Today was the day. Time seemed to be moving so fast with Kwashie around, it was nearing the end of August now and I knew that CJ should be preparing to leave for school in Canada. I wasn't going to university this year, Richard and I agreed to push it back until after the wedding. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead and even though my bedroom was cool from the running air conditioner, I still managed to work up a sweat with the anxiety that was coursing through my veins. Today was the day Kwashie planned to propose to me in public. Our families were to be there and we would be having dinner at the exclusive Le Rufa restaurant in the hills.

'Dress to impress.' Kwashie had said.

But what could she possibly mean? I mean, Richard nor her didn't seem to have a problem with my androgyny but I wasn't so sure about her parents and I was definitely sure that my mother would be against this.

I was still wondering what I was going to wear today. I could wear heels to balance out the outfit? Maybe my boots with the low rise heel would work but what kind of pants would that fit? I usually wore them with my pants leg folded but I guess they could work with an above the ankle length pants? What color scheme should I wear? Should I just wear a dress?

If I didn't calm myself down I'd surely go into shock and I felt it coming on like it always had in the past. I got up and went to my bathroom for my anxiety pills, I took two for good measures and went to my closet for my sneakers. I laced them up and grabbed my towel walking towards the home gym, maybe I could blow off some steam that way.

My makeup and hair was to get professionally done and I was to be at that appointment for 11 AM. It was now after 8 in the morning and I've been up since 6 wondering what I was going to wear.

I was one hour and thirty minutes into my workout listening to music and doing squats when I realized that I was still frustrated and unable to piece together an outfit in my mind. I drew out my yoga mat from its place on the shelf and spread it out onto the floor. I moved into my first sitting position with my legs folded Buddha style and my hands clasped in front of me right over my chest. I breathe in lifting my arms upwards then let out the breath that I was holding in for thirty seconds separating my arms and bringing them towards my side meeting back in the first clasp position in front of my chest that I started in. Next was the downward facing dog position and then into the rising sun position. I was now in the Bakasana position ready to outstretch my legs and balance my weight on my hands when it all came to me. I fell from my position and ran towards my room.

"I'll wear a plaid print... YES! I have three different print types in my closet.. something fine maybe?" I spoke to myself while walking the distance to my room from the gym.

"The dark blue and green print, my faverrrate colors."

"What top?" I stopped and stared at the wall as if it was the one that had asked me the question and not myself.

"We bought a black silk top after watching Versace on the Floor vid, remember?" I asked myself.

"Yes! I remember.. thank you Bruno Mars." I said continuing the walk to my room.

"Shoes?"

"We thought of the black leather boots with the low rise heel earlier.. yes.." I was whispering now.

"I also have one with a 2 inch heel.. wait.. I think it's the same one," I chuckled.

I finally got to my room and ran into my closet. I arranged all of my clothes by color and category. I had a rack just for my black clothes of all category, everyone didn't fit but it kept things color coded. I walked over to it and skimmed through to find the silk button down that I referred to earlier, I found it and pulled it out to try it on. It fit exactly how I remembered and should fit under the jacket perfectly. I walked over to my rack where all my suits were lined up from dark to light, majority of them were feminine and for business purposes. The one I was looking for was right in the middle, I took it down and sized it up. I had it altered awhile back so that the pants was more fitted to my thighs. I grabbed the shirt that I had placed on the chair and ran out of my room going to find Sharon.

"SHAAAAROOOOOOOOON," I shouted out.

"ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM," she shouted back.

"SHAROON!" I shouted again.

"ZIIIIM," she shouted back, again.

"Sharon..." I said trying to catch my breath.

"Zim..." she looked at me and at the suit in my hand.

"Mommy's not dictating what you wear anymore, huh?"

I always found it funny that CJ and I had helpers with the same name. She was in her thirties and was the most loving woman I knew, she had three kids and wasn't married but she lived with the father. We paid her well, all she did was clean up around the house and did small things for us like dry cleaning and sometimes laundry when I wasn't feeling like it but it always ended up being a deal. She did my laundry and I made food for her, mother never cooks for her. She is allowed to cook whatever she wants though and majority of the time she makes lunch for us both or cooks when my mother is away.

