《Sugar & Spice》Chapter 32

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For three days, the wild fire sat at the back of Crissy's mind. She tried not to think about it but late at night, when everything was quiet and her thoughts finally caught up to her, swirling on the ceiling above her, she couldn't escape the concern itching at her skin. Quinn had called every single day to reassure her that he was fine but the fire was bigger than he thought and it was taking every bit of manpower they had to keep it contained.

Crissy spent most of her days at the new shop, helping out where she could but half the time she wasn't needed and she simply sat in the kitchen. She had moved a few things in already, containers of sugar and flour, a cutting board, a dozen baking sheets. The power had finally been turned on and she was very, very tempted to test out her new kitchen...

Then Amy burst in and started talking a mile a minute.

"I've decided to take notes," she said.

"On what?"

"Pregnancy."

"I really don't want to know how many times you puke in a day."

Amy huffed and waved her off. "I'm past that. Now I have to pee a thousand times a day because this little monster keeps tap dancing on my bladder."

"I really don't want to know that either but I guess I don't have a choice now."

"I'm calling it research," Amy said, easing herself to the floor of the kitchen, her back to the wall. She was already impossibly round in the middle and she still had three and a half months to go. It would be a miracle if she could move at all by the time nine months had passed.

"For...?" Crissy asked.

"You!"

"Me? I'm not pregnant. Thank goodness."

Amy rolled her eyes. "Quinn loves kids. You love kids. It's not hard to work the math here, sugar. It's only a matter of time."

"I haven't even talked to Quinn about this yet. And I've been engaged for all of..." She paused, counting in her head. "Not even seventy-two hours yet."

"Your point?"

"It's going to be a little while before we have kids."

Amy hummed. "Okay."

Crissy shook her head. "That's not good."

"What? I'm agreeing with you."

She shot a teasing look in Amy's direction. "Exactly."

Amy opened her mouth to protest when footsteps cut her off and a light knock came at the entrance of the kitchen. Amy's eyes widened and Crissy turned.

Andrea stood in the doorway. Her blonde hair, usually swept up and pulled back tight and crisp, hung loose and soft around her face. And she was wearing sweats and a t-shirt. Crissy couldn't remember the last time she had ever seen Andrea wearing sweats and a t-shirt. It was always business, always about making a good impression, all the time.

Andrea held up her hand. "Before you say anything," she said. "I've been trying to call you because I wanted to give you space. I know...this can't have been easy for you, these past few days. But I really needed to talk to you so I thought I'd tell you in person. If you listen. But if you want me to leave, I'll...I'll do that."

"To be honest," Crissy said, "that depends on what you have to say to me."

"I owe you an apology."

Crissy raised her eyebrows. "I'm listening."

"I...have not been a kind person to you or a good sister. And I am very, very sorry for that."

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"I am too."

Andrea ducked her head and studied her hands for a moment before she looked up again.

"I'm leaving Denver," she said. "Leaving Colorado entirely actually."

"Where will you go?"

"California. I'm starting over. I've always loved planning weddings and I...I'm going to start my own wedding planning business. Kenneth has agreed to help me. He's been..." She laughed a little and shook her head. "He's been over the moon, ever since I told him. I never thought he'd be so happy to leave the law firm but..."

She trailed off with a shrug.

Crissy hesitated before asking the next question but she plowed on anyway.

"Is Mom coming with you?"

Andrea met her gaze steadily. "No. After she went off on you at the wedding, I told her I couldn't be around her anymore until both of us got professional help."

"You what?" Crissy and Amy said together.

Andrea spread her hands. "Mom wasn't always this unhappy, Crissy. After you were born and Dad walked out, she was so, so heartbroken. I was only five years old at the time but I remember how she cried herself to sleep for weeks. She lost too much weight because she stopped eating. And then she just...snapped back too far in the opposite direction. She was so hard on herself and that...trickled down to you and me."

"You were her golden child though," Crissy pointed out.

"And you have no idea how much I hated it."

"You didn't look like you hated it."

"Because whenever I stood up to her, even the slightest bit, she would rip me to shreds and tell me I was a horrible, selfish human being."

