The drive to the cottage was silent save for my music selection and constant bellowing of notes to the country breeze, slightly bad roads and forestry blocking out the sun on either side. Kwashie sung along sometimes but our conversation was minimal, we stopped to get food on the way because I was always hungry and I blamed it on my years of starving myself to be perfect in my mother's eyes.

"We're here." Kwashie parked in front of the board cottage.

"I have eyes, my guy." I rolled them and got out leaving her to bring in the luggage.

The owner advised us that the key would be in an envelope with a small note. I opened the wooden door and stepped foot into the cottage looking at the freshly polished maple wood floors and furniture. I squealed in excitement as I ran to the large floor to ceiling windows passing under a chandelier that hung low. I looked out at the forest below us and I quieted my excitement and heart to listen for the river that was promised and as if speaking to my calm soul, the sound of shallow water rushing over rocks entered my ears and I let out a sigh of contentment. At least all was still right with nature.

"What are we listening for?" Kwashie dropped the bags breaking my reverence.

"I was listening for the river. Do you remember when we made our house plans? Saying we'd get somewhere far from the hustle and bustle of the city?" I asked her continuing the guilt trip I started since we left the hotel and got into her Lexus.

"I would still love that but maybe not so far out." She came up to stand behind me but I stepped aside so she could be at my side. I heard her sigh.

"When will you stop this?" She asked sounding a bit hurt.

"What ever do you mean?" I dryly said before walking off and exploring the rest of the cottage.

The living room I had left, sported a wide flat screen TV and I knew I'd be spending a lot of time there since there was no tv in the room. The room itself was beautiful and huge with a four post California King Bed sitting in the middle with fresh linens as we were advised prior. The wooden floors ran through the whole house and continued into the bathroom where a walk in glass shower and jacuzzi welcomed me with their bright white surfaces. I smiled at the fixtures and was happy I packed my ziplock bags of herbal leaves, essential oils and epsom salt for my soaks that I always did in Richard's bathroom since he was the only one with a tub.

I hummed to myself as I walked back out and went to the kitchen that should be fully stocked. I went to the fridge and there was a note that made us aware of their green and zero waste policy so there was a Brita water jug instead of individual plastic bottles and I was okay with that, I might even take this lifestyle back home. Kwashie wasn't inside when I finished looking through the kitchen and cabinets thinking about what to cook for dinner. I found her on the porch sitting on the board railing and I expected her to be on her phone so that I could find some reason to be upset but she wasn't, her back slumped from the lack of support and she swung her legs out.

"That's a long way to go." I looked below us to see a declining hill.

"The river is down there, it's a good way to go." She looked over at me with a tender smile.

"We should go down there." I returned her smile.

"And tell me, my love, what shall we do down there?" Her eyes gleamed with mischief and my once dead spirit struck a match threatening to relight my outed candle.

"Marvel at nature. Fatima gave me one of her cameras and told me to take pictures and if it goes well, I might get into nature photography." I shook my shoulders and earned a low chuckle from her.

"I am glad that you have her." She looked away and back down the decline.

"Yeah. Me too." I smiled.

Evening was fast approaching and I had just come off the phone with Richard and Fatima letting them know that I had arrived alive along with the demon spawn I got married to. I spoke to Mama E on Kwashie's phone since she preferred to talk to me over her regret filled child. We had to call straight since there was no WiFi at the cottage, at least we didn't have to go to the river for water. Her phone dinged in my ear and I looked at it seeing the screen buzz to life with a message from someone saved as Kace 🌻✨.

My contact didn't even have an emoji much less a nickname in her phone. The fucking emojis didn't even look as good as they would on an iPhone and that was even more upsetting. I listened to Mama E pray humming my agreement here and there to let her know I was with her while I changed my contact from Zidania M to Wife ❤️. I had all the right in the world as I hit save and placed the phone back at my ear just in time to hear the amen.

"Enjoy the rest of your week, my dear and call us to check in from time to time." She said.

"I will, Mama." I disconnected the call leaving her phone on the kitchen island.

The dining table was in a small area for itself close to glass windows overlooking the forest. I turned off the stove and oven after checking and making sure that everything was done. I had taken a shower before Kwashie just to make sure I would be out here to keep a check on the pots since all she could manage to do was stir and smell for burns. I set the table and took out the chilled wine and two wine glasses. I shared our plates and sat down waiting on her to come from the room while sipping the wine I had poured for myself.

"Smells divine." I turned to see her walking towards me in a tank top and shorts showing off her toned legs and side boob with hands in the air catching her dreads in a high bun.

She sat in front of me and I filled her glass with wine as she waited for me to say a small prayer. We held hands, I prayed and both said amen. It felt like we were cheating on the Big G himself sitting here pretending like everything is alright when in truth it's far from being at the point of return. We ate in silence, the utensils hitting the ceramic plate causing more animosity amongst us.

"How was school been?" She broke the silence.

"It has been good, I passed Journalism and Creative writing but I failed math which brought down my overall grade. You?" I kept my voice as light as I possibly could.

