Chapter Song - Electric Love - BORNS

Twelve am. I glanced at the clocked, once, twice, and once more just to really understand that its twelve am. As if the first few times it wasn't right. As if it would change the more I looked at it.

In case anyone is wondering, it did change. Its twelve-oh-one now. Hurray.

I sighed, sitting up and shoving the blanket off of myself. Running my hand threw my face, I felt even more irritated. This room was so hot my skin felt like it was crawling, and I already had the window wide open. Maybe it was just my frustration bleeding through because I'm tried, so tired that I'm struggling to move. Physical exhaustion was barreling in, bad. But tell me why for the love of bunnies I can't sleep. Not even for a second. It's as if the moment I close my eyes, sleep slips away to neverland. Does Lord Morpheus not like me? Because it all felt like some cruel joke, but jokes end. This, it just kept dragging and it isn't funny.

I was running on no sleep at this point and tomorrow I had a phone interview with one of the scholarships advisers. I was already nervous about it, which might be why I'm struggling to fall asleep. I have run through the possible question's a million times. Rewrote my answer's at least four times and listed out all the possible mess's up's I could do. With this lack of sleep, that list will keep growing.

Instead of trying to go back to sleep, I grabbed my phone off the side table, and scrolled through it for a few second. The weight of my body felt like it was crushing me, and still, I could do nothing about it. My head was pounded terribly, and still, I couldn't sleep. Even Advil didn't help anymore. Speaking of which, how many can one take before it becomes life threating? I googled it. Then sighed even deeper because I already took the recommended amount.

Tossing my phone aside, I fell back onto my bed, thumping my head against the pillow that felt like a rock. It really wasn't but at this point irritation was clinging from everything. From the lack of cold air coming from the wind. The lack of comfort in this bed. Even something simple like the blanket around my feet was making me mad, so, I kicked at it, pushing it further from myself before cringing at the anger shimming in my chest.

Taking a deep breath, I stared at the ceiling.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

And nothing.

Maybe one more time?

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Nope.

I don't know how long I stayed like that, up until my phone started buzzing and I sat up, welcoming the distraction. I tossed around my blanket, looking for my phone because it got lost somewhere in the process of me kicking my blanket. Finally, with my phone in my hand, I answered it. Only to realize I haven't even looked at the caller ID. I would face palm myself if I could musk up the energy. I can't, in case that is unclear. "Hello?"

On the other side, a loud noise sounded, like a garage door rolling down to shut. "Your awake."

I would recognize the sound of his voice anywhere. The depth of it, the distant calm, the silkiness, and even the huskiness. It was care-free, strong, and even sexy but mainly it sounded like a dream. Like a cultured, soothing dream I had every intention to live in. My lips titled in a grin. "I am, so are you I see."

Rustling noises filled the line. "I just got home." he explained and just as I was about to answer, a loud crashing echoed in the background, a clinking, and a bang and then he started to yell. "Fuck, fuck! Fucken Ash!" ending in a loud thump, and a heavy groan.

I sat up at lightning speed, which made my head spin. "Mateo? You okay?"

"One second—" he wheezed out, heavily as he gasped trying to catch onto some air. A long moment passed before he answered again, his tone still heavy. "I'm fine. I fucken tripped over Ash's car part and it impaled my chest." he tone waved, like he was catching a breath to stand up. "Great..." he muttered with a sigh, "Now I'm bleeding. Anyways. Why are you awake? You should be sleeping." he said, changing the topic.

I rolled the topic back. "Bleeding? How bad? Where? Do you need help?" worry filled my chest, tightening it.

"I'm fine, love. Just a cut."

I squeezed my phone in my hand. "You sure? Because you could just be thinking that. Maybe you hit your head to hard and are seeing things. It could be huge."

He chuckled, so carefree that it took away from that worry. "Love, it cute that you worry so much but trust me there are plenty of thing's for you to worry about, and I am not it."

I sighed. "I worry about you too Mateo, so tell me your fine."

He stayed quite for a second before replying in a soft tone, "I'm fine. Love, why aren't you sleeping?"

