CHAPTER SONG - Always Been You - Shawn Mendes

Pulling myself off the back of Mateo's bike, I was so excited that my body felt pumped. Like I was on adrenaline or something. "That was so fun!" I repeated for the millionth time. It was. It out beat all my expectations, and I learned I really like dirt biking. I didn't end up on my own bike, like I thought I would. Honestly, just riding behind Mateo added onto the experience. It was part of the reason I liked it so much. Being that close to him, hugging him, feeling all the ridges and curves of his steeled abs... okay. Enough.

I shook my head, trying to rid of that thought as Mateo climbed off the bike, chuckling. "As you have mentioned. I got to say, I enjoyed that way more then usual."

My dumb butt walked right into that by saying, "Why?"

He placed the bike on the pedal, and padded over to me with a smirk lifting his face, and amusement in his forest filled eyes. "Because I like being felt up, especially by you. Got to say, you keep surprising me."

I gasped. "I did not feel you up!" I said, pointing my finger at him and scowling. Which only made him tilt his head back and laugh. It rolling up his throat, deep and raspy. A sound so appealing that it could totally win Grammy's. In my mind of course. "Whatever you say, love. No shame. You do you, I'll just enjoy being on the receiving end."

My face burned as I tried to keep my gaze at him, but I felt my confidence crumbling before him. It only last another second before I dropped my head in a groan. I admit, I might have ran my head up and down him a little. I just thought he wouldn't notice, he didn't react like he did. He was busy riding around, doing tricks, and racing against his family. I thought he might have just been to distracted to notice. Look's like nothing could get past him. Noted, for next time.

He chuckled, closing the gap between us. Everyone was already off their bikes, wondering around, and packing. I head the sound of another car driving up, but didn't pay much attention too it. Instead, I watched Mateo stop in front of me, a mind-blowing smile pulling to his face. Wrapping his arm's around my waist, he grinned. "You can feel me up whenever you want. Don't even have to ask, no permission needed."

"You let all the girl's feel you?'

"Just the pretty ones "

There I go blushing, again. For the trillionth time. My next word's came up from somewhere deep in my chest, "Just me thought, right Mateo?"

His brow's furrowed, confusion spilling past his expression but before he could reply, his dad called his name and he spun around. "Catch!" his dad yelled, tossing something at him. That something being a gun. An actual gun. Not the prop kind you find in movies. But a real gun. Was that a Glock? I haven't ever seen one.

Mateo caught it effortlessly, clocking it back. And his body springing with tension, whatever expression was on his face a second ago, gone. He turned back to me, eye's numbing with coldness, and making me shiver. He looked so darn dangerous. Holy moly. As if he just walked out the gate's of hell, and was looking for the person who put him there. As if he had a million plan's in his mind to what he is going to do to that person. I never, I mean never, want to be on the receiving end of who ever dare's to make him look like this.

He scanned the area, solid tension holding onto every defunded muscle in his body before his attention fell to me. He spoke as I imaged the Pacific Ocean felt, perilous, mighty, treacherous, and on the verge of drowning it's enemy's. "You see Kirsan over there?" he tipped his head sideways, and I glanced over too Kirsan, who too looked like he was arming up for something. For what?

I nodded my head, swallowing away the growing panic in my tummy. He placed a hand to my side, dipping his head lower and said, "Amor, I need you to listen to me. Go to him, right now and stay with him. No matter what happens, do what he says."

He didn't give me a second to think about it, instead nudged me to go and I found myself running at Kirsan. No clue why, but the command in his tone told me not to question him. And when I was inches from Kirsan, he reached his arm's out, and caught me before swinging me behind himself. He straightened out, crossing his arm's in a intimidating matter and squared his shoulders. I was fully covered behind him, and had no courage to even glance past him.

Instead, I looked to my side where I could see Lily standing behind Ash. But unlike me, she was only halfway covered. Both were gripped gun's in their hands, staring forward as if they were facing a life threatening enemy. My mind spun, making me dizzy a little, enough for me to need to grab Kirsan's shirt to keep myself standing upright. He didn't even make any movement to giving away that I was right behind him. In a calmly lowered voice he spoke, "Calm down, dear. You remember me asking him about what his welling to risk? If his ready to let you into a private setting with our family?"

