"Yes, mum, I'll be back home tomorrow. Probably not until noon. We can spend the next few days together," I reassure her quietly over the phone. I never expected January to come so fast. Now we're here, at Mark's wedding, and reality has hit me hard from the moment I woke up this morning. The wedding had just finished, and she had attempted to call, already forgetting where I was—smothering me to the max. She hasn't stopped for the last two months. I glance up to find Louis walking towards me, dressed in a suit and tie for his father. He flashes me that charming smile, and my stomach flutters. "I got to go."

"I'm sorry," she sighs over the line. "I'll see you later. I love you, and Happy New Year."

"I love you too. Happy New Year," I let out a tiny giggle before ending the call.

"Everything alright?" Louis joins me.

"Her same old panicked self. She has jitters about me leaving soon. I have jitters about leaving soon, especially because of her," I scrunch my nose.

"She worries too much."

I nod with a laugh before moving in to kiss him. He sighs into the kiss, hand gently taking my cheek. "God, you looked so good. I couldn't stop staring down at you from up there," he whispers lowly. I nibble on my smile, letting out a giddy laugh. My hands press onto his hard chest, trying not to let my wild thoughts run again.

Seeing him up there in a suit and tie had me wanting to take him somewhere private, pulling him in closer by his tie. Inappropriate, maybe, but I don't care. His hand slips to my lower back, and he guides me towards the reception hall. The wedding was luxurious, decorated in an array of pink flowers and white drapery that glowed with soft lights. Louis ended up with a red tie to go with the groomsmen, so I picked out a red dress to match him, fitting for the holiday season as well. I have an off-the-shoulder dress with a slight dip at the neckline to make my bosom look good without overdoing it.

"You look absolutely gorgeous," Mia squeals, standing from her seat at the table. Her blonde hair is straight, and she's in a blue dress that makes her blue eyes pop.

"You do, too," I grin, splitting from Louis to hug her tight. Jace stays in his seat with a blue shirt in a lighter shade to match her. He flashes me a smile, and I give him one back. Louis sits to his left, and I find myself to the left of him.

I scoot my chair closer to him, taking in my favourite spice of cologne that he wears. I run my fingers through my soft curls before resting my hand on his leg. "Wine?" a waiter distracts me. I perk up at the sight of white wine on his tray, along with a couple of glasses of red.

"She'll have a white," Louis answers for me. The waiter nods and sets it down. A ghost of a smile traces over my lips, and I take the glass to take a small sip of the chilled wine. At one point, I had someone who wouldn't let me touch wine. Now I have this man that is ordering my favourite for me.

"Thank you." I set the drink down and move my hair over my shoulder. His hand rests on my bare thigh, making my pulse quicken. I hadn't seen him since his birthday, only a few days ago, but it felt like forever. I've been craving him, his touch and everything. I gently grab his forearm, and Mia is quick to distract us.

"How does it feel that he's officially gone? Literally out of London and back to his hometown for good," she sings, talking about Josh. The last I've heard, he left to finish uni elsewhere. He never spoke to or bothered me again since that night of the party. I often wonder if he came to his senses that night. I wonder if he regrets any of it.

"It is kind of crazy," I answer softly. Mia props her chin on her hand and leans forward onto the table. "It's crazy to think that it's all done and over with; He is actually gone now, and I still can't believe it."

"I'm glad. Fucking dick deserved every last bit of it," she whispers beneath the music. I let out a soft laugh, and Jace chuckles, glancing around to make sure no one heard her comment.

"Any longer with him, and I don't know if I'd still be around, honestly." My voice fades with the thought of everything ending because of one man. Do I even call him a man at this point? He is far from one. I take another sip of my drink and look away toward the white and pink flowers at the centre of the table.

"I'm glad too. I can't imagine how far he could have gone if you had stayed with him," Jace mumbles. The thought alone makes my chest tighten. Louis gives my thigh a gentle squeeze and leaves a small kiss on my hair. It's enough to make me slowly settle from that mindset. His lips stray near my ear, warm and heart-stopping.

"I couldn't be happier to call you mine now," he whispers huskily into my ear. My cheeks warm, and I hide my little smile with another sip of my drink. The intense feeling in my chest is overwhelming. I wish we were going somewhere together after this wedding, for a few days. I wish I didn't have to go home after this to finish packing for America tomorrow. I wish I didn't have to leave.

