CHAPTER SONG- Power, Isak Danielson

"Thank you, Lina. We loved your submission, and we were very inspired and moved by your story. We have selected your scholarship as our pick of the year. And we would love to extend the offer for you to come to our school, and study under us."

I really had to try hard to contain my squeal."Thank you." I replied, my hands starting to shake, "I feel honored to be selected."

"We are honored to have you select our school. We believe you will be a great candidate for us."

We said our goodbyes, and by the time I clicked off the phone, I was shaking with excitement. And this grin on my face I'm convinced is permanent. I squealed, jumping up and down, pumping my fist's into the air because finally, finally, I was selected. After months of hard work, and stress, and even some tears, I was selected. Out of all the people they could have went with, it was me they wanted. And now, I get to go to my dream school. In New York, and away from here. It's everything I have been working towards, and I couldn't help how excited I was.

My stomach was flipping all over the place, and my hands school with adrenaline as I dialed Mateo. I couldn't stand still, so I started pacing the room as I waited for him to pick up. Oh boy, I feel high right now, and I have no plans off coming down. Finally, after what felt like to longest, the phone clicked. "mi amor." My love.

"I got it!" I squealed, "I got the scholarship!" I told him, jumping up and down again because I just couldn't stop. "I got it, Mateo. Can you believe that? They pick me." I'm pretty sure my neighbors hear that.

He laughed. "Of course they picked you, who wouldn't? I'm so proud of you, love. How about we celebrate, I can pick you up in about an hour?" he asked, and I knew my answer without thinking about it. "I would love that." I grinned.

We hung up, and the second I pulled away the phone, a weird feeling sunk into my previously excited tummy. I'm leaving, and the fact was slowly sinking in. This town. This city. This state. I'm moving across the country. And I know that it's all I ever wanted, but all of sudden I was sad about it. Sure, I had a million plans about this. And there is several pro, and con's lists out there. I even have a binder full of activity's, and places I want to see. But those plans were formed so long ago that they didn't take into account my new life. The one that includes new people who are important to me.

I'm not sad to leave my family behind, or this town that I grew up in, no. I'm sad to leave Mateo. I know he has said that we would make it work. But long distance is a challenge. An almost impossible thing to achieve. And the statistics do not look good. I had faith in us, I do, but I know how hard the years would be and was I ready for that?

Was Mateo? Did he know what his getting himself into? Was I worth that too him?

All of a sudden, my high died, and I was left wondering if I'm doing the right thing. I know I shouldn't be one of those girls that doesn't go after what she wants because of a boyfriend. I understand that, and my boyfriend would be first in line to tell me that I'm going. But I still found myself thinking about it. I'm scared to do this without him. Maybe that's a lot to put on him, my entire support system but his proven worthy of it. I'm afraid to be this far from him. And just thinking about it makes me want to run to him, hug him, and never let go.

I know that his life is cleaning up, and his been so busy trying to wrap his mind around it all. His been trying to figure out the new business, and even studying up on it like a little nerd. Which if you were to look at him, you would never expect but he continues to surprise me. So I know none of that has been easy on him, and was this move of mine going to be the last straw for him? What if this long distance on top of his new path was going to be to much? And what if he decides I'm not worth all the hassle, and the headache I'm sure I'll create.

I can't imagine my life without him, but what if he can without me?

The next hour passed in a blink, and by the time the doorbell rung I didn't even realize that I have been sitting on the couch dwelling on this. The thoughts were spiraling and driving me into a panicked state. I could feel my chest already clenched up painfully, and my lungs were starting to fail at their job. Because will going be worth losing Mateo? Will anything be worth it without him? A part of me screams, yes! I'm stronger now, and I can do it. But that little tiny voice in the back of my mind that's making me question everything is starting to make me want to hole up at just the thought of losing him.

In a state of trans, I made it to the door, and unlocked it. My arms felt like a million pounds as I pulled the door open and mustered up the energy to lift my head up. I could feel the panic taking over, inch by inch, consuming me. I could feel how painfully hard it was starting to get to catch a breath, and even my tongue felt heavy in my mouth. And just the sight of him, right in front of me wearing black jeans, and a dark navy hoodie, made my panic skyrocket.

