CHAPTER SONG - Drive - Clean Bandit

He kissed my fist, tender and velvety just like he always is with me and that's something that is indescribable. To the world, Mateo Ramos isn't anything but hardened to stone, but in my eyes his nothing but a warmhearted soul. Perhaps only I see it, but I'm convinced I'm right. It's why it's so easy to smile for him. So easy to be around him, and easy to like him. Even now, as I smile and feel the thump of my heart in my chest going wild, it easy. "So what? We are together?" I asked, raising my brow, "Explain it to me, please."

It can't be that simple, can it? Mateo isn't known for excessively sleeping around, but I knew he does sleep around. His known to be unapproachable, dangerous, closed off, and intimidating. It makes me wonder what a relationship look's like in his mind. But the bigger question is, am I ready for another relationship? Because mine just ended, and I still feel the lingering effects of it.

Mateo pulled back, flipping my fist and interlocks out hands together. He looks up at me, regarding me for a moment before speaking in a voice only made by angels. "It's simple. What you give me, I'll take. How ever little your welling to offer, is how much I'll take. You want to be together, okay. You want to be just friends, okay. Just tell me what you want."

I blinked a few times in shock. No one asked me what I wanted usually. But I know what I want. I wanted to be more then friends, no doubt about that. Even if that scares the bejesus out of me. Even if it sinks my stomach. Doesn't matter, because the thump of my chest is stronger, louder and outweighs all the fear. I wanted Mateo. I wanted every part of him. The cold, the soft, and the broken. I wanted it forever and the fear that it won't last was aching in my mind. It was drumming like a hungover headache, but I ignored it. I'm here, and for now we will see were it goes. At the end, well figure it out. "Together." I nodded, confident in myself, "Like, together, together. More then friends. Monogamy."

His lips twitched up, spreading across his face and blowing me away. Fudge brownies, I was right. That smile is heaven sent. It's mind-blowing, world stopping, and heart throbbing. Not to mention, the most euphoric sight I had ever seen. It lit his eyes in way's that they never brightened and I would never get over that. It will forever be scarred into my mind. Forever.

He nodded, his finger brushing our locked fist. "Together it is then." he said. The words as smooth as velvet cupcakes. "But what's monogamy?" he asked.

I frowned. "It's when two people are—"

"I'm kidding, love. I know what it means. I just seriously didn't expect you to have to clarify that too me. If I'm in this relationship, then I'm fully in."

The smile on my face, it stretched wide and felt like it was coming from the core of my soul. It even hurt my face a little but I didn't care. Not when I couldn't remember the last moment I felt so flippen sure of myself, of my decision. Or the last time I felt this happy in my own skin. When the time comes, we will deal with the after math but for now I just want to see him smile like the stars were shinning for him alone.

"There you two are."

I swung my head over my shoulder, finding Ash and Lily climbing up the cliff and I inhaled a puff of air. Mateo didn't let go of my hand, instead he squeezed in a reassuring manner that I didn't realize I even needed. My stomach fluttered more. My skin warmed. And my thoughts swirled. But I? I smiled at him like he lit the sky for me. Maybe its drastic, but I didn't care. I'll admit too it because I wasn't going to hide from the thought that never seemed to fade anymore. The second he walked into my life, I started to believe I was going to be okay.

Ash and Lily trailed up further, almost to us already and for a second I froze. They were going to know. They were his family and he has mentioned that they don't keep secrets. That their family's are open with each other, and close knit. I loved that, deeper then even I should because in the end I was scared this might come to an end and I would lose that. Family is suppose to be your safe haven. It's a blessing and a curse together. You love, and are loved, no matter what. Family is precious, and his was exactly that.

Ash stopped beside us. "What are you guy's doing? Is that a coloring book?" he squatted down, snatching the book of Mateo's lap, "Oh shit, that's cool. Wait can I color too?" he processed to grab the pencils, not waiting for an answer and dropping to the ground a few feet away before crossing his legs under him.

He flipped through the pages. "Mateo, who thought you to color? You can't even staying in the lines." he laughed, dumping the pencils on the ground beside himself.

