Tonight wasn't different from any other of the 45 nights I spent locked away in my room. It was now the 16th and the wedding was set for the 21st. I was due for a spa weekend before the wedding, it was supposed to be a couple's retreat but Kwashie fucked it up. I dreaded the kiss and I dreaded the honeymoon, I wished things would just work themselves out.

I heard a loud banging against my window, in my fright and flight response I flailed my arms about and my body jolted upwards causing a whiplash effect. I fell on the floor with a loud thud, the carpeting did nothing to comfort my fall. I rubbed at my arms trying to calm my erratic heartbeat but the noise sounded around my room again causing me to scream and retreat under my bed.

That window was to the side of the house overlooking my neighbor's house. No one ever went around there so my reasons to be scared were valid. Nothing could happen to me though because my windows had grills on the inside so no one could possibly climb though.

"Zidania?" I heard my name from the window.

"God, please be a thief.." I whispered.

"Zidania!" The sound was still muffled but louder.

I knew it was Kwashie, her voice was undeniable and my dislike towards her would much prefer it to not be her. I sighed and moved from my space on the cold carpet to walk over to the window. I pushed my hands between the bars to unlock the latch and slide the window up.

"Kwashie?" I asked confused.

She stood on a ladder holding onto the grills to keep herself stable. How did she get into our locked shed for the ladder? How did she get around to this side of the house?

"I know you have so many questions but I need to talk to you." She said.

"Richard wouldn't allow me to come in after what happened earlier, why didn't you say something to me?" She asked.

I stayed quiet, I didn't know what to say.

"Zidania, please say something." She begged.

"Go away," I hissed.

"You're breaking my heart." She said.

"Join the broken hearts club, son." My tone was bitter.

"Please, listen to me. Can I come inside?"

"No, go home. I'll see you at the wedding. I'm dreading the day already." I lifted my hand to slide the window down but she grabbed me. The familiar heat under my skin shook me making me pull my hands away.

"I love you, please hear me out." I could hear the thickness of her voice.

"Meet me at the front door," I sighed. I always succumbed to peer pressure.

I watched her climb down into the darkness below and heard her footsteps hitting against the concrete in an attempt to rush back towards the front of the house. Unsurprisingly, my room was clean. Earlier when I cried myself to sleep Sharon snuck in and cleaned, obviously in stealth mode because I didn't hear anything. I closed the window locking the latch and left to go downstairs.

Out here was warm compared to the depressing temperature of my room. My bare feet sounded on the tiles with every step I took, I peeked around the corner before I went, I let out a loud sigh before walking through the foyer and up to the double doors. I opened it and there was Kwashie in sweatpants and a white round neck T-shirt. I stepped aside allowing her to come in. I locked the locks on the door and walked off allowing her to follow me upstairs to my room.

"It's so cold in here," she said.

I didn't answer, I just flipped the switch allowing light to take the place of the darkness. I sat on my bed while she stood at the door, I stared at the door behind her willing the awkwardness away in my mind. I didn't want to fidget and I didn't want to look nervous, I couldn't allow her to see the effect she has on me.

"Zim, I'm sorry." She begun.

"What I did... what I did was wrong." She breathed out.

"I knew I wasn't communicating with you and I'm sorry for that as well. I'm.. I don't know what to say.. you make me so nervous and.. and I don't want to keep apologizing blindly."

"I wasn't hiding anything, I promise." She clasped her hands in front of her.

"Seems like you were," I pointed out.

"I know, I know." Her fingers were now intertwined with each other.

"What's the problem?" I asked.

"There's this girl..." she trailed off.

My heart felt like it momentarily stopped but I knew that in reality it was still beating. Time seemed to slow down as my anger rose from its hiding place in my stomach and charged me up. I jumped from my resting place on the bed and flung myself at Kwashie. She didn't react quick enough and my fists were wildly and aimlessly being swung in her direction. It took me a minute to realize that I was screaming, to realize that the tears were back. How could she do this to me?

