CHAPTER SONG - Wicked Games, Daisy Gray

I shook her in my arms. "Madds. Madds. Do something." I begged, knowing there's nothing he can do. Nothing. And I realize that tell this moment I have been blessed. I haven't known all consuming pain. I have known worry, and stress, and even fear when Maddox was kidnapped but never pain. I was angry then, enraged to the point of blindness, but I wasn't in pain. And shit, all the pain I have felt up to this moment was complete bullshit because this right here, this was unimaginable. "Madds." I yelled, tears in my eyes that I couldn't stop, and my throat breaking under the amount of times I screamed, my lungs giving up.

He exhaled sharply, and it twisted his face as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and I felt him press his head into my arm. "You're going to be okay, Mateo. She's going to be fine." he told me, but I didn't believe him. Maybe I just couldn't. My mind wasn't working straight with this haunting pain.

I shook my head, clamping her to my body as if that would change the facts. "What if she's not? What...what..." she looked dead. Like the life has been drained out of her. In my arms.

In my fucken arms, she was dying, and I couldn't do anything but watch it happen. I wanted to yell, to scream, to beg even but I didn't know how. I didn't know who. Because it you put me in front of someone who could save her right now, I would beg my life away. But instead, my throat shut against itself as if my own life was draining out of me too, and I was going with her.

Fuck, I wish it was the easy. I actually wish that was what was happening right now, but I know its not. I'm just going through a traumatic experience, and my body is dealing the way it knows how. And her last breath will be that, the final breath and mine will keep coming. My air will keep flooding my body, and I will want nothing more than for it to stop. I will want nothing more than for the life in me to just fade so that I can go with her.

I didn't care where, I don't care how, I just wanted to go. I can't, not for a second stay without her here. This world, my world, its colorless without her. It was plain, empty, and viol without her. Every breath of mine, it would be senseless, worthless, and just agonizing. And without her, I will be nothing but a hollowed-out shell. That's all that would be left of me, because the rest of me would have slipped off of this world with her.

If she died, if my arms, I'm going with her. I don't care if I have to use the same gun that killed her, I'll find her.

Maddox shook me, trying to grab my attention. "Mateo, you need to breath." he demanded, and I know I need to because otherwise my life would come to an end. But if hers was ending, mine should too. She didn't deserve the bullet; it was mine and she took it. She spared my life, and traded hers. Didn't she understand that my life without her is wasted? It would have no purpose, other than to find her. Every day, I would wake up and search for her and how do I do that when she's not on this earth to find? I can't imagine a world without soft brown eyes that mend all my broken pieces.

Somewhere behind me, Maddox yelled for me and started dragging me backwards but I held onto Lina in my arms. She laid peacefully, covered in blood but still so beautiful. All that blood it soaked my jeans, shirt, hands, and face but God, she stole all my breaths away from the second I saw her and since that day I have lost my mind over this girl. And now, she's laying lifeless in my arms.

I can't let go of her; I wasn't going to too. I would hold on until my last breath, my last second, because without my salvation I would parish. I already was by each passing second she laid motionless, and breathless in my arms.

"Sir, you need to let her go. We need to check her pressure and pulse."

I snapped my head up, taking in the paramedic staring at me with eyes full of determination to help. And yet I was hesitant to let go because I can't. "Tell me you'll save her." I begged, breathlessly.

He gave me a look of pity. "We will try, but you need to let us."

I wrinkled my nose at him. "I don't' fucken need your pity. Tell me you'll save her."

Maddox grabbed my shoulder. "Let go of her Mateo. They need to try saving her."

But I couldn't. "What if they can't save her?" What if they take her from me, and she takes her last breath?

I felt Maddox get up, and in a blink, he squatted down in front of me. His eyes so pale that they resembled stormy nights, fill of dark clouds, thunder and lightning. They brewed, and brewed darker as he took me in, trying to beg me with just his look. I know how much she meant to him, how much he has come to love her, but I can't let go. I can't even if he looked like his breaking in front of me.

He clenched his jaw, fighting not to look at Lina in my arms. "What if they can save her?" he asked, "Are you welling to risk that? Risk her life because of your fear? Let them try Mateo, let them fucken try!"

I blinked at him. And then I blinked another time, seeing how tortured his face was and how hard he had to hold himself up for me right now. For me, he was fighting to keep his shit together. And then I realized that I'm starting to feel pain. Pain? Where? Somewhere in my stomach, and it amplified by the second. I don't know if it was because I was coming off the high, or because everything was starting to slow down, but I felt it. Like a burning sensation starting to grow, and trickle into the rest of my body.

I dropped my head, taking my own source of life and love. Her life, it was more important then mine, and she traded it. It was more meaningful, and the world deserved her over me. I wanted her to thrive. I wanted her to grow and accomplish all the things she strived for. I wanted to see her experience all the adventures she wanted to do. She deserved to see every corner of this world, because she brightened up my entire world. I wanted her to live, and blossom into the woman she was always meant to be. The one that isn't afraid, or worried about others. The one the lit all the dark patched in my mind and heart and mended my souls. I wanted Lina to live.

"Okay." I said, relaxing my hold on her and lifting my head, "Save her." I said, but a part of me begged with a desperate look of my face. And I didn't care. I begged the paramedic to save her because without her he was killing me too. Both of my soul's held their breath's, waiting for the final say on their lives. Neither of them wanted to see another day where she wasn't in.

The paramedic squatted down, pulling her out of my arms at the same time as Madds dragged me backwards into his hold. I felt my back collide with his tensed chest, and felt his arms wrap around me as he locked me from moving but it felt wrong. Letting go, it felt like the last thing I should be doing but I did. I let her slip out of my hands, and I let Maddox hold me as tears filled my eyes and burned the back of my skull.

I hated this. All of this. I hated the world. I hated the world for thinking it could survive without her because maybe it can, but I can't. Without her, my world is lost.

I shook, trying to breath and Maddox held his palm to my forehead, keeping me sane in the second. His other arm wrapped around my waist, but I felt him shake behind me. "It's okay." he said, and I didn't believe him. "You'll be okay." he said, and I knew he was lying.

The parametric attached needle and cords to her, and I watched them rush around her. But the thing that caught my attention was when they were talking, or yelling, I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear a single word they were saying, and even Maddox beside me that was talking second ago, I couldn't hear anymore.

My head shot to Maddox. "Madds." I said or yelled or whispered. I don't know, but I know I can taste blood. In my mouth, it soaked my tongue, and remined me all of the blood that covered my hands. The people I killed. And I killed so many. I tortured and slashed people apart and now I get to experience their misery.

My head fell back onto Maddox shoulder, and he looked at me with horror in his eyes. And then he yelled, but I didn't hear him. I just saw him look down to my stomach, and I was so fucken curious to what he was looking at that I put the last bit of my energy to tip my head down to see. And then I saw it, the blood coating my shirt, spreading more and more by the second. Warm, and dry at the same time, I felt it start to splinter in pain down my body.

I hissed in more pain as Maddox pressed his hand into my stomach. Fuck that hurt. That's where the earlier pain must have been coming from and I thought I would feel more pain but everything starting numbing. "Fuck you!" Maddox yelled, "Don't you fucken dare leave me." he cried in terror, "I'm not losing both of my best friends."

My hearing fazing in and out now. My pain fading. My eyes shutting. And I smiled. I'm coming with you, love.

"SAVE HIM!"