"Happy birthday," Ali squeals, collapsing me into a tight hug.

Nausea toils at my insides. I don't feel good. I haven't felt good all morning or all week. Not after that night with Josh. I've been on edge after that, worried that he will lash out over the tiniest things. I haven't even looked Louis' way in lectures or anywhere we may have passed each other. I avoided hanging out with the group and him last weekend. I avoided any situation that could have resulted in any blowout. Josh swept the Heather situation under the rug, and I've stayed away from Louis like he's the plague. It's been an awful week and a half.

I hate myself for not telling him why and just leaving him hanging.

But the nausea isn't because of Ali saying Happy Birthday. Nausea strikes me when she lets me go, and my eyes fall on Louis. He wears a red fitted shirt, and his hair is styled nicely. I'd love to wreck it with my hands. Why did they have to invite him? I'm already tense because of his presence.

The others are all here, minus Josh, bidding me a Happy Birthday. Hannah is up from her chair, pulling me into a hug next. We're in some server's way, so it's cut short. I hate doing anything for my birthday. I've never cared to acknowledge it, even after Tom and Isabella worked hard to make it special. Not after my past and most definitely not now.

After Hannah slips away as another hand falls on my lower back. Josh, who wasn't too far behind me. My stomach clenches as he moves in and kisses me hard. He tries to make it a long one for show because Louis is here, and my mood drops even more so. I tilt my head down to stop it and clear my throat before taking a seat beside Hannah. I still dressed up nice, in a blue dress that fits me well, even if Josh gave me an earful about it earlier. To him, it's too tight and shows too much. It's not revealing or as tight as he made it seem.

"You guys didn't have to do this. You know I don't like doing anything," I sigh. Josh fills the seat to my left, his hand immediately falling onto my leg.

"You say this every year, and we still want to do something for you," Shane rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, no need for you to not feel special on your day," Ali adds, playing her fingers through her curls. I swallow back the lump in my throat and grab my glass of water that is already there. My eyes linger around the table.

My nerves are heightened. Josh leans in and leaves a kiss on my ear. My eyes lift onto Louis, and he just looks down at his drink in hand. I'm a trainwreck. Every little touch from Josh in front of Louis has my nerves on fire. I could just die in front of all of them.

"It's not like it's some big party. Just a nice, little dinner," Hannah notes, trying to lift my spirits about this. Nice, little dinner. Not when Josh is being all touchy in front of Louis. I want to protest some more, but what's the point? This happens every year. I could tell them until I turned blue that I didn't want to do anything, and something would still happen. "Oh, and tomorrow is the ball. It's going to be such a fun weekend," she adds cheerfully.

"Please tell Ben that it's strictly platonic. I don't want him breaking down my flat door, wanting to murder me because you're my date," Derek laughs.

"Ben trusts me. He's not concerned at all," she giggles back with a shake of her head.

"Please tell me you have a date," Shane asks Louis. My stomach is torn, and I look away at the wall. I haven't spoken to him since that night I spent with him. At this point, I have no idea if he even has a date or not. I never wanted to ghost him, but I had to because of the demon sitting beside me.

"Yeah, I have a date. I still don't know why it's mandatory to go to this thing," Louis clears his throat. He has a date. My throat is closed up, and my pulse is thready. The fear that Josh can sense my dismay lurks over me.

"It's actually a lot more fun than it seems," Derek notes.

"And if I remember right, the first ball is when Megan and Josh really hit it off. We were convinced they would start dating that first dance, but it didn't happen," Shane chuckles. That queasy feeling in my stomach isn't going away anytime soon.

"Yeah, if I remember right, they disappeared for about a half hour, and they still refuse to tell us what happened while they were gone," Derek laughs. My heart is hammering heavily in my chest, and I can't look at Louis. I wish I could tell them to shut up. I try to force a small laugh, but there's little to no effort.

"Not saying that we started messing around then, but," Josh adds, and my stomach drops lower. This anxiety is piling up, higher and higher. I'm suffocating in front of them, and they don't even know it.

"Nothing happened," I cut him off, elbowing his side lightly. He lets out a tiny chuckle before grabbing his glass of water.