"I passed law and math, psychology was a bit hard but Richard helped me out with some of it and I barely passed English." She finished.

"Then I guess you can help me with math and I can help you with English." I offered.

"I'd love that."

"That's if.. that's if you're not too busy." I shrugged my shoulder and stared down at my plate.

"How are Fatima's grades?" She dismissed my last comment.

"We both failed terribly at math but she passed journalism as well, and got 100% in photography. Even though our average dropped because of math we were still above the pass mark so Richard took us out to celebrate passing our first semester of university." I told her.

"She couldn't have found a better duo." She complimented.

"I'm glad she came to me that day and confided in me." I smiled at the memory.

"I had no reason to be jealous or to snap at her and for that I'm sorry."

"It's fine. The kid got over that, they all hate you because of what you've done not because of who you are."

"Do you hate me?" She asked expectantly.

"With every fiber of my being." I said truthfully and heard her sigh.

"But, my whole loves you so much that it goes beyond reasonable thinking and if this is how I shall die then I've always wanted to arrive to my death late, drunk and in love." My heart warmed at the blush on her face.

"I've never stopped loving you."

"Your actions tell another story."

"My actions tell that I am fool and impulsive and that I can't see what's right in front of me until it's too late. I went behind your back for no good reason and I stayed away from you as much as possible because I didn't know how to face you with the secret I kept." She sighed.

"How did it start?" I needed the truth.

"She kept pestering me saying that I should just meet up with her so that she can explain what she did to you but I avoided everything until one day my curiosity got the better of me so I met up with her and we started talking. I don't know if she bewitched me as you had asked but I found myself drawn to her and wanting to hear more from her, she's not as strong and challenging as you. She would agree with me while you challenged the clergy and sounded as if you've read a couple books that were before your time." She smirked.

"And even though she was nothing like you, I guess the submissiveness of her female tradition drew me to her. She suggested sex and I evaded that until I gave in which was short lived. It was in dim lighting the first two times and then my lack of male parts came to the light when she wanted to give me head." Her words were nervous and shy and I couldn't help the laughter that rose from my throat.

"I told her that I was trans and waiting to do my surgery."

"So, you lied." I folded my arms across my chest.

"I did." A smile played on the corner of her lips.

"What of the marriage?"

"I lied about that too. Told her I was using you for money. She believes you bought the car that I am driving, that you cover my medical and living expenses and she was very keen on having sex in the hotel room that you paid for." She chuckled as if this was a normal conversation to be having with your wife.

"Wasn't Richard the one who bought you the Lexus? So that technically isn't a lie." I pointed out.

"It was a gift." She rolled her eyes.

"I still don't understand why you did it." I shook my head.

"I don't either and I know I owe you more explanation than what I just gave but I will, everything will come to the light but I'm glad I got that off of my chest. You deserve so much more, Zim." She sighed.

"Do you think you can forgive me?" She asked.

"I already have one person on my mind to forgive right now so until I make that decision you're going to have to wait." I blankly said.

"Ah, I did remember seeing Sophia. Is that her baby?"

"It is. Richard's seed."

"What's the name?"

"Zachary Irvin McGlashan." I flared my nose.

"Another Zim.." she laughed heartily.

"It's not funny!! I shall never be replaced." I huffed.

"Is that what you fear? I hope you don't allow that irrational fear to get in the way of you accepting your brother and forgiving your mother if she truly has changed." She was always a voice of reasoning for me.

"As I said, I'm thinking about it." I emptied my glass.

"Do you love me?" I asked her.

"I do." Her words were simple but I wasn't sure how believable they were.

**

I felt the water in the jacuzzi to make sure it was warm enough before turning off the jets and scattering lavender stalks in it with epsom salt and then a few drops of geranium essential oil. I stripped from the silk robe I had bought for this trip and stepped into the tub feeling the hot water against my skin. This was a two person hot tub but since it was only me, I leaned my head back on the rolled up towel and perched my toes on the indention for where the other person should be.

"Zim?" I heard as I closed my eyes.

"In here." I groaned.

"It smells nice in here. My mother has you hooked with her herbal remedies, eh?" She chuckled.

"Maybe you should try them, they actually work." I leaned back and closed my eyes again.

"Is that you inviting me in?" She asked.

I kept my eyes closed a few seconds longer weighing out the pros and cons. I finally opened my eyes that were simultaneously filled with lust as I nodded. Her smile grew wide as she stripped down and ran out of the bathroom. She came back with a bottle of chilled champagne and two glasses, she rested them on the side of the jacuzzi and then went to wash off before coming into the tub with me. I popped the champagne and filled the glasses handing one to her.

"This is indeed relaxing." My legs rested on top of hers with her hands on my knee.

She stretched behind her and took up a ziplock bag that had small white pills in it and I raised my eyebrow at her questionably. She took two from the bag and held them between her fingers.

"Trust me?" She smirked.

"Only if you tell me what it is first."

"Ecstasy."

"Oh? So you come over to the mainlands and doing drugs drugs?"

"When in Rome, you do like the Romans."

"Please tell me you're not doing Bobby, Bobby Whitney, Whitney drugs drugs." I stared at her.

