Atlanta, Georgia

9:04 PM

September 28, Thursday

"Heaven isn't it past your bedtime?"my mama asked her.

"No my bedtime is at ten thirty."she said and my mama looked at me while furrowing her eyebrows.

I shrugged while putting a fork full of salmon in my mouth.

"At least it ain't twelve or one."my mama said and I nodded.

"Have you talked to Kenneth?"she asked me.

"Nop—well I did last week."

"Yeah he's been busy tons, especially with Scarr's new you know what coming out."

"His new what?"Heaven asked us.

"Go to your room."I said to her and she acted as if she didn't hear me.

"Heaven!!!"my mama yelled at her.

She looked over here and took out her airpod.

"You heard your mama, go to your room!"

I watched as she stood up from the couch with her blanket and phone before heading upstairs.

"Girl I thought you had her in control, she's out of it."my mama said to me as she looked at her phone.

"I thought I did too."

"See you need me here everyday 'cause I ain't gone play with her."

"I don't even stress myself out about Heaven anymore, I just tell Scarr and he handles it."

"Mhm he ain't doing enough."

So damn petty but what can I expect that's Barbra Anne's daughter.

"Who ain't doing enough?"Scarr asked as he walked in here.

"Oh the president."my mama said and I laughed.

Scarr walked over to me and kissed my lips.

"How you feeling?"he asked me and I just put up my thumb while smiling.

"Wassup Jay, how you doin'?"he asked my mama as he went to hug her.

"I'm doing fine, how about you?"

"I'm aight."

"Taking care of your family right?"she asked him as she side eyed him.

"Without a doubt."he said and she nodded.

"That's wassup."she said and Scarr laughed.

"Girl."I chuckled while shaking my head.

I heard the front door close and I looked at Scarr.

"Who is that?"I asked him.

"K5."

"Wassup old man."I said as he walked down the hall.

"Why y'all ain't got the lights on, could've sworn I saw one of them Wrong Turn mfs."he said.

"Boy no you didn't."I laughed.

We walked over to me to hug me and I hugged him back.

"How you doing?"

"I'm doing good. How about you?"

"I'm good as long as my children are."

"Not as long as I am too right?"my mama said while looking at him as he went to hug her.

"As long as I'm alright, I know that you're fine."he said to her and they kissed.

Not just any kiss but tongue kissed.

"Y'all are nasty! Bae get your parents."I said to Scarr and he just stood there laughing.

"Aw shut up I'm pretty sure you done seen worse."my mama said while looking at me.

I looked at Scarr and he nodded while smirking.

I rolled my eyes before putting a top on my plate.

"Why you ain't eat all of your food Kodi?"my mama asked me.

"I'm full."

"After four bites?"

"Yes."

"I told her she needs to make herself eat more since she wants to gain her weight back."Scarr said.

"No matter how hard I try, I can't eat more. My thyroid is making it to where I either have no appetite at all or I lose my appetite very quickly. Vitamins don't work neither do shakes work. Then the medication I was taking to increase my appetite made my flare ups worse so I can't take those anymore. I'm not tripping though, I'm just happy to be alive still."I explained to them.

"And you ain't going nowhere either."my dad said.

"Of course she's not, anything you need, we're here to help baby."my mama said while standing up and placing her keys in her purse.

"Are you leaving me?"I asked her and she nodded.

"Yes mama's leaving you, I have a meeting at eight o'clock in the morning."

"You're leaving me too?"I asked me dad as he grabbed his backpack off of the counter.

"My old ass is tired."he said and I chuckled.

"Tell me about it."

"Alright bring it in."my mama said and I walked over to them and said my goodbyes.

Scarr had went to the room to drop his things off and when he came back he said his goodbyes to them.

After they'd left, I went to go get cleaned up after Scarr.

"Baby did you buy this?"I asked Scarr as I brushed through my wig while showing him this expensive ass toothpaste dispenser.

"Nah baby your crazy ass best friend bought it."he said and I laughed.

"She would buy some shit like this. I think ima start using it."I said while going back into the bathroom and opening the box.

Once it was opened I figured it all out and sat it on the counter.

I walked out of the bathroom and turned the light off before going up to Scarr.

I wrapped my arms around him and looked up at him while smiling.

He bent down and kissed my lips.

I held onto his face and kissed his lips passionately.

He picked me up and I kissed his neck.

I reached behind myself and tried placing my hand in his pants but he stopped me.

"What?"I asked while looking at him.

"I got some work I need to finish up on, I'll holla at you in a minute."

"Holla at me right now, fuck that work."

"Nah baby not right now."

"Babe we haven't had sex in a while."

"I know and I promise that I got you once I finish up on what I gotta do."

"Can you just give it to me while you're working? What all do you have to do anyways?"

"Nah and I gotta respond to some emails and shit."

"Can't you just do that later? Baby I need you like right now."I said while kissing him again as I grabbed his face.

He pulled away and shook his head no.

"I promise I got you after I finish what I got to do."he said and I just looked at him.

"Alex you've never turned me down."I chuckled.

"I'm not turning you down, I'm just saying I got some to do that's all baby."

"You've never turned me down for 'something to do'."

He didn't say anything and I just climbed off of him.

"Baby..."he called after me and I went into the bathroom and slammed the door.

I removed my bath towel and stared myself in the mirror.

At this point, I knew exactly what the problem was.

I wasn't attractive to him anymore but what can I expect if I were him I wouldn't find myself attractive anymore either.

Without this fucking wig my hair is very thin, certain areas of my body are swollen, I've lost so much weight, and I have rashes in certain places also.

I don't know it's like when I'm not having any flare ups we're fine and I just give him head but that's all he ever allows me to do.

I don't know maybe he'll come around sooner or later.

Either way it goes, he's still my husband and I love him to death so I'm not really upset about it because I still have him.

I doubt that he doesn't love me just because he doesn't wanna have sex with me, I just hope and pray that me being sick doesn't break our family nor us apart.

So far I've been still going strong with being a real estate agent when I can and taking care of my family other than that this shit has been kicking my ass.

Like my dad said though, I won't be going anywhere not time soon.

If I didn't have anybody to be strong for then I wouldn't still be here so I'm grateful that I am still here.