CHAPTER SONG - In My Blood, Shawn Mendes

I know people say that when you are facing death, you see your life flash before your eyes. Honestly, I wonder why they are lying. I'm assuming they give this fluffy lie so that you don't actually know that it's nothing like that. So that it takes away the worry of facing death. Because really, it's nothing like that. You don't see happiness, or memories. Your coiled in fear, and your lungs are seizing in your chest, and you take every breath wishfully because you know you might not get another.

All you see, all your feel, is your life about to end.

Mateo pulled my arm, taking me to his side. "Put the fucken gun down." he sneered at the man who only laughed at him like it was funny. It wasn't. Nothing about me turning around and seeing the barrel of a gun pointed at us was funny. It wasn't funny that all I can see is the sinking black hole the longer I stare at it.

I never expect my life to end this early and as I glance at Mateo, my only thought is I'm happy it's my life and not his. It's morbid, I understand, but he has so much more to conquer. A whole new life is waiting for him to come and take ahold of it, and he deserves the chance to know goodness. And he has a family who relays on him and loves him deeply. He has brothers, who would tear apart galaxies to find him. He has so much going for him. And he deserves to be happy, to live because for so long his just been surviving.

The man at the door, who looked like oddly alike to Keanu Reeves, cocked his brow. "Why the hell would I do that?"

My hand's shook beside my sides as I watched the scene in front of me. And Mateo was slowly inching his hand behind himself, to the band of his jeans where his own gun was tucked in. The sharp edges of his jaw tightly pressed, and scolding. "Because if you don't, I swear on my father's grave that I will put you into the ground. I won't stop there. I'll tear apart your life, and everything you love. I will not stop until nothing of your existence is left." Mateo replied, with so much controlled anger that it didn't even waver his dark tone.

"Father?" The man asked, confusion creasing his brows. "Your father is alive. And you already took the one person I cared about. My brother, who just played a little prank and broke into one of your garages for fun. And because of that you decided his life meant nothing. So go ahead, do your worst with all that."

Mateo's lip curled back in rage, and it stroked the fire in his eyes. He had beautiful eyes. They were my favorite part about him. And if I was going to die today, those eye are where I want to end in. "Put it down." he demanded, but the man already made his decision.

I couldn't do anything but stand there frozen, and watch. It was like a horror story unfolding in front of me, and I can't do anything. I can't because this stupid story is already written. And all I can do is watch the want to be looking Keanu Reeves turn his attention to me. He regarded me for a second, making Mateo growl in protectiveness and reach his arm out to block me. "I have bodyguards, and fucken backup. Do you understand that? You're signing your death by even doing this."

The man shrugged. "My death is unstoppable. And your life? I'm ending it with mine today."

The end of the gun, stare at us. Pitch black, and I swear it was like a waiting time bomb. Within a blink, I watched the man make his decision. And I made mine along with him. At least for the first time in my life, I was sure of something to death. Pun intended, no matter how sick this situation was.

In the split of a second, I watched him decide to end Mateo's life as if it was nothing but paper to rip apart. As if his life meant nothing, and I suppose to him it didn't. But to me it meant everything. And without hesitation, I dove in front of Mateo. He didn't have time to react, shell shocked by my action. And I didn't see my life flash before my eyes, but I did feel the click of the trigger, and I understood what it meant.

My body collided with Mateo's, blocking him from the gunshot, and he stumbled backwards, hitting the wall. His arm shot around the front of my body, and I felt the impact of the bullet hit me right in the stomach. But before I could blink again to look at the man, my body was getting swung around and I felt myself collide with the wall that was just behind me. My face pressed into the textured wall, and breath staggered. And I felt Mateos chest shake behind me, shoulder kicking back with every shot he took out of his own gun. Every bullet that flew out of his gun, and into that man that was just a few feet away from us was so loud and ending.