Crissy frowned, confused. "Why have you never mentioned this before?"

Andrea shrugged. "I thought as long as I made her happy, I was being a good daughter. Only I never realized how unhappy it made me, trying to please her all the time. It feels like I've been walking on eggshells my entire life."

Crissy paused for a moment, considering all that Andrea had told her. A small part of her had always felt bad for Andrea, watching her sister mimic her mother in everything she did. She didn't have the freedom to do what she wanted, to discover herself.

Andrea sighed. "So that's why I'm moving. To get distance. To start my own life away from Mother."

"How did the wedding go? After...you know."

Andrea blew out a breath and closed her eyes. "An utter nightmare. Mother was beside herself, she was so mad. And then I told her she had to leave because of the way she treated you and she was hysterical. So...Kenneth and I eloped."

"After all that planning? You eloped?"

Andrea nodded. Then she hitched up a shoulder, suddenly looking slightly unsure of herself. She reached into her back pocket and pulled out her phone, turned it on, and slid it across the counter.

Crissy picked it up to see a picture of Andrea and Kenneth, hands clasped and foreheads bowed together, smiling from ear to ear, as they stood in a tiny little chapel. Andrea wore a simple, modest yellow sundress and Kenneth was in jeans.

"We didn't have any family there," Andrea said. "No friends. Just us. And I think...I preferred it that way."

Crissy smiled and held the phone up. "Do you have any more pictures? I'd like to see them."

Andrea visibly relaxed and her eyes brightened. "Dozens. Kenneth was unbelievably happy and neither one of us would stop taking pictures."

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She took her phone back and started flipping through pictures then paused.

"Actually," she said. "I was wondering...I heard about this place, your new bakery and I thought...maybe you could recommend something to eat?"

Crissy blinked, startled. "You mean...something I've made?"

Andrea nodded. "With the move to California going on, I kind of skipped breakfast and I'm starving. And I've never had anything you've made before. When I realized that, I knew I needed to fix it."

"Well I don't have everything set up yet but I can see what I can do," Crissy said.

"No, I mean, if it's too much trouble..."

Crissy reached out and placed a hand on Andrea's arm. "I'd be happy to. Do you have any preferences?"

"As long as it has chocolate, I'll try anything. Mother always made me feel so guilty for eating chocolate until I stopped eating it altogether. She told me it would make me fat and no one would love me after that and I believed her, god only knows why. So I consoled myself with dreaming about it instead which wasn't nearly as satisfying, by the way."

A small giggle bubbled up in Crissy's chest before she could stop it and she clamped a hand over her mouth. Andrea glanced up and let out a tiny laugh as well.

"And here I thought you were superhuman like Mom," Crissy said. "You're about as normal as the rest of us."

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Andrea stayed for several hours, sharing pictures of her wedding and asking questions about what Crissy had in mind for the shop, when opening day was and if she had extra help yet. Amy was still the slightest bit wary but once Crissy presented fresh hot eclairs dripping with melted chocolate, the little animosity remaining quickly vanished.

For a moment, just a split second, as Crissy watched Andrea lick her fingers clean of melted chocolate, a warm yet painful ache settled in her chest. This is what she had been missing for so many years, what she'd been trying so hard to create between the two of them. But it wasn't her efforts that had brought them to this understanding. Things had to fall apart first in order to be pieced back together again.

Andrea sighed and picked up her phone, fiddling with it.

"Thank you," she said.

"For what?" Crissy replied.

"For seeing me. Kenneth insisted that I give you space. I wanted to talk to you right away after I heard about Mother going off the way she did."

"I...wasn't up to talking to anyone for a while."

"I think that's...understandable, all things considered. But when you weren't answering your phone a week later...I knew I had to come down and at least try to sort things out. And I'm very grateful that you didn't turn me away. Because I know I didn't deserve it."

Crissy nodded slowly. "You're right. You didn't."

Shock flickered across Andrea's eyes for a moment followed by the usual flash of indignation before she tamped it down.

"That's why I need space for a while too," she said.

