Ive been out for about two hours now and Ive managed to down 11 drinks. Im currently in a bar only 5 minutes from the campus and I can't even remember why Im here.

I was busy thinking when another waiter came over to where I was sitting.

"You good Buddy" I heard a deep speak in front of me. I looked up seeing Callum behind the bar. We lock eyes before his face is covered with a confused expression.

"Alex?" It came out more like a questions. I nodded, why was he working here, ha his a waitress and a cute one or do they call them waiters since he's a boy.

"Y-you work here?" I slurred my words since Im a tad bit tipsy.

"Yeah I work on weekends and friday nights" He chuckles at my state.

"Why you here getting smashed on a sunday anyway" He was cleaning shot glasses and stacking them on the back bench. Why was I here I can't remember.

"who-who k-knows" I tried to explain but It was a slurred mess. He chuckled shaking his head. Okay maybe he doesn't seem that bad. I checked my phone seeing I got a message from Keegan.

From Keegan: Alex I know you're upset Im sorry but be careful out there.

I suddenly remembered why I had in fact came her. I didn't both replying so I sat my phone back down and tapped my glass for another drink. Callum raised he's eyebrow.

"How many have you had?" He lifted the bottle of vodka from under the bench. How many have I had. 9 no 10 maybe 11 I think, lets go with 10.

"1-1-10" I held up my fingers giggling in the process. Callum shook his head and smiled. He has a pretty smile.

"Alright one more then I have to cut you off okay" He poured my drink and slid it over to me. I downed the drink in one shot and slammed the glass back down. I checked the time. It was 11:30 shit I should Probably head back, Ive got class tomorrow.

"Be careful out there man don't wanna cross the wrong people" Callum takes my glass and starts cleaning it. I picked my phone and and slid of my seat.

"Yeah I will don't worry about me!" I chuckled and stumbled over to the door. I got out side feeling the cold breeze nip at my skin. I looked up seeing a thin layer of clouds covering the night sky, keeping the milky way hidden from the human eye.

I stumbled over to the footpath and made my way down the dark road that only had a few lights sprinkled along the long road.

My vision was slightly blurred from all the drinks and shots of vodka but I managed to get about 10 meter's until a ear piercing screech came from behind.

I whipped around quickly seeing two blinding lights coming at me. I was frozen, couldn't move but by time I reacted it was too late the impact of the car was harsh causing me to flip over the car into their window shield.

My face was first to hit the window, causing the glass to crack under the force.

I was knocked out in seconds from the impact seeing the world fade away from my eyes.

Alex Had been gone for two and a bit hours and Im still sitting here waiting for him to get back. I fucked up big time.

I knew I should have kept my mouth shut about Hannah but he deserved to know. Even if he doesn't want to talk or be near me anyone if fine as long as he knows the truth about the whore he calls "Girlfriend".

I glanced at the clock seeing its 11:40pm, where could he be. I stood up from my bed and stretch my legs by walking to the kitchen and back out. I checked my phone seeing Alex had indeed read my message but didn't reply.

This is my fault. This is my fault. This is ALL MY FAULT. If I didn't bring her up Alex would still be here laying two feet from me.

I always fuck things up,always. I walked over to my desk and dragged my glass case out, reaching for the small pencil sharper blade. I slipped the blade into the palm of my hand and stumbled back over to my bed.

I sat on the edge of the bed staring aimlessly at the small blade in front of my eyes. I pulled my sleeves up revealing my pale skin. I lifted the blade to my wrist and dragged it side ways seeing the ruby red liquid peeking out of the wound.

A tear slipped out of my eyes and rolled down my cheek slowly. I sniffed and continued to mark my wrist. After creating 4 cuts on my left wrist I switched to the right, seeing my ruby red blood starting to drip down the side of my wrist.

"I deserve this" I whimpered to my self. I looked passed my wrist seeing a few blood drops had fallen onto my white bed shit.

Before I created any more cuts My phone rang making me jump and drop the blade. I quickly rushed over and grabbed my phone seeing It was Alex's Number. I swiped right to answer the call.

"A-alex" I squeaked out but it wasn't Alex, not one Bit.

"Hello Is this Keegan Pierce?" A female voice spoke softly. Who is this.

"Y-yes this is Keegan, whose this?" Why would a female have Alex's phone.

"Hi Keegan this is New Haven Hospital, are you His roommate?" Oh my god the hospital no this isn't good.

"Yes Im his roommate, what happened?" I rushed out in a panic. I heard her take a breath before answering.

"Alex Was hit by a car when walking back towards The college. We have him in emergency now, the impact was almost deadly, We need you to come down to the hospital just in case"

"O-okay Ill be there soon" The nurse hung up. I pulled my sleeves down and rushed out the hospital. I ran out of the campus and waved for a taxi.

The taxi drive was the longest 10 minutes of my life. I spent the whole time bitting my nails and shaking my legs up and down from anxiety.

When the taxi pulled up, I think he could tell I was almost dying because he told me to hurry, not bothering to pay him. I yelled a thank you and rushed in side and up to the front desk.

"Hi can I help you?" A older lady at the desk asked with a smile. But i wasn't smiling.