My tears were blinding me but I didn't need to see when my rage was fueling my actions, I just needed to let it run its course. Kwashie pushed me back by my shoulders and tried to dodge my advances. Her back was no longer towards the door and I was still hot on her case flinging my arms trying to scratch at her face or at least get in a decent punch. I felt arms wrap around my waist and I was being drawn away from Kwashie. I cried even louder, I felt my anger dim and my muscles went limp.

It was Richard, I spun around and wrapped my arms around his torso and buried my face in his chest bawling. He hushed me and patted my back trying to calm me down.

"Didn't I send you home?" His question was directed to Kwashie.

"She was the one who let me in." She confessed.

"What did you say to her?" He asked.

"I was trying to explain what is happening..." she trailed off.

"She cheated on me, Richard." I cried out. I wiped my nose in his shirt and lifted my head. He pushed my head back down on his shoulder and continued to pat my back.

"Is that true Kwashie?" He asked her.

"If she had allowed me to explain, she would've heard what I was trying to say." She defended herself.

"She's cheating on me, I can't get married to a cheater." The sobs were still raking through my body. I wanted Sharon but I knew she had gone home for the night.

"Are you cheating on her Kwashie?" Richard asked again.

"No, I am not." Her voice was firm.

"Zidania, I'm going to let you go now. Listen to what she has to say. I'll be in my room." Richard said.

I nodded into his shoulder as he released his tight grip on me and allowed me to manage my own weight. I wiped my tears in the hem of this shirt and looked up at his scornful face. I laughed through my tears and pushed him watching his retreating figure complain about me owing him a shirt.

"Zidania.." Kwashie called me.

"CAN YOU STOP CALLING MY NAME SO MUCH, GODDAMN." I shouted at her.

"Please calm down," she sighed.

"Say what you have to say." I folded my arms and balanced my weight on my left leg outstretching my right tapping impatiently.

"I am not.." I cut her off.

"Why are you lying to me?" I blurted out.

"You disappear for a whole month and expect me to just give you the time of day, huh? I should've left you outside bruh, fucking hate yo stupid ass." I cussed.

"You think I'm just gonna forgive you because you climb my ladder? Richard should pop a cap in yo ass for breaking into his shed. Look at me!! I'm a fucking star bro.. A STAR and you cheated on me! ME! You were my BABY! You done fucked up my guy. I should push my size sevens down that throat, you left me to assume and rot for one whole month and now you popping up and shit, you better get yo toaster strudel looking a-"

"ZIDANIA, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" She shouted cutting me off.

My lips were glued together instantly and between my legs grew hot. Shit.. I hated this effect that she had on me. My arms that were moving about emphasizing my words were now tucked in on each other folded against my chest. She walked over to me and held face in her hands bringing her forehead down to rest on my own.

"I'll never cheat on you, I love you." She was crying.

"I'll never hurt you like that.." she said.

"But you'll sill hurt me, right?" I asked trying to retain my anger and tears. I pushed her away from me.

"I need you, I haven't been able to function well without you. I had to protect you..." she trailed off.

"I couldn't allow her to find out where you live." She wasn't making any sense.

"What are you talking about? Who is she?" My confusion bright on my face.

"It's complicated.." she said.

"GET OUT!!" I shouted flinging my hand towards the door.

"I'm trying Zim.." her tears were rushing down her face.

She stepped up to me and I started to throw punches at her chest, my tears flowing out of me. My arms were weak so the hits had little to no effect. She stepped in closer grabbing me and pulling me into her embrace, this was home and I've been homesick for 45 days. I cried into her chest as her chin rested on top of my head. She rocked us side to side allowing me to calm down.

"I love you," she cooed.

"I'm sorry for hurting you."

"I didn't meant to."

"It wasn't my intention to hurt the one I love."

"I've missed you."

"I have to take care of this."

"I can't involve you."