"Right," Josh snorts. Except for once, he's telling the truth. Nothing too crazy had happened. Things got heated between us, and we stopped before things went any farther, before acting like it didn't even happen until we started dating. We didn't tell anyone then, and I hate that he's dangling the details right before Louis.

Back then, it was fun. That night was thrilling, and it also messed with my emotions. I felt skittish around him until the night he asked me out. Everyone always said that we were into each other before we dated, and that night was the start of something. Any other girlfriend would swoon, recalling that kind of night with her boyfriend.

I was naive. Oblivious as to what would come out of this relationship. What seemed to be thrilling and exciting at first slowly turned into something terrible. I don't know what happened to us or when it went downhill. Now my heart is heavy, and I wish I could turn back time.

The waiter arrives, and I'm clueless as to what to get. I pick out something random, my mind too far gone. I'm too careful not to look Louis' way. Josh's touch never leaves my thigh. My heart is in my stomach, and I want to hide away in my dorm room.

"Before we venture away from the topic," Josh starts, readjusting himself in his seat after the waiter leaves. "I have your two gifts for you that I want to give now while we are on the topic."

"Already?" Ali's eyes light up with excitement.

"You don't have to," I start, but a little blue bag is already placed before me. I let out an anxious laugh, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"We already know what it is," Shane grins eagerly.

"You're gonna love it," Derek chimes in as well.

I smile softly before going to dig into the bag. I take out a rectangular-shaped box and my eyebrows furrow. Only confusion hits me when I open the black box to find a blank, red card on the inside. "A gift card?"

"No, it's a room key. After the ball, I'm taking you to a hotel for the night, for a little bit of alone time after," his statement makes my throat close up. I really can't look in Louis' direction at all. I half believe this is just something to take a jab at him, with Josh being suspicious already.

"Oh, where? Another city or town?" Ali asks with excitement behind her words.

"No, here in London. Nothing fancy, just the two of us for one night," he notes. Funny, the guys believed I would be excited, but I'm far from it.

"Thank you," I try to smile.

"I'm excited. Just give her the other one already," Shane starts. Josh lets out a small laugh, and I shut the box. I put it back into the bag, my eyes accidentally lifting onto Louis. He's scratching the back of his neck. His eyes are focused elsewhere.

"Holy shit," Ali accidentally screams, hands collapsing over her mouth afterwards. Confusion laces through me before I look over to my left. My blood turns ice cold instantly. A velvety black ring box is in Josh's hand, and fear immediately trickles through me. I fear that my life is over, and I'm terrified that it is what I think it is. I don't think I'm even breathing at this point.

"No, it's not an engagement ring," He quickly shut her down. Quick to shut my thoughts down. He opens it, and I feel parched as I look at the gold ring with a tiny diamond. I hate gold. I've always hated the colour gold, and he knows it. He takes it out of the box, and his name is engraved on the inside. A little over a week ago, he was sleeping with Heather, last week, he threatened me, and now he is giving me a ring with his name engraved on it. I still feel so numb and cold. "It's a promise ring. A promise until I give you the real thing. A promise that you and I will be together forever," his words strike pain through me.

I still can't breathe. I can't even see with these tears blurring my vision. Forever with him. I can't be with him forever. I don't want to be stuck with him forever. I'm terrified of forever with him. I don't want to be with him.

"You're making her cry," Ali coos. My heart sinks lower. To her, it's tears of joy. To me, it feels like my world is ending. I can't do it. I can't take it. I can't turn it down in front of them, either. I'll look like the bad guy in the end. They probably won't believe me over him. I don't think they ever will. There's a reason why he did this in front of them. He can't resist the kind of spotlight that makes him look good. I have no choice but to take it. I don't feel like I have a choice.

He slips the ring onto my right hand's ring finger, and I can feel my body slightly trembling. I can't breathe. I can't think. I want to get up and walk away. His arm wraps around my shoulders, pulling me in closer, chuckling as if he gave me such a good surprise. His lips press to my temple, and I wish the others could see that this is my cry for help.