Lily chuckled, climbing up onto his shoulder and swinging her legs over him so that they hung off his chest. "As if you could do better. You can't even stay focused long enough to choose a color to use." she joked playfully, messing with his thick almost onyx hair. Ash was the brother that looked like Mateo, even though they don't share fathers. The raven hair, the cut of his jaw, and the light eyes that in the right angle could almost be considered hazel, they all were similar to Mateo's features.

He grabbed a purple pencil out of the stack and trapped Lily's leg with it. "Can too. I choose this one." he argued back but still with a smirk full of mischief. And Lily leaned over, looking over his head at the coloring book as I watched them. "Well then fucken color." she motioned to the book.

My attention got pulled away by Mateo tugging at my hand. "I can tell him to leave, if you want?"

I instantly shook my head, my eyes widening. "No.." I glanced back at Ash, "No, no. He can stay, it's his birthday."

"Your to fucken nice to him, love." Mateo chuckled, shrugging in a noncaring matter before turning his attention back to his brother. The same brother that had his tongue stuck out and was trying his best to color in the lines. His partner in crime was gazing down at him, and trying not to laugh as she twirled his hair around her fingers. "I think you need a coloring lesson just as much as Mateo."

Ash sighed. "I'm fucken trying Lil's." he muttered, pressing the pencil harder into the coloring book, "Why are the line's so small?" he scowled, edginess seeping in his tone.

Lily leaned over, squeezing his checks. "It's a coloring book, Ash, don't let it bug you."

Mateo's finger brushed my fist, warming my hand as I kept my focus on his brother and Lily super glued. The two were interesting to watch, and I knew if I looked toward Mateo right now I would turn into a rotten sweet cherry. Even the thought of him, right there, right next to me, was making me face heat. Not to mention the fact that we just decided to be together. Together.

Before I could think to much about it Ash sighed drastically, muttering to himself quietly. And Mateo leaned towards me, his shoulder bumping against mine. "Ash has ADHD. That's why he struggles to concentrate, and is easily irritable."

I nodded, taking in the information. When I get home tonight, I'll look into ADHD. I want to know more, learn more about how it effect's Ash and if there's anything I can do to help in the future. With that decided, I looked back up. Only to find Lily's hard stared, cold, calculated and centered directly on me. I wanted to coil into my skin from how it felt like it was piercing into me.

She must have heard Mateo telling me about Ash because her stare screamed 'Protect Ash at all costs'. And she was threatening me with her brilliantly sharp eyes, telling me to not hurt Ash, but I won't. And yet it didn't matter because, Lily, I have realized is Ash biggest defender. That girl shield's Ash as if his her everything.

I gave her a small smile, reassuring her I would never do anything mean to Ash, even if I still felt like shrink away from her. Thank goodness for the movement behind us that made everyone look that away. Even then, I felt the linger threat Lily left behind before turning her attention away.

Behind us, Kirsan and Aster were making their way up the cliff. And Kirsan's gaze zoomed in on Ash for a second, analyzing him deeply before he spoke up, "Why are you all hiding up here? Ash, this is your party and your not even attending."

Without so much as looking up, Ash replied, "I got bored." his tone now bleeding in frustration that tore his face, and he held the pencil so tightly in his grip as if that would help him focus better. Lily was still sitting on his shoulder. "Your doing great." she repeated, softer this time, quitter for only him to hear and I noticed him inhale at her words.

Kirsan sat down beside us and Aster followed him, smiling brightly at us. "I have snacks." she said, pulling off her backpack and unzipping it.

Mateo snorted."Your snacks suck, Star, it's always healthy."

"This coming from the one who's going to be a diabetic one day with the amount of sugar he consumes." Kirsan shot back, watching Aster pull out a container of cut up oranges, some celery and carrots. She glanced over at her brother. "That's genetic, isn't it?" she asked, uncapping the container.

Kirsan nodded. "About eight percent of the population have. As for the genetic part it is and we have it in ours. Along with alcoholism, addiction, psychopathic tendences and depression." he finished, leaning back on his elbow's and watching Ash. The curve of his jaw slack, and umber eyes bare of emotion. But I wondered if he was feeling a sense of worrisome for his younger brother who clearly was getting more and more beat by the second.