I nodded, then realized he can't see me and softly said, "Yes."

"This is it. The risk."

I swallowed, wishing I could ask a million question but from somewhere in front of me, someone started talking. "You think you can hide?" the voice raspy, like his smoked to many cigarettes, and I already hated it.

Kirsan's back muscles flexed under his shirt, and that was the only indication that he was uncomfortable. It was Mateo's father who responded. "Who's hiding, Jay? I'm right here."

The man laughed. "You won't take my meetings, you won't pick up my calls. What gives, Angelo? Should I send you a cookie basket or some?"

He might have laughed, but it was neither funny, nor light. His tone, his words, the situation, it was all tense, and cold. Every word was spat and forced like a blade into your back. And from behind Kirsan, I couldn't see anyone, but I could feel the climbing stiffness. The feeling made me grip onto Kirsan shirt more, as his dad started talking again. "You're wasting your time, Jay. I have nothing to talk to you about. I don't want to do business with you, and the first clue was when I wouldn't take your meetings. Have you considered that? Considered that you are not the type of business partner I want? You're disturbing the precious time I have with my family, and I don't appreciate it. Either grow a pair of ball's and came at me like a man or stop wasting my time. I don't play games."

"Game's are all your play."

This time, it was Mateo who spoke. Voice cold like night, cold like death. It ripped through the air, slicing through it with a blade that held nothing but madness. "You don't want to play our games, Jay. We invented the rules, and we still don't play by them. You think you can come here and intimidate us? Think again, because you have done nothing but put yourself on our list of loose ends."

Kirsan squared his shoulder. "Jay, would you like some legal advice?" he called out. I gripped his shirt harder. At this point, it was a full ball of fabric in my hand, and he would need to iron it later. But my hands were also sweaty, and my head a little dizzy. Who were those people? I knew they were dangerous, but to what extent?

The man stayed silent, but Kirsan nodded in conviction. "The law isn't to clear, but in most cases you can only be changed with murder if a body is there to incriminate you."

Ash leaned forward. "Your body Jay, I'll bet would never be found."

I heard the clock of a gun. "My son's find your as annoying as I do, leave before you regret even coming here in the first place. Last chance." Mateo's dad demanded.

No one moved. No one spoke. I know they were breathing, but I was not. A long minute later, a car turned on. A few second later, and I heard the tire's smashing against the gravel. And it wasn't until the noise of the car faded out, and nothing but the air swaying around us, and the bird's singing their sounds did someone move.

Kirsan turned his head over his shoulder. "You can let go now, dear." he said, tone much cooler now, more mellowed out then it was a second ago. I unpeeled my fingers from his shirt, feeling my hand's tremble. My arm's slacked to my side, heavy as a rock.

I know that Ash said their father work's in the firearm's world. Mateo has mentioned several time's that his world is dangerous, that he has a target on his back. I have seen them reaction in situation's in the most scares ways, with skill's very few people possess. I knew from the beginning that their lives were different then mine. Heck, they live in multimillion dollar homes, drives cars worth more then my house and carry themselves around like royalty. Perhaps I underestimated them though.

Because that situation was more. It was scary, and unexpected. They had gun's. Gun's. I don't think I have even ever seen one with my own eyes, and now I saw a few. Even the youngest, Ash and Lily stood on the line's like they knew the battle first hand. And I'm aware that business can get messy, expect how messy is their business? How dangerous? Is Mateo safe? Because that sure didn't feel like it. The risk, Kirsan called it. Expect are they risking their lives? Is this why Mateo talks about his like meaningless? Because to him it feel's like that? Because his life to me was meaningful. I wanted him to grow, thrive, and see the world.

From behind Kirsan, Mateo sidestepped, stopping in front of me. And I lifted my chin, even if it felt heavy and I could still feel my hand's trembling. "Are you okay?" I whispered.