Crissy raised her eyebrows. "What?"

"Like I said before, I'm getting professional help. I've been so...tangled up with what Mother wants, I don't know what I want anymore. I don't even have my own clothes. I always borrowed from Mother or we bought the same exact outfits. I don't know who I am. I've never known. You've always been stronger than me, Crissy."

Crissy blinked, startled. Was this really her sister speaking these words? Was she actually hearing them now? Or was this all some dream and she would wake up in Quinn's bed again after sleeping for over a week straight through?

Andrea raised her head to look at Crissy again.

"I'm going to California to start over with a clean slate," she said. "But I...don't want to repeat the way I've treated you in the past. I'll keep to myself, for a few months at least, and I think it's best if we didn't communicate."

Crissy frowned. "Wait...you're saying..."

"Only for a few months," Andrea rushed in. "Just until I've had a few sessions with a therapist or a counsellor. Someone who can...straighten me out I guess," she said with a small, nervous laugh.

Then she went serious again and examined her fingers.

"I'd like us to stay in contact though," she continued quietly. "After I've cleaned up a little. If that's okay with you."

When Crissy didn't answer right away, Andrea looked up and noticed her surprised expression.

"I wouldn't blame you if you said no. The hell Mother and I have put you through...I don't know how you took it for as long as you did. So if you say no, I'll walk out of here and I will never bother you again. I promise."

Crissy studied her for a moment. "I'm not saying no," she said. "But I'm not saying yes either."

Andrea's eyebrows rose slightly. "Then what...?"

"I'm saying let's revisit the question in a few months. After you've talked to someone. When I left the wedding...I can't go through that again. And I won't. I'd like to give us another chance, especially after what you've told me today. But it has to go both ways, not just me doing the leg work anymore."

Andrea nodded and her hand slid away from the counter. "You're a good person, Crissy. Thank you."

Before Crissy could respond, Andrea's gaze fell on Crissy's hand.

"What is that?" she said. "On your finger."

Crissy held up her hand and Andrea's eyes softened when she saw the ring.

"Quinn?" she said.

Crissy nodded. "He asked me a few days ago."

"I hope you said yes because it would be the biggest mistake of the century to turn down a man like that."

"You really think so?" she said.

"He reminds me of Kenneth, a little bit. That quiet, solid strength. Always there when you need him the most."

She tore off a bite of her éclair – the third one, Crissy noted – and popped it in her mouth with a sly sideways look.

"And if he's anything like Kenneth, he's good with his hands."

"Andrea!"

Andrea managed a small giggle around her mouthful of éclair. Crissy giggled too which only made Andrea laugh harder until she had to clamp a hand over her mouth. After a few minutes, she finally composed herself, but her face was flushed and her eyes were bright.

"Mother would kill me if she heard me say that," she said.

"Why? You're a grown woman. A married woman now."

"Yes but it's not ladylike or proper."

Crissy rolled her eyes. "And it's probably not ladylike or proper to eat three eclairs in a row..."

"...but I really don't care," Andrea finished for her.

Crissy and Andrea grinned at each other. Andrea wiped her fingers on a paper towel and sighed.

"So how was the chocolate?" Crissy asked. "As good as you had dreamed of?"

Andrea tipped her head to the side, considering. "Even better."

Crissy bundled the last of the eclairs into a container and slid them over to Andrea.

"You take these," she said. "Moving is hard work. You'll need the energy."

Andrea wrapped her hands around the container and pulled it close. She listed forward on her toes before she rocked back on her heels, wavering. Then she reached out and made it halfway to Crissy before she let her hand drop. She hesitated for a moment before she tried again. This time she took a step in Crissy's direction and her gaze finally tracked up to meet Crissy's eyes. She almost looked...small, Crissy thought. Like a little girl, unsure and timid.

That's when Crissy realized what Andrea was trying to do. She was trying to hug Crissy. But it was such a foreign concept that she didn't know how. She knew how to put on a brave face for the rest of the world but this...this was new territory. Opening up. Letting someone in. Granting another person a glimpse of the tender spots and the delicate, easily-punctured skin over her heart.

