"Bye mama" I bid my good bye and drove to hospital.

This was my first day at work after that....

Face it or forget it!

But you know what... some memories aren't forgettable....

They are more like a heated stamp over your brain and heart....

Unforgettable.... Unforgivable....

And when you reach to a situation where you don't know what you really wants! Its the worst situation.

You hate one person but you still cares for that specific person....

You wanna kill one person but at the same time you are dying to see one glimpse of that specific person....

LOVE makes everything as a freaking mess!

I parked the car and entered the hospital. Mama haven't let me come at my job for a whole month. I still came today because I was tired at being home and doing nothing.

Just sitting there and watching everyone happy and contended in their lives while you are just figuring out what's next?

"Hey Jennifer! Good morning." I smiled.

"Good morning ma'am! It's good to see you." She stood up from her seat and shaked hand with me.

I nodded and said, " Inform Dr. Nasir and Dr. Aliyaan that Dr. Soha is back to work and would be there for the next surgery with them. And do send me the files of new interns in my office. Thank you. "

I moved towards my cabin.

"Wooahh! Look whose here! Buddy you are faster than I thought. " ifra greeted me.

"I was always faster babe..." I smiled and sat on my chair checking for the files and details of the recent patients.

"I guess whole hospital was missing their so called Dr. Sweet! Even your yahya was about to kill me two days ago because I didn't brought you with me. " she put her stethoscope around her neck.

"You visited orphanage?" I asked.

She nodded and said, " I and haarib went there to spend some time with the kids as it was being so long. You should also be there. They all miss you alot. "

She smiled.

"Wase ye shadi k baad ap itni serious kiu ho gai han? No jokes...no melodrama...nothing?" I asked out of curiosity.

She is never like this....

"I ..... actually I was and I am pretty much impressed by you so... I thought why not I could also be as fake you you show to be. " she smiled and took her white coat and was about to leave when I stopped her.

"What does that mean? Fake?"

"Sweetheart! See yourself in the mirror. If no one out there have scene your terrible state thats inside of you! Than that doesn't mean your best friend is also not capable of seeing that REAL YOU THAT YOU ARE HIDING FROM THE WORLD. " she said it all normally but the sarcasm wasn't mistaken.

"I don't .... I don't hide anything. I am the way I behave. " I looked anywhere but her.

I can't lie seeing into her eyes.

I ...just cant....

"Yeah you are brave.... you don't cry all night or you don't miss HIM.... it's just the lack of make-up that I could see those dark patches around your eyes and that dull face of yours or I guess your sudden too much weight loss was just a part of your dieting. "

With that said she left.

She was angry at me ofcourse.

How could I do what she is saying!

Accepting what my heart wants from me?

Forgiving him?

Huh! He doesn't even dare to look back upon me or ask me evn how I am....

And she is telling me to accept my heart.

I know I have been fighting a war inside me!

A war of my feelings and my needs...

A war of my past and my future....

A war of my heart and brain....

A never ending war .... that have been affecting me badly.

Neither forgiving him was the option and not forgetting him....

Loving a person beyond your soul....

Every part of your body craves for HIS presence.... HIS touch....

Fighting yourself each day.... its not an easy job.

But I am still surviving....

I couldn't be living without him but I am still surviving.

Its the least I can do....

I am been through hell and I guess HE doesn't even cares.....

Why would he....

I am no one to him...

---------

"Piyar huaa ...

Iqraar huaa....

Phir piyar se hi kiu darta hai dil?"

I spun ifra around and she laughed asking me not to do that.

"Kehta hai dil rasta mushkil...

Maloom nahi hai kaha manzil..."

She put her hands around my shoulder and sang along with me.

I smiled looking at the love of my life.

A month being with her was just beautiful.

Her every side was fascinating...

Her love

Her care

Her anger

Her fighting

Her ignorant face

Her cuteness

Her laugh ......

I guess when you love someone deeply....

Everything about them seems to be hell of amazing.

"A month being with you is just the best moments of my live till now..." I kissed her forhead and stayed like that for a little longer.

I then kissed her cheeks and then her jawline....

I could sense her harsh breathing.

I smirked.

I moved towards her lips and kissed her passionately.

My hands moved towards her waist pulling her more towards me.

She wasn't kissing me back.

I frowned and pulled apart.

As soon as I pulled apart she turned around showing me her back.

"Jaan? " I tried to pull her and then my heart sunken seeing her tears.

Never in these days I have let her cry.

"Hey! I am sorry... did I hurt you ? Okay I.. I'll not kiss you again I.... just stop crying please..." I made her sit on the couch.

"Haarib ap to mazaq band karai... ap ki wajah se nahi roo rahi..." she sniffed and I gave her a glass of water.

She seemed lost since she came back from hospital.

"Wanna share?" I asked willingly.

She just wiped ger tears and looked aimlessly on the floor. Deep in her thoughts.

"Kidhar khoo gaye janab?" I waved my hand and then she turned towards me and hugged me.

"Kia hua ha ifra? You seems worried. " I stroke her hairs apart and tried to relax her.

"Soha came to hospital today. " this news got me.

Its been month for them being apart.

Not knowing how each other are....

Dono ki halat ko mai janta hun par dono ek dosre ki halat nahi janty....

Mar rahy han ek dosre se milne ko... par milna nahi chah rahy....

Zakham marham lagane se bharty han ...

Par ye dono apne zakhmo ko khured khured k aur taza kar rahy han....

"She came back to work but... haa...Haarib she ... she isn't my soha.... she is so fake. Hansi ka ek mask orrdh k samajhti hai sab ko dekha de gi k kitni khush hai woh apni zindagi mai....par haarib I have seen the... the loneliness in her eyes.... the... the strains of her tears....I have seen the face behind her fake mask....I..."

She broke into sobs and I tried to calm her down.

"Shhh.... stop crying.... I will do something.... " I wiped her tears.

"Aur ye Sheharyar kaha ha? Jab soha ko us ki sab se ziyada zarorat hai he is no where to find.... " she complained and demanded answer to the question to which I couldn't answer....

"Ifra! His condition is no different.... his life had gotten a light from soha after a long period of darkness. And you know what! If a person is placed in light from darkness, he could adjust himself to the light but when the same person has to face the darkness again, he becomes blind.... darkness doesn't seems to be familiar to him anymore.... " I have seen my friend suffering....

But still I couldn't do anything.

"Do you know where he is?" She asked.

"Yeah... he have trapped himself in the farmhouse in the same room where soha had arranged the surprise. Ifra.... he is way too broken. He doesn't even care for mom anymore, not even his business. Our company is facing so much crises and I am trying to handle everything but still! He is to be needed there. "

I left ifra's hand and stood up walking towards the window. She also followed me and hugged me from behind.

"He was a patient of depression. He recovered since soha came into his life. He was no more the angry, aggressive and mean Sheharyar. My old Sheharyar was back. But....

Now he is being in depression more. I swear I didn't wanted soha to forgive him this time but ifra... Sheharyar ki halat nahi dekhi jati. Har waqat cigarette smoking. Na khana na peena.... even his cough results in blood. "

"Relax. We'll do something!" Ifra tried to reason but I shook my head.

"I have a plan!"

Another update for you guys!

I know this is a bit sad chapter but I guess I am also sad these days so...

Autumn brings Sadness, dryness, loneliness...

Its a symbol of broken hearts...

Sadness is what you'll read in next few chapters...

With love,

Khushi