cyrus shook his head. "It is different. If it was the same, I would not have been receptive to this."

"Because you would be jealous," Ari said as he smiled into his neck. His skin grew hotter which made Ari's smile worsen. Ari liked that side of him as well.

"There is only so much I can tolerate from you," Cyrus grumbled.

"I like teasing you..." Ari reached for his cheek and kissed it. He wished it was Cyrus' lips instead, but it was better that way. Already Ari was yearning for more than just that. Ari took a big whiff of him and exhaled. "Kissing you and much other things as well," Ari whispered in his ear.

Ari's lashes brushed against Cyrus' skin along with his smile. He waited for Cyrus' response to his request but none ever came. Ari did not take that as a bad sign whatsoever. Cyrus was stoic and rigid in his ways. For him to say nothing was a feat in of itself.

"And Auovin?" Cyrus asked.

"Auovin?"

Ari turned and looked back at his fading figure.

"Is that meant solely for me?"

Ari licked his lips and sighed. "He wants nothing intimate with me. You know this."

Cyrus laughed. "Is that what you think?"

"He barely looks me in the eyes and when he does— when he does it is filled with some other emotion I cannot quite put a name on."

"Longing."

"What?"

"The emotion you were speaking of... It is longing. He always looked at you that way."

"I never noticed..."

"He would not have come out here into a nest full of things that despise us if he did not care for you."

"I am like a burden to him. He cares for me in that way. He despises me. I know it. I know it because I have this heavy feeling in my chest whenever I look at him that was never there before. I did something terrible to him."

Cyrus walked up towards a hole in the mountain and said nothing.

"What am I supposed to do? How can I speak to someone who sees me as someone else? Perhaps, he is in love with him and not me. We are different. Our eyes are different. Our speech. Our personalities. I... I do not know what to do anymore, Cyrus. I cannot act like someone I am not."

"You think he is in love with your past self and not you?" Cyrus slid him down his back and turned to face him. "Do you truly believe that?"

"I mean..." Ari furrowed his brows. "It is just the way he looks at me... You do not understand. It is more than just longing."

Cyrus caressed his cheek and gave him a small smile. "Do not become intimidated by him now. I will help you up. Grab my hand."

Ari nodded and took Cyrus' hand. Cyrus hoisted him up to his feet, steadying Ari as he did.

"Instead of meeting Kaval..." Ari squeezed his eyes shut. He had to do this. "Can you help create a situation where it is just Auovin and I alone? Do not let anyone enter."

"Oh." Cyrus tugged Ari so close he could feel Cyrus' breath on his lips. "I suppose I can do that." Ari stared into his green eyes before he flicked his eyes away from him. Already Ari was pining for his touch while wanting another's. Somehow, it felt wrong. Ari chewed on his lip and pressed away from Cyrus.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. I am grateful for what you are doing for me. But I... umm..." What if he said the wrong thing?

"You what?"

"I feel wrong about wanting—" Ari blinked and couple times and shuffled on his feet. "Asking you for something like this while wanting you as well."

Cyrus bent down near his ear and whispered, "who says you cannot have both?"

Ari's face reddened. His ears were hot along with his cheeks. Ari did not dare to meet his eyes.

"I said I did not mind sharing, but I meant you as well." Cyrus tapped Ari's chin and rose to his full height. He looked behind him, causing Ari to look as well. Aouvin was nearing. Ari peered inside the dark hole unsure of it. The last time he went into one there was a beast lurking down below.

"It is fine to go in. No one is there."

"Where is Kaval?"

"Near," Cyrus answered.

Ari ran a hand through his hair finally seeing through his plan. Whether or not he asked Cyrus, Cyrus already had this plan in motion. Ari could not help but let out a little laugh. His suggestion was pointless.

"I told you before. Auovin is troublesome, but I have been with him for so long I know what to do long before he realizes it is a problem."

"Problem?"

"In the beginning when he looked at you I knew something was wrong. I did not like you because of the expression you caused him to have. I despised you because you brought out the worst in him. In time, I knew you would become a problem."

Cyrus nudged Ari inside. Bugs shimmering with blue light encompassed the room. They flew around the cave before landing ,never leaving outside. As time passed, their light grew dimmer. Ari's eyes had already adjusted to the dimness of the room as he began exploring.

"However, things became different," Cyrus said as he walked towards a door. "And I am fine with that."

Ari took a couple steady steps towards Cyrus but stopped when Cyrus turned for the door. He did not know how to respond to any of his words.

"I will stall for however long you need."

