This chapter is dedicated to

I was back home in my loving bed missing Kwashie, I didn't have to leave but I wanted to give us some space. I was over there every weekend. Even though we did nothing throughout the week we still stayed apart from each other just texting or talking over the phone even though she was one car ride

away from me.

This week was different though, the burning desire to have her in my arms made me invite Kwashie to stay at my house during the week for a full week of movies. I had took a long ass shower and shaved just because I knew she was coming. She would sleep in the same bed as me, we only slept in different rooms at her house because her mother didn't believe in sex before marriage.

I threw my dirty clothes in the hamper because I had a bad habit of stripping in my room and leaving the clothes on the floor where I stepped out of them. I fixed my dresser and cleaned up my vanity. Sharon had cleaned my bathroom already but she wasn't responsible for my room, that was all me. I hurriedly got dressed in comfortable judging clothes and jumped onto my bed like I just hadn't speed cleaned my room.

I heard a knock on the door and then Kwashie's head peeped in. I knew Sharon would lead her here, I got the message from her that she had arrived and that's why I stopped cleaning and was now lying in bed behaving like I was nice. I smiled at her and she stepped in with her duffle bag dropping it at the foot of my bed and climbing into bed with me.

"It's 12 midday, why is your room so dark?" She asked cuddling against me.

"Just how I like it," I said.

"It's so gloomy in here," she whispered.

"I don't call it my depression crevice for nothing," I gave her a wide smile but she didn't reciprocate it.

She climbed on top of me straddling my waist. No one was gonna burst through my doors because my room was private and my mother wasn't here. I grabbed onto her waist and looked up at her, the glow from the television didn't do much in illuminating her features but I could still see her.

"Can I make love to you?" She asked me.

"I'll always say yes to that," I sat up and she wrapped her legs around my waist and snaked her arms around my neck holding me tightly.

"Have I ever told you that you are my favorite person?" I asked her.

"You have and I love hearing you ask that question." She smiled.

Ever since I asked it the first time I confessed my feelings for her I've said it every day. I rubbed circles on her back and connected our lips feeling that explosive feeling I felt every time. Even though I could feel the strap that she always had on pressed against my stomach, I didn't mind. My mind knew what it knows and nothing would change that.

"Have you ever played music while having sex?" She asked me and I shook my head no.

"Do you have speakers in here?" She asked.

I nodded yes and pushed her off me so I could lead her to the dock. I pointed to it and she connected her phone. Gorilla by Bruno Mars started playing and my skin heated up.

"So we really doing this?" I asked her.

"Yes.." she made her way up to me stripping out of her clothes.

Oooh, I've got a body full of liquor and a cocaine kicker and I'm feeling like I'm thirty feet tall. So lay it down, lay it down.

Bruno Mars' voice echoed throughout my room and despite the AC blasting in the room, I felt hot under her gaze. She walked over to me and pushed my back onto my bed coming between my legs, again a new feeling I wasn't used to.

"Have you ever been strapped?" She asked me and I shook my head.

"Really?" She looked like she didn't believe me.

"Last weekend was the first time I was ever penetrated." I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked into her eyes.

"Please be lying." She breathed out.

"I'm not."

She jumped off of me the next instant and ran to turn the music off.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked.

"I tried to.." I avoided her gaze.

"You said you've had sex before," she sighed.

"I mean... I've had sex but I've never been penetrated," I looked up at her.

"You should've told me that you were a virgin," she grabbed my face and placed a soft kiss on my lips.

"I'm so stupid, I can't believe I made your first time like that." She hissed.

"It's okay..."

"It's not okay," she raised her voice.

"I'm so stupid but I can't take it back. I can't even touch you now just because..." she held onto her hair and paced back and forth.

Her hair was growing out since I convinced her to get locs. What she had in now were dread extensions and to say that they made her more sexually appealing to me was an understatement. If I had to bitch myself out to get that dick then I will fam because I've been dreaming about that strap since I felt it against my thigh the day she pushed me against the wall. I got up from the bed and walked back to the dock and pressed play.

You got your legs up in the sky with the devil in your eyes. Let me hear you say you want it all, say it now, say it now.

Bruno Mars was once again playing in the room as I walked over to her and pushed her up against the door. I pressed my body against hers and stared into her eyes.