"I n-need to see Alex, Alex Fisher" My words got caught in my throat. She walked around from her desk and stood in front of me while holding a clip board.

"Are you Keegan Pierce?" I nodded quickly. She looked down her clip board before continuing.

"Okay Keegan, Alex is currently In emergency Surgery, He has internal Bleeding and a small fracture to the skull" She stop, I felt tears pricking my eyes, this is all my fault.

"He won't be done for a few hours okay so please just wait here until he's ready for visitors" She directed me over to a seat, I sat down and she looked down at my arms.

I looked down as well seeing the blood from the cuts had seeped through the light grey material. Her face was soft before she spoke.

"Keegan are you okay" I shook my head for a no. I wasn't fine, I wasn't okay.

"Follow me" Her voice was sweet and she started walking through A set of doors. I followed her into a room with a white bed and A IV drip beside it.

"Have a seat Keegan" She pointed to the bed while grabbing what looked like bandages. She walked back over and griped my arms softly.

"May I" I knew she wanted to see my wrist, I gave a small nod while she started lifting the sleeves up.

Her eyes look sad when she saw the marks I had left on my skin.

"Awh Sweetie" I looked down while she started to wipe the blood of my wrist.

"What convinced you to do this?" She met my gaze I shrugged. "I just-I" I couldn't physically answer her. I slouched my shoulder. She poured cleaning alcohol on my wrist. It stung like hell.

"Its alright you don't have to answer but I just want you to know there's people out there that can help you okay" She smiled softly at me. I nodded.

"Keegan do you mind if I do a few test on you while you wait for Alex" She asked, putting the bloody wipes into a disposal bin.

"I guess" She Walked over to a table and grabbed her clipboard, changing the sheets on it. I was still sitting on the bed.

"Okay Keegan how much sleep do you get a night?" I shrugged and thought about it. I wake up almost every hour from night terrors and it takes me a while to actually fall asleep.

"Um at least 4-5 hours if Im lucky" She nodded and wrote my answer down.

"Whats your appetite like?" I can't lie to a doctor, she can tell I don't each much.

"I um don't eat alot" I looked down at my hands.

"May I check your weight?" I looked up, No this can't be happening, Her and I will see how fat I am But I nodded any way.

I stood on the scale but I didn't dare to look at the disgusting number beneath me. "Huh" Was all she said. I knew I was fat, her answer says it all.

"Keegan you're only 68kgs, for a boy your height and age you should weigh almost 90kgs" She wrote it down. I can't be under weight thats Impossible.

"Keegan have you heard about Anorexia?" I nodded, she can't think Im anorexic, Im fat and ugly. Its impossible.

"Okay you may sit back down" I walked back over to the bed and took a sit.

"Keegan I have one final question if your not comfortable to answer this is completely fine okay" I nodded for her to continue.

"Have you ever suffered from bullying or abuse that my inflict on your actions?" My eye's widen. Ive been bullied my whole life from everyone, I have a feeling she already knows my answer.

I nodded " How long?" Was all she asked me after my nod.

"My whole life" I mumbled. I looked up. "Keegan for a boy such as yourself you've gone through a lot to handle, May I suggest you talk to a councilor?"

I never thought about going to a councilor but Maybe it could help me.

"O-Okay" I finally answered, she came over and gave me a friendly hug before packing her clipboard away and sheets away on a sections on the wall.

She wrote a number on a card and handed it too me. I gave her questioning look.

"Its a counsilor I want you to see okay" I nodded, she directed me back to the waiting room. I sat down on a plastic chair knowing I was going to be here for a few more hours.

A few hours passed and its currently 2:45am and Im still stuck in the waiting room. I yawned just before A doctor in a white coat came through the doors calling my name out.

"Keegan Pierce" I jumped up and rushed over to the doctors.

"Are You Keegan?" I nodded eagerly. "Okay Keegan, Alex came out of surgery 30 minutes ago, he's in a stable condition but he's in a very deep sleep and we don't know when he's gonna wake it could be hours days even months but if worst comes to worst he might not even wake up okay. You may see him now." He waved his hands for me to follow down the hallways.

He has to wake up, he has to.I can't continue knowing if he doesn't wake up its because of me.

We stood in front of room 121. I stood there for a moment before the doctor spoke up. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to enter.

"A fair warning he may look a bit unsettling for most people to see alright but if you chose to stay please be quiet as he is asleep." He let me enter by my self. I walked over to His bed and when I saw his appearance more tears fell.

He had a bandaged wrapped around his head with a tube going through his mouth. He had various amounts of bruises and gashed long his face with stitches keeping the wounds closed.

He had A IV drip connected to his arm and other cords to keep check on his heart rate and other things.

I made my way over to Alex and stroked his hair ever so softly not wanting to hurt him.

I walked around to the other side to the seat beside him and sat down.I interlaced my finger with his right hand and lifted it to my lips and placed a soft kiss to the back of his hand. He was cold and pale, almost lifeless.

I lowered his hand back onto the bed.

I leaned down and laid my head onto the mattress beside his legs and sobbed into the blanket that was covering him. This was my fault, he's here because of me. I kept our hands interlaced while I let my tears flow freely.

I fell asleep to the beeping of the heart monitor machine and his hand in mine.