CHAPTER SONG , Overdrive - Conan Gray

Ash – Come out, come out were ever you are.

Ash Added Lily To Lina's suicide squad.

Lily – Why am I here?

Ash – Your part of the fam bam.

Lily Added Aster to the chat.

Aster – Oh hi.

Lily – Lina. We have been outside for the past ten minutes. You plan on coming out?

Ash – Bring snacks.

Kirsan – Stop.

Oh, fudge sticks. Have they really been here for that long? I didn't realize that Ash's first text meant they were here. I assumed it was one of his random moment's. Those are great by the way, always entertaining. Panicking, I quickly grabbed my navy puffer jacket off the high chair and tucked it under my arm before running to the pantry. Ash want's snack. So I'm going to check what we have. Which isn't much, and I quickly grabbed a pack of Oreo's, some capri suns, and a few bag's of travel sized chips, not knowing which he would prefer.

I practically speed walked out of the panty, shutting it behind me and ran into the living room. I grabbed my shoes, in the process dropping the chips to the ground. Biscuits. I groaned, but let them there. After tying my shoes, I grabbed my jacket and tried to tug it on, only to drop the capri sun beside the chips. Oh no. And now I can feel the anxiety crawled up my arm's, gripping onto my breath as I fumbled around with the jacket, trying to zip it up.

I should have been ready. I was. I just didn't realize it would take me this long to zip up a jacket. But that could very well be coming from the idea that Lily is upset because they have been out there for a while now.

My head shot up, hearing someone knock on the door. And still tugging at my zipper, I jogged to the door and pulled it open. Without looking up from my jacket I said, "I'm coming. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry this jacket—"

Two hand covered mine, stopping me from ripping this zipper off all together, which I was close too doing. Too close. And I lifted my head up, meeting with Mateo's caution's gaze. The edges of his face sharpening out even more as he watched me. He took a step forward, towards me. "Why are you rushing?"

"Lily said you have been waiting for ten minutes." I breath out, dropping my hands to my side, along with the rest of the snacks. Oh cotton skies, this is great. I look like an absolute tortoise. Messy, slow, and terrible awkward.

I squatted down, starting to gather the snacks into my hands again. Dang it, why was I so clumsy?

Mateo squatted down beside me, grabbing my hands and stopping me again. "Love."

I calmed, exhaling out a slow breath that seemed to unclenched my chest. Or perhaps is was from the single silky word from him that sooth the storm in my chest. Definitely both. Slowly, I lifted my head and looked at his warm honey eyes. There was something comforting about the way the brown's blended in with the greens, and blues. As if his eyes couldn't decide which way they wanted to tilt, what color they wanted to be, so they decide to be all three at once. Decided that they would proudly stand together, blending and molded into sky's full of sunsets and forest full of soft moss, buried in deep clear oceans.

He gaze softened. "Take a breath for me." he commanded and I nodded, taking in a much-needed breath of air. He smiled. "Good, now relax. We just got here, and I don't want you running around and getting yourself hurt."

I sighed. "But Lily said you have been here for ten minutes.."

He clenched his jaw. "We haven't."

I nodded, dropping my head to the ground and looking at all the snacks in front of me. I don't understand that girl. She's a bolt of lightning, and sometimes, for no reason at all, she directs it at me. Zapping me, but what she doesn't know is I can't defend myself. I have nothing to defend with. Nothing to offer back.

I reached out, grabbing the bag of chips and then the other. Mateo started helping. "What's with all the snacks? Are you planning on staying out there overnight? Because I didn't pack for that."

I chuckled. "No, Ash asked for snacks." I explained, grabbing the last Oreos and lifting off the ground. Mateo stood too, and because he had inch's and inch's on me, I had to titled my head up to look at him. And he frown, which darkened his face and titled those eyes into the brown hue. "He has snacks in the car. I stopped at the gas station to stock him up before we left."

I nodded, taking in the information. I would still take those to him because he asked after all. And the word no, well that's not part of my vocabulary. It should be, because it would be useful but it wasn't.