"No." She laughed out.

"This is where it stops, I promise." She placed the pills in her mouth and came towards me.

She kissed me and skillfully separated the two pills pushing one into my mouth with her tongue, I washed it down with the champagne and watched as she refilled my glass. We didn't have sex yesterday after dinner, I stayed up watching movies while she went to bed. I got in beside her after 3 in the morning and stuck to my side keeping the extra pillow tucked behind my back for "support".

"You don't have to drug me to have sex with you." I said after awhile.

"That much I know. I don't know about you but I am weak to you." She whispered.

She moved forward and pulled me up so that I was now straddling her waist. The effects of the pill mixed with champagne quickly kicking in as my sex senses heightened and my body quivered at her touch.

"Are you a virgin?" I asked her.

"You asked me this question already, my love and I told you no." She kissed my collarbone softly.

"How did you you lose it?" My curiosity at its peak.

"Curiosity killed the cat." She chuckled.

"But satisfaction brought him back, so satisfy me." I licked her earlobe.

"I can do that in more ways than one tonight?" She asked and I nodded.

"Well, my first time was actually with a guy when I was questioning myself. It wasn't pleasurable at all and I thought that maybe it was just him so I tried someone else and realized that my suspicions were true. I felt disgusted with myself for even doing it once much less twice until I met this stud by the name of Amica and we had sex. It felt right even though it was considered an abomination and I kept asking myself how can something this good be an abomination? Something that made me feel at peace with myself and then when I started to dress more masculine to get the guys off my tail we broke up because she didn't want to date someone who dresses like her." She explained.

"Tell me about the first time you had lesbian sex and be descriptive." I laughed.

"Mhm.. her mom was at work and her grandmother was asleep in the next room so we had to be really quiet. We turned the radio on so that if any noise spilled it would cover it up. She stripped me down and it was the first time I had ever gotten head before and she said it was her first time giving. It being my first time, I was really sensitive and it didn't take much for me to cum so after a few licks and keen attention to my clit, my toes curled and I had my first orgasm ever then she fingered me until I came again. The end."

"Wow, that was terrible story telling." I laughed.

"Let me satisfy you in more ways than one tonight." I smirked and got up stepping out of the tub walking away.

Candles were already lit and scattered over the room with different colored petals on the neatly spread bed, she had came to seduce me and succeeded with an addition of hormonal drugs. I heard soft guitar strumming and recognized the song immediately , what I loved about Kwashie was her expansive and great taste in music. Janet Jackson's voice filled the room around us as she moved closer to me wining her hips. I blushed at her movements and walked away to lay on the bed.

"How many times have you ever came in one session? Before me, of course." I asked her.

"Two." She answered.

"Well I think we're going to need another pill for what I have planned for you." She laughed as she walked back in the bathroom and came back with the ziplock bag.

"We only live once right?"

"And we should cum as many times as humanly possible." I laughed as I placed the pill on my tongue and swallowed.

I pulled her in for a kiss that she allowed me to dominate and climbed on to the bed with me. Her hand roamed over my body as we made out with her on top before I flipped her over and started leaving kisses on her neck and bare chest. I sucked on her nipple while my fingers played with her other and I switched repeating the same actions. I continued to leave wet kisses down her perfectly toned abs and made my way down to her freshly shaved pussy smiling at the effort she put in not knowing that we'd be in this moment right now.

I kissed all the way down before kissing her clit and hearing her moans mix in with the vocals in the background. I ran my tongue up and down before pushing her legs far apart and tongue fucking her feeling her run her fingers through the short hairs I had on the top of my head. I started to focus on her clit while humming my satisfaction of how she tasted and feeling her shiver from the added pleasure. She cursed under her breath as her legs wrapped around my neck in a headlock holding me in place as she moaned loudly letting out her orgasm. I rested my tongue at her entrance slowly licking at the juices seeping out, pushing her legs away as soon as they loosened. As soon as she caught her breath I stuck a finger inside of her and moved it side to side before sticking another finger in and thrusting further into her. I moved closer to her so that my body could be between her legs and leaned forward to kiss her.

She moaned into the kiss as I continued to finger fuck her at a rapid pace moving my hips with every thrust. I might've only had sex with one person before Kwashie but three years was a long time and I learned a lot during that time. I moved my hand from beside her head and held onto her throat hearing her low groan and string of curse words form at her lips as I smirked, she tried to close her legs so I quickly let go of her throat and held her legs apart with my elbow keeping her left leg at bay and my hand firmly gripping her thigh keeping them apart. I wasn't as strong as her but I managed to hold her down while I continued to ram my fingers in and out of her pussy hearing her wetness below me.

Her hands rested on my hips moving with me as I felt her walls tighten around my fingers and I went harder, she called out my name as she clamped down on my fingers and screamed out. I waited before pulling my fingers out of her and sticking them in my mouth. I moved away from her going to the draw I packed with my stuff getting my strap, it was presumptuous of me to bring it but I did anyways. I strapped the harness around my hip and under my ass then walked over to her waiting figure sprawled out on the bed.