CHAPTER SONG, Tears Of Gold - Faouzia

I blinked at my hands, still under the running faucet. Shoot. How long have I been standing here? In a girl's bathroom of all places. I got distracted by my thoughts, again. I have a reason to be thought, a perfectly valid reason. The excitement in my stomach was bubbling.

I have come to a big decision. Astronomical you can say. Not really, but it sure feels that way. That big decision is that I'm telling my mom I met up with dad. That I saw him. First time in a year, I saw dad. The fact has been hanging in the back of my mind like a ball of flame deemed to get out. And its only time until I finally creak because I am not great under pressure. And that pressure is building. In my mind, it's pilling on. I'm honestly impressed with myself that I have yet to tell my mom about the meeting. Don't get me wrong, I'm great at keeping secret, just not my own. Those are truly the worst. They felt like chain's tied to me and I can't move, breath, or think without the secret pressing into me.

The bathroom door opened, but I was still too deep in my thoughts to even look up.

I already planned the dinner out and check her schedule to see the next week she has the night off. I already planned out everything I'm making. I'm trying out a new recipe, which means I double checked everything. There will be no swear ups, because it has to be prefect. Odd, how I feel a little overwhelmed. Like this is some sort of first date or something when all it is, is a dinner with my mom. A long over do one, but still.

Here is the big dilemma thought and the reason I have dragged this out all week. What if my mom has no clue that dads in town? What if he only called me? What if I'm about to throw all of this information at her. Like the fact that her own ex-husband didn't call when he came into town. Crab cakes. The thought alone makes me cringe and rethink this whole secret sharing. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news and I have this bad feeling that I might be.

Either way, I need to— how do they say it? Woman up? I think that's sounds correct. Whatever. The point is I need to not drag this out any longer and tell my mom already. The longer I wait, the worse it will be. Why does it feel like I betrayed her by meeting dad? Like I choose a side. I didn't. I wish there were no sides to choose to begin with. I wish I could go back —-.

"Aren't you the girl that's dating the oldest Ramos?"

I swung my head up, ending the self-talk I was giving myself and found two girls staring at me. The back of me, or my face through the mirror, not sure. Either way, I was the center of their attention. Water still splashed on my hands, lukewarm but kind of nice and comforting in this odd moment. Hold on. When did they get here? Better question, why are they talking to me? Are they talking to me?

I glanced around, noting no one else in the bathroom. So, it's me.

The blond tugged at her backpack strap. "She totally is. I saw her in the hallways with him." she said, and I'm sure she did. He takes me to class every day, that's no secret. But she glared at me, tugging at her curly blond hair that sat around her shoulder like that bothered her. Next to her, another girl stood. She too was glaring at me so intensely that it made me step closer to the sink, only to bump into it. The girl grabbed her braid and flung it over her shoulder, with a click of the tongue she said, "So tell me, what did you do to land that?"

I cringed at the way she referred to Mateo. Like his some sort of object, a toy to win. It was sort of disrespectful, referring to him like he wasn't even human, and I narrowed my eyes at her not liking that one bit. I wasn't the type to confront, I rather hide. Only recently I have decided I am not longer hiding. So here I was, doing my best to not just walk out of this bathroom like I really wanted to do. Instead, I stood there, staring at them with displeasure in my expression.

The door opened again, but I didn't look to see who it was. I was too busy looking at the two girls behind me, and honestly, I'm not sure what they want from me. It doesn't help that this attention they are giving me is negative. But more people have been staring at me lately, it comes with the attention that circles around Mateo. I knew this would happen and everyone has been kind enough to distract me from it. Continuing to walk me to class and hanging out as if the surrounding world doesn't matter.

Except now it's catching up. In the girl's bathroom of all places. Which I swear I have seen only in movies. The teenage bullying, I mean. Does this really happen in real life? I haven't been bullied before. Maybe because I am the little shadow in the corner of every room that no one notices. No one usually even glances in my direction twice. I like it that way, prefer it even. The corner is peaceful. No drama, no bullies, and no confrontation. Just quiet. A little lonely but you can't have both worlds they say. Who's they? Doesn't matter, they know what they are talking about.

