《But Too Well》XXXIV : Don't

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studies me, processing. "So, you guys, I mean..." Leaning in, she seems to have a hard time understanding what I just finished telling her. "You haven't, you know... slept with him, have you?"

I flush, shaking my head rapidly. "No, Natalia, I already told you. I..." Pressing my head against the table, I groan. "Don't make me have to repeat the whole thing again, okay? Just... help."

She raises a perfect eyebrow, and for a second I notice, not for the first time, just how incredibly beautiful she is. No wonder Daniel has fallen in love with her.

And she is definitely related to Nero.

Taking a sip of her coffee, her eyes don't leave my face, and I can't tell if she is disgusted by me, horrified, disappointed, all or none of the above. "I mean, Ros, I guess..." She struggles to find something to say to me. "I guess I knew there was something, but like... God. I don't even know what to say."

Running a hand through my hair, I give her a small shrug. "Just tell me I'm a horrible person."

"You're not a horrible person." Rolling her eyes, she adds, "Maybe lacking some sound judgment, but I mean... not a horrible person, exactly."

"Thanks."

"But damn, Rosalyn, that's kind of messed up. I don't get it."

Running my hands through my hair, I groan. "I know, I know. I can't explain it though, Natalia. We just..." I think the look on my face says it all, and she seems to understand.

"I guess that's why he seems to care so much about you. I mean, you're practically his girlfriend."

The indignation on my face is swift. "I am not. Nero is not a good guy. Maybe we're attracted to each other and maybe he cares about me, and maybe I have a blindspot when it comes to him, but it's not, like, a thing."

"Mhm."

"Natalia."

The sigh she gives me doesn't sound like good news, but it doesn't sound bad either. "What do you want me to say to you, Rosalyn? Nero is many things but he is not the kind of guy a girl like you should be involved with."

"I know."

"Or any girl, really."

"I know."

"And, yeah, he's very pretty, but, Rosalyn—" She holds my gaze hostage, her eyes as piercing as her cousin's. "It can never, ever work. You and I both know it."

Another sigh. "I know."

"Okay then." Sitting back in her chair, she keeps her eyes on me and I know she's trying to dig deep into my thoughts, my soul, my deepest and darkest secrets.

She must see something because she leans forward, suddenly serious. "Oh, Rosalyn." She sounds so sorry for me. "Don't you dare tell me that you're falling for him."

I think the expression on my face melts, and she sees more than she should. Reaching for my hand across the table, she tilts her head to the side, understanding. "It's not just a small thing, is it?"

I swallow, struggling. "I don't know anymore. Every time I'm around him things get more and more complicated and... I have a boyfriend, Natalia. An amazing, incredible, perfect boyfriend who is everything I could ever possibly need, except a part of me..." Saying it out loud, to someone else, makes it feel like the truth. "Part of me is next door, with him, and it's a part that I can't take back no matter how hard I try."

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It's a heavy confession, and it creates a heavy silence.

"How much do you know, Rosalyn?" She sips her drink, waiting.

How much do I know?

So, I tell her. What I know. Nero is in the mafia. He's pretty high up. He calls the shots but no one knows he exists; he's invisible to law enforcement, to the government. His family and another mafia family are currently trying to blame each other for the crime that Nero ordered; if I tell anyone, including the lawyers on the case (who just happen to be related to me) I will die.

I don't tell her the other things I know; the feel of his hands on my waist, his lips and tongue and skin against my skin and my lips and his body pressing me, heavy, against the wall. His dark eyes, sparkling.

Maybe the flush on my face tells her some of that, but she doesn't say.

"Rosalyn, maybe you should know a little more about him. Maybe it would make it easier to end it." She seems adamant about this last fact.

"You don't think—" I hate myself for thinking it, so I stop. "I need to move. Living here is... wrong. I can't keep doing this."

She gives me a small smile. "That sounds like a good idea, Ros. Living next to the underboss of the biggest family in the Vancouver mafia is nothing but trouble."

Just hearing her say it sends a jolt down my spine, because this is not funny anymore. He is dangerous. Ridiculously attractive, but dangerous.

I bury my head into the table. "My lease isn't up for another four months, Natalia. I can't afford to move until then."

She laughs a little. "Just don't sleep with him, okay? Four months is a long time, but have as little to do with him as possible." Hitting my arm lightly, she adds, "I'm serious!"

"I'm not going to sleep with him." I sound more convincing than I thought I would. These days, it seems like being around Nero's intoxicating presence is all I think about. "Have a little faith."

Sighing, she goes for a refill, taking my mug too and topping them to the rim with hot black coffee. "It's not you I don't trust, Rosalyn. It's my idiot cousin."

As she slides the full cup across the table, I raise an eyebrow, curious. "How well do you know Nero, anyways? I mean, I know you guys aren't friends but, like, how close are you exactly?"