Mateo groaned beside me as his finger brushed my knuckles. "Kirsan, can you not fucken diagnose us again? We got the long list of how fucked we are last time. I think I have it somewhere in my bedroom for reference."

Kirsan rolled his eyes. "I can frame it and hang it for you, if that helps you stop your idiotic habits of shoving yourself with sugar infested poison."

"It won't.

Kirsan's attention stayed with Ash as he replied, "Then you'll continue to risk your health even with the high chances of diabetics catching up with you."

Aster's gaze bounced between her brothers, clearly uneasy because her brow's were creased together. "He hasn't had anything bad today. I saw him eating a granola bar earlier. Those are healthy." she said, playing the peacemaker between them. Then she grabbed an orange and extended it to Kirsan who grabbed it, still watching Ash. I think she hoped that it would dissolve their ongoing argument.

I eyed Kirsan for a second. He has to care, right? Not only because he was his brother but because he couldn't find the strength to look anywhere else. How is it that his face was lacking so much emotion that it looked like he couldn't find one single care in the world?

Mateo shifted beside me, letting go of my hand and pulling himself off the cliff, then walking a few feet and sitting down on the ground again. He extended his long leg's in front of himself before glanced over at me. "Come here." he said, quite enough for only me to hear because everyone else was busy talking among themselves.

My stomach flipped at his words. They were so soft, yet demanding and hot. My inhale shook as I swallowed hard. If I moved right now, did as he told me, it becomes official. Like official, official. He wanted me to sit between his legs, leaning back onto him and tell the world about our decision. I really wanted to do it too. I thought about this moment to many times, and I saw it in my dreams a few times if we are being honestly. Now that it was happening, I couldn't explain the feeling in my chest. Nervous sure, but it was more like excitement that was bubbling over. Spilling out of every jagged breath.

Here's the thing though. I really wanted to go to him. It was like a current. I was the ocean, and he was the wave. Which way he pulled, I followed. I knew that no matter what, he has me. He was the protector, the savior, the survivor and I just needed to follow. It didn't matter that there were people around because when I was looking at him, I felt the gentle pull. The wave of him, urging me to following after him, whispering that his got me. I knew without a doubt that he would stand against army's of evil to protect me. And I know I haven't known him for long, but I knew it my heart that he wouldn't hurt me. It makes me too trusting, I'm aware.

So I lifted up and walked over to him. I could feel his family watching us, curious and slightly amused. But I kept my gaze on his because that's where I was comfortable. He never made me feel anything but content. Whatever speed I was ready to go at, he would lead me at. He didn't ask for more then I could give him, and I was thankful for that. It was like he knew how far was to far. I don't know how, and I didn't question it. Mateo was my wolf.

I sat down between his leg, adjusting my back against his chest as my stomach flipped and flopped all over the place. He shift behind me, wrapping an arm around my waist and tugging me closer against himself. I could feel his muscle flex his chest. I could feel the lift and fall of every breath and that comforted me in ways I didn't know it could.

I was okay. In his arms, I was safe.

He leaned forward. "You made the right choice, love." he murmured for only me to hear, and the little praise from him took away any lasting discomfort. I was left with a warm hum of calmness. And in his arm's it felt like a home I didn't think I would ever find again.

Slowly, I lifted my gaze to the group of people that were dead silent. Not a peep from any of them. And if you knew those people, you knew how rare that silence was. The first to speak was Ash. "About fucken time." he started clapping, "Congratu-fucken-lations."

And just like that, everything went back to normal. Aster leaned forward, passing me an orange that I happily accepted. She then passed one to Mateo and he sighed like the orange was a brussel sprout but grabbed it. I knew he wished it was something with more calories, sugar, and gluten filled but Kirsan has a point. He should be watching his health, especially if all of those things Kirsan listed were true. Thinking of it, I decided to do some research into healthy alternative's for his sweet addiction.

