Please wake up.

It's that moment of disbelief, that moment when you begin to question reality, that I felt numb.

Percy Jackson is dead.

No. He's not. I don't believe it -- I won't believe it. He's not dead. Percy can't die. He can't leave me -- !

"Wake up, you stupid, selfish, cruddy boyfriend!"

Anyone but Percy. I know it sounds selfish, but I wish it would have been anyone but Percy. Take my mom! Take Leo! Take me!

"You idiot!" I screamed. I withdrew my spear from Luke's chest and dropped the dead weapon on the ground. His shirt immediately began soaking up the blood. "You absolute idiot!"

I didn't care about the tears streaming down my face. They burned like acid, but I was immune. All that mattered was Percy. Percy Jackson, my dead boyfriend.

"You were the only person I ever loved," I whispered, kneeling down to cradle his head. His eyes were slashed. His beautiful ocean eyes. I felt blood oozing from his neck. His perfect, soft neck. I kissed that neck.

All I could think about was how I wasted my last day with Percy kicking ass instead of getting to truly know him. That I should have spent this day memorizing his face. Counting the freckles on his shoulders.

And now I can't save him.

I will never again see him when he smiles at me with the sun in his face, making him squint and bringing out the little wrinkles beside his eyes.

"You left me here alone. How could you?" I banged my fist on the cold blood-smeared floor. It stung.

I will never feel the he press of his palm against my cheek.

I can't breath I can't breath I can't breath I can't breath I can't breath I can't breath I can't breath. I. Can't. Breath.

Looking at him made me feel so helpless. Why would he save me? I didn't need saving! Percy is so freaking selfish, making me feel this way while he gets to live off a happy life in Elysium.

I grazed his cheek. I can't carry him back to camp. I'll have to leave him.

Suddenly, in that moment, all I could think about were the things I didn't know about him. All the things I never had time to learn.

"I love you," I said. But he couldn't hear it.

I didn't know I'd his feet were nearly as ticklish as his sides, or even how long his toes were. I didn't know what nightmares he had as a child, or even what he had to live through as a child.

I didn't know what stars were his favorites, what shapes he sees in the clouds. I didn't know what he was truly afraid of or what memories he held closest.

And I will never be able to now. There's never enough time. I wanted to be in that moment with him, feeling his now-soft body against mine and think of nothing else, but my mind exploded with grief for all that I missed. All that I have wasted.

That we will not spend our lives together. That I do not have enough time to memorize him and even now I am forgetting him. The patterns of the gold flecks on his ravaged eyes. The shape of the birthmark now slashed under the third-to-last disc of his spine.

I am not read for his death.

And in that insane moment, that crazy, heartbreaking moment, I laughed.

"Remember when we first met?" I asked. I brushed a tear that had fallen onto his cheek off. "Remember when you hated me, and I hated you?"

I leaned down to kiss Percy's nose. I love that nose. I could memorize that.

I closed my eyes and pictured his nose. Yes! I memorized it! I knew where his minuscule pores dotted the sides and where a little pimple hid at the bridge.

"Remember when you saved me from the Minotaur?" I continued. "You saved my life. That's four times now, I believe. I own you once, Perce.

"You know it was you that kept me from leaving camp? Gods, I hated that place. But it was your home, and eventually it became mine too.

"It was the feeling of fighting right next to you that made me so happy, Percy. I just loved the adrenaline pumping in my bloodstream. Gods, I love you so freaking much.

"I never addressed how much you mean to me," I whispered. I gave him another kiss. "You're so beautiful. So, so, beautiful. That was the first thing I noticed when we met that day. I love you."

I didn't realize how much I myself was bleeding. I felt numb. Really numb. It was like my senses had turned off, leaving me physically okay with a sliced side.

I have to get back to camp.

"But I'll manage," I said, giving Percy one more look. One more kiss, one more hug. "That's what I have to do, don't I? You'd want me to live, wouldn't you?"

I've never felt so much emotion. I wanted to just curl up and cry for eternity.

But I need to live. I'll do it for Percy, but I'll do it for myself to.

I wiped my eyes, humming a familiar tune.

"But maybe I should find a way to let you know," I sang, "that even though you're gone, you have left me here alone."

My voice sounded tired and brittle. The cracks didn't help, either.

I smiled.

"Well baby, you should try to fix my heart before you go. Because my heart will always be your second home."

I ruffled Percy's hair. His hair. I'll never touch that hair again. I grazed my thumb against his jawline. The jawline I'll never kiss again.

"We never did have our own infinity," I whispered.

I'm wrong.

"Scratch that," I continued. "Percy, I love you. I have since the moment we met, and I always will. I'll remember you forever."

I can't breath I can't breath I can't breath I can't breath I can't breath I can't breath I can't breath I can't breath I can't breath I can't breath I can't breath I can't breath I can't breath.

"We will live for infinity."

I spun on my heel, picked up my spear, and left.

I may be leaving Percy. But I'm also leaving this stupid cabin. I'm leaving the place where Percy and I had stopped someone from taking over the world.

I'm going home.

Never have I ever been so sad. Never have I ever been so hopeful.

I'll see you soon, Percy. But be patient, because I still need to live the life of a demigod.

We have time, Aquaman.

"We can live forever."