Akala ko nun, pinakamahirap na ang mahalin ang taong hindi naman nakikita ang pagmamahal mo sakanya.

I was wrong.

Loving someone who doesn't feel the love that you try to make them feel is not the hardest thing in the world.

I always believed that because I, myself, went through it. Nahirapan at nasaktan ako sa dinanas kong 'yon. Mahirap kase hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat na gawin.

"Sky!" I heard a name being called by my second, Patricia. "Come back here! Could you please, please stop making me chase you, Missy!"

"Jei, stop making me chase you, too!" Jillian yelled, too, that was also followed by Aika's yelling voice. "We're tired na!"

"Col, you better come back here already!"

It's been five years narin. Anlalaki na ng mga bata. Parang kailan lang, ah.

"Children, stop chasing each other already!" I called them out. Kanina pa sila maghahabulan.

We're currently here in Naga, visiting my husband, Jesse's-

"Ma, ayaw paring tumigil, oh!" My eldest, Aika gave up. "Nakakapawis, jusko!"

"Hey, I said stop running around." I said in a loud, stern voice. Effective naman dahil tumigil na ang mga ito.

"Sorry, Lola!" The three said in unison.

Jeilorde Maximillian Ruis, Skylarr Xin Persephone Robredo, and Nicolo Jareiad Valle. My first grandchildren to each on of my daughters.

My children decided to name their first borns after their bunso; Jeileurv Samantha Nicolette.

Our beloved angel who's now with her papa.

For the past five years; six today, lumaki, umextend ang aming pamilya. I have now little mini-mes' of my own babies. I have three now, at may papunta pang isa.

Patricia's wife, Lauren, is currently pregnant with their second.

"Kuya Afo, play with me! Let's race with our control cars, come on!" I heard a jolly Nico yell. "Mommy, I'll play muna with Kuya, 'kay?!"

"Can I join, too, Col?" Jei approached the two boys who are currently fixing their toy car.

"Sure, sure! Come, place your car beside mine." Their kuya Afo told Jei and helped him with his car. "There you go..."

"Thank you, Kuya!"

I smiled at the three boys who began racing with their cars now.

Natalia was just with her tita Jill, sitting while watching her little buddies.

I roamed my eyes around the place kase napansin kong kulang ang mga apo ko.

Skylarr Xin Persephone Weltz Robredo, my youngest, only girl (sa mga anak ko), grand-daughter (since wala pa ang fourth one).

The shy, quiet, and reserved one.

Very Sky talaga.

I spotted the three-year-old little girl behind a tomb box. She was sitting there like a princess with her sophisticated dress.

"Hey, birthday girl..." She looked up shyly and smiled."What are you doing here? Do you not want to play with your cousins, Sky?"

"No, Lola... I just wanna sit down for now. I-ahh, there was a butterfly that landed on my cheek, it kissed me then flew away." She said in a gentle voice. "I felt like it wished me a happy birthday."

My heart skipped a beat because of what she said.

"I think it's Tita Pretty, my guardian Angel, Lola. Because if it was Lolo Pogi, I would know. It would've been a white, big butterfly. The butterfly earlier was a big one too, huge, even. Then its color was pink on the top and yellow bottom." She said habang nabubulol pa. For a three-year-old, Sky can speak almost properly na. Sometimes lang bulol-bulol.

My heart skipped a beat, for the second time. I hugged Sky tightly, trying to stop my tears from falling by looking up the Sky.

I was looking up to Sky.

Anak, it's been six years na, since you left us... Six years since I last saw your smile, six years since the last time I hugged you, six years since I heard your 'labs na labs' line... Six years of not having you here with us.

I miss you so, so much, Sky ko.

We all do and it hurts.

"Lola, don't cry..." The little girl who's hugging me said after she pulled away. "Labs na labs..., Lola."

"Labs na labs, Sky..." Napahagulgol ako sa harap ng aking apo. "Labs na labs."

We all knew that day, that hindi na gigising ang bunso namin, but we still encouraged her to wake up because umasa parin kami. My Sky's case was a lost cost. We all knew that bad news lang ang matatanggap namin sa day na iniintay namin.

We fulfilled our bunso's last wish na kantahan namin siya hanggang sa makatulog siya. We sang the song three times kahit na nakatulog na ito. We sang it three times because what she meant with the "don't stop until I fall asleep." is when her heart stops beating.

Umasa kami. Asang-asa. But we are all happy, too, that tapos na ang pain na dinadanas ng bunso kong anak.

And now, the only thing that we have that's closest to my daughter is her diary. The first entries of the diary were everyday entries for her papa bok, but as the entries continued, there are some entries that are labeled as 'Train of Thoughts' with the entry number.

Ang content ng mga entry na 'yon ay mga thoughts ng anak ko na nagsimula lamang nung malaman niya na bumalik ang sakit niya hanggang sa last na entry ng libro na isang sulat ng pamamaalam niya para saamin.

I always find myself reading her entries for the past years kapag miss ko si ang anak ko o kahit ordinaryong araw lamang.

My favorite entry are #02, #03, and #08.

The entries that makes my heart sad everytime I read it are the first entry which the #01, then #33, and the last entry of my Sky's thoughts, entry #88.

I still remember how my Tricia went through her sister's death. Si Tricia ang grabeng naapektohan saaming lahat. As in, I can really say na mas naapektohan siya kaysa saaking ina ng anak ko; not that naaapektohan ako less. Mas grabe lang talaga kay Tricia.

Mas grabe pa rin yata noong nawala ang papa niya.

Cole was like Tricia's life support and the moment Cole shut down, it was like nasama rin si Tricia.