I felt him trembling behind me, the hard tremble of his body that felt like it was hitting me over, and over, and pressing me into this wall as if it was save me. I can't remember if the man took another shot, or if the first one was it. I can't even hear, and only the loud buzz in my ears was drumming. I can't remember and I tried so hard because it would tell me if Mateo got shot or if I saved him from another scar. But I couldn't remember and that drove me crazy. I couldn't think straight, couldn't even breath right, and I just needed to know. He needed to live. If I saved him, it would be worth it because he deserved to be the one to live.

My side throbbed with thick blinding pain, and I was able to bring up a shaky hand to cover the wound. The spilling blood coated my hand instantly, and I couldn't see the shade of my own skin anymore. It was just red. But what kind of red? I'll bet Ash would know. He knows an ungodly number of different colors. It's funny, they say in the face of death your mind starts to think different. And I can't believe that as I watch the blood ooze past my fingers, and spill down the rest of my body, I am thinking about colors.

Except I am. I'm thinking of blues, and browns, and even greens. I'm thinking of all the shades that mix into forests that I don't mind living in. Of ocean's that I could to swim in, wood I want to build homes out of, and gardens I want to see bloom. And maybe, when I finally close my eyes, and go up to heaven, I can ask God for my own personal forest.

I can't remember how much blood a person's body holds. Was it half a gallon? One? Two?

At least it isn't his blood. At least it isn't him.

"Mateo!" I hear Joel scream from somewhere in the distance. I heard that bell of the door, again and this time it wasn't as loud. But Joel's footsteps were, and they were coming directly at us. And then, I heard a familiar voice that cursed, and I swear I smiled, or I tired. I smiled on the inside for sure because that boy might be a holy mess, but he was my best friend. I'll admit too it. We might fight, and he might pull all my buttons, but Maddox was my best friend. It's okay if I'm not his, but his mine.

I released a breath that felt to heavy and whispered the name of the man I loved as I stared at the blood that dripped out of me, taking my life by the drop. I found that I don't regret it. I don't think I could ever regret saving him, not when he saved me. He found me, he loved me, and he made me feel worthy. And he should have the same in return.

I needed to see him though. If this was it, I would not die before looking at him one last time. He was going to be the last thing I see before I leave this earth.

I felt him grip my shoulder and turn me to face him. I think if he wasn't hold me, I found slip to the ground because my feet felt wobbly. He gazes scanned me with dying fire. "Your shot." he stated, and this time his voice did waver. Actually, it shook, and the words trembled off his lips in a painfully scary way. I nodded and sucked in my lip because my chin was starting to quiver. And I wasn't gong to cry. I promise I'm not going to cry.

Bloodshot forest eyes blinked at me. "Why the fuck did you do that?" he asked, but it tore his voice in two. It actually splintered it and twisted his face as he held onto me with all his might.

I swallowed, trying to make my throat hurt less but it didn't work. And my eyes burned like acid was poured into them. "Because you deserve the nirvana." I whispered between heavy breaths. But he shook his head, eyes full of indescribable pain, and agony. It was the first emotion's to ever settle the battle of color in his eyes. It washed at the rim in light roasted beans of autumns coffee. It was stunning, even with how much heartbreak sat in them.

Maddox halted in front of us with a wild expression. "Fuck. What the actually fuck!" he screamed, fear filling his own voice as he stared at me with pale eyes full of emotion's I had never seen on him. Angst, despair, and even desperation. "Lina." he whispered, staring at me with so much hold that I swear he was trying to keep me right here. And for him, I made the effort of not slipping out fast.

Mateo swung his head up. "Call the fucken ambulance." he yelled to Joel, who shook his head. "We can't. This is still business, and we can't get the cops involved, not since we started to give away control."

I didn't understand why, but time was starting to slow, and pain was wavering in as I blinked at Maddox who had yet to take his eyes off me. I don't know why I thought he didn't care about me at one point, maybe because he pretends not too. His good at that, pretending like nothing penetrates him. Like he was smart enough to find a way to escape pain. Expect now, pain is flooding his eyes, and I just want to tell him It's okay, but I can't because I don't believe the words.

Instead, I smiled. "You're my best friend." I told him, a painful chuckle squeezing my chest. I don't know when it happened, and Sara will always be my best friend, but Maddox has found a way to become one too. His become so much too me. So much.