Crissy knew all too well what that was like, being terrified to allow another human being to see these soft parts that could bleed so quickly. But Amy had taught her that not everyone would rip into her the second she showed any kind of vulnerability. And Quinn had shown her love in a way she hadn't thought could possibly exist outside of fairy tales and movies.

Crissy closed the space between them and wrapped her arms around Andrea.

"Thank you for being so honest," she said.

For a moment, Andrea hesitated and she simply stood there, stiff and awkward. But Crissy didn't back up or move away. She hugged her sister tight, lingering for almost a full minute. As much as growing up had been hard for Crissy, it had been hard for Andrea too in a different way. Both of them needed this, support and encouragement and the ability to open up without fear of rejection, but their mother hadn't provided that. Now, years later, as fully grown adults, it was time to rely on each other and build the foundation they should have had as little girls.

Slowly, Andrea's hands came up to rest against Crissy's back with a shy little pat. Crissy didn't flinch, didn't move, showing her sister the solidarity they both needed. Andrea's hands crept around Crissy and she tucked her face into Crissy's shoulder with a sigh, closing her eyes.

Then Andrea cleared her throat and pulled away. She brushed her hands over her face, tipping her chin up, squaring her shoulders, and Crissy saw what Kenneth had been talking about. She saw the mask slip into place. Andrea was prepping herself to face the rest of the world again.

"All right, that's enough of that," she said. "It's time I get going anyway. Kenneth wants to take me out to dinner tonight and I made him promise to go someplace that doesn't require reservations or heels."

"When was the last time you ate at a place like that?"

Andrea opened her mouth then closed it with a little laugh. "I have no idea."

"Do you know where he'll be taking you?"

"Not a clue. I just want milkshakes and French fries."

"Oh my god," Amy said. "You really are Crissy's sister."

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After Andrea had left, Crissy cleaned up the bakery's kitchen while Amy leaned back against the counter, her hands folded across the top of her stomach.

"So it's getting late and I know we just had loads of sugar but this little monster is hungry again," she said, tapping her belly.

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Manny will be late coming home tonight. He's putting in extra work at the studio so he can stay home more when the baby is born. We've got a couple more hours before he should get back if you want to crash on my floor."

Now that Andrea was gone, Crissy's mind was drifting back to the wild fire in the mountains again. She stuck her hand in her pocket and her thumb brushed over her phone. She should call him again to leave a message or something. He was busy, she knew that. But it wouldn't hurt to check up on him, just in case.

"You know, I think I'll go home," she said. "It's been a long day."

A shadow of concern darkened Amy's eyes but she quickly covered for it and slung an arm around Crissy's shoulders.

"Then let's go," she said.

"But what about Manu?"

"He's a big boy. He can handle one night without his whale of a wife bemoaning that she needs help to get up from the bed to pee in the middle of the night."

"Too much information."

"You've known me your whole life. Thought for sure you'd be used to it by now."

Amy steered Crissy out the door and onto the street.

"So how weird was that whole thing with your sister?" she said. "I never would have guessed that would happen. Never ever."

"I wonder if I might have suspected something was wrong underneath everything. Maybe that's why I tried so hard to make it work with my family, especially Andrea."

Amy shrugged. "Do you think she'll stick it out though? Or do you think she'll go running back to your mom?"

"Oh no. No I doubt she'll go back to Mom. It sounds like everything just...exploded."

"I have to say...I might have felt a tiny bit jealous."

Crissy pulled back, shocked. "What? Why?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's because I've always thought of you as a sister more than a friend."

"You're not getting replaced here, Amy. That's not happening."

Amy squinted at her. "Better not. I'm one of a kind, you know. You'd totally be missing out if you got rid of me."

"Would you feel better if I made chocolate covered strawberries for you?"

Amy grinned. "Yeah, I definitely would."

After the strawberries were finished off, Amy stretched out on the couch and barely lasted five minutes before she was asleep. Crissy tucked a blanket around her, propped her feet up with a pillow and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I will never, ever replace you," she whispered.

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