Only the one person at this table who knows it is a cry for help isn't saying anything. I look at him with my heart torn to pieces. His fist covers his mouth, holding back what he wants to say. I told him not to say anything. This time I wish he would say something.

The night ends with us all at yet another party. I don't want to be here at all. The ring on my finger has made me so nauseous. I can hardly think straight. In some way, it's just a reminder of Josh holding me down in this loveless relationship that I don't dare to leave.

I wish it were easier to leave.

Three shots down Josh's throat, and he is already tipsy. Celebration shots for me that the group wanted to have, yet I haven't even had the chance to drink. All it took was one look from Josh, and I turned it away, to the other's dismay. At least they're all still having fun.

I watch as Louis says something to Shane, and I'm intrigued to find out what he's saying. Shane nods, and disappointment floods me as Louis turns to walk away. My eyes linger on those tattooed arms while Josh is distracted talking to Derek. Another girl with blonde hair quickly approaches him, touching his arm and the heat hits me hard. She's beautiful, with an hourglass figure, a black dress that fits her in all the right ways, and she is all over him.

Some birthday of mine, crying because I know I'm stuck in this dead-end relationship, and now witnessing some girl trying to flirt with Louis. My throat is parched. I look away and take a swig of water. He isn't mine anyways.

Josh's obnoxious laugh distracts me. He touches my lower back, and my stomach clenches. I missed the conversation, but I couldn't care less.

"What?" I ask, looking between Derek and Ali.

"I still think it's cute you got so teary-eyed over your gift. Meanwhile, Josh is laughing because he got you good," Ali rolls her eyes.

"How often do I surprise her?" he chuckles proudly. Never.

"I need another drink," Derek starts, tapping Josh's arm. Josh nods and leaves with him, towards the kitchen area where more football players are. Shane says something to Ali that I pay no attention to, and Hannah is looking for Ben, but who knows how long that will take?

I want to leave.

My eyes find Louis once more. That blonde is still with him—my stomach curls watching them. I don't feel good at all, and this ring is weighing me down even more.

"I'm going to the loo," I interrupt the two.

"Want me to come?" Ali asks softly, taking my water for me. My head shakes, and I walk away. I just want a moment alone, without Josh and without having to watch that girl put her paws all over Louis. I never wanted to come out for my birthday anyways.

Maybe that makes me pessimistic. I don't know.

I open one door, finding a bedroom instead, with no one in it. I almost groan until I notice a bathroom inside the room to the left. Someone grabs my arm, and my heart leaps in my chest. I'm pulled into the room and turn to face Louis as he shuts the door with a twist of the lock. Blue eyes lock with mine, and my heart is racing frantically.

"Are you insane? Josh might see," I whisper yell, the music out there drowning me out.

"He's busy talking to others on the team," he shakes his head. I swallow, left speechless. "Are you alright?" his words are heavy on my heart. I nod in an attempt to get out, but he gives me a look of disbelief. "Megan."

"Louis, what can I tell you that you don't already know? I don't want to be alone with him in a hotel tomorrow. I don't want this stupid ring on my finger that feels like some sort of collar and leash. I don't like celebrating my birthday after being convinced it wasn't that important back then by my birth parents, and every year is a reminder of me not being wanted by them. It has never felt special, and being stuck out when I'd rather be alone at my dorm doesn't help."

His hand caresses my cheek, his thumb gently brushing over my skin. He smiles weakly, and my eyes start to strain. I wanted to end it with I wish he had spoken up at that table, but I can't put that blame on him when I told him not to. I'm stressing myself out even more, but his touch is heavenly on my cheek.

"I need to get you out of that relationship. I can't keep sitting back and watching this," he breathes out as if he could hear my thoughts. I become a little more choked up.

The room is quickly overheating. I press on his chest until he is sitting on the bed. I crawl onto his lap, straddling him. I kiss him, my hand resting on his hard chest. Our kiss is filled with this dying need, and a soft moan escapes my lips. His hand slips into my hair, and my fingers move down to the button of his pants, undoing it as quickly as possible. His lips leave mine, moving down my jawline and to my neck. My skin is sensitive, chills running down my spine with the warmth of his lips. I feel him over his pants, feeling short of breath as he nips at the sweet spot of my neck. My entire body weakens. My head falls slightly into him, a warmth building between my legs. My hips rock against him, filled with need.