Expect, I'm not allowing myself to hide in the corner now.

The blond titled her head, scanning me with disgust. "Abb's, I truly don't see what he sees in her." she dwelled, making me wince, and take a useless step forward again only to bump into the sink, again. My shirt soaked, sticking to my stomach. And I almost wanted to tell them that when they figure it out, to let me know. I was as clueless as them. It beyond me what Mateo sees in me.

Abb's, the darkhaired girl nodded. "She must be putting out or something. Is that it?"

I shook my head but couldn't form a word. Not a single word slipped past my mouth. It was like they were stuck in the back of my throat and sinking, down, down, down, and falling like rocks at the bottom of my stomach. I wanted nothing more than to pick them up, grip them in my hands, and throw them right at those two meanies but I couldn't reach them. I couldn't pick them up. I couldn't hold them. I couldn't talk.

The dark-haired girl kept talking despite me praying to the sky that she would stop. "No way in hell is it anything else. Come on, look at you. You aren't even special. You're not that pretty, or popular. Hell, I didn't know you existed tell you showed up a few days ago with him. Where did you even come from?"

I was in her AP Calculus class. I didn't know her name tell now, but I know her face. We have had several classes together over the years. How self-conceited of her. Even more now that she was behind me, lashing out of me, for what? Dating Mateo? Is this for real? Again, I have only ever seen something like this happen in movies. To know it happens in real life is laughable. I would laugh, if they weren't looking at me like I was the trash to kick around.

The blond chuckled, eyeing me like I too was some sort of toy she wanted to fling around and rip the limps off. "Are you two exclusives, or like open relationship?" she asked, "Is he just fucking you? Because no way can you hold that. Does he live up to the talks?"

The tears built in the back of my eyes, burning me to the point that I had to blink through it. We were exclusive. Right? We were. I had to believe that otherwise I would start questioning to many things. He promised not to hurt me. I believe him. But why were they being so mean? It's clear as day I'm not as pretty as them but I wouldn't say I'm ugly. Plus, their personality just tanked away any and all prettiness they had.

I would like to say I didn't question Mateo's motives, but I would be lying. Like them, I wonder the same thing. Why me? Heck, they were prettier than me. Yet, Mateo didn't blink in their direction. I don't get it, I haven't since day one, but I'm so deeply caught up in the guy that I'm too afraid to question it. I'm being naive and ignoring all the lingering questions in the back of mind. I'm hiding. Per usual. Afraid to get answers that might hurt me. I was no ready for that. No way, Jose.

"And you two think you're the golden goose's he'll want?"

I snapped my head to the right, blinking rapidly to get rid of those tears. I heard the door open earlier, now I know who came through it. Those tears, they finally tasted air and spilt down my face. And by the door, Lily laughed humorless, shaking her head like this whole situation was comical. She put her hand to her hip, onto her high waisted blue washed baggy jeans. A lime green cropped blouse tucked into them, puffed sleeved, and low cut showing off her supermodel body. By her, Aster stood staring at the girls with strong disappointment that made her lips thin, and nose wrinkles. "This is low, girls." she told them with a shake of the head, before leaving Lily's side and making her way over to me.

Lily eyed the two girls in front of her, smiling at them with a menacing look. The sharpness of her iced pale blue eyes could slugger any enemy to pieces. It could vanish you into thin air if she tried hard enough. It cut deep into you, sharp like the tip of a sword, it dove and twisted until you couldn't breathe anymore. Couldn't look away either. Her look was paralyzing itself and torturing you in the meanest way.

Aster stopped behind me, putting a hand on my back. "Are you okay?" she whispered, looking over me and giving me a worried look. I did my best to not show her how I was truly not okay. Instead, I put on a brave face and battled through the tears, giving her a nod. She regarded me for a second that said she didn't believe me. "Okay, they were being really mean, huh?" she sighed, glancing at Lily who looked over at us for a second before snapping her acid filled attention back to the girls.

