...

I'm wide awake

..

....

Yet, I feel like I'm not

.

..

...

What is wrong with me?

"JEEZ!" were the first words that escaped as I came falling down my bed. My body was numb, so numb in fact I COULDN'T EVEN FEEL MY FALL! A minute or so have passed, guess what happened.. nothing. My body just laid there like a corpse, wait no, that's too emo. Okay, how about this? My body laid there like an empty husk, lifeless indeed but it's not. I know I couldn't move my fat ass body, but it didn't stop me from gaining my senses back! Now that I think about it, maybe I should just give up. I spent at least half an hour trying to move my index finger and guess what happened? Nothing... nothing happened.

There I was, still laying down at the cold floor like an idiot that just endured the worst hangover. The coldness of each wood planks that my skin touches sends shivers down my spine! And as I laid there I felt another cold sensation, but I know it's not from the floor. I think, it's from my eyes?

... Damn, am I crying?

I hope not... I don't want to.

Maybe I am.

Suddenly, a miracle happened! The dark that flooded my mind was now slowly covered with light. I was so happy, mom!

"That's uh, an interesting story, ___ (Your name). How about this, let's continue your story after breakfast?" said by the cool lady, you call 'mom'.

After hearing those words from mom, I couldn't help but stare back with a 'are you serious' face and replied back with,"Story? Interesting? Moooomm, I'm serious! This isn't made up, everything I told you happened earlier. And it really was scary, if you only knew what it felt like then you would've understand..."

The kitchen went silent, dead silent. The awkwardness was so much, I closed my eyes and waited for time to stop but it didn't. After what happened I couldn't bear to look at her, I feel guilty... maybe I shouldn't have said that. If only was I-

"I'm sorry, ___..." whispered by a voice. The voice was so gentle could it be? Mom?

"M-mom? You really don't have to haha. I was just overreacting..." I gave her a reassuring smile.

"Dear ___, don't worry. Things will be better if we soon leave this household. In fact, it would be better if we leave now while your dad is gone."

"What? W-wait, are you planning to leave dad?"

"N-no dear, it's just-" she sighed, "me and your father aren't in good terms right now, it would be better for the two of us to leave immediately..."

"But, mom. We can't just leave dad, he needs us as much as we need him!"

"Well, I don't need him, neither do you!"

"You don't! But I do! Mom, please, we don't have to do this!"

"Can't you see I'm doing this for us!? Your father is an asshole! He never cared about me or you!"

"You're lying, of course he does-!"

"He doesn't! Can't you see?! He only focuses on things like his job or the woman he's always with!"

"This is bullshit! You're only doing this because of that? Because of the woman you think your dad is cheating with!?"

"..."

"Mom, you are the best woman and the only woman that would make me and dad happy! It wouldn't be the same without you, mom..."

"You don't know that!"

"Argh! I can't deal with this anymore. I need a time out."

"___ w-wait!"

I knew mom and dad were never in good terms from the start but I've always wished they would just forgive each other. If they can't, then maybe just maybe things would've changed if I were gone.

As soon as I got near the front door, I felt a hand grip on my shoulder.

"P-please ___! We can just leave and everything will be okay-"

"No."

"What?"

" I said- !"

I didn't wanted to push her but instincts I tell ya. After what happened, I couldn't bear to look her in the eyes.

...

This wasn't in my plan, none of these are in my plan at all! I wanted to fix my family, but I failed. What should I do now?

...

"What should I do now?" I said to myself as I started running towards the streets. I couldn't focus on where I was looking at all, everything was blurry. Could it be because of the tears or the thoughts that kept on popping on my head, wishing that all of this would just vanish away?

I just wish this would all stop, then at least I would have a break from this rotten world.

"___!" The voice shouted as I came back to my senses. I didn't realize I was in the middle of the street. People where shouting, and a man was running towards me. I didn't know what made them shout, could it be?

I turned my head to face a truck driving towards me.

!UPDATE LOG! // 04/21/2020