《Serial Dating》Get Your Mind Out Of The Gutter

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ark was a no-show the next day at Starbucks, which was weird, because Milo was such a religious regular that even Lee's consistent coworkers commented on it. They had all grown used to the same faces coming in around the same time every day—there was the guy with green hair that was now blue, the biochemical engineer girl with square glasses, the runner that came by every morning fifteen minutes after open, and then there was Milo Park.

The day before, Lee had strategically busied himself in the backroom for the duration of Milo's stop at Starbucks. But now, he was curious to see what Milo would do next.

Milo's missing person case, however, gave Lee enough fuel to make his decision.

So what if they didn't date? Lee didn't have the time or the attention span to dedicate to a longterm partner anyhow. Considering his debt which Milo was now blatantly made aware of, Lee would feel guilty for dragging that into a relationship anyway. If the relationship went well, whoever it was with, and he got married... he didn't want his partner to pay for his shitty medical school bills. He'd be in school for another eight years, anyway.

And he had fun just fucking with Park without consequence. Why did he have to get his panties in a twist about Park dating other people? If anything, it was a blessing and a stress-reliever for Lee.

He'd be the same before and after Milo Park. They didn't have to be permanent.

With this decision made, Lee went to OChem more hopeful and more awake than he had been the past week. He beat Rushil and Alex to the lecture hall at which point he checked his phone, his thumb nail between his teeth as he saw a notification from Snapchat.

18m ago 🏈🤼‍♂️ is typing...

17m ago from🏈🤼‍♂️

14:13 You think I could fit an entire pancake into my mouth?

14:30 Excuse me but what?

14:31 Like, an entire pancake would it fit into my mouth

14:32 You're a hazard to society

14:32 And a coward. Two pancakes, easily.

14:34 You have so much faith in me

14:34 So just hypothetically speaking I could probably deep throat

14:35 I don't know what life you live don't ask me

14:35 You know your dick better than I do

14:37 So are we now talking about deep throating MY 🍆 specifically?

14:37 🏈🤼‍♂️ is typing...

14:38 Since when did we go from pancakes to 🍆???

14:39 It was on my mind

14:40 Of course it was

14:40 So what's the truth deep throat or not???

14:41 I don't know the stats of your throat dude

14:41 Class is starting soon

14:42 To 🍆 or not to 🍆?

14:42 I swear to God, Park

14:43 🍆🤲🧐???

14:44 Imma bout to rage karate chop you in the goddamn scrotum

Lee shut off his phone and ignored how it buzzed in his pocket all through lecture. Rushil glanced at him in the middle of class when it vibrated nonstop for a solid few seconds, and Lee pointedly stared ahead and ignored the call and Rushil's stares. He crossed his arms and sat back in his seat as their professor put a video up on the projector and dimmed the lights.

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At the end of class, Alex's prediction was correct. Somehow, Lee survived the pop quiz feeling more or less dejected about his chances of scoring higher than 50%. When he left class, he handed in his paper and waited for Rushil at the entrance to the lecture hall.

When the lecture hall door opened and Rushil stepped out, Lee pushed off of the brick wall and wandered over. Rushil pinned him with a finger to the chest and said, "Mind catching me up on the latest?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Tell me why Milo is already planning his outfit for tomorrow night? He never plans ahead."

"What makes you think I know?"

"Maybe because he keeps wondering if it'll match whatever you wear like we're going to prom or something?" Rushil said. Lee rolled his eyes and laughed nervously. He sounded giddy, like he was two seconds away from twirling his hair around his finger. Rushil shoved him in the arm as they staggered out of the building.

Lee threw his head back laughing and waved his hands dismissively. "Nothing! I swear on my life. He didn't even come into my work today."

"Wait, really?" Rushil said. Lee nodded, but Rushil fell behind. Lee slowed to a stop and turned around to find Rushil standing there, staring at him. Rushil put a hand to his chin, brow furrowed. He opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it, and slowly said, "But... this morning he said he had plans to see someone. I just... I thought it was you."

Lee blinked. He bit his lip as Rushil stared him down, concern taking over his expression. Lee shrugged dismissively, but that only caused Rushil to reach for his arm. "It's not a big deal," Lee said, shaking his head.

"But—I thought you two were—?"

"We aren't anything," Lee insisted, turning away. Rushil still had him by the sleeve of his high-collared sweatshirt. He tugged a hand against the collar, unsure why he felt embarrassed that Rushil know. He didn't care with Alex, but Rushil was different. Rushil was Milo's roommate. "I'm serious. I'm not... It doesn't bother me."

He could see Rushil staring at him from the corner of his eye. He put a hand up to scratch at his hairline as he sighed and insisted again, "Park and I... I don't think it's gonna happen. I can handle myself with fuckboys, all right?"

"Yeah, but I just... guess I wanted to think that Milo was better than a fuckboy," Rushil confessed with a pout.

"I mean, the guy is in a frat."

"I know..."

"And he wears salmon pants."

"I know... He's so fuckboy material. I don't know why I didn't think about it before."

