I felt Kristen frozen behind me when I shouted those words. Truth to be told, it's a rare thing for me to get mad at her. I mean, have you seen her? She's so adorable and always find ways to make people love her. No one can ever feel even remotely annoyed with her. Even when we got into fight or something, I will finally end up forgiving her just like that.

But, this time, it's different. I feel like I can't contain my feelings for her anymore. I'm afraid I will just blurted out to her and that's what I'm afraid of. I don't ever want to lose her. It's better for her to leave me alone for awhile than being disgusted with me for the rest of her life.

But now, I don't know anymore. I can't even be near her without feeling all those wild butterflies rioting around my belly. It's some unsatisfied feeling that I can't even resist. I know she's just being nice, the best friend anyone could ever ask. But, I feel like I'm going to explode anytime soon..!

"Pleaseee Kristy. Just leave me alone for now. Pleaseeee..."

When I turned to face her, I saw her painful eyes and guilty face that broke my heart even more. It's not even her fault! She didn't know what happened to me but here she is, looking like a sad little puppy. As stubborn as she is, I saw she just shook her head a little bit to indicate that she didn't even want to leave while eyeing my reaction. She just kept quiet the whole time and that makes me nervous even more!

Suddenly, I saw a shifted expressions on her face. Is that some determination? I don't know...

"No!!", she said.

"What?"

"I said no! I don't want to leave you! I need you to tell me what happen.."

"You don't understand! Just leave me alone for now! Why can't you do that??", it has came to the point that I begged her to just leave me now before I'll have a breakdown again.

"Because I'm your best friend! I don't understand what happen, that's why I need you to tell me. I know that you need me! Don't ever tell me otherwise!"!

Seems like she's so determined to get over this. Clearly she doesn't even know that I indeed need her, but in some other way that she'll never understand.

"I don't want to tell you anything! I just want you to leave me now! I mean it! NOW!!"

"NO!"

"I don't need you! Leave me pleaseeee!!", my tears started flowing down my face again. Damn it! I don't want to make her feel even guiltier.

Kristen tried to pull me towards her, she tried to embrace me but I managed to push her away.

"Xandra no! Please talk to me! What happened to you? We always share everything! What's the difference now?, she still tried reasoning with me.

"Nothing i-is wrong! I..I j-just d-don't want you he-here!!, I still try to be strong but it's useless with my teary eyes and it came out even worst! Damn you stutter!

"Tell me what happen!!"

"NO!!"

"TELL ME!!"

"I DON'T WANT TO! I CAN'T!", apparently we just came to the point where we are in the middle of shouting with each other. It's a good thing my parents are not at home.

"Tell me NOW! I MEAN IT! JUST F**KING TELL ME NOW WHAT HAPPENED??!", Kristen apparently lost her patience and she really shouted directly in front of my face. She even grabbed both of my hands tightly.

"Let go of my hands! You hurt me!!!", I tried to wringle out my hands from her strong grip.

"I don't fu**king care! Tell me first!"

At that moment, I knew I was just a lost cause, I can't hold it even longer! I knew she's hurting that I didn't want her to be here right now, but she has no right to hurt me like this!

"BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU WILL HATE ME AFTER I TELL YOU THIS! YOU WILL NO LONGER WANT TO BE MY BEST FRIEND! YOU WILL FEEL DISGUSTED WITH ME!"

"BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, I HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU KRISTY!! I LIKE YOU MORE THAN I SHOULD BE!!..", I released a deep breath after shouting all those words.

I expected she will feel disgusted and just leave me alone soon after. But she still there, spotting a shock blank expression that made me feel even more uneasy.

"I'm sorry that I have feelings for you Kristy. I tried to make it go away! I love this friendship, I don't want to lose you, ever! But I can't help to fall for you. I don't know if this is love or what, but I knew what I feel for you is more than just a best friend. I'm sorry...", I just managed looking at the floor along my confession.

"Okay... I'll leave you alone for now...", she finally said after being silence for awhile.

Great!! Now I just lost my 8 years of beautiful friendship! Damn you stupid feeling! Damn you Alexandra!!