I relaxed a little. "You should be sleeping too." It's midnight after all. Speaking of which, "Why are you calling?" I asked, laying back down and blinking at the ceiling. This time, a lot less irritated and even the pillow wasn't all bad. Some more black magic this man must have just casted on me.

A door slammed on his end, and he cleared his throat before talking, "You should be sleeping. You haven't slept in a while. Sleep deprivation can lead to limited ability to think, or to function properly. It's unhealthy for your body and has saver affects." he explained as if he was reading this straight out of some google search. The only reason I knew this was because I google searched it myself.

Everything he was saying, I knew. I knew because I feel the effects. Didn't mean I could do anything about it. The information didn't change anything, sadly. I once googled sleeping pills too, and quickly came to the conclusion that I was not going to take them. I didn't want to end up relying on them and according to some people you can become heavily depended on them. Not thanks. I'll just have serious insomnia. Wither that's a better choose, is still undecided.

I sighed. "I know, but I can't fall asleep. Every time I close my eyes, my mind races."

"I have a game plan for your current problem."

I laughed, rolling over and tucking my phone between my pillow and ear. "A game plan." I repeated after him.

"One second." he said, before taking the phone from his ear, but I still could hear him clearly. "ALVIN! Get back here! Fucken Maddox." I heard him running, before finally he slowed down, "Got yeah, chico molestia." Little trouble.

Finally, he spoke into the phone again, "Yes, a game plan. I'm going to bore you to sleep." he sounded so sure of himself.

I laughed more, relaxing into my bed almost fully. "There is no way you can bore me, Mateo." I replied, completely sure of myself because honestly, I doubt it. There was no way I would ever be bored with anything that had to do with Mateo. He always had my attention to the max. Any time he moved, spoke, even blinked, I was there. Watching like that creepy kid on the plane that stares at you the whole time from three seats ahead. Oh gosh, I'm obsessed with the man. What's worse is I felt no guilt, not even a tiny, tiny bit. Even if I tried to search deep in me for that guilt all I would came up with will be some more excitement at the thought of Mateo.

He chuckled. "I'm great at being boring. I'm sure if I start talking about the difference between a ten-round mag, and a twenty-round mag, you would knock out."

"I could listen to you just talk for hours." I replied, before squeezing my eyes shut and realizing what I just said. Add onto the list of embarrassment in my life? Check.

He laughed, again. "Another complaint, dang love, you're really feeding my ego. Do you have a list somewhere, with all of those compliments?"

"That's classified." I muttered, and he laughed more, taking all my breath's away because this man's laugh was something unworldly. It's a sound so breathtaking that it must have traveled here from another galaxy.

I heard a door open on his end before he said, "One second, let me get Alvin inside before he run's off again."

"Maddox's dog, right?" I asked.

"Yep, an escape artist this one." he answered, as a saddened whine filled the line and he sighed, "Your fine, stop being a drama king. You know you're not supposed to be outside in the middle of the night. Madds is going to freak when he realizes your gone, again."

I chuckled, realizing his talking to the dog, and I so badly wished I could see this in person. Something tells me it would be extremely cute. I'll bet no one in school would ever believe me if I told them Mateo chases, and talk's to dog's on his free time.

Somewhere in his house, something crashed loudly, and I cringed. He must be busy, and I'm sure he has better things to do then keep me occupied or try to help me fall asleep. Clearing my throat, I said, "If your busy—"

I didn't finish talking before he said, "Not busy. Multitasking." I can hear him running now, "Let's go on an adventure around my house love, by the end, you'll be so bored you'll be knocked right out."

Somehow, I doubt that too. I was already invested in all the thing's going on. From him falling, to chasing Alvin, to running to the crash. It's midnight, and the man is wide awake, and somehow that calms me. To know, I'm not the only one who can't sleep. To know, that he called me to check on me, and see how I'm doing. I blinked at the wall, feeling an ease flow over my body. "I still highly doubt you'll ever bore me." I muttered, a small smile on my lips.

He stopped running, inhaling deeply as someone started talking to him, to muffled for me to understand. I heard him reply in a muffled tone, and then all the word's turned audible. "I'm fine. Just help me get it out. It's somewhere in the back pantry."