Awang-awa kami sakanya nung sinabihan kami ng Doctor na ginawa na nila ang lahat. Tricia went into rage and begged for the Doctor to let revive her own sister.

Pero at the end, unti-unti na niyang natanggap ang lahat. I still don't know if she has already completely moved on. The a large percentage kase na hindi pa at hindi na talaga.

Parang kami naman yatang lahat but we chose to be okay, for the people that are left with us and also alang-alang narin kay bunso. That's what she'll want.

Let me tell you something, Tricia uses her her sister's bed and doon siya matutulog.

Doon siya nagmomok-mok.

You'll find her there whenever hindi mo siya mahagilap kung san.

Her Nicolette's room became her, Tricia's safe haven.

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"Sky, please let your Lola answer the phone for me, honey!" I heard Tricia yell from the kitchen. "I'm still not done washing the plates."

"Lola, here's mommy's phone." My little apo gave me her mother's phone. "Who's on the phone, Lola?"

"Hello?" I said after accepting the call. "Who's this, please?"

"Ate?"

"Ate? Who's this?" I asked, confused. I pulled the phone away from my ears and looked at the caller ID; Unknown. "Hello?"

"Ate...?"

"You called with Tricia's number, who's this, please?"

"Sino 'yan, Mama?" Lauren asked with Tricia behind her, drying her hands with a towel.

"Hindi ko alam. Unknown, eh." I offered her, her phone. "Eto, oh. Ikaw na makipag-talk. Ate raw, eh. Baka wrong number."

"Hello?" Tricia asked the caller. "Yes, this is Tricia speaking..." She paused the exaggeratingly gasped. "Mars!"

"It's just Maureese, Tita..." Lauren said with a smile. Umupo ito sa tabi ng anak. "What are you doing, Sky?"

"Drawing the butterfly that I saw earlier, Momma." She smiled then continued to draw. "It kissed me, you know."

"Wow, that's so nice, honey."

"How are you feeling, Anak, Lauren?" I asked the pregnant woman beside my apo. "Kamusta ang apo ko? Kamusta ka?" I asked as I placed my hand over her stomach.

"Ayos lang po, Mama." She gave me a gentle smile. "He's been kicking since earlier, pero okay lang naman. Kakayanin."

"That's great to hear. Ano plano ninyong ipangalan sa baby boy ninyo?"

"Jesrei Xin Eleonner, po, Mama."

"What a good name..."

"Thank you, po."

We both looked up when we saw Patricia enter the living room again. "So, it was Maureese who called. Natawag kase gusto raw tayong makasama sa time ng kapanakan niya."

"Did you tell her that we'll come?" I asked my daughter. "Akala ko next week la manganganak."

"Yes, po. Tatawag nalang daw asawa niya soon kung manganganak na." Natawa kami sa sinabe niya. "Sky, honey, do you want to eat?"

"Bread and bananas, Mom, please." She gave her mother a huge grin. "Thank you!"

"Magiging kamukha mo na ang pandesal, anak." Tricia teased her daughter. "You're going to turn into a monkey, too."

"Parang siya hindi pala-pandesal noon, oh."

"Si Mama, I'm just teasing my baby. Tina-try ko lang 'yong ginagawa ninyo nina Ate saakin back then."

"Mama, we're back!" I heard a voice coming from the entrance. "Wala pong Coke Zero, Ate Pat!"

"We bought the original nalang." Aika said after Jillian.

"Binilhan din namin ang mga bata ng ice cream, po." Jillian's husband said. "Binilhan ka rin po namin ng Choc Nut, Ma."

"Salamat, Arkyel." I took the pack of chocolate-nut that her gave me. "Nasa kay Vonn ang mga bata, nasa room nila ni Aika, nanunuod ng pelikula."

They nodded. "Sky, do you not want to watch with your cousins?" Jill asked her niece.

"Nope. I'm drawing, Tita."

"What are you drawing, baby?" Aika asked next. "Ang ganda naman niyan, Sky."

"I'm... I am drawing a butterfly. You know, Tita, the butterfly kissed me earlier when visited Lolo Pogi and Tita Sky." She looked at her Tita and smiled sweetly.

"Yeah, really?" Aika became emotional. The child nodded and went back to drawing.

"Tita Sky kissed me. She's always with us..."

She's always with us.

Miss na miss ka na namin, Sky. Kayo ng papa mo. Kamusta na kayo jaan? Bantayan niyo kame, ha. Guide us always, mga labs.

May mga bagay talagang pagsisishan mo sa huli. May mga bagay na iniisip mong sana ay mas maaga mo itong nagawa mo ito noong may oras pa o mas maaga pa. May mga bagay kang pagsisishan dahil hindi mo nagawa, hindi mo ipinaglaban.

Ipinaglaban man, pero huli na.

Kung pagbibigyan ako ng panahon na balikang muli ang mga panahon na kasama ko pa ang anak ko, ang bagay na babaguhin ko ay ang hindi pagbabawi sa anak ko.

I would pay para lang makabalik noon. I would fight for my daughter. Kahit anong tulak niya pa saakin, hindi ako susuko. Bagay na huli na ng magawa namin.

Ito rin ang natutunan ko, ang ipinaglaban ang minamahal kahit gaano kahirap.

Ang iparamdam sa minamahal na mahal sila.

Hindi ang pagmamahal ang pinakamahirap. Ang pinakamahirap sa lahat ng bagay ay ang mawala ang minamahal.

Jeileurv Samantha Nicolette Genora Robredo,

Napakadali mong mahalin, Sky. Ngunit ang hirap mong mahalin ng hindi ka na kapiling.

Hanggang sa muli nating pagkikita,

my

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