"No... thanks to Richard." I said with a broad smile on my face.

"I am happy for you, you deserve it pumpkin."

"Thanks Shar, could you steam these out for me please?" I asked lifting the suit up.

"Mmhmm, good choice. What's the occasion?"

"Uhm.." my face turned red. "I'm getting proposed to."

She looked at me with a slightly shocked expression but her face was mainly neutral. A gift you had to have when working with my mother, had to maintain a solid neutral expression around her.

"I mean, I'm not surprised. Between me and you.. I knew." She said laughing out.

"How? Why didn't you say anything to me?" I asked.

"Because my sweet little mittle, it wasn't my business to tell." She grabbed my jaws between her hands and then took the suit from me along with the silk shirt.

I watched her walk away as I went to the kitchen to get a drink. Was I becoming an alcoholic? I don't think so but I resorted to alcohol or weed anytime I got stressing information. I downed my scotch in one go and rested the cup in the sink. I walked back up to my room to have a quick shower and get ready for my 11 AM appointment at the salon. I was to get my hair and makeup done.

45 minutes later I was driving out of my driveway making my way into the town tapping my steering wheel to the beat of Hayley Kiyoko's song Feelings. I parked in the assigned parking lot at the back of the building and walked around to the front. I had dressed in black skinny jeans and a forest green Nike shirt with my black and white Nike Roshes. With my earphones plugged in and music on full blast I walked into the store and was greeted with the hazelnut coffee that I ordered prior to coming here, I was a regular. My mother made sure of it.

I greeted everyone and went to sit in the chair, I looked around and other females from the upper class society was there. Born into riches, I couldn't blame them for how they were. They didn't understand how it felt to want something and was unable to get it because of financial restrictions, they got what they wanted when they wanted it. I would always sympathize with the persons that didn't have because I knew what not having felt like, I knew how heartbreaking wanting and not getting was. I donated to charity every chance I got, I saved my allowances and I gave to homes and shelters. I did my best where I could but I knew it wasn't enough. The smart got scholarships based on work, the athletic got scholarships based off ability but what about the middle man? What about the plain Janes of the world? Those were the ones I wanted to help, the ones who knows that they can amount to something but all they needed was the help, all they needed was monetary help.

Lisa, the hairdresser who prefers to be called a beautician, got started on taking out my clip-ins. I knew she was going to relax my hair and trim the ends.

"Wow, have you been taking hair gummies?" She asked me.

"Nah, why?" I continued to stare ahead of me.

"You come here every four weeks for a new relaxer and I've never seen your hair grow so much throughout that time. Let me onto the secret."

I thought about it, Kwashie has been playing in my hair a lot recently and giving me scalp massages. So I said, "scalp massages, they help with blood flow."

She hummed to herself and got to work. I was texting Kwashie and couldn't help but smile. I felt great, even greater than after Sharon made green juice and I purged my system. Mrs Ekuban got me raw black soap and Shea butter for my skin, I was glowing. Kwashie started calling me her asantewaa which meant queen mother in Asante Twi. My face had a permanent smile and Richard didn't miss it. He was happy that I've come to a compromise with Kwashie, I haven't brought up the topic of Kwashie being a female but with Richard being Richard I knew that he knows that I know.

"Soooo, I see you've accepted your husband to be. What occurred, prey tell?" He said holding his chin.

"Compromise," I had smirked and walked off flashing my hair.

I laughed at the memory and sent Richard a gif. I loved the connection that we had, I'd never accept anyone else as my father. No one else quite understood me like Richard did. It's been close to an hour and I was to get the relaxer washed out so I walked over to the sink and sat down, I enjoyed this part the most because she massaged my scalp while washing my hair. It made me feel extremely relaxed and pampered, things you could feel when you had money to spare.