"This is way too over the top," Amelia joins us, taking a seat to my left. Sophia fills in the last seat between Amelia and Mia. Both are dressed in pink after being part of the bridal party. Amelia's brown hair is in an updo, while Sophia's short blonde hair is straight and tucked behind one ear. I got surprisingly close to them over the last month. "I mean, on New Year's Eve? How extra can Mark be?"

"You're talking about the man with five different homes," Jace snorts. Sophia rolls her eyes with a subtle shake of her head.

"He's a show-off," Amelia mutters.

"If you two get married, don't be as extra as him or else I may have to get drunk," Sophia laughs, looking between Louis and me. I let out an anxious laugh, and Louis' hand slips from my lap. I shake my head, embarrassed but also slightly worried that a statement like that has upset him.

"One step at a time," I get out flusteredly. Amelia giggles and takes a sip of the water before her.

Dinner comes around, and toasts are given to Mark and his new wife, Kimberly. Truly, Louis and his sisters still don't seem all that thrilled about being here at all. They're here because they feel like they have to be. The tension is still thick between them and their father. Louis didn't want to come to this thing at all.

"When do you leave again?" Sophia asks softly, blue eyes focused on me. I set down my fork and dab at my mouth with the cloth napkin.

"The fourth. I still have a lot to pack, and my family wants to spend some time with me before I go. It's coming up way too fast," I breathe out slowly, cradling my glass in hand.

"You're still going?" Mia frowns, gazing at me. I can feel the slightest bit of tension from my right drifting in the air. He's not happy, and I know it, no matter how many times he tries to deny it. He's supportive. Incredibly supportive compared to Josh. But I know he's upset by it. As time passes, he seems more off whenever the topic arises.

"I am. I already did all of this paperwork and arranged for everything. I lost my spot in the dorm and all. I feel like I can't back out of it now, no matter how bad I want to," I answer weakly. There's a sad glaze in her eyes, and she looks at Louis with those worried eyes.

"I'll be right back," he clears his throat. He stands, and my breath is caught in my throat. He removes his suit jacket and drapes it over his chair before walking away. I look to Jace, who immediately looks down.

"He's talked to you about it in private, I gather," I stare him down. His weak little laugh proves me right. Yeah, he is far more upset than he has previously led on.

"He'll be fine. He understands," Amelia tries to comfort me, but it's far from soothing. I glance up at the dance floor, at everyone dancing, then towards the bar where two women are, but I don't see him anymore.

"I'll talk to him," I sigh, setting the napkin down on the table. I scoot the chair back and go in his direction, despite not knowing exactly where he went. I glance around at all the strangers in the room, knowing no one. I find two glass doors and push one open, the brisk cold from outside hitting me instantly. A chill runs down my spine, and my arms cross over my chest.

I find him leaning over the white railing, looking at the trees beside the building. I let out a small sigh and make my way forward. "Louis," I softly gather his attention. He looks up, and my heart aches as I look into his blue eyes. They look so lost. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He shakes his head and looks away. My stomach twists, and I stay silent, not wanting to push him. He clears his throat and shakes his head. I gulp, gazing up at him. A soft glow is over him from the lights inside, making him look even more breathtaking. "Don't go," he finally gets out.

"Louis." I frown, heart full. He steps closer, his hand now on my hip. My arms that are crossed over my chest barely touch his own as he gets closer. His eyes desperately search my face, and this is far from easy. "It's too late. I'm sorry."

"It's not," he refuses. My head falls to the side, and I can't tear my eyes off his. "You can always switch back to in-person classes."

"It's definitely too late for that."

"You have up to about three weeks after the semester starts before the schedule is finalised. You can withdraw and pick up other courses," he protests.

"I don't have a dorm anymore. Ali officially has the spot, and someone else is going into her old room," I sigh.

"So stay with me," he persists. My heart breaks a little more.

"That's too much to ask for."

"But you're not asking, and you spent the last few months doing it," he reminds me. I look away, this pain etching through me. I already had so much finalised. That job. A flat courtesy of the school. The online classes. Plane tickets. So much to just drop.

"I know this is hard. It sucks. A lot," I whisper. I look to the ground, nearly choked up for the millionth time over this subject. "You know I don't want to do it, and I hate having to leave everyone."

"So don't," he whispers lowly.

"Please don't make it harder than it is," my voice cracks as I gaze up into those eyes again. He frowns, and it's a stab to my chest.

"You're right. I'm sorry," he looks away. He clears his throat, and it's difficult to breathe.

"Let's go back inside. It's freezing out here," I plead softly. He nods slowly. I gently touch his stubbled cheek, bringing those eyes back onto mine. I move in, my lips finding his. This saddened energy pulsates through me.