I turned around, grabbing the rest of the snack's off the ground and rose up again, turning to Mateo. "How do I look? Okay for dirt biking?" I haven't ever been. I have no idea what to expect, or what I should be wearing.

Mateo's lip's twitched, a crooked grin lifting onto them and squeezing my heart. He closed the distance between us, grabbing some of the snacks out of my hands that were threating to fall again and looked down at me. "You stole my breath, love. Just like you always do."

I smiled, melting in front of him per usual. And somehow feeling like I'm sinking, a warm sensation pooling around my vein's and I'm just uncoiling in front of him, at his feet. It spine-chilling, it's blood-curdling, and it's nerve-racking because I have never felt like this. Not even with Tony. So was this the all consuming type of love? Oh god, did I just say love? Whoa. No. It's way to early for that. Oh man it's that dark black magic again.

He turned sideways, looking out the door were Ash was sticking his head out the window and singing. He shook his head, turning back to me and glancing between the snacks and me. "You don't have to take them to him."

I shook my head. "I want too. He asked."

Mateo nodded, regarding me for a second before saying, "It's your chose. If you choose not to do so that's completely fine too."

I blinked at him. I know it's my choice, but somehow, I forget that. I always gravitate towards whatever is fine with the other person. If I'm asked to do something, even not wanting too, I will. It's never really my choice, I never give my self the option to choose. It's part of the whole Lina is second and everyone is first thing. And having Mateo remind me that its my choice, we'll it's like being reminded that I don't choose myself. Ever.

Clearing my throat, I looked down at my jacket that still wasn't zipped and said, "I want too." Did I?

Mateo stepped forward. "Here, give me all of those and zip your jacket."

I passed all the item's too him. "Thanks." I mumbled, tugging at the zipper that started going up easily. It must have be the lessened anxiety in my vein's now.

Once it was zipped, I followed Mateo out the door and locked it behind me. We made out way to the car, and he threw all the snack's at Ash through the open window. "Oh sweet!" Ash smiled, grabbing a bag of chip's and opened it.

Mateo scowled at him. "You didn't get enough at the store?" But Ash shrugged. "Lina's options were different then at the store. Plus I was curious to what kind of snacks' she had at her house."

Mateo slanted him a look before opening the passenger door beside me. I thanked him as I slid into the car, only to freeze because the seats were white. Like pearl white. Snowy white. Frosted white. Egg- White. I'm sure there are more words but you get the point. You probably also understand why I stiffen like a brick. Because what if I got them dirty?

Ash said hi from behind me and I muttered back, but was to busy focusing on my movement's. Because no way am I going to be the one too dirty up the seats. Not me. No. Oh gosh, what if I dirty them with my jeans? I looked down at my pale blue jeans. I read somewhere the blue jeans are the worst to wear on white seats. And that thought made me quietly wince. Maybe if I don't move around to much I could minimize the effect?

Ok. Game Plan. Stay as still as possible.

Mateo slid into the seat beside me, shifting the car into drive and pulling off the curb. And from behind us Lily spoke, "Why are you sitting like that?"

Oh no. "Like what?" I asked, knowing exactly like what. Like I'm afraid to move. Like if I move, I might leave a giant stain, of what I'm not sure. Of something for sure. Worst part was Lily has noticed. Which only mean's one thing, she was going to say something. Nothing good either if we take her past history.

Mateo glanced at me, worry creasing his eyes as he tried to figure out what Lily was talking about. And Lily of course decided to describe it for him. "Like you have a dildo up your butt, and it's pushing a little to high."

I pressed my lips together, trying to suppress the wince that built in my throat. And my cheeks burned as I hide my face in my hands from embarrassment. Mateo staring coldly at her though the rear mirror but she rolled her eyes. "Why are you look at me like that? It's true. And I don't understand why I have to baby her. You? I understand, sort of. But me? No. If at this point she hasn't learned that I'm blunt, and straight up then she's not as quick of a learner as you say. And it's not my problem either. I am who I am. And I know you have a savior complex's so you feel like you need to save her from every little comment but really Mateo, how about you teach your little subject to not take everything to the heart.