I can't wait. I move off him with a small gasp of air. My panties come off, and I crawl right back on top of him the moment his pants are lowered. We don't have much time. I kiss him with this fervent need, deepening it almost instantly. I lower myself onto him, my lungs faltering by the raw warmth, feeling his skin against mine. A small whimper escapes me as I feel every inch of him inside me.

"Jesus," he curses against my lips, gripping at my hair. His other hand finds my hip as I slowly move up and down his length. Our lips match the slow, agonising pace. My breath comes out in a pant into our kiss. His fingers feel over me, and the heat heightens between my legs, tauntingly slow circles over where I've craved him most. My breath is rigid against his lips before my head falls to his shoulder. His bare skin against mine and his fingers moving at the same pace that I'm riding him.

My hand fists up the front of his red shirt. I want to feel over those tattooed arms and trail my lips down them. One glimpse over his inked forearm, and I'm wetter. Those arms could be the death of me. His lips attack the nape of my neck, sucking harder at my skin. He might mark me for the first time, but I don't care. I tried to end it with Josh anyways. He buries himself deeper inside me. This room is a thousand degrees. His fingers keep exploring me. I can feel myself getting warmer with each second.

I can't control it. I move faster, up and down his length. His hot breath fans over the wet spot on my neck, making me gasp. The hand laced in my hair pulls, forcing me to tilt my head up. His eyes lock with mine, a darkened lust pooling in those blue eyes that makes my heart thud heavily in my ribcage. This kind of dominance drives me insane, turning me on even more. The faster his fingers make circles into me, the quicker I move against him until everything starts to tighten. I need to kiss him. I move in to kiss him again, roughly.

"Oh my god," I pant against his lips. I can feel myself tighten around him, his hand slipping back down to my hip to force me to keep going. To ride out my orgasm around him. I can't breathe. My legs are trembling. I can't keep kissing him. All my senses blur as I finish around him, and he forces me to keep riding.

"Shit," he curses, slamming hard into me until he tenses, keeping an arm wrapped around me to keep me still. I'm struggling to catch my breath. Beads of sweat are on my skin. His heart is racing beneath my fingertips.

Shit.

I move off him with a small gasp. Josh is literally in the same building. That was dumb of me. Idiotic. I grab my panties off the ground and rush to the bathroom, needing to clean myself up and rid myself of any trace of Louis. We didn't even wear protection, and I silently curse myself because of it. I freshen up as quickly as possible, fingertips playing through my slightly messy hair. I swear my skin looks like I'm glowing. I don't know if I look like this every time I'm with Louis, but I swear I've never seen my skin like this. I do what I can, fixing myself up before letting myself out of the bathroom.

Those eyes are on me as he sits there, buttoning those pants back up. I wish I could climb on him and kiss him, but I have to leave. "Please, don't leave this room for like five or ten minutes," I beg quietly. Josh will kill me. I don't even have a moment to think. I touch his arm and kiss his stubbled cheek before turning to leave. I ensure the door stays locked as I slip out of the room.

My heart is still racing in my chest. I move through the large crowd of drunken people until I find Josh. He's back with Shane, Ali and Derek, and my chest aches with anxiety.

"Hey," Ali beams, greeting me as I return, handing me my water bottle back.

"Where were you?" Josh frowns a little, immediately taking my hip in his hand.

"The bathroom. I told you," Ali clicks her tongue, answering for me. Thank god that it's darker in this room. My cheeks are turning all shades of red.

"Took a while," he murmurs.

"There was a line," I mumble, taking a sip of water to quench my thirst. He's close, too close, and I'm terrified that he may smell traces of Louis' cologne. This anxiety is hammering at my chest relentlessly. I haven't even caught my breath yet. I don't know if he can notice.

Hannah walks up to the group with Ben at her side. The charming guy with black hair, brown eyes and a dimpled grin she has obsessed over for so long. She's all smiles, and he's the distraction we needed.

"It's about time you bring him to meet us," Shane grins eagerly.