The voice sounded a lot like Aster. The softness of her feature like tone, easy and blissful. The way it was coated in sweetness that's meant to just soothe you. Definitely her voice, because I have yet to hear a voice that sounds like a cloudless, sunshine day. And somehow, that's exactly how I would describe her voice. Like a sunny day.

Mateo cleared his throat, "Love, I'm putting you on speaker."

I nodded, as if he could see. Then smiled, feeling content enough to start pulling the blanket up to myself. "Ok." I said, nuzzling into the blanket. The click told me I was on speaker, and a second later Aster spoke up, "Lina! Hey, hey."

I grinned even more. "Hi Aster, why aren't you sleeping?"

A beeping noise filled the speaker. "I'm trying to bake a gluten free cake. You inspired me with all your goodies, and I thought I would take a shot at it. Except with a health kick to it." she answers, sounding so excited about the fact.

"That's awesome! You'll have to tell me how it works out. What flavor are you going with?" I asked, feeling a little gritty inside and extremely light. Like something was lifted out of my stomach and plucked out of my body. I felt more relaxed now, then I did only minutes ago, and I knew it had to do with the fact that somehow, they were all here. Maybe not in the traditional way, but in their own way. It felt easy, talking to Aster about baking. And the fact that it was past twelve and she was doing that, made me smile like a crazy person.

Before she could answer, Ash came into hearing distance. "Who are we speaking with at this ungodly hour?"

Aster chuckled. "Its only twelve, ungodly is usually in the morning, Ash. We are talking to Lina, and please, can you not touch the frosting."

Ash moaned out sadly. "Why not? It's staring at me, whispering for me to taste it. Come on, star, just a lick."

My smile grew, and I don't know how at this point it hasn't creaked my face open, but it sure did feel like something creaked open in me. A little light, shinning and warming all those dark feels, and emotions away. It felt so soothing, and I couldn't even tell you why.

"Don't touch it, little monster."

"Por favor." Please, he whined, "Just a little taste."

Aster sighed. LFine, just a lick." I heard Ash whoop in the background before Aster yelled again, "That's more than a lick!"

Kirsan's voice filled the speaker, "Put it down, Ash. Now. Your going to get a sugar high."

Ash groaned, but I heard the thump of something, which I'm assuming was the bowl he was licking the frosting from. Either way, I was now chuckling, and trying not to creak up because chaos has stepped into the room, and its name was Ash.

"Is that Lina?" Kirsan asked. And Aster replied. "Yes, Mateo is grabbing the mixer for me, but I think he got lost or something, in the meantime, we are entertaining her."

I chuckled. "Why are you all awake?"

Ash replied in a huff, "Because it's a Ramos midnight kitchen meeting. Welcome to the fucken meeting Lina. Take a seat, grab a snack, and enjoy." he laughed, sounding like he jumped up onto the counter, which made me smile more even if inside I felt a little bit jealous. This was exactly what I was talking about when I said I wanted a big family. I wanted the chaos, the noise, and the connection. It's twelve am and they are all hanging out in the kitchen. I wanted that.

Somewhere in the background, cabinet's slammed and the oven door was opened before shutting. So many noises, and all different from each other. I'm pretty sure someone was even making coffee and before anyone could say something, Mateo resurfaced. "Here you go—" something thumped on the counter, "And this isn't a meeting. I'm leaving now." he answered, coming close enough for me to hear his casual voice clearly.

"And taking Lina away from us? How rude of you." Ash gasped making me grin even harder. My smile was starting to ache on my face but I didn't care. I liked thinking about how it must be to be part of such a close family. How it must be to have so many siblings to hang out with. Sure, I had Emma but like I said she was older. My dad only left last year but even before that, we never hung out as one big family. It was either my family at the dinner table, or my dad and me. My parents were great back then, I can't say they weren't. Up until my dad left, I can't say I saw problems. Maybe that naive of me and sometimes I find myself dwelling over how clueless I must have been. There had to be signs, right? How did I miss them?