Mateo scowled darkly at her. His jaw tensing and jetting out as he retorted back at her, "How about you don't fucken find a way to torture her every time she's in your presence."

"And sugar coat for her? No thanks. She needs to toughen up."

"That's not your call to make."

"No, you're right, its not. But you're taking her to the lion den, and you haven't even thought her how to show some teeth."

"She doesn't need to have teeth. I have them and I fucken bite so sit the fuck back and shut up before I bite you hard enough you'll be crawling out the den."

A sadden wince filled the car. "Please stop?" Ash sighed, breathing heavily as he looked better his brother and his best friend like his not sure which side to choose, and like he doesn't want to choose. Like them fighting is ripping him to pieces. "Stop fucken fighting. I can't take it. You two always do this and if I have to listen to you for one more second I'm going to lose it. Stop, please." he begged, and instantly Lily ripped her gaze from Mateo's and looked towards.

It softened so much that the pale blue of her eyes even warmed. So much that she actually looked nice for a second. And she leaned her head on his shoulder, poking his side. "We are good, Ash." she said.

He clenched his jaw. "You know what it does to me when you fight, Lil's."

She looked up at him. "It doesn't change anything, Ash. We still love each other." she looked towards Mateo, "Right Mateo.."

A beat passed between them. "We're family Ash, we are always good." he said, softening his tone too. Both of them coming to some agreement that for Ash they would behave. For him, they would give over the annoyance they have for each other and hold hands. For Ash, they would trample the world into a path he could run across.

Ash nodded, relaxing into the seat and pushing the tablet in his lap so Lily could see, and just like that they fell into their own little bubble that no one could ever penetrate. And Mateo looked back at me, again with that worry that doesn't even look remotely normal on his face. It's as if he doesn't really even know how to feel it, like it's new to him. "You okay?"

I nodded, deciding to move past that arguing because I didn't want to dwell on it. I didn't want to think about the fact that Lily and Mateo fight over me a lot. More then I cared to think about. So here I go, hiding from the bigger problems in life. But it's okay, the corner of avoidance is a comfort to me. "You don't have a truck or something? Aren't we going to get dirty and then come get the seat's dirty." My words faded out a little at the end.

"The seats are bothering you?"

I huffed a small breath. "They are so white—" I motioned around, "Like a spec of dirt is visible on this. Doesn't that bother you? That your car's going to be dirty after this? Plus, this looks like an expensive car. According to all my research, a truck would have been a better idea. Or at least a car you don't care about."

By the time I was done talking and looked back to Mateo, he was grinning. As if this whole situation was so adorable to him that he couldn't hide it anymore. And he glanced at me, his eyes titling over to soft brown infused with gentle green and said, "It's cute that you researched transportation, what else did you research?"

I didn't hesitate. "Clothing aspects. Trick's and advise for first time dirt bikers. Biking Lingo. A little about the bike itself, the design, what all the part's are called."

Mateo titled his head back, just the tiniest bit but the length of his smooth neck extended enough for me to gulp back a labored breath. His laugher filled the front of the car, splintering it's way all over my skin, shimmering into my ears, and reach my head. It twisted, spun, and danced it's way around there, touching everything it can and knocking over all the wall's that were barely hanging on as is.

"Biking Lingo? Please tell me what that is."

Tucking my hand's under my thigh's I started list off the words I learned. "Back- Marker, a slow rider. Airtime, the amount of time spend in the air when you jump. Bottom out, when you use all the bike's suspension, you can usual hear a metallic clank. Want me to keep going?" I asked, watching him.

"Let's see how much you really learned. DNF?"

"Did not finish." I said, without a beat. I learned my lingo. I spend hours studying because I wasn't going to be lost when they start talking.

"Blue Groove?"

"The track starting to look blue from the rubbing of the tires. Usually when a lot of rides run the same line."

"Endo?"

I hesitated for a second. I read about this one. I know I did, I just couldn't remember it. But Mateo waited patiently, giving me time and then it came back. "When a rider goes over the handlebars!" I grinned, bouncing around in the seat a little from the excitement. And forgetting all about the white seats and the level of discomfort I felt with them.