"I don't regret allowing what happened over the weekend, I loved it actually and even though my first time getting penetrated wasn't how I wanted it to be it's no biggy and you want to know why? Because it was with you and I wouldn't have had it any other way," I pushed her loose locks behind her ears and guided her hands around my waist.

I stepped back until I felt my feet hit the bed and fell back pulling her between my legs once more. I listened to the lyrics of the song in the background. Did she want us to be fucking like gorillas? Why would she choose this song? I didn't worry about the song moving too fast because I knew it was on repeat.

You'll never be the same baby once I'm done with you.

"I don't wanna be the same," I said.

"I want to be yours," I brought my lips up to hers kissing her softly until she finally came back to me and took control of the kiss deepening it.

She lifted my tank top over my head and my breasts were now free and erect like little soldiers. She smiled down at me and brought her lips back down to mines and used her left hand to massage my breast while her right hand kept her weight off of me. I moaned into the kiss as she pulled away to attack my neck, I bit my lips while I held onto her shirt pulling it up over her head. She wore her bandages today instead of a conventional binder and I've asked her before why she switched between the two sometimes.

I pulled the clasp at the side that secured the bandage and allowed it to loosen around her. She breathed a sigh of relief once it loosened and raised her torso a bit so I could unravel it and throw it in the same direction I threw her shirt and took her breasts into my hands pinching her nipples.

Yeah, I got a fistful of your hair but you don't look like you're scared, you're just smiling, tell me "daddy, it's yours.

The music continued in the background and our arousal filled the air around us. Kwashie was now kissing down my stomach- after spending time with both of my breasts- aiming for my tights, she pulled them down and I eased up giving her more room to discard of the unwanted garments. She moved between my thighs and I could feel her breath fanning the insides of my thighs. I pushed her head down so that her mouth can meet my swollen nub.

When the tip of her tongue touched me I sucked in a sharp breath and that feeling washed over me, I always felt brand new when she touched me like that. My feeling was cut short when she sucked my clit between her lips and moaned out when I tugged at her dreads, her hands sunk into my waist and I knew it would leave a mark but I didn't care the only thing that mattered right now was what I was feeling.

She continued to suck and my moans were mixed with the music in the background and this moment felt surreal. She ran her hands up and down my sides tickling me with her fingers and it felt euphoric, it felt like nothing I've ever felt before but that was the feeling I always felt with Kwashie and I doubted that I'd ever get used to it.

My orgasm shook my legs as I tightened my grip on Kwashie dreads and she hissed from the pain I had caused. She stayed a little longer slowly licking allowing me to come down from my pleasure high. She got up and slid out of her pants, she stood staring at me in her boxers, I told her to take it off. She slid it off and stood staring at me again but this time she had a huge grin on her face.

"Kwashie.... why is your dick blue?" I asked her.

"I picked this one specifically for you," she smiled.

"Do you always walk around with a colored strap?" I laughed out.

"Na, I wore this one because I was coming here today." She winked.

"Do you like it?" She asked me.

"I love it," I laughed as she came over me.

I wrapped my legs around her waist and stared up at her face. I was completely naked and so was she. I felt open and vulnerable but I felt safe and that was the most important thing right now. I turned away from her heavy gaze and she held onto my jaws directing my face back up to hers.

"Look at me," She said.

I stared up at her with my face hot from blushing so hard. I felt her at my entrance and I stopped breathing, I held onto my breath until she finally entered me. I moaned out and squinted my eyes from the pain, I turned my face away trying to push my head further into the bed. She didn't move, she stayed still and I could feel her heavy gaze on my face.

"Look at me," She said again.

She waited until I faced her and opened my eyes before she spoke again, "Are you okay?" She asked me.

I nodded my head because I couldn't form any words.

"It will feel better after awhile, I promise..." she smiled.

"Promise?" I whispered and she leaned down to kiss my lips and started to move.

She slowly pulled out of me and then slid back in at the same pace. She filled me to the brim and my mind was completely shrouded in pain and pleasure. I was still staring up at her, our eyes connecting and sharing our most intimate thoughts. I held onto her firmly pulling her closer to me because it felt like she wasn't close enough.

"Am I not close enough to you, my love?" She asked me.

I shook my head no and took in a sharp breath as I felt her enter me and filled me up once more.

"More," I whispered. She smiled and dipped her head in the crook of my neck and quickened her pace.

