Kai came up with a list of things I had to do ever since I told him a phrase that was threatening to burst through - " I can't feel anything anymore, with Alex gone, I'm numb."

I didn't expect Kai to take my words so seriously, but yet here we are. I was pretty satisfied upon reaching the last one the list :

1. Sit in the sun without doing anything, feel the heat of the rays hit your skin, realise that this sunlight has travelled a very long way to reach you.

2. Walk around barefoot and try to feel as much of the ground under your feet as you can, notice every rock and blade of grass.

3. Drive around aimlessly and blast some of your favourite songs, scream along to them and feel the vibrations and feel that the musics is healing you inside out.

4. Stay away from alcohol for a few days, try to be as aware and present as you can in every moment, stop trying to numb and dull your senses.

5. Eat a few meals without any distractions, notice every bite and taste every flavour that covers your tongue and be grateful for it all.

6. Look up at the starts and the moon, understand how small we all are and how immense the universe is, realise what a miracle everything is, let your heart swell in amazement and admiration for life itself.

Wearing a thick hoodie, I climbed my way to the roof, to complete the last of the list. Making myself comfortable, I lift my eyes to the midnight sky, stars scattered across its plane.

Maybe Xander and I could be looking at the same star at this very moment, maybe he misses me.

Or maybe he doesn't at all...

I bite down on my lip, is he doubting our love? Is that the reason why he's taking so long? I feared that he would never come back, that mere thought forced me down the lane of alcohol - drinking my worries away.

Because I couldn't stop the memories from rushing back to me each time - I could still feel his lips linger on me, his laugh echo through the room, his sunset eyes haunting me in everything I do.

He was my breath of fresh air.

I focus back onto the stars that winked at me, with the sparkle they each had. It was miracle though, that Alexander got his memory back and we both came out alive after the accident.

I had to be thankful.

I had to be thankful for meeting him in the first place - if not for him, I wouldn't have found my renewed love for art, I wouldn't have had the learnt so much about life. I wouldn't have been able to experience such a warming feeling called love.

And I haven't been more sure - I love Alexander Wilde, whether he returns or not, he has my heart. I didn't regret that the slightest bit because there's was still a small spark of hope within me that knew he would come back for me, for us.

" May I join?" I look over to see Blake pop his head out from the balcony. I nod with a cheeky smile, sliding over to grant him some space.

" So...I heard about Kai's list."

" I'm on my last one, I didn't expect him to take my words so seriously." Blake leans back with his hands behind his head.

" Well you know how he is, he cares a little too much but that's what makes him the best right?" I nod with a soft smile, casting my eyes to the edge of the roof. I don't know what I would without Kai, many people take advantage of his kindness.

" You know Alex will be back right, Gabriel?"

" How are you so sure?" My voice came out rather bitter. After all, I had a few doubts. How could Blake be so sure then?

Blake clears his throat, " I'm a strong believer that whoever is meant to be in your life will always gravitate back to you, no matter how far they wander." I grow quiet, letting his words sink in.

Meeting Blake's eyes, I take a deep breath.

" I hope you're right bro, cause I don't know how much longer I can live without him."

I hope you're coming, Xander.