Mateo chuckled, reaching over and grabbing my hands. Locking our fist's together he said, "Good job love, but I promise you that you didn't have to memorize all of that. I would have explained anything you didn't get."

I watched him pull my hand along with his back to himself, setting it on his hard thigh. My stomach fluttered at the movement. So slick. Like the action itself was nothing but just a high five. And yet, I found myself relaxing even more into the seat. As if his touch was comforting and reassuring. His hold protective and calming.

I smiled softly. "I don't want to be left out."

Even as I said the words I heard how pathetic they sounded. How lonely and weak they came out. And he glanced over at me, regarding me for a second. The brownness in his eyes twirling around like it was the center of attention, darkening the rim of his eyes as he watched me. His jaw flexed as he turned his attention back to the road and spoke softly, "You'll never be left out anyone, amor. You'll always be the center of every thought for me."

I tired to hide the smile but it was to big, to bolt, and to sure of itself that it spread across my face. And before I could reply, the sound of the phone ringing through the car speaker broke out conversation. Mateo clicked the answer button. "Yeah?"

Ash pulled forward beside us. "HOLA!" he yelled as if the speaker wasn't right there.

"Fucken hell, kid. Buckle yourself." someone commanded on the other line, and Ash huffed but settled back in his seat. The person continued, "We are twenty miles out. Need us to grab anything before we get there?" It took me a second, but I recognize the voice as Mateo's dad. It also made me realize that I would meet him today. And it's not as if I didn't know this. I promise I have dwelled, and went over the fact a million times. But in this moment it hit me in the face like a wave at full speed, making me shrink in my seat.

Mateo glanced over at me with a little confusion, noticing the movement and replied, "No, we are good. We are about ten minutes behind you."

I took a deep breath, trying to calm the nerves in my mind. I met Tony's parents sure. Then again, everything I felt for Tony is amplified for Mateo. Sometimes it boils in my chest so much that I can't breathe. It steal's every breath I inhale, and consumed me. Every time the thought of him crosses my mind, I find myself gasping in need of him. Completed by all of him, and I feel it to my bones. So little time as passed. So little I know about him. But there is one thing I'm sure of, Mateo will never be a stranger to me. Even when his gone, even when years pass, he will still be a shadow in my heart. Consuming, and squeezing the life out of me.

"Alright. You pick up your girl?"

"Yes." Mateo replied, squeezing my hand in comfort.

"Good. Your mom said to pass on hello and a invite to the house. She said a bunch of other things, but I didn't catch much. I was too busy fu---"

"Shut up!" Another voice joined in that I quickly recognize at Mr. Vallero. "Don't fucken finish that sentence." he said, and for some reason whatever Mr.Ramos was going to say I think wasn't going to be appropriate.

His dad sighed. "What did I say?" he asked, obviously not talking to any of us anymore. "My daughter is in your son's car. Fifteen. That is her age. She does not need to know what you be doing with your wife." Mr.Vallero answered.

Lily leaned forward, sticking her head towards the front. "I already know what he does with his wife, dad! You can't hide sex from me forever."

Ash pulled her back, and she fall onto his lap, making herself comfortable before leaned on the window of the back door. And Lily's dad groaned in the background. "If I could, I would rip my ears out. You're scaring me for life, little menace."

"It's what I'm here for! Your welcome."

Maddox groaned from somewhere in the other car. "This conversation is distributing, can we end it. Mateo can I switch cars?" he asked, and I almost laughed, feeling an ease settle. The dynamic of this family somehow faded all of my discomfort. They were so comfortable with each other, so loving in their own way that it was relaxing me. I could manage meeting them all because they don't seem to bad, kind of funny and playful actually. I could do this. And I kept repeating that to myself but honestly I haven't stopped since Mateo sprung the invite on me.

Mateo chuckle. "Sure. Dad, can you leave Madd's on the side of the road I'll pick him up when I drive by."

"I can't tell if that's a joke. Someone clarify because I would happily get rid of him. He won't shut up about bring stuck in this car."

"I don't like this family. You all are a bunch of nuisances." Maddox groaned, and a second later the click ended the call.