She flipped the switch engulfing us in darkness lifting me up and walked me over to my bed, she sat down and held me against her chest. I felt small and fragile in her arms, I felt like a five year old child who got their feelings hurt and didn't know how else to feel better other than the comfort of their mother's arms. Instead, this was Kwashie and I was a young adult who height evaded despite her mother's towering frame.

I felt Kwashie move to lie down and pulled me up beside her. She brought the covers over us and I cuddled into her side shying away from the cold that I became accustomed to over the previous month. No sounds came from my mouth but the tears still flowed from my eyes caressing my cheeks while Kwashie rubbed slow and precise patterns on my back comforting me. She sung a song in her native tongue, it was soft and sounded like a lullaby.

I was drifting off to sleep, exhausted from my tantrums and constant crying. My body finally felt relaxed but I was afraid to fall asleep not knowing if she'll be here tomorrow when I woke up. I was in a dreamlike state listening to her soft voice being backed up by the low hum of the air conditioner, was this love? When I was 15 I never expected much from the future, I expected calculated growth and dictated steps but now I was free from my mother's dictatorship and I felt lost.

If she wasn't cheating then what could possibly be the problem? Why couldn't she just come clean? I never wanted to start assuming but she left me with no choice, she left me with a cliffhanger and I was forced to either step back or fall. I fell, I fell into a depressive state with my thoughts and my heart in a constant fist fight causing me not only emotional pain but also physical pain. Our wedding was next week, we were supposed to be happy right now.

"Kwashie?" I finally broke the silence.

"Yes?" I loved her voice.

"Do you love me?" I asked.

"More than Hades loves Persephone."

"My love for you is stronger than any curse or blood magic in this world. I love you as if my whole being, every fiber that makes me up was designed to love you. I was made to love you, Zidania."

I didn't respond, I listened to her profession of love hoping it would calm my rattling nerves. I did love her, I loved her a lot. I might not be able to weave my words into gold as she does but I loved her nonetheless. It was as simple and as complicated as that.

"I love you.." I finally said.

"I know that you do."

"So let me in," I bargained. I was always good at bargaining.

"I will, my love." She kissed my head.

"I need to know," I pressed.

"If you aren't cheating then what is it? Who is this girl? What do you have to protect me from?"

"It started before the lawyer society dinner. I thought it was just some random person shooting a shot at me even though it's known that I am engaged and quite in love. She didn't go away, she continued to message even when I didn't answer and would comment on everything I posted. At first I loved the attention because it was feeding my ego and pride, it had me feeling this new found version of masculinity that I never knew before." She said.

"That's why I was behaving so secretive, because I was feeding off the attention this girl was giving me and I didn't want you to find out. Even though it was only verbal, I felt guilty. I felt as if I wasn't being truthful to myself nor to you. I explained to her that I have to end the friendship but it didn't work."

"Flowers started coming to my father's law firm with my name on it and poems. Lunches would show up with no name other than my own, cards and gifts would be there every day even when I wasn't there. She popped up at my father's law firm while I was there one day helping him out, I didn't recognize that it was her until she came up to me introducing herself."

She didn't continue, she was silent and so was I. I wasn't going to rush the story, she seemed nervous as if the experience really shook her up.

"At first I thought it was just a coincidence that she was there but she started showing up everyday with gifts and admitting that she was the one sending them in the first place. I decided to stop going to the law firm for awhile and after three days of being home, the gifts started showing up at my doorsteps. The poems got more dark and gruesome threatening death. She threatened to kill you Zidania..."

"Said if she ever found out where you lived, she'd kill you and then she and I could be together. I'm sorry I didn't come to you sooner, I just couldn't afford her following me here." She sighed.

"I switched my number and I was too much of a coward to ask back for your number, embarrassed that I didn't have it memorized. I blocked her on all sites and told the security guards that she shouldn't be allowed in. She still has my address and I'm afraid that she'll do something unthinkable one day."

"I love you, Zim. I wasn't avoiding you and I surely wasn't cheating on you." Her voice was low.

"I was being stalked and unfortunately, it's still happening.