She lets out a breath, rolling her eyes. "We spent a lot of time together growing up. We went to the same schools, and I used to play at his house all the time when we were kids." I can see the memories filling her mind as she speaks. "But in university he started getting way more involved with his dad's business. I always refused to be a part of it, and my mom didn't want anything to do with it, so we could kind of avoid the bad stuff." She chuckles, though there isn't a lot of humor in it. "All I know is that Nero used to be the sweetest kid." She shakes her head, and the sadness is palpable as it radiates from her downcast frown. "But somewhere, somehow he fell in so deep that he just couldn't climb out anymore."

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Her eyes glaze over for a second before she snaps out of it. "And now, Ros, there aren't many lines he hasn't crossed. The things that he's done..." She shakes her head, uncomprehending. "They would make you cry, Rosalyn. It's sick."

Swallowing, I try to imagine, in the hopes that it will turn me away from this path of destruction. I try to imagine the gun in his hand, his fist in someone's face, his fingers around someone's throat and the drugs and trafficking and it's disgusting yet I cannot seem to picture him like this.

All I can see is him in his dark, perfectly fitted suit as he leans over me; I can see his sleepy face and messy hair as he stands in his doorframe in sweats, chest bare, and I can feel him gripping me by the waist and remember his breath brushing against my skin and I am so pathetic, but this is how it is.

Just before Natalia can see the uselessness written all across my face, there's a knock on the door. I'm not expecting anyone but I get up to see who it is, and she comes with. Peeping through the small hole, my face grows pink because this is going to be super awkward. "Just shut-up, okay?" I warn Natalia, trying not to look too guilty. I can hear her laugh, already knowing.

When I open the door, I try not to look like I was just talking about him. I will the colour from my cheeks and do my best to look, calmly, normally, at his face.

But from the way his lips twitch I can guess that I'm not doing a very good job. He looks like he's about to say something but then he notices Natalia, and he is momentarily taken aback.

"Hey, cuz," Natalia greets, and I can hear the teasing accusations in her voice.

Narrowing his eyes, Nero replies with a short huff. "Natalia."

I guess he was hoping to catch me alone.

"Um, did you, uh, need something?" I look at him innocently, and from the way his eyes bore into mine, all heat and full of darkness, sparks rush down my spine, tugging low in my stomach.

For a second I think his eyes linger on my lips, but it's so quick I almost miss it.

"Dolcezza." His voice is low and rough and it makes me flush, and I look at him and my God he looks like a god, completely and utterly perfect. "I—" Glancing at Natalia, his slight annoyance is almost amusing. Running a hand through his thick hair, he sighs. "Can I borrow some tape?"

That's the last thing I imagined to hear coming from those lips. My confusion must be very evident, because he clarifies. "Duct tape, or masking tape. Whatever you have."

Mutely, I nod. "Um, yeah, I..." Before I can make any bigger fool of myself I brush past Natalia to go hunt for a roll of... tape. Mentally kicking myself for being such an idiot, I can vaguely hear Natalia and Nero having a conversation in Italian.

Rifling through my drawers, I'm curious because Natalia seems to be lecturing him, her sentences long and full of irritation and warning. Nero's replies are short and clipped, annoyed.

They bicker like family, except I really don't need Natalia to tell Nero how weak I am around him, or whatever the hell she's saying, so I quickly find a full green roll of masking tape with my art supplies and make my way back to them. They stop arguing when I return, and as I hand Nero the tape his fingers brush mine, lingering, and he gives me a small, tired smile. "Thanks, Rosalina."

Because I'm an absolute moron warmth rushes to my face and I just mutter a quick "You're welcome," and then Natalia practically slams the door in his face, locking it with an unnecessary amount of force.

Raising a condemning eyebrow, she shakes her head at me, reproach all over her face. "Rosalina? Really?"

I blush, turning away from her and back to my friendly cup of coffee. "Just stop."

"Oh, no. Not a chance, sweetheart."

I groan.

"Rosalyn, I saw the way he looked at you. I can only imagine what would have happened if I wasn't here to keep him away from you."

"Oh please. That's just how he looks."

"Nuh-uh, Ros. He looked at you like..." Waving a hand in front of her face, she pretends to fan the heat from her cheeks.

I roll my eyes. "Come on, Natalia," I insist lamely, but she isn't done.

Collapsing on the couch, her eyes are full of humor, her voice dripping with disdain. "Whatever he came here for, dolcezza, it wasn't a roll of tape."

"Shut-up."

Chuckling, she shakes her head. "I'm serious Rosalyn. This isn't okay."

I know I know I know I know.

"What did you say to him, anyway?" My face is still hot. Damn it.

"I told him to stay the hell away from you."

"What else?" That was a lot of yelling for a single sentence.

"And I told him that just because he's charming and handsome doesn't mean he's not a total asshole scumbag idiot and that he needs to keep his hands off of you because maybe you aren't immune to his perfect face but I will make his life a living hell if he keeps messing with you."

Oh.

Okay.

"Do you think he'll listen?"

"Not a chance."

Is it bad that I'm kind of relieved? I guess I'm just not ready to let him go completely, at least not yet.

***

A/N:

Anyone else feel relieved now that Natalia knows? Now someone else can keep Ros's secret, not just us and Nero...

XOXO Ami

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