I slip away from him and turn away, starting back into the warmth of the building. I hold the door open for him, and he hesitates to follow me. Finally, he grabs the door and joins me inside. I start back towards the table, with my head turned down and this throbbing sensation in my chest.

He takes my hip in his hand and guides me elsewhere. He pulls me to the dance floor instead, and there's a flutter in my chest. I don't have much choice. He makes me face him, his hands taking hold of my waist. My arms move up and wrap around his neck. We fall into a slow dance with all the other dancers, and I want to soak up every moment. There's a glimmer in his eyes, and I smile sadly. I loved being with him this past semester. I loved staying in his flat with him, feeling safe and secure.

He leans in, and his lips are on mine. The air has escaped my lungs, captivated by him. His lips leave mine, and his head moves to my neck, arms tangling tighter around me. Such a raw, heavy feeling is left between us. I had fallen so deeply for this perfect guy in my arms. I wish I could tell him without scaring him. I worry too much that his history could make him want space at any given moment. I don't want to leave him or any of them behind. The longer I think about it, the more my eyes become sore. My eyes find Jace and Mia on the dance floor, catching Jace looking our way with a disappointed gaze. He looks away, and I swallow.

The silence from Louis kills. I just hold him close. Thoughts running like mad about what's going on. Leaving him. Leaving my friends. Leaving my family. I won't know anyone there. The trip was nothing but a safe haven from the person that could no longer hurt me. At this point, I'm just running away. I don't want to.

"Pardon me," someone interrupts us. I slip from him, finding the blonde bride with a hopeful smile. The slow song comes to a final end, and she looks up at him. "Your father wanted to see if he could get photos of us and your sisters," she pleads. Louis fights back a scowl, but the tension in his jaw is obvious. He just nods, and her smile brightens, completely oblivious. She heads off to his sisters, and he grumbles under his breath. A stray kiss is left in my hair, and I gently touch his back before he walks off.

I watch as he goes to join them, readjusting the sleeves of his shirt. My heart is full, and my hand rubs at my wrist. Another slow song starts from Aerosmith. I Don't Want to Miss a Thing. Ironic. Enough to tug at my chest with the thought of leaving.

"Care to dance?"

I'm distracted, switching my focus to Jace. He gives me a warm smile, and I glance towards Mia, who just waves me off. In other words, he wants to talk, and she probably convinced him to do it. "Sure," I give a fragile smile.

I take his hand and keep the other on his arm as he carefully puts his other hand on my side. A small distance stays between us, and I glance over at Louis and his sisters.

"He is pretty upset about you leaving," he starts, proving me right.

"I know." I am too. "He'll be fine, though. He's strong," I whisper. My eyes flicker towards Mia, and she looks away quickly. Yeah, she set this up.

"I wouldn't be too sure," he starts with a clear of his throat. I finally look up, my eyebrows knitting together. "He was devastated after Elena. You don't know how much of a shock it was to see him open up to anyone at all, let alone officially date someone else."

"You and Mia don't need to guilt trip me any further. I already feel awful," I frown.

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I'm just saying," he pauses and looks up. "He was fine with you going. Don't get me wrong. But the more he thought about you leaving, the more upset he started to get."

"Jace," my voice gives out. His eyes meet mine, and I barely shake my head, wanting him to stop.

"He can't say it because he's still scared, but he loves you, and he doesn't want you walking away after he realised it. Don't end things because of the distance or give up easily, even if you still go. I can't watch his heart break again."

Just like that, my body turns to ice. My lungs falter, and I don't even think my heart is still beating. I'd call him out for his bluff, but he's looking me dead straight in the eyes and is absolutely serious. It's not even Louis telling me this, and it's still making my whole world come to a halt.

"He told me the other day. You know you don't have to go to this thing anymore. You know you don't want to. You know you have a place to stay if things don't work out at the dorm. I don't want you walking away, making it harder for him. Even if you do still go, he'll understand. Don't... don't leave him completely if you do."

"I need to go," I let out a shaky breath. His face falls immediately.

"Wait, no, I didn't mean to-"

I shake my head to stop him and pull away. I turn and start so fast off the dance floor. Off to the women's restroom to keep away, long enough to recollect myself. My heart is heavy with all of these emotions pouring out. Sad. Angry. Hurt. Happy. I don't know—what a way to end the year, filled with such doubt.

My eyes ache, and my hands are trembling. All I am is a crying mess these days.

I can't leave.

I can't do it.

And yet I have to.