He stepped forward, brows creased in confusion. And I wondered if he could see right past my face and into my mind. Into the mess I have stepped into and can't drag myself out. "What's wrong?" he asked, reaching for me. He looked past me, scanning the living room before settling his attention on me again.

I wish I could reply, wished I could form a single word, but my mind was spinning and making me nauseous. All I could do was look up at him and think what my future would look like without him. At some point I planned it out so well that there wasn't a minute unplanned, and now I hate all those plans because they were all wrong. He was right, he was all I needed and screw every other plan I made. How do I make sure he stays part of my new plans? Part of my life after I leave here? And what are his plans?

He brought his hand up, holding my face in his grip and I inhaled a much-needed breath. "Come on, love. Use those words."

I took a big breath, forcing myself to form some words ever if they felt like they were going to crush me. "I'm leaving to New York." I answered, but I swear it sounded like a wince. The words sunk into me, whooshing around like a tsunami.

His expression ached with confusion. "That's the plan, wasn't it? Are you just now realizing this?"

My chin quivered. "But what about you?"

"What about me?"

I shook, feeling like I might fall apart because everything was about him. And I felt so lost, so confused to what I want now. I wanted the school, and I wanted him. I just wanted everything to work out perfectly and somehow that felt like a joke. Nothing is ever perfect. That's not how the world works. So I gazed up at him with tears in my eyes. "I'm leaving you. How will we make it work? I'll be across the country, and you'll be here. How are we going to stay together? I know long distance is a thing, but do you think we will be able to do that? Do you want too? Because I'm afraid of losing you." I rambled, my breath collapsing on my chest.

He looked at me with undestanding softening his wild eyes, and smiled before bringing me into his chest. I hung on, burying myself into him like he was slipping in my grin now, like the seconds were ticking down and I knew I would have to let go. I also knew it would break me when I do so.

He rubbed my back. "Is that what your worried about? Leaving me? Not about going to a new place, starting a new life, and having to figure it all out?"

Well, when he puts it like that it doesn't help. "Oh god." I winced, fisting his shirt harder and wanting to hide away forever.

He chuckled softly. "It's going to be difficult; I'll admit but it doesn't mean we can't do it. I love you enough to do it. Enough to suffer. My life is simple now, and I could come up and see you everywhere we want." I eased a little at his words, and he kept going, "Don't worry about a future that isn't here yet. I promised you that you had me, and you could be across the world, or in a different galaxy and you would still have me."

I stayed in his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. It was completely balanced, and fixed. Even during this conversation, he was completely sure of himself. Not a single hesitation or worry slipped up in his tone, and I don't know if he was doing that for me, or because he believed in us that much. What I did know, was I loved him deeply enough to fight for him, and his confidence in us sealed that for me. If he believed in us, and I knew I did.

Finally, with the panic subsiding, I pulling out of his hold. "But you won't be there always." I said, sadness in my tone.

He smiled, softness easing his eyes. "I'll be a phone call, and a plane ride away. And it's not forever. Plus, i'd make sure Kirsan watches over you, and if it makes you more comfortable I can find a way for both of you to live together."

I guess that would make me comfortable, but this is about more than me. This was Kirsan's life too and I can't just uproot it because of my own insecurities. I was working on fighting through all my anxiety, and worries and this would be hard but I could do it. I'll have too because I swore to myself I wouldn't let myself see me as weak. This was a big step, and one I needed to take. "No." I shook my head, "I got it."

He regarded me for a second before replying, "I know you do. And if you need help, we all there for you. Now, let's go celebrate? I have Maddox waiting in the car."

I managed to smile, feeling an ease settle on me. It won't be easy but we could do it. I don't plan to stay in New York forever, just for schooling. Maybe at some point I did plan that, but those plans have changed. Life forced me to change them, and I need to get use to that. Use to the unknown, and consistent change. And I would happily come back to Mateo, because it wouldn't matter where I lived because he was my forever home. If he was here, then here was where home was.

We went outside, and I locked the door behind us before following him down the driveway. "Your bike isn't finished?" I asked. I know Ash has been working on it, and changing out parts to make it look the way Mateo liked. I assume that was punishment for crashing his previews bike, but I don't think Mateo was really punishing him. I know he even gave Ash one of his smaller bikes that I learned was called a Honda Grom. Ash has been learning, and riding on that, and from what I have heard his having a blast. I'll admit, I kind of missed the bike, or maybe just being up in Mateo personal space with our body linked together.