Kirsan leaned further back, finally taking his gaze off Ash and dropped his head backwards before closing his eyes. Aster plopped a carrot between his teeth and he chewed on it, completely unsettled by anything. Kirsan didn't look like Mateo, they had similarities but not like Ash. For one, he was taller. And his face was chiseled out to perfect, creating a square shaped jaw, and cut lines. His eye's were darker, shades of wood, and oak. As was his hair, the shade of dark bronze. He was cold in ever day way, and deadly handsome.

Lily was still swinging her legs, bumping them into Ash's chest. And every once in a while she would mutter something to Ash and he would nod before squaring his shoulder in confidence. Every time it started slipping Lily would build it right back up. With ease. As if it was second nature too her, and she already knew exactly what to say.

Kirsan titled his head back. "Matthias is coming into town."

My brow's creased in confusion but no one else seemed confused. Matthias must be someone they all know. Including Ash who swung his head up, "Fucken hell. When?"

"This weekend."

"Finally got tired of all our text's?" Mateo asked, and I titled my head up to look at him. He looked down at me, softness radiating in his gaze that I realized he only ever showed me and that fluttered my stomach further. It released millions of butterflies as if there was enough room to contain them all. There isn't. Someone help me because I'm buzzing here. Buzzing without alcohol, or drugs, and off a man for that matter. I doubt there's facilities for those kind of problems. Looks like I'm majorly screwed.

I titled my head back down, and met Kirsan's gaze as he spoke up. "Matthias is Mateo's cousin."

I raised my brow. "Just Mateo's?"

The arm wrapped around me hasn't moved an inch, only his finger was brushing the side of my hip and I found myself melting backwards into him. Molding into him as if this was where I belonged and I guess for now it was. The thought that one day this would end hurt but I shoved it away. Right now, I didn't want to be anywhere else, and I couldn't even think about it. In his arms, in his hold, is were I knew my soul belonged. For how long?

Aster nodded at my question. "From his father's side. Since we don't share that blood, we technically don't have cousins. But we consider the Vallero's equally family."

Mateo's finger lifted up, brushing my hip again and I inhaled softly, flushing at the thought of his hands on me. I tried not to think about it but oh holy moly they were right there. On me. Around me and my skin felt so flushed that I feel like I need a cold drip. Lord? Your trusty child down here. Remember me? Help me out and give me some solid air to breath, please.

Ash lifted his gaze, closing the coloring book and tossing it beside him. "What are we doing then? Can't fucken waste the one weekend he come's up here." he said as Lily tousled his hair, leaning forward and pointed at the open container of carrots. Ash gripped her leg before reach to grab the carrot and passing it up to her.

That finger on my hip continued to move around in circles, somehow easing me and flustering me at the same time. Or maybe it was distracting me from anything else. From any of the games my mind was always trying to play on me.

Kirsan swung his head towards Ash, eyeing the coloring book and then Lily before replying. "Dirt biking?"

"Went last week." Ash shrugged.

"Thanks for the fucken invite." Kirsan replied, rolling his eyes.

"Sure thang." Ash grinned back, leaning his head onto Lily's leg that hung off his shoulder, "We can go though, why the fuck not? I'll bet I can do the superman this time!"

Lily groaned, tugging at Ash's hair. "You fall last time, busted your face."

"Practice makes perfect." he grinned up at her, making her shake her head at him as she tried to contain her own smile at bay. When he cheesed with a full teeth smile, she failed and her face bounced into a full blown smile.

Mateo leaned forward for the first time, tugging me into his chest and looking past me, to the side of the cliff where Maddox was trailing up, glued to his phone. I glanced over my shoulder, seeing the hardness in his face start to fade a little as he watched his best friend come closer to us. The rim's of his eyes lighten up as Maddox looked at him. Even his body felt like it exhaled a long breath that was stuck somewhere.

Maddox stopped, locked in a stare with Mateo for a second and I have no idea what was going on, but no one spoke. Everyone watched them and I wondered why. For a long second neither said anything then Maddox nodded. Just a nod and everyone relaxed. He sat down beside Aster. "Happy for you." he said, giving a nod at Mateo.