I was now back in the chair after spending a hour under the dryer with roller sets in. She parted my hair and secured the clip ins and trimmed them up, I always loved having long hair I guess that was why I never had a problem with these because I could've went to the barber when Richard gave me my freedom to dress how I wanted. I threw the feminine clothes to the wind and kept the gender neutral and masculine clothes, I also kept the long hair and makeup. I had to anyways, I needed to keep up with appearances. My hair was now being done in loose curls and each was pinned on top of my head for after the makeup.

I moved away to go to the part of the salon that was solely for makeup.

"Hello Zim," Carey, the extra feminine makeup artist greeted me.

I nodded and sat in her high chair facing the mirror with the extra bright bulbs.

"What color scheme are we going for?" She asked.

"Black, forest green and dark blue." I thought about my suit.

"Ah, you're the one that's choosing this outfit?" She asked me.

I nodded again, she knew a little about my life because she made it her prerogative to question me everyday, said she was interested in me and wanted to be with me but I was with Carter so I never gave her the time of day.

"I like that," she said. I never answered.

She started talking about her friends and the latest problems they were having but all I ever did was listen and try to make sense of it all, I preferred this than her prying into my business. The dinner was at four and we were being picked up from the house at 3:45. Once we were through I couldn't help but to stare at myself a little longer than usual, I was gorgeous and I hoped Kwashie liked it as much as I did. I thanked everyone, paid and left.

When I got home it was quickly ticking down to 3 and I couldn't wait because I was extremely hungry so I went straight to the kitchen and made myself a quick sandwich and stood in front of the fridge eating it.

"What kind of behavior is this?" I heard my mother's voice from behind me.

"Chill, I'm just hungry." I didn't move from my spot.

"You shall not speak to me in such a manner young lady," she stepped up to me and draped my shirt making me drop my sandwich that wasn't even half way through.

"Why are you dressed like this? How many times do I have to tell you that this isn't feminine? I would smack you right now but I wouldn't want to ruin the perfection on your face." She said letting me go.

"Clean this up and get ready," she instructed.

I dropped to my knees and started picking up the bits of sandwich from the floor willing the tears to not fall. I rested my hand on the tiles for support and she lifted her foot and stamped down hard onto my fingers. I let out small scream and took a sharp intake of breath, I quickly dropped the pieces of sandwich I had in my hand and held onto my other hand holding it close to my chest.

"All I do is for your own good," she said before walking away.

Thankfully, the tears didn't come as I sat there holding my hand staring down at the sandwich. I had only recently started eating again, I had an eating disorder for two years and I was nothing but skin and bones then. She made me terribly insecure about my body and about my eating choices, I loved food but she made it seem like I was only poisoning myself with it so I stopped eating and starved myself just to please her. It was Carter Jones who finally helped me to break that curse that I was under and now I felt as if I was going to go right back under it.

"Come on, get up and go get ready. I'll clean this up." Sharon said rubbing my back softly.

I looked over at her kneeling beside me and she said, "I know, I know."

She was right, she did know. She knew everything that went on in this house but she didn't say anything, it wasn't her place to do so.

"I'll see you later," she called after me when I moved off.

I got to my room and took a warm shower avoiding my hair and face. Afterwards, I went to my drawer and took out a pair of seamless tights and a padded sports bra. I rubbed cocoa butter all over my body and slid into my pants, they fit just as I expected them to hugging onto my legs. I drew on my shirt and left out the top two buttons buttoning down the rest of the shirt and tucking it inside my pants, zipping it up and buttoning the front. It had no belt loops so it sat on my waist perfectly, I took out black ankle socks from my top draw and put them onto my feet then slid into my black boots.

I stood up and looked into the full length mirror that was ahead of me judging my appearance, I thought I was the right size for my height since I wasn't skinny anymore but I always felt like I could lose more weight. Every time my mother mentioned my eating habits I ran to the gym to excessively work out and most times Sharon was the one who had to come stop me because no matter how tired and aching my limbs were, I pressed on; I had to please my mother, I had to be perfect.