He dragging in his bottom lip, biting down on it, before speaking, "Your asking about me? You look like your about to cry."

"I won't." I replied, chanting that in my mind. Why would I cry? And even as I asked the question, I heard the answer in the back of my mind. Because I know that Mateo's like is daily danger, and it wasn't until now that I finally realized this. It wasn't until now that I understood why he protect of his brothers so deeply and carries himself so grown. Because I did, I realized it now. He grew up years ago.

I bit down on my lip. "I will not cry." I repeated. I had no reason too. Expect that tiny tug in my chest that wanted to hold him in my arm's and squeeze so tightly.

Maddox appeared beside him. "Your lying sweetheart..." he pointed at me, "You have tears in your eyes."

I narrowed my gaze at him. "It's from the dirt." I said, kicking at the ground.

Maddox's lip curled up. "The dirt? That was almost believable but hey maybe you do have a little fire in you after all."

Mateo rolled his eyes, before closing the gap between us. To Madd's he replied, "Leave my girl alone with your bullshit."

Maddox laughed as he walked away, and it took me a second to realize, he came over here to check on me. Why? Have I misread him too? Did he actually care about me? According to Mateo he did. I always assumed he was just sticking around because of Mateo, but maybe he wasn't. The thought warmed my chest a little. Not something I would ever admit to him, because again, the whole giant ego thing he has going but still.

I stared up at Mateo. "You didn't answer my question.." I mumbled.

Mateo's lip twitched before slammed down into its permanent scowl. "I'm okay, love. That all was normal to me, it wasn't too you. Tell me how you are."

I sighed, walking into his outstretched arms and settling comfortably there. I took a second to respond because I needed to find the right way to explain what I feeling. Finally, I gathered my thoughts. "You said your life was dangerous, I didn't realize how much tell now. I don't want you to get hurt, I care about you. It makes me wonder if you act all grown, and steeled to perfection because of this.."

He sighed, leaning his head onto my head. His arm's tightened around me, and I felt the heaviness of his body weight on me. I didn't mind it, if anything I enjoyed it. Like a weighted blanket, and I just wanted to cozy up underneath it. For him though, it felt like he was barely holding himself up, and putting some of that weight on me eased him. Even if it was by a sliver.

His tone came out hallow when he spoke, "I grew up year's before I even started middle school. I became what I had to be, and there wasn't a single day I regrated it. It doesn't mean that I'm not tired because I am. I never had a second, the kind my dad gets with my mom. The kind that lift's his soul from under the water and lets it breath."

I sucked in a breath, listening to him. Word's so empty, and yet with so much meaning behind them. His soul was heavy, and buried somewhere and all his trying to do is find a little light. I listened to the steady beat of his heart in his chest, and his next words came out barely above a whisper, "Now, I have my second. You are that second. The little things, the little moment I have with you, they aren't little, they are everything to me. Something about you, love, gives me life."

He inhaled a deep breath that I felt collapses on his chest. "You smile at me, and I feel like I won my greatest victory." he shivered, "I don't know what you're doing to me, love"

I lifted my head, resting my chin on his chest as I looked up at him with eyes full of tears and passion. "Kindness. It's not what I'm doing, it's what I'm showing you. Kindness, devotion, and nirvana. You deserve it, Mateo."

He stared down at me, full of doubt and surprise. The deepest of his eyes warming with inner gold, and molding with all the honeybees, and rainforest's. They swirled around with dark emotion's that couldn't be describe as anything but the strongest pulse that ignites new seasons. He licked his lips, heaviness sitting in his expression and softly said, "I want to so badly protect you from my world, because I know just how cruel it can get, but I can't. I can't shelter you from it, because if you make the choice to be with me, you'll see thing you didn't even know existed. I swear I'll protect you though, I'll do everything in my well power to protect you, even if it costs me my life."

My lips curled up. "I already made the choice Mateo, and I'm staying confident in it."

For him, I would walk beside him.

For him, I would hold onto him like my life depended on it.

Because he was my nirvana. My home.