His chin quivered, and pale sky eyes flooded with glossy tears that shook his hands. "Not happening, sweetheart." he answered, trying to smile. "Best friend slots are for the living and look at you already giving up. Don't you fucken dare, Lina, because I need you to fill the slot. I need you to fight."

I nodded, or I tired. It might have been weak, but I tired to smile back too. He will be okay. I know he will because his got Mateo. Tomorrow, after this all is over, his best friend will still be alive. Because without Mateo, Maddox would have suffered, and I didn't want that for him. I wanted so much happiness, and sprit for him. So much because he, in his own way, sparked my life with happiness. He became someone to me, someone who I will miss deeply. All of them, I loved, and would miss because they had become my family. I lost my own, but I gained a better one in them.

Mateo's pleaded. "Joel, if she dies, I promise you I will dig my own grave and lay there until I die alongside of her. Unless you want to explain to my dad why I died, call. Now."

Joel exhaled sharply, considering Mateo's words before giving him a sharp nod and pulling out his phone. I wonder if it will be to late. I didn't have time to think about it because I had other thing's I needed to focus on. "Mateo." I whispered, rolling my eyes up to him slowly because they too were starting to feel very heavy.

He dipped his head down, panic clinging to every light spec of his eyes and dimming them by the second. It's so sad to watch them not shine brightly because they were a mesmerizing view. They had many blends of different nature, and it remained me of standing at the top of a mountain. The sky above you, nature around you, and the ground below you. Everywhere you look, you see a different hue but together they create a scenery that's worth a million words.

He eased me down to the ground. "Love." he said, brushing away the hair in my face. "Keep your eyes open for me."

I nodded, but I don't think I actually did. Honestly, I was starting to loose feeling in most of my body but I wouldn't let him know. He already looked to close to falling apart as he laid me down on his lap, and ran his hand down my cheek. "Look at me, mi amor. Please."

I rose my dense gaze to him. "You know..." I started, only to chock as my lungs squeezed painful in my chest. "You really are pretty. Like runway pretty."

His laugh sounded morbid as it came out of him, and even shuddered his face. "You keep putting those thought in my head, and I might just go and do modeling." he replied, stroking my cheeks. The feel of it so soothing that I closed my eyes to enjoy it for a second. "No, love, please keep looking at me, please." he begged.

I blinked slowly, finding his angst swallowing his eyes as they held onto me. "I'm looking." I mumbled, feeling the stretching sting in my throat.

I watched Maddox lower himself to the ground, breathing heavily and looking at me with glassy eyes. But oddly enough, where I was shot didn't hurt as much as the rest of my body that just felt weakening by the second. Maybe I was still in shock, but the last time I checked a shot was supposed to hurt any more then this. I just wanted a nap.

Something wet hit my face, and softly Mateo replied, "I know, mi amor, I see you. I love you, but please keep fighting to stay awake for me. Never close your eyes because I don't want to live in my world, I want to live in yours and if you close your eyes, you take that world with you."

I shook my head, and this time I know I did because a sharp shooting pain radiated in my head. "You can live in yours. Your strong, the strongest and I believe in you. You deserve to know what it feels like to be happy, and free, Mateo. You can do that now." I coughed in his arms, "Live in nirvana for the both of us." I said, using the last of my crippling energy.

His body trembled as he held me. "Your right, I'm strong but it won't matter without you. It won't matter because nirvana doesn't exist without you. Your nirvana, and goodness, and my light. Without you, I don't want to find another source of happiness. Please, love, please don't leave me. You are it for me, the definition of nirvana."

I smiled heavily, and knew it was going to be my last. I put a little extra effort into it just for him. "I love you Mateo, so much that I didn't even know this kind of love till you. You were my fairytale baby, the best one and I believe in you. You got this." I said, my eyes falling shut for the last time. I didn't see my life flash before my eyes, but I saw every memory I had with Mateo. He shook me, and I heard him yelling but I just smiled at every memory that was flashing in front of me, a story of my own personal fairytale. And, it was so beautiful, it was worth being dying for.

I guess they didn't lie, you really do find happiness in the end.