I nodded, again, responded to Aster's comment. And she smiled at me, patting my back. "No more of that. We got you."

Through the mirror, I watched the girl's frown at Lily, confusion flashing in both of their faces. She stared right back at them, like she had no doubt she could slay them with just a snap of the finger. With her unwavering confidence, she leaned forward and pointed her lean manicured finger at them. "You two are fucken foolish if you thought Mateo would even look at your twice. Let me add some knowledge to you airheads because clearly you need some help."

She stepped forward, and the girls' stepped backwards as she raised one long finger, commanding the room with it. I inhaled sharply, watching through the mirror. "One. Who do you think you are to stand here and bully Mateo's girlfriend? You think that makes you look good? You realize his going to hear about this, and I promise you sweeties he will not take kindly to it. Actually, I suggest you sleep with one eye open from now on."

Aster nodded agreeing with Lily, as if she already knew this. Knew her brother was not going to like this, and I'll be honestly I had the same feeling. If I have learned anything, it's Mateo has a serious protective streak. I almost relaxed at that, or it could have been Aster rubbed circled on my back, checking on me every few seconds as she watching Lily.

Lily lifted another finger. "Two. You have the personality of a squid, and this girl here—" she pointed to me, giving me a looked of steeled assurance, "Is a hundred times better than either of you." she scowled at them, and I inhaled a breath, warmth spreading down my skin as I watched her defend me like she cared. Only she didn't, she made that crystal clear. Which brings me to the real reason she's doing this, loyalty. Her, and Mateo might fight like they hate each other, but loyalty is above all to them.

She lifted a third black painted finger. "Three. You two are cute, sure. Might even be considered hot but oh honey, it takes more than looks to get a guy like Mateo. It takes a special type of person to hold Mateo at her fingers. You need a heart, understanding, patience, and fucken unworldly determination to get through to him. Trust me, neither of you could handle him."

The girl's coiled into each other, shoulder to shoulder as they watched Lily lecture them with petrified looks on their faces. I finally found the courage to turn around, and slowly I faced them. Aster smiled, giving me a nod as if to say good job, and I did my best to give her my own nod. She slid up beside me, a little closer so that we were shoulder to shoulder too. Then she wrapped her hands around my arm and smiled at me, like nothing matter. Like she had full faith in Lily to take away this terrible situation. It calmed me somehow, and I too found that I had full faith in Lily. It's the first time I ever felt calm in her presence, but I found myself relaxed.

Lily lifted another finger. "Four. Did I mention the airhead thing? That's a fact all on its own."

She lifted a final manicure finger. "Five. Are you really that fucken insecure that you have to bully someone as kind at Lina here? Are you that pathetic that you have to resort to belittling someone because of your own flaws? How utterly pathetic of you. You should be ashamed of yourself. Purely because neither of you have the smarts to take on a girl like her. And do you even realize she has an army behind her now? Do you even know what we'll do to you now? You know nothing and your plan here was unplanned. Absolutely clueless, and here you two are bulling someone who literally is so sweet she would have baked you a cake if you asked her. Shame on you. I don't know how either of you look in the mirror because I see nothing but disgust for you. You made a mistake today, girls, and I truly hope you think next time you want to bully someone."

I blinked at her, my lips twitching to curl up, but I pressed them together. This was Lily, the girl who acted like she couldn't stand me. Here she was protecting me. And I'm aware that it's out of loyally to Mateo, but still. I wouldn't have stood up like that for myself. I would have stood there and took it. Probably not have even been able to say a word for that matter. But Lily wouldn't, she faced the world head on, with furiousness in her heart. No one wanted to get on her bad side, and those two have just jumped over the line.

They both stared at her like she has lost her mind, and behind all that was so much fear setting in. The darkhaired girl switched between legs. "Who are you?" she asked, with so much less confidence than she started with when they marched into this bathroom.

Lily smirked, stepping forward and extending her hand out in front of her. "Oh you haven't heard? Lily Vallero, nice to fucken meet you. I know I'm only a sophomore, but I'm sure we will get to know each other very well now."