I did though. I missed them and sometimes I find myself going over situations after situation trying to pull them apart like they were some type of puzzle. I hated that because I found myself dwelling on all the best days. All the best memories. And tearing them apart left me feeling like I have nothing. Nothing but what happen after. I hated that I did it, and still I kept doing it. Kept torturing myself by pulling apart all my best memories to find what I missed.

Because I must have missed something. There had to be a clear sign somewhere. Right?

Kirsan start talking, pulling me out of my head. "Lina, you can't sleep, again?" I shook my head as if he could see me, then responded with actual an word this time, "No."

Last week, Kirsan mention that I looked tired, and I told him I haven't slept much. The guy was observant and could see right through all the lies I tried to tell him about just not being able to sleep. That ended in a conversation about sleeping habits and falling asleep technique. All of which I have tired, and I am proud to announce they do not work. I repeated, they do not work.

He sighed. "Tried reading?"

"Yes."

"Tried tea?'

"Yes."

"Tired counting sheep?"

Before I could answer that one, a new voice joined in. "Kirsan, are those calming techniques?"

My brow's creased at the new voice in confusion. I thought I knew all of Mateo's siblings but this one was older. Definitely female, but just older. Just as sweet, and with a little heat behind it. I found that I liked how it sounded, as she was interested in every word Kirsan was about to say.

Kirsan started replying, "It's common logical. It makes sense that your mind need to gradually destress before fully shutting off. Once mental activity is limited, your mind will be more prone to falling asleep."

The new voice chuckled, coming closer to the phone. "You are definitely my son, no questions about it. Now, who are we talking too that is having a sleepless night?"

Ash was quick to answer, "Mateo's girlfriend." And even from here, I could imagine his stretched-out grin. Could see the dance of mischief in his eyes. I found myself grinning into the pillow.

Mateo groaned somewhere in the background. "Not my girlfriend. Just friend." he replied and just like that my smile faded. I don't know why, but I also felt a clench in my chest. It's not like we were dating, we really were only friends but hearing him say it, I found myself hating it. My crush was devolving scary fast, and it was not good. Not good at all because it was starting to fill my mind with all the crazy thing's I wanted from him.

Crazy things that I don't think he feels towards me. I'm sure he knows about my crush, because I haven't been great about keeping it a secret. I'm sure he sees the way I react to him, or the way his all but stolen every thought in my head. I'm sure he knows, and if he knows and hasn't done anything, then he doesn't feel the same, right? That had to be the only logical explanation.

Sure, his been really kind to me, and rescued and comforted me more than I could count. But it's never gone past that state. Never past the flirting, and caring. His just been there, on that line, and not taking a step away from it. So, maybe he just see's me as a friend. Only, I don't want to be his friend.

Ash gasped. "You missed the girl part in the beginning of friend." he shot back at him. Go team Ash! You tell him. It shocked me for a second how much I actually wanted this, wanted to be his girlfriend. And yet, I was sure of it.

"Fuck off Ash."

"Fuck off Ash." Ash mocked, laughing a little louder and behind him I could hear Kirsan join in, which took everything in me not to laugh with them. So far, I was staying quite like a mouse, which I didn't mind. I was enjoying the family dynamic they had. I was enjoying just being on the outskirts of it and peeking in.

A timer dinged from the oven just as a new voice joined it. "What are we doing in the kitchen? Another meeting? If it's about the serpents again, I'm leaving. I'm not going to sit through another fucken power-point about the pros and cons of fucken snakes. I had enough the first time, and we decided as a family to keep them." It finished.

I suck in a long, slow breath, swallowing through it like it was stuck in my throat because this new person was intimidating, even though the phone. His tone, it was a lot deeper, and older. Anger fueled and hardened it severally. It made me want to crawl somewhere in a corner and hide. And no one seemed to mind, at all. No one commented on it, or even seemed worried about it. Instead, the conversation went on like normal, making me wonder if this was normal to them.

Ash sighed. "No dad. It's not about my pets. This time we are actually talking to Mateo's—" he didn't finish and was cut off by Mateo yelling his name to stop him.