My moans grew louder as I stuck my tongue out to lick her earlobe, she moaned and shivered on top of me and there was that feeling again. That brand new feeling I got with her. I never knew this position felt this great, it was snatching my soul and I was willingly giving it all to Kwashie. I was going insane from the emotions running through me, she couldn't leave me... not after taking my soul like this.

"What are you doing to me?" I asked her.

"Mhm.. I'm showing you how it feels to make love." She kissed my neck and then raised herself up a bit.

She was still stroking my insides and my toes were curling up. Her skin was rubbing against mine and I felt the fire between us that couldn't be replaced by anything else. My stomach clenched and I screamed out at the climax building inside me.

"Kwashie..." I moaned out and bit her shoulder.

"Zidania," She bit her lip and suppressed a moan.

She called my name like the letters were formed specifically for her mouth, they rolled of her tongue like she owned the word but this didn't feel like possession it felt mutual. It felt like a bond formed from pure unadulterated feelings and emotions.

"I love you," the words slipped from my mouth without consent. My eyes were wide as I stared up at Kwashie, she had the same expression as I did. She didn't expect it.

"And I love you," She was going faster now with a new found passion.

"I've been waiting to say those words to you," She bit her lip.

"Please, I can't hold it anymore." I moaned out.

She had picked up her pace and was thrusting in and out of me while I moved my hips to meet and match her pace. She was right, the pain had subsided and I felt nothing but goodness. I screamed one last time as my orgasm rushed out of me and my walls grabbed onto the strap.

"Kwashie..." I shouted out.

She continued moving, slowing down her pace while I curled my toes and scratched at her back. She was panting above me and breathing heavily as she rested her weight on me. We both lied still listening to each other's raging heartbeats and heavy breathing.

"Still up for the movie?" I asked her.

"Yes ma'am, but after I wake up." She chuckled on top of me.

My duvet was already at the bottom of the bed so I drew it from the corners and pulled it over us. Kwashie's weight wasn't suffocating and her steady heartbeat calmed me down enough to fall asleep entangled with her under my comforter sheltering us from the outside world.

I let out a yawn as I opened my eyes and looked around. Kwashie had moved off of me and was now cuddling into my side. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the wall clock and it was after 7, Richard should be home soon. I slid from under the covers and crept to the bathroom to bathe. My legs didn't feel like my own and I had a cramp in my abdomen that could've only been caused by getting strapped. I came out of the bathroom and was frightened to see Kwashie sitting up in the bed staring at me.

"You frightened me, geez." I rolled my eyes and walked over to my dresser to get underwear.

"Go bathe and I'll go prepare the snacks and the theater room," I said pulling on my boxers and tank top. I flashed out my sweatpants and Kwashie was still sitting and staring at me. Had she fallen asleep while sitting up?

"Kwashie?" I called her.

"Mhm?" She answered me.

"Thought you fell asleep sitting up," I said.

"I might've," she got up and quickly ran to my bathroom while I started laughing and exited my room.

I walked down the hallway and down the flights of stairs. I heard talking coming from the kitchen but the second person didn't sound like Richard. I got to the last turn before the open kitchen layout and peeped around the wall. It was Cj and my mother but what could they possibly be talking about? I stilled my breathing and erratic heartbeat so that I could at least hear pieces of the conversation.

"Are you sure?" That was my mother.

"Yes, I'm sure. I was at the beach the evening she confessed it." Carter said.

"Look, I don't doubt you. I just don't understand why you'd want to ruin her relationship. Isn't she your bestfriend?" My mother asked.

"Yes, but we discussed how much she really doesn't want to get married to the African and I'm just helping her out as a friend," I gasped at that. Carter was ruthless.

"Are you sure?" My mother asked again.

"Mrs McGlashan, I am very sure" she said firmly.

"Get proof and then we can make a deal," My mother said.

I stuck my head around the wall once more seeing them shake hands. I stood in my same spot unable to move. I heard the foot of the chair scrape against the tiles as it was pushed back, I waited to see who would be walking towards the door. I knew it would be Carter anyways since only one chair moved.

I stared up as the person came into view. Carter Jones' back was was facing me but she stopped momentarily to look back and winked at me with a smirk on her face. This couldn't possibly be happening to me.. maybe I should just stay with Carter since happiness wasn't mine to have. I deserved to be miserable and it was manifesting it's ugly self.

Maybe I deserved the same half love that I gave to her all this time, I didn't deserve Kwashie but it was a heartbreaking way to find it out.