He glanced at me, eyes full of warmth. "Not yet. Ash has a few more parts to add on. Hopefully by the end of the week because I fucken miss it." he replied with a sigh and opened the car door before waiting till I got in. And the second I was in, Maddox popped up from the back. "I heard you got your dream! It must have been all the double crossing I was doing for you."

I turned to face him better. "And I heard you finally got your butt out of your room." I told him, looking him over as he sat in the middle, spinning his ring. For a little bit, I was really worried about him because he looked like someone was sucking the life out of him, and draining his mind. But I know Mateo had a talk with him, and he looks to be doing better. There was even a little spark in his pale eyes.

"Hey worry rat, I'm doing A-okay. No need to pray to the stars for me." he joked, but I did send a prayer for him.

I smiled. "I'm glad your feeling better. But if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm happy to be that someone."

Mateo opened the car door, getting in and starting the car. "Thanks, Lin. But what I'm really curious about is, does this mean I get to fly out to New York every weekend with Mateo?" he asked, his lips curled up in a sly grin that I'll admit I sort of missed.

"Every weekend?" I asked, "That's a lot. I don't know if I can handle that much Maddox time."

His eyes lit. "Maddox time! That should be a thing. How have I not thought of this yet?" I laughed but he reached for his phone and within a couple seconds my phone buzzed. I pulled it out, seeing that I had a new text in our group chat. 'Officially introducing Maddox time. In which you all have to give me attention and anything else I want. Once a month, on every 8th. No excuse'

I laughed, "Every 8Th. Got it. I'll put it in my calendar." I nodded, a little ease slipping into the back of mind now that Maddox was clearly doing better. And I looked over to Mateo who chuckled as he leaned to me and read the text. "Where are we going?" I asked as he started the drove us down the street.

"A place full of sweets."

I felt a bubble of happiness fill my tummy as I thought about eating something tasty. And a short twenty minutes later, he pulled up on the curb of a pastry shop I have never heard of and parked the car. I took the place in, the many plants and greenery that ran up the surrounding wall. Outside there were a few tables, and little twirling lights decorating the place. Overall, it was super cute.

He opened the car door. "This is so cute." I exclaimed, making him chuckled. "You find everything cute. And I find just you cute."

In a short few moments we were inside and standing at the counter, Maddox mentioned he will come inside in a little. And I had already chosen the chocolate croissant, but Mateo was still starting at the row's of pastries. His expression full of determination, and concentration as if he was taking a test to determine the humas race's existence. I tried not laugh, I really did but he looked so dang cute with that hard pressed face.

He glanced at me as I tried to hide my laugh. "Are you laughing at me?" he asked, playfully narrowing his gaze.

I pinched my fingers together, showing him that I was just a little. "Just a bit. It's really cute though, I promise."

His nose twitched. "I don't like being called cute."

I pouted, glancing down at my pastry and wondering if I'll be able to eat it today, or tomorrow. With the amount of time this man needed to choose a single pastry, it might be tomorrow. "Why not?" I asked, "Your like runway pretty." I joked, laughing more when his expression twisted in annoyance.

The older lady who has been reading behind the counter chuckled too, watching us and waiting for us to pay. And Mateo smirked, "Oh I remember how runway pretty I am. If I recall, it's one of the first few things you mention. Along with the fact that you could probably squeeze into a locker."

I probably could. "A moment of weakness." I muttered, flushing as I remembered that exact moment. Bunnies did that feel like forever ago. I can't believe it's only been a few months since I met him, and oh how important his become. How quickly life has changed, and yet I wouldn't go back and do a single thing different.

He reached over, tugging me closer to him. "Not a moment of weakness, but of strength. If it wasn't for you in that moment, I wouldn't be standing here beside you right now."

I felt like a rotten tomato, but I didn't care. "You give me to--" I was cut off by the bell of the door ringing and announcing someone's entrance. I looked over my shoulder with curiosity, and I wish I didn't. I wish I didn't see what was pointed at me or know the possible outcome of it. Lord? You hear me? Yeah, I think we need you down here right now.