I sighed and walked over to my vanity to unpin my curls and set my hair how I wanted it. I refreshed the lipstick on my lips and sprayed more setting spray on my face. I went back to my closet to my jewelry display and took out my diamond earrings switching them with the ones I currently had in.

"Gold or silver?" I asked myself.

"How about diamonds?" I lifted up a choker that was made from large and small diamonds all around and secured it on my neck then I took up another necklace that had an oval shaped diamond on the end and secured it around my neck as well. I took up my diamond plated Rolex and placed it onto my left hand while my right hand had on a set of smaller diamond bracelets.

"Ah, there you go. Looking like a million dollars, literally." I chuckled to myself as I fixed my neck pieces in the mirror.

I looked at myself one last time before I decided on switching the boots and socks for leather Tom Ford loafers and putting on my jacket. I sprayed my cologne on me and started gassing myself in the mirror.

"Who got this motherfucker started? Zim."

"Who took your bitch at the party? Zim."

"Red bottoms MJ moon walk on a bitch, I'm moon walking through your click, I'm moon walking in the six." I ended up rapping Bartier Cardi by Cardi B and it actually helped.

"You'll do great tonight, the hardest part will be done in private but it won't be hard because Richard will be there and he will defend you." I said fixing my jacket.

"When she goes on her knees and pops the big question all you have to do is say yes. Remember you lost a bet and a McGlashan never goes against betting terms and conditions." I said fixing my hair.

"Who are you?" I asked giving myself a hard glare.

"I-" I started but was cut off.

"Zim. You are Zim and you look utterly dashing in that plaid suit. Now come on, we have to face the dragon and then be on our way to the restaurant." I whipped my head around to face Richard standing at my door in his expensive Armani Exchange suit and Tom Ford oxfords. His top button was open as he wasn't wearing a tie and his gold necklace reflected the lights in my room.

"You are quite dashing yourself, kind sir." I said walking over and accepting his outstretched hand.

"Ah, thank you m'lady."

"Where is mother?" I asked.

"In the foyer waiting for us," he answered.

I didn't respond, I just continued walking with my hand connected to Richard's elbow. We got to the foyer and as soon as my mother turned around her expression was obviously laced with anger and disapproval.

"Richard, I cannot allow my daughter to leave the house looking like that." She said through gritted teeth.

"Why not? She is completely ravishing, I wish you would dress in suits more."

"Shut up," She snapped.

"Now Sophia, I implore you to watch your tone with me." Richard said letting go of my hand and walking up to my mother.

"I will not have my daughter leave the house looking like some man, she is a woman and women don't wear suits." She said.

"Well you are obviously mistaken because there is a woman in a suit standing before you," he lifted his arm to me.

"She is a deranged young girl, she needs guidance. Give me ten minutes and I'll have her looking beautiful," she said.

"Woman, get a hold of yourself. Zim, come on." he turned to me. I steered wide of my mother and walked out of the house.

"Zidania, don't you dare step outside the threshold of this house," My mother shouted out.

"Zidania, meet us in the car," Richard smiled at me.

"You are my flesh and blood and you will do as you are told," she shouted.

"I am eighteen years old, a consenting adult so no I don't believe I have to do as I am told and you cannot say that I shall obey you under your roof because the last time I checked the land title says Richard McGlashan. So please mother stop acting brand new and please do not ruin this night for me." I said completely afraid to even look back at her.

"Excuse me?" She sounded shocked.

"I did not stutter," I finally found the courage to turn around, "isn't this what you wanted? For me to get married and be a perfect wife? I'm getting proposed to.. and Kwashie Ekuban will be going on his knees in his own expensive suit and he will propose to me in my suit. Don't like it? Then deal with it or don't come." I looked at Richard, he had a shocked expression on his face that I finally stood up to my mother but he also had a satisfied smirk.

"It's obvious this is a battle you cannot win Sophia and I've always told you to choose your battles wisely," Richard said walking over to her. He put his hand on the small of her back and lead her forward leading her outside and into the waiting car.

"You can drive if you want to," he said to me.