"Putangina, JL, ilang ulit ko ba na sasabihin sa'yo na, wake the fuck up! We love you, okay? Why can't you just listen to us? Gumising ka, babae! Kung ayaw mo, hindi na namin 'yan kasalanan. Let's take a break, grabe ka na."

"Cole, we love you... Of course we love you, Cole, you're our sister."

"Hoy, teh, and emo mo. Labs ka kaya namin, ano ka ba. Emo mo talag. Feeling mo lang 'yan na 'di ka namin love. Friend ka kaya namin."

"Aki ko, your papa wouldn't want to see you this way. We love you, anak. You may not feel it, but we love you. You may think na you're unloved because of how we show our love towards you is not how you want us to love you. But we love you, aki ko."

Those were what I heard as I was sleeping. Every. Single. Sleep. A nightmare? Maybe. But doesn't nightmare happen in real life? So, I think that it's not counted as one because it happened. They all told me the same thing.

Nagising ako na pawis na pawis at hinahabol ang hinihinga. This how how I always start my day. The next step I do is drink my water na palaging nasa tabi ng aking higaan.

I drank half of my tumbler's content. Isinira ko ito at ibinalik pagkatapos ay hinagip ng aking mga mata ang digital clock.

4:38 am.

Hay, ilang minutes pa bago ito tutunog para mag-alarm. Alas singko ng umaga ko kase ito sinet na mag-alarm pero dahil nga nagising ako ng biglaan, wala, tatanggalan ko nalang'to ng battery para hindi na makapag-alarm tapps ibabalik ko nalang ulit mamayang pag-uwi ko galing school. Maga-alarm kase ito pagtungtung ng 5 tapos baka't wala ako para e-off.

No one can enter my room when I'm away.

I'm planning on buying a new clock nga, eh. But tsaka na muna. Hindi pa naman sira ang meron ako now. Masasayang lang.

After I caught my breath, inayos ko na ang aking higaan at nagsimulang ayusin ang mga gamit na kakailanganin ko sa school today. Pagkatapos, naligo ako.

I decided to take a long shower. Wala, I just stood there and let the water rain on me. Standing steadily. Eyes closed. Taking deep breaths.

Hi, I am Jeileurv Samantha Nicolette G. Robredo; turning 16. People call me JL, my sisterets call me Cole or Colit or kapag galit ay whole Nicolette, my mama calls me by my second name when she's mad and 'Sam' as pantawag, and my late-father used to call me 'Sky'. I am Jesse and Leni Robredo's youngest offspring. I was born on July 19, 2006. The day after my ate Pat's 11th birthday.

The youngest, has the longest name out of all my siblings..., but will never be the favorite.

I mean, come on. How can I be when I act like this.

Like what?

Ah, come with me to my journey and you'll see.

Also, mama's fav is Ate Jillian because she looks like our papa. She remembers him in her. Sweet, right.

Those thoughts got cut off when another thought tried entering my head. I tried to push back that train of unwanted thought that was trying to get inside in my mind but I couldn't. So what I did is I quickly turned off the shower and went out to change.

Uniform day pala namin ngayon. Sana naman na-plansya ang mga ito. Yes, I can do it by myself but my mother does it quickly right after it dries. I told her nga na I can handle it, pero si mama talaga may gusto.

I quietly and quickly went out of my room and tiptoed downstairs towards the laundry room. Doon sinasabit ni mama ang uniform ko.

After finishing up, I went downstairs again with my things na as I still moved quietly and quickly. It's still really early that's why they aren't awake yet. Madalang din talaga akong umaalis kahit na hindi pa sila gising.

Breakfast? Free sa school.

Walking distance lang ang school ko, thankfully. Bago ito, meaning wala pa masyadong students dahil hindi pa siya ganoon ka known dahil ng bago palang and may pagkamahalan din talaga.

Mama chose to transfer me here the moment it opened dahil nagbabasakali siyang maaga na ako uuwi ng bahay. But no, it's still the same. Late parin akong umuuwi sa bahay. 'Yon bang patulog na sila.

Palagi nga akong pinapagalitan dahil jaan, eh.

When I got to the school, si kuya guard agad ang bumungad saakin sa entrance. School's main policy is no enter, no ID. Our IDs are needed para ma scan sa harang. Or whatever they call it.

"Magandang umaga, JL!" Masiglang bati sa akin ni kuya.

I smiled, "good morning, din, kuya!" At tinapat ang ID ko sa scanner. "Pasok na po ako. Have a great day po!" Nginitian lang ako nito so nagpatuloy na ako sa paglalakad patungong Cafeteria.

Kaunti pa lang talaga ang tao ngayon dahil maaga pa naman so wala pang line for the food.

"Good morning po!" The server greeted me back and asked me what I'm getting for today. "Ano po, ah..." I roamed my eyes to the screen above her and looked for something I want to eat. Syempre, 'di ko memorized ang mga pagkain dahil pabago-bago naman ito each day. "Clubhouse po and banana." She nodded and pre-heated my clubhouse then prepared my banana.

"Ayaw mo sa drinks ngayon, JL?"

"Ah, okay naman po ang smoothies for today, po. Pero may water na po kase ako." I told her, showing her my pink tumbler. "Reserve nalang po ako ng Blueberry Fruit tea for later sa snacks, thank you po."

"Sige. Ito lang ba kakainin mo ngayon?" She asked and placed my foods sa tray na nakapatong sa harap ko.

I nodded and smiled at her. "Yeah... Unless..." I faced her with a look.

"Ikaw talagang bata ka. Pasensya ka na, JL, hindi talaga namin pwedeng e-serve ang fries for breakfast." She smiled to me.

"Ok lang po, hehe. Nagbabasakali lang. Parin." Natawa nalang si ate Mel sa mga pinaggagawa ko.

Ate Mel knows me dahil siya ang palaging nagso-serve tuwing umaga. And since dito na ako nagbi-breakfast, kilala niya na ako. Parang si kuya Ted; the guard kanina.

"Sige na po. Good morning po ulit!" I said in finality and went to find a table. Oo, empty halos lahat ito pero my eyes finds tables that my brain thinks na it's comfortable.

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