Lee shrugged. "Guess serial monogamist is just a euphemism then," he said. Rushil laughed and Lee smiled as he clapped Rushil on the shoulder. They were just outside of the gym then, so Lee gave Rushil a squeeze and said, "I'll see you later. We should get some shit done tomorrow."

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"Yes, agreed," Rushil said.

As Lee climbed the steps to the gym doors, he glanced over his shoulder to watch Rushil walk off towards Lockhart Hall. He hooked his thumbs on his backpack straps as he spun back around and pushed into the facility.

He scanned his card and hurried down past the free weights. He hadn't told Milo that he planned on stopping by the gym, or that he ever even agreed to keep going with this gym buddy bullshit. If he was going to commit himself to Not Caring, by God, he'd handle this shit like a pro.

Lee backed into the locker room and spun around, striding with confidence to the far aisle where he could hear a locker slamming shut. When he turned the corner, he intercepted Park himself with his eyes on his smartwatch. When they nearly collided, Milo jumped and looked up, saying, "Sorry, I—Lee!"

Lee startled when Milo's voice cracked in surprise. Milo cleared his throat and shook his head, alarmed. "What're you—? I thought—?"

"Changed my mind," he said. He glanced back at Milo's closed locker, hesitating to take his backpack off. He dragged his eyes back to Milo, who was staring at him with wide, amber eyes. "If... that's okay?"

Milo's shock dissolved into a bright smile. He nodded quickly and said, "Yeah, definitely. I'll just wait here for you."

Milo took a seat at the end of the bench. Lee shrugged his backpack off and went to one of the tall lockers next to Milo's. The unused lockers were left unlocked until the keypad was activated, so Lee typed in a random code and saved it before pulling his gym clothes out from his backpack. He stuffed the rest into the locker and started unbuttoning his work shirt.

He glanced back at Milo, who he caught turning away.

Milo looked at his hands, his back to Lee. He cleared his throat. "So, um, what made you change your mind?" he asked.

Lee slipped his arms out of his shirt and folded it up into his locker as he said, "Figured I can't fault you for being an idiot."

When he looked again, Milo's eyes were back on him. Lee rolled his eyes and undid the button on his jeans, toeing off his shoes. "Rushil mentioned you were seeing someone today? A date or something?"

He was met with silence. He tugged his jeans down and ignored the way he shivered the longer Milo stayed silent. The locker room wasn't cold, necessarily, but Lee felt rigid, frosting over so that every movement was jerky as he jumped into his sweats and snapped the elastic waistband on.

When he ducked down to tie his shoes, Milo slid over on the bench, inching closer. He was on his phone and, when Lee sat to put his other shoe on, Milo held his phone out.

Lee frowned at the app he had open. It was his calendar, the same one he had screenshot and sent Lee a week before. This time, though, there was an extra color that colored a red stripe across the days of the month. Lee squinted at it, realizing it was the time he slotted for visiting Starbucks.

Each one had a name.

"I know I have a problem," Milo said.

Lee looked up and stared at the lockers ahead of him. He remembered what Rushil had said about Milo being a serial monogamist. It so went beyond that.

"You're..." Lee started, unsure how to word it.

Milo put a hand to his head, leaning over his knees as he groaned, "I'm addicted to Tinder. I started using it over the summer. Roland helped me make an account and I have dates blocked out through November."

"Jesus," Lee breathed. "Can't you cancel them?"

Milo glanced over at him. Lee snapped his mouth shut and shook his head quickly. Yet another statement that slipped past his filter. "Never mind. Ignore me," he said, grabbing his cutoff t-shirt. "It's your life, dude. I don't give a shit."

"I just... can't break off shit over text or on the phone," Milo said, shaking his head. He leant back on the bench with a long, pained sigh. "I don't have social anxiety, but shit like that... I physically can't do it. It's why I set up dates to meet up as soon as I start talking to people. You can't get the full story of someone over text, you know?"

"Yeah, I get that," Lee said. His head emerged from the shirt and he stood to slam his locker shut. "Can't say I've ever seen the appeal of Tinder, though."

Milo stared at him, frozen on the bench as Lee walked ahead to leave the locker room. He paused at the end of the aisle to look back at Milo, who scrambled to his feet and all but screamed, "You've never used Tinder before?!"

Lee stared at him in alarm. He startled when Milo came at him, lunging over the bench, and cruising up as he said, "Give me your phone right now. We're making you an account."

An incomprehensible squeak came out of Lee's mouth when Milo assaulted him to yank his phone out of his pocket. Lee staggered, disoriented, as he said, "Y-You're just saying that because you're the one addicted to it!"

Milo took Lee by the hand. As Lee was shookening about that, Milo took the opportunity to press Lee's thumb to the finger ID button on his phone to unlock it. Thoroughly frazzled, Milo dragged Lee towards the locker room exit, saying, "Today we're doing core. I'll take care of your profile for you."

"O-Okay, but—" Lee started, only to curse when Milo pushed him from behind, urging him to lead the way to the second floor of the gym. And then, as if Lee wasn't already wiped out from the climb, Milo set him to work at the far, remote corner of the gym where Lee could die in semi-peace.

a/n: I always post on the wrong days!! What days do you like me posting??

Also my all-time favorite line that I've ever written is "I don't know the stats of your throat dude"

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