"What would you like in return?" Ari blurted before Cyrus went through the door.

"Hm?"

"I know nothing is given freely so... so tell me what you would like from me."

Cyrus shook his head and l left through the door. Ari very well knew what that meant without Cyrus even having to utter a word. He pressed a hand to his warming cheek. To think he had grown a little bolder and still cannot keep up with him.

"Both of them..." Ari mumbled. His face grew even hotter at the thought. it should come as no surprise that Cyrus would suggest such a thing. He was Auovin's lover for some time, after all. They both seemed very... unorthodox, but Ari expected that more from Auovin than Cyrus.

Ari rubbed his eyes and stared at the figure standing by the door. Auovin's hair was sopping wet as well as his clothes. Had it begun to rain? He had not noticed. The pit pattering of the rain made it to his ears after a moment. He was far too focused on Cyrus and his words. Just how long had he been there for? Had he heard everything?

"Your pet is somewhere near. I can smell him. Why do you not go find him?"

Ari kept his eyes trained on Auovin as he swept passed him and began picking up sticks and broken pieces of wood that once looked to be a chair.

"You are purposely trying to keep your distance from me. Why? I told you I was sorry— I apologized." Ari walked closer to him. "What else must I do to make things the same as they were?"

It was quick but Ari saw it, Auovin's pained expression.

"Did I say something wr—" Ari stepped closer but Auovin backed away causing Ari to furrow his brows.

"It is pointless... it will always end the same... It always ends the same."

"Auovin—"

"I thought things may be different. Because you were different. But... there is no point in this, Ari." Auovin looked at him. "None at all."

"I do not believe that."

"I do not care what you believe," Auovin said. He dismissed Ari with a wave of his hand and focused his attention back on starting a fire.

"Because you despise me. Just say it. Tell me now, so I know where your feelings lie."

"You are frustrating."

"If it is not that, then what is it? I cannot read you. I want to understand you. I do— but I hopelessly fail at it. I keep saying the wrong things."

Auovin turned his head back to Ari with narrowed eyes.

"I am not like Cyrus. I cannot predict what you need or what you want me to say, " Ari said as he walked towards him. When he was close enough, Ari pushed back some of Auovin's wet hair dangling in front of his face.

"I do not want you to say or do anything but listen to me. Time and time again, you fail to listen."

"Harun and I are two very different people—"

Auovin squeezed his eyes shut and swatted Ari's hand from his face.

"You get angry at everything I say. I honestly do not know what else to do."

"His name... it is not Harun. He was never Harun. You were never Harun. You only pretended to be."

"What?"

"The name you gave me, do you not remember?"

Ari shook his head no.

"It was Ari."

Auovin sighed and lit the fire as Ari stood there dumbstruck. "I told you before that man was like a father to you. You would have done anything for him even if it meant waiting almost a thousand years for him to return."

"I was not... Harun?"

"He was the one I was looking for all those years ago," Auovin hissed.

"You sound angry."

"Because you have selective memory."

"Auovin—"

"I do not wish to speak of it anymore."

"I know I did something horrible to you... I do not remember. Perhaps, it is because I do not wish to remember, but I cannot help but feel I had every good intention when I did it."

Ari gained Auovin's attention once again.

"Truth be told, I did not like the feelings I had for you, in the beginning. They were unwarranted and underserved. You did not treat me well." Ari fumbled with his hands and scoffed away a laugh. " You treated me with scorn and toyed around with my emotions. My heart seemed to recognize you. However, I did not remember you, but I am sure you remembered me long before Ylanan. I am not as naive as you think I am, Auovin."

Auovin trained his eyes on the growing fire, causing Ari to stand in front of it. "But, despite those circumstances, I managed to fall in love with you all over again. I knew without even realizing the fact that you were not that terrible person. Is it not the same for you? I was not that horrible person," Ari said growing closer. "And you are wrong when you said I would do anything for Harun. I would do anything for you. Anything," Ari breathed.

Auovin closed in the distance with his lips. The suddenness caused Ari to back away and lose his balance. He pressed a wary hand to his lips. Auovin replaced his hand with his lips as he pressed him up against a nearby wall. What little breath he had was stolen away, but he did not mind. He returned Auovin's kiss with one of his own.

When he regained it, hot lips were pressed against his own once again. Ari could taste him that time.

Ari searched his eyes wanting them to say anything, do anything. He was growing anxious and filling with burning embarrassment at his own confession. It became so quiet he could hear the fire crackling. Ari took in a deep breath

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