Neither girl made a move to shake her hand. Both of them looked at her like she was scary, and in her own way she was. She looked like she could eat you alive, and I swear it kind of feels like she did eat those two girls. Both of them looked terrified, blinking at her like they were afraid to even move. I wonder if it's because they realize she related to Mateo, or the brutal speech she just gave. Something told me that it was all her. She didn't need anyone to protect her or stand up for her. She did that all on her own.

The blonds chin shook. "Don't tell him, we are sorry. Please don't tell him." her gaze tore to me, begging me with a plea on her face but before I could do, or say anything Aster spoke up beside me, "Nice to meet you too, girls. Next time you want to bully my brother's girlfriend, remember that there's a reason people fear my brothers, and you should now too."

The girl's bleached. Realizing that they really did make a mistake, and Aster was his sister. I almost felt bad for them, but then I thought back to how mean they were, and the feeling seemed to shrink. Realizing they weren't going to shake her hand; Lily pulled it back with a chuckle. "Good chose. Wouldn't want to catch your contagious insecurity problems. Now, run along before Mateo gets here because like I said, he will not take kindly to you upsetting his precious little girlfriend."

They blinked at her. I blinked at her. Wait, Mateo was coming?

She sighed, checking her black painted nails like she was completely bored now, before looking up at two girls through her thick lashes. "Come on. I'm tired of looking at your face, spar me another moment or I might lose my mind."

The two bolted for the door, not looking back and leaving me alone in the bathroom with Lily and Aster, who stood calmly beside me, radiating in a wave of peacefulness that I sunk into. For them, I assume that was nothing, and had no effect on them but for me, it was overwhelming. So, using breathing techniques, I tried to calm my throbbing chest and erotic breathing. Tears stained my face but at least they weren't coming out anymore.

Aster squeezed my arm right as Lily spun around and faced me. She scanned me as if she was looking for damage before raising her brow. "Looks like they didn't touch you. Why are you crying then?" she asked.

I swallowed, feeling the lump in the back of my throat. "They were really mean." I whispered and Aster rubbed her palm on my arm in a reassuring manner. I remember Lily saying Mateo was coming. Please be true. Lord? Do a poor girl a favor for once.

Lily titled her head, eyeing me like I was confusing her. "So?"

I leaned back on the sink behind me, wiping away the remaining tear that lingered in the corner of my eyes. She helped me out here, stood up for me and for some reason I felt like I owed her the truth. Sighing, I looked up at her. "Lily, I'm not you. I can't do that—" I waved my hand to the place that those girls were just at, "—I don't know how to do that. Every time something like that happens, I just want to hide. It's like natural instinct. Words hurt me, and I cry. To easily sometimes. I wish I didn't, but I can't stop it. You think I want to stand here and cry? To be this weak? To not even be able to say a single word back? I don't Lily—" I shook my head, dropping my gaze, "I wish I was as strong at you but I'm not."

She didn't say anything for a moment, but I felt her watching me. Aster kept holding onto me, and I found myself leaning into her for more comfort. Happily, she took it and held me. I knew Lily was trying to let my words sink in, trying to understand them and maybe for her that was a challenge. She was the complete opposite of me. She was a force. Nothing could stand in front of her when she knew what she wanted. Understanding what it feels like to be weak, that must be a challenge for her. I understood.

After another long moment, she finally jetted out her chin out, put her hand on her hip and spoke, "Lina, you aren't weak. Your kind, full hearted, and loving. It doesn't make you weak. You care about others, a little too much in my opinion but who am I to question you. Weak it's a word I would use to describe you, I don't think any of us would. Only you have used that word, so, question why that is. Why you see yours self as weak when everyone else doesn't. What they said, about Mateo being out of your league, sweetie you're out of his. Don't let what they say get to you. Forget it. Forget them."

Aster nudged me. "Completely agree with Lily here. Mateo totally shot for the sky with you, and I still have no clue